A shocked silence took a firm hold of Subaru's room, Emilia's reflexive sound of surprise lingering in his mind as he looked upon her slack-jawed face. All feelings of relief, concern, and sadness were tossed aside and replaced with utter confusion. It was clear that she was at a loss for words.
Thinking quickly, the half-elf jumped to the first and only conclusion that made sense to her, "I must have misheard my Subaru! That's it!"
She nodded to herself, confident in this fact, and replied to him, "Subaru~ I heard you say something reeeally strange just now. Could you repeat yourself? I think I misheard you."
The man clenched his fists and allowed what remained of his friendly facade to wither away and collapse, his whole body tensing slightly as he directed his full determination towards his beloved. He repeated his words, this time with a clearer and stronger voice lined with the intensity it had always held when faced with the world's greatest monsters, almost sounding defiant and holding a tone befitting a man called Pride, "Emilia... I'm not your Subaru."
Right before his eyes, the rich browns of the various lavish woods of the room dulled and vanished. Eerily beautiful fractals of frost creeped their way across every wall, furnishing, and even the ornately designed glass windows. The entire room was frozen in an instant, the once vibrantly decorated decor afforded by the famous Mather's fortune now replaced with a sickly, icy white.
Had Beatrice been human, then she would have awoken to the rapid onset of severe frostbite; the entirety of the bed was now so blindingly white that one could no longer tell how poorly Subaru had tucked the spirit girl in. Subaru, meanwhile, had lived through - or rather - died in far worse conditions countless times so, despite his still broken ribs and rapidly freezing limbs, he stood firm before the emotionally volatile half-elf.
"You know, Subaru, it's reeeally not good to lie~" a voice like silver bells rang, upbeat and cheerful.
Emilia gave him a wide smile but her eyes betrayed her true feelings. They were strained, brimming with denial and desperation, and a moment away from scrunching up and filling with tears. For the past two years, her sanity was teetering on the edge of collapse with only Natsuki Subaru's constant, slaving efforts keeping her together. But now, she was having her one and only base of emotional support unceremoniously torn away from her with four simple words. In self defense, her mind simply refused to acknowledge it. Her mind refused to even consider the possibility that this wasn't her Subaru. Her mind rejected those four words with all its might.
"Damn it, truth. You better not fuck me over again," Subaru thought, standing tall despite the buffeting of the icy gale coming right from his beloved.
Gritting his teeth, he approached her despite the furious cold wind forcing him back and yelled out, "Emilia! Listen to m-"
But it was too much. Despite his unparalleled determination, his frail, human body faltered. The ice quickly spread from his legs, up his torso, and, after only a few seconds, it had taken hold over his head. The entirety of his being froze solid and, with a pained grimace still clear on his face, Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
There was a moment of darkness, a moment of silence, and then silver bells rang out once more, "You know, Subaru, it's reeeally not good to lie~"
He opened his eyes to the familiar line, a sinking feeling overtaking him and the fierceness of his eyes softening for a short, shocked moment.
"Why did I go back here?! There's not enough ti-" he started but could not finish. Just as before, the whole of his being froze and Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"You know, Subaru, it's reeeally not good to lie~" silver bells repeated yet again, the consistency of her tone and words beginning to remind him of the phrase he had heard his nemesis utter to him thousands of times.
He closed his eyes as his mind went into overdrive, the irritating thoughts of the rage-filled Sword Saint being suppressed for the time being.
"There has to be a way to fix this. This couldn't be my checkpoint if"
The whole of his being froze and Natsuki Subaru lost his life, but, despite this, his mind kept thinking, slogging through the pain of multiple icy deaths.
"there wasn't some way to live through it. There has"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"to be some combination of words that can convince"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"her. Is it how I say her name? That always seemed"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"to be a cause of discomfort for her. If so, what"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"do I even call her then? I guess I can just"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"try every combination until one works."
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Emilia! Listen to m-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Emilia-chan! Listen to m-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Lia! Li-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Why did that one anger her so much?!"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Emilia-san! Listen t-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Emilia-sama! L-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"What do I have to fucking say t-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"That's it, I'm just gonna-"
Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Emilia-tan!"
For the first loop so far, the cold eased and Emilia was caught in a state of shock as his shouting of her name echoed through the frosted-over room.
"I guess that's the magic word. Natsuki Subaru, you really are making my life difficult," he thought to himself, a smirk nearly coming to his face.
But the moment of shock was just a moment and so, with the winds returning in force a few seconds later, Natsuki Subaru lost his life.
"Emilia-tan! Listen to me!" he shouted, the determination he held before any of these icy deaths returning to him.
With the winds weakened, he marched right up to her. His legs still began to freeze over as he approached but he ignored the pain. This was his only chance to truly reach her, his only chance to set things right.
