Chapter Summary: In which Felicia has a whip, Hilary becomes (literally) attached to her trench coat, and we have an abundant amount of people fainting. Sadly, Tyson's too busy worrying about a certain brunette to notice.
Chapter Pairings: Light TyHil & FelBry, with slight MaxEm and AlliKai.
Dedication: SGCred, Paris Super Girls, and lovelykadeinufan. SGCred, for being a great supporter/reviewer. Paris Super Girls, cause well, I just think you guys deserve it for being so awesome, and lovelykadeinufan for being my 100th reviewer!
Disclaimer: I don't own the song 'Celebration' or the Star Wars references, or the 'Hokey Pokey' song. Darn, I really Americanize this fic now, don't I?
Warnings: OOC, hetero, and underuse of chocolate.
Sorry I couldn't update faster, but my summer camp was trying to pull off this Disney production for the little kids and I was the assistant director (which unbelievably, takes a LOT of hard work to do).
I Want A Divorce
Military Intelligence: An Oxymoron
Empty Classroom, Third Person's POV
"Remind me again why I'm here?"
Hilary sighed impatiently again, turning back to the bluenette beside her, "How many times do I have to tell you, we're here because Felicia specifically told us to meet us up here at 3:00 sharp." Ruby eyes sought brown, grumpiness clear in them, "Do you un-der-stand?" Hilary asked through gritted teeth, dragging out the syllables for emphasize.
Tyson merely raised an eyebrow, "I take it you're still acting PMS-y about that day you fainted at Max's uncle's restaurant huh?" He quickly ducked the swipe the brunette tried to get him with, squashing himself into his chair.
"First of all, the name of the restaurant is called 'Giggle Lights'. Second, I did not faint. I merely happened to become very…surprised and I simply…collapsed. Third, I do not PMS Granger," Hilary glared at the cowering bluenette sitting next to her, "Okay?"
"...okay."
Hilary (seeing that she managed to terrify – I mean – knock some sense into the boy) nodded, turning her attention to the front of the room. The classroom was assembled like a small auditorium, with all the chairs lined up in rows and rows, and the big desk at the front. Hilary wasn't sure she really wanted to know what happened with the desks.
"Hilary! Tyson! Over here!"
The brunette and bluenette turned towards the sound of the voice, looking for who it was. They were sitting on the very front row, as it seemed like all the other seats were taken. It was like Felicia had contacted almost the entire eighth grade.
Tyson's eyes brightened after he saw who it was. "Hey Max!" He stood up and waved back at his equally enthusiastic friend.
Max (and Emily) were both walking towards them, pushing through the huge throng of kids. And after a few incidents that involved fruit, underwear, and accidental-on-purpose groping towards Max (something that Emily didn't look all that happy about), the duo managed to get a seat next to Tyson and Hilary.
"So do you guys know why Felicia called us up here?" Emily asked.
Tyson shrugged, "Not a clue Ems. Maybe she's organized a party for us with lots and lots of free food for all!" The boy gave an almost dreamy sigh, with evident big pink hearts in his eyes.
He took no notice of the other three people edging slowly away from him with clear caution.
Hilary coughed, deciding it was time to go onto other topics. "Yes well, uh, have you guys seen Mariah or Ray anywhere?"
Emily's eyes narrowed in thought. "Actually no. I haven't seen them all day. I didn't even see Allison or Kai for that matter! Mr. Marshall was acting totally weepy in class that time when he found out that his favorite students weren't in class." She snickered.
Max rolled his eyes, "Mr. Marshall thinks everyone is his favorite student. Remember that time when Anna was sick? He totally dedicated the entire class to making get well cards for her." The blonde smiled, "He even forgot to give us homework!"
"Oh man, that day rocked! Mr. Marshall is a pretty cool teacher if I may say so!" Tyson willingly agreed.
Emily and Hilary rolled their eyes simultaneously, and were about to open their mouths and say something, when a-
"MR. MARSHALL IS A GOOD TEACHER. THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO HELP HIM."
