Disclaimer: same as always
Well, I figure you all have the right to hate me about now. I've been pondering how to bring them through this…it hasn't been easy.
Tom,
I'm going insane without you. I want to leave you, I want to hurt you as much as you've hurt me, but I can't. I'm not strong enough to. God, I hate myself almost as much as I hate you. Sadie has been urging me to go, just leave. Kwest, well, as much as he thinks that what you've done is wrong, he's been telling me to work it out. I don't know what to do.
I love you, and I hate you. How is that possible? Mad as I am at you, I'm madder at the whore you slept with. I want to track her down and kill her. But that wouldn't help, and I know it. Why did you do this? Tommy, I love you, I love you so much. And through it all, I know you love me too. This is ridiculous. You fucked up, but I'm still here. I really am a pushover, huh?
I need to know that you're really sorry, that you'll never do it again. I need to know that "different girl every city" isn't really you anymore. I need to know that you'll repay me in every possible way, that you'll die without me. I can't come back unless I know that. If that makes me a bad person, whatever. But you need to know that I won't ever be able to come back to you without that knowledge. I love you, and I want to be with you, Tommy. But I'm going to make you pay.
Jude