"I may not be your Subaru but…" he started, keeping his eyes locked with hers.
The winds picked up and he felt frost growing across his body, his legs purple under his now glazed tracksuit. But he paid it no mind and, determined as ever, he brought her into a tight hug, the warmth of her form giving him some reprieve from the biting cold.
"I love you, Emilia," he said, his voice strong yet lovingly gentle into her pointy, elven ear.
Just as four words had threatened to tear her very soul apart, four more words brought her unprecedented comfort and hope. At his declaration, the tension throughout her body eased ever-so-slightly, the winds ceasing and the cold receding along with it.
"I love you, Emilia. So, please, listen to what I have to say," he said, the absence of the outside cold highlighting the frozen status of his limbs and prompting him to reflexively tighten his cautious hold on his beloved.
Despite the powerful emotions evoked by those four words of love, Emilia was still hesitant and somewhat tense in Subaru's embrace. She lightly pulled him off, the feeling of loss from the detaching of their forms hurting her just as much as it hurt him, and looked into the stern eyes she adored. Those hazel eyes that so many called nasty made her feel the opposite of disgust. Seeing the muddled mix of pain and determination he held - a look she had not properly seen in a very long time - Emilia decided to give this man who rejected being her Subaru a chance. She slowly and cautiously nodded at him, her own amethyst eyes quivering in anticipation. The half-elf stood there in suspense, struggling to stop herself from fidgeting, and waited for the words that would determine her future.
"Emilia-tan. My name is Natsuki Subaru, but I'm not the one who you know," he said, careful and deliberate with every word spoken, his voice now clear with the howling of the winds gone.
She held her breath and suppressed her magic as she waited for him to continue, instinctively moving her hand to the green crystal on her chest and focusing the whole of her attention on the man before her.
"He and I were identical until we... came to Lugunica. Until we met you."
He relaxed his on edge body and mind slightly as he continued, "We lived different lives and made different choices. You know what your Subaru did but… I need to tell you what I did."
She replied with a nod, still tense and awaiting the conclusion of his words.
"When I arrived, I met you and fell in love but… you were in danger," he said, allowing the pain and frustration to show on his face, the memories of his eighty eight deaths to the Bowel Hunter still lingering on the edges of his mind.
"So I dedicated my life to save you. I dedicated my life to fulfilling your goal of reaching the throne, even if you didn't know my name nor my face."
He took a deep breath and sighed, the suffering in his expression mixing with a deep exhaustion. He lowered his gaze, saying, "I killed so many… destroyed so many lives, so many times… and I told myself I was doing it for you but I was really just doing it for me…"
He looked back into her eyes, even more determined than he was when he allowed her to kill him a timeline away, "But I understand what I did wrong now. Your Natsuki Subaru made many mistakes but his best decision was to stand by your side rather than follow behind you in the shadows."
He felt the same warmth he did when she embraced him yesterday, the same secure peace of mind. He shone a genuine smile as he continued, "So, I am not your Natsuki Subaru… but I want to be. I love you, Emilia, and I want to stand by your side as we find our happiness together."
Her eyes widened as she looked at Subaru, his own holding a desperation she had never seen before. No, she had seen it once. She had seen it when he was at the end of his rope two full years ago. When she gave him that first lap pillow. She smiled softly, "Subaru…"
"I'll understand if you don't want to… but will you… accept me?" he asked, the determination in his voice being overtaken by a nervous apprehension.
He was truly prepared for rejection. He was truly prepared for even death at her hands. He was truly prepared for his heart to be torn asunder as punishment for his many sins.
"Subaru, you dunderhead…"
But what he was not at all prepared for was her embrace. He was not all prepared for the feeling of warmth as she gave him a tight hug. He was not at all prepared for "a chance at a Happy Ending, huh?"
"Subaru…" Emilia started, allowing herself to bask in the comfort of his presence for a moment before continuing, "Even if you're not the same anymore, you're still you deep down. You're still the man I want to love. You're still the man I will grow to love," she said, the blush on her face hidden from his view.
Tears of joy. Tears of pure, unadulterated joy. There was no remorse or guilt or weight in his tears. They were simply the only way he could express his utter happiness in this moment as he hugged her back tightly, a wide smile across his face.
"You may not be as pure as the driven snow... but you never were. I'll accept you despite your flaws because you're my Subaru. And you're the only one left I can trust. You're the only one who would stand by my side and give me comfort even when the whole world is against me."
"Really? I feel like I've spent more time sobbing around her than being a comfort. I really am the same loser as Natsuki Subaru. But…"
"No one says 'as pure as the driven snow' anymore, Emilia-tan."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