When a loud shouting voice that seemed to come from a microphone interrupted, shocked, and scared them out of their wits (along with everyone else in the room).
Obviously, microphones could be very loud in this school. Especially, when you shouted into them.
Empty Classroom, Tyson's POV
"Ladies and Germans, we are gathered here to discuss a very important matter," Felicia stopped walking for a second to stare at us with seriousness lined in her eyes. "Mr. Marshall."
I swear, it was like the entire class just took this big gulp of breath. You could practically feel the air being sucked out. Even Hilary looked a bit apprehensive.
After the booming voice had well, boomed, Felicia emerged from behind the desk, microphone in hand and military suit on body (no, I am not kidding) shocking and confusing the students even more. It didn't exactly help that as soon as Felicia had walked in front of the teacher's desk, disco lights and a disco ball, along with a song that sounded suspiciously like 'Celebration' had erupted, sending several children into comatose.
(Un) Fortunately, after Felicia had managed to switch off the music, wake up the students from their really deep sleep, and was able to get the students to settle down, she completely turned into this controlling, raving, and very psychotic bit – I mean – witch.
If I wasn't so used to Hilary, I'd be just as scared as everyone else.
"What's wrong with Mr. Marshall?" A girl on my left asked timidly.
Felicia was on her like a dog, shaking her whip at her. "What's wrong with Mr. Marshall! What's wrong! What's wrong, little girl, is that Mr. Marshall's whole career is going to go down the drain! That's what's WRONG!" She shouted at her right in the face.
Three…two…one…
Yep, Felicia had sent yet another girl collapsing.
"How is Mr. Marshall's career at stake here Felicia?" Hilary asked nonchalantly, as if Army!Felicia was not scary at all.
Sighing, Felicia took off her Nazi styled hat and shook her black hair out of her eyes. "If we lose at our competition, then Ms. Landon will totally kill him."
A boy on Max's right snorted. "So, why should we care? Some of us are from Landon's class you know." Several others were nodding in agreement, murmurs running through the crowd.
Felicia rolled her eyes, "Well duh, I know you guys are from Landon's class. But, come one, even you guys have to agree that Mr. Marshall is way, way, way cooler than Landon would ever hope to be. You guys are just as worried about him as we are," She suddenly grinned. "That's why you're going to help us win our competition."
"Oh yeah, why should we! Have you forgotten that if we lose, then we become your slaves." A girl on Emily's right retaliated.
Felicia only grinned wider, and actually cracked her whip, making us all jump. "Oh, you'll help us win. Because if you don't, then I will use every piece of blackmail I have on you. And believe me, do I have a lot of material to use."
Crap. This is bad. Even though Felicia was scary sometimes, she was sneaky all the time. I don't doubt it if she says she actually has that much blackmail on us. She's certainly devious enough to get it. This meeting is a total case in point.
"So, are you going to help us or not?" The dark haired girl asked, a glint in her eye that said refuse and you die.
The girl gulped, nervousness evident. "W-What do you want us to do?"
"Well, I want you guys to-" Felicia stopped mid-sentence as she accidentally seemed to press on something.
"Celebrate good times come on!"
"SOMEONE SHUT THAT MUSIC OFF ALREADY!"
Hallway, Third Person's POV
"Hilary, Tyson, Emily, and Max, you guys need to help me do some damage control. I realize that even with Ms. Landon's students helping us, I still think we have to deal with Ms. Landon herself. So basically, I want you to sabotage the competition.
"…come again?" Emily asked, eyebrows raised in question.
Felicia had pulled the four out of the room after making sure that things were going well. In the classroom, it seemed that Ms. Landon's students were actually doing a good job of helping the others. They were bossier than Hilary at times, and had zero tolerance for slack. The other students were working out like nothing before.
"I need you to help Mariah, Ray, and Bryan to sabotage Ms. Landon's schemes." Felicia said in utmost seriousness. "You guys must go undercover and destroy all her defenses while making sure that Ms. Landon and Mr. Marshall do not suspect a thing."
"First off, where is Mariah, Ray, Bryan, or Allison or Kai for that matter?" Hilary asked with impatience and curiosity.
"I made Mariah and Ray stay inside so they could patrol the students. You couldn't see them because I made them dress up in trench coats. Also, Allison isn't here because she's still suffering post-Kai-restaurant syndrome. The poor girl's trying to drown herself in tears because Kai's still acting like some fruitcake. The only thing that's cheered her up is the fact that she managed to punch Mindy's nose out and make her absent for the day." Felicia took a deep breath and paused for a second. "Oh yeah, and Bryan's waiting out on the soccer field to give you instructions."
"Instructions?" Max asked confused. "Instructions for what!"
Felicia grinned very scarily this time. "Instructions for how to sabotage Ms. Landon of course! See you guys later!" And with a shake of her whip at them, she disappeared.
"Well," Emily started after a moment of silence, "I guess it's the soccer field for us." Smiling weakly, she pushed up her glasses and tried to ignore the feeling of impending doom.
It was clear that they had underestimated Felicia – she was far nuttier than they had ever imagined.
Bryan's Envelope Of Dark And Evil Sabotage, With Side Comments From Felicia
Plan A: The Letter
Objectives: To stop Cressida Landon from continuing the competition; or (if things go better as planned) put her out of commission forever. Also, to make sure that Miles Marshall remains completely ignorant of all that has been happening.
(Felicia adds: Keeping Marshall ignorant is super easy and I expect at least this part to be a success.)
Leader of Plot: Emily Parker
(Felicia adds: Because I just think the rest of you aren't sane enough.)
Tools: A ladder, pencil, paper, several copies of Principal Daniel's handwritten letters, binoculars, trench coats, and chocolate.
(Felicia adds: Chocolate's there in case you guys go nuts and need the energy to pull through. I've tried it countless times, and just look at how well I turned out! Also, trench coats are there just in case you need disguises.)
Substitute: Kenny Walter
(Felicia adds: A sub is there in case Landon decides to kill off any of you and there won't be enough people to complete the plan. I'll be at your funeral so don't worry!)
Course of Action:
Step 1: Tatibana will sneak into Principal Daniel's office, and collect several handwritten letters of his writing.
Step 2: Granger and Tatibana will write out an appropriate letter that will tell Landon to stop the competition while Tate will make sure Parker does NOT go insane at the prospect of rewriting the letter. And if worst come to worst; lock the girl up in a room until she's finished writing the letters.
Step 3: Observe Parker's looks as she comes out of the room. Bloodshot eyes? Manic grin? Ready to start a catfight? If all symptoms are there, send Granger to buy more chocolate, but for God's sake, don't let him eat ALL of it!
Step 4: After Parker has calmed down, Tatibana will slip the forged letter into Landon's office cubby, so that she'll be able to pick it up later in the afternoon.
Step 5: If Landon refuses to hold off the competition, then well, let's face it – we're screwed.
(Felicia adds: This should all be easy; JUST FOLLOW THE PLAN!)
Another Empty Classroom, Third Person's POV
Hilary burst into the classroom, looking totally windswept, "Okay, I got the letters! I got them!" Waving the stack of envelopes in the air, the brunette collapsed into the nearest chair, plainly exhausted.
Bryan (he went along with them) wasted no time in snatching them out of her grasp. He ripped open the top envelope and read the writing, "Yep. Looks like Daniel's writing as far as I can tell. Okay Hilary, start writing." After putting the paper on the table, he moved towards another desk, sitting on it and closing his eyes for a short rest.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't push me Bryan." Hilary sighed, waiting for her strength to return to her. "Tyson! Get over here; you're supposed to help me write this thing remember!" She shouted.
"Alright, hold your horses, I'm coming." Tyson grumbled as he sat down next to the brunette. "Now, what should we write?"
"Hmm…let's just start with 'Dear Ms. Cressida Landon' and go from there okay?" Hilary offered.
Tyson nodded in agreement, "That sounds good."
And together (for once agreeing) the boy and the girl started writing out a letter that their friend could forge in hopes to sabotage a teacher's plans.
(Sigh) What sweet love.
Some Time Later, Max's POV
"There, done with it at last!" Emily exclaimed as she laid the latest forged copy of the letter on the table. The orange haired girl looked ready to cry tears of happiness. That was understandable though, as she had just written fifty whole copies of the same letter over and over again.
My poor, poor, poor girlfriend's bubble popped however, when Bryan opened his mouth and said in his usual dry voice, "Sorry Emily, but you still have to write about," He paused here, checking his own paper, "Twenty or more copies until you're really finished."
Emily's happy expression changed from a nothing is going to get me down to one that clearly said say one more wrong word and I'll turn an Army!Felicia on you.
"Pardon?" My bespectacled girl asked a dangerous edge in her voice. Me, Tyson and Hilary wisely backed off a few one or one hundred steps, leaving poor, poor, poor Bryan to fend for himself.
The boy continued however continued, oblivious to the approaching doom he was about to run into, "Felicia wants to be extra careful in case anything goes wrong. She feels it necessary to have seventy or so copies of the letter telling Landon to stop the competition." Bryan told her, looking impassive as usual.
"Necessary she thinks it is?" Emily asked her voice most definitely sounding as scary as Darth Vader. It didn't really help that she was now talking like Yoda. Not that the furry green guy isn't cool, but Emily's got normal colored skin.
But poor, poor, poor Bryan seemed to take no notice of this as well. The poor guy just nodded, still looking deceptively calm, "Yes, she does."
"I see."
Three…two…one…
"AARGH!"
A traditional war cry (courtesy of Emily Parker) and a catfight commence.
I blinked for a second, watching my girlfriend pulverize the ever stoic Bryan, before turning back to Hilary and Tyson with a bright smile. "So, did you buy enough chocolate Ty?" I asked my best friend.
The bluenette's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.
"Oh crap! I forgot all about that!"
School Office, Hilary's POV
It was after managing to separate Emily and Bryan and tying them up with lots and lots of rope (something that Max humbly supplied; I didn't ask where he got it though) and giving Tyson a very thorough whack (honestly, how could the guy forget to buy chocolate? He practically lived on it!) that we were able to move onto the next part of our plan.
Step 4: After Parker has calmed down, Tatibana will slip the forged letter into Landon's office cubby, so that she'll be able to pick it up later in the afternoon.
Okay, so even though Emily wasn't exactly what you'd call 'calmed down', Bryan urged us to just hurry up with the plan as Felicia had instructed him to be punctual (I honestly think he just wants the whole thing over with; but whatever) so I just grabbed the nearest envelope, put on the trench coat, and ran down to the office.
Now, I was stuck in the teacher's department, wondering which the right compartments were. See, there were two Cressida Landons in this school. I really wish I knew that though, as their names were on the mail cubbies and the only different were the crappy middle names.
Cressida M. Landon – Cressida T. Landon.
Which one was it?
'Okay, stop getting so hung over with which one was the right name Hilary, and just pick one before someone comes in,' I hurriedly berated myself silently, urging me to just pick one before…
Click!
Darn it. The door was opening (I originally had it closed as soon as I entered the room as students were strictly forbidden to enter)! I frantically searched the room, looking desperately for a place to hide. Let's see, there's a desk (too obvious), a chair (too small), a bookshelf (too cramped), a closet (which was locked), and a coat hanger (too…ugh).
Well, I guess there really is only one option.
Click!
I threw the envelope into the nearest compartment (Cressida M. Landon), dived for the coat hanger, buried my head into the coat, and remained as silent as I possibly could while the door opened as the person walked in.
Who, ironically, turned out to be Mr. Marshall. Oh yes, Karma sucked big time.
The man didn't seem to notice me that much, though that might have been because of the fact that he was currently humming 'Hokey Pokey' as he actually skipped down to the mail compartments. I silently prayed that he wouldn't, shouldn't and couldn't find the Letter (yes it deserved the capital).
"You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around," Mr. Marshall started singing. I resisted the urge to start screaming and running away, on coat hanger or not. Because no offense, but Mr. Marshall's voice sounds almost as bad as Bryan's. And that is something I do not need to be reminded of.
"Ooh, the School Newspaper! How lovely!" Mr. Marshall gave – dare I say it? – a dreamy and lovesick sigh, picked up the paper from his mail box (well, it sounded like he was going to his mailbox, I couldn't exactly see), walked to the door, and distinctly closed the door with a loud thump.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I found myself immensely happy at the fact that Mr. Marshall didn't see me. Then, I decided it was high time to get off the coat hanger (it was seriously that close to cutting off my air supply) so I tried to unbutton off my trench coat only to find that-
It. Would. Not. Come. Off.
"What are these buttons, superglue or something!" I exclaimed, trying to pry them off unsuccessfully. I silently cursed Felicia as I tried to ring off those blasted buttons. It wasn't like I could just slip out of these things, as I am most definitely not that flexible with my arms.
"Well what do you know; Karma really does suck big time." I muttered, as I continued to try and pull of those stupid things.
I could only pray and hope someone would find me.
Hallway, Third Person's POV
"So, how are things going so far?" Felicia (still clad in a military uniform and whip) asked.
Max blinked, cocked his head, and answered as lightheartedly as he could, "Well let's see, Emily is currently tied up and foaming at the mouth, Bryan is currently tied up and wishing me and everyone else a million years of burning hell, Hilary went to the office to plant the letter a couple of minutes ago and Tyson is-"
"Max! Where on Earth could she possibly be? She should be here by now! What could've happened to her huh? HUH!" The bluenette popped up beside his blonde friend and grabbed his shoulders, once again shaking another person into major dizziness.
"-a-acting l-like a-a wo-worry wa-wa-wart a-about H-Hi-Hil-a-ry." Max stuttered out, obvious swirls in his eyes. As soon as Tyson had let go of him, he started wobbling around a bit, "Whoa, is it just me or has the world always been so pink?" The blonde asked before fainting.
Tyson, either ignorant or oblivious (the latter was much more probable), just continued running down the hall, displaying a rare act of worry. "Where are you Hilary? Oh, where are you? Woe is me…" The bluenette soon disappeared down the hall, going into the ever infamous Angst Mode (copyrighted by Kai Hiwatari before he went Martha Stewart).
Felicia just stared at Max.
"Pardon," The black haired girl asked softly, "Did you just say that Bryan is 'tied up' right now?"
Max nodded, looking cheerful.
Felicia's lips thinned. "And I take it you were the one that tied him up." Her voice had a definite hard edge to it.
Max (oh poor, poor, poor Max) nodded, still looking cheerful.
"I see," Felicia paused here, as if wanting to dramatize the moment, "I'm going to have to kill you now." She ended in a deadpan voice, but the underlying threat of inflicting pain remained.
Max didn't nod anymore, looking well, not all that cheerful anymore.
"AAHHHH!"
Empty Classroom
"Wow, everything seems to be going great. All the students are really working together well," Mariah remarked to her boyfriend.
Ray nodded, "Sure looks like it. Too bad Mindy isn't here though." The Chinese snickered as quietly as could, careful not to draw attention as Felicia had (very) strictly ordered them to remain disguised and to not draw attention.
Rolling her eyes, Mariah swatted his arm lightly, "Oh ha ha, very funny. You know as well as I do that Mindy wouldn't dare show her face after Allison had punched her nose out."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Ray pointed out.
"Well-" If Mariah was going to reprimand Ray further, no one would ever find out, because at that moment Allison Bernard had stumbled into the classroom, crying down waterfalls and waterfalls.
"Mariah! Ray! Take off those stupid trench coats of your and come over here and comfort me darn it!" The redheaded girl demanded as she alternated between sobs and gulps. Allison dropped down into the nearest seat and continued crying her heart out, drawing a small crowd of students.
In a flash, Mariah and Ray had thrown their coats (which, thankfully, were not buttoned up) and had appeared right next to the redhead, the pink haired girl bringing Allison into her arms.
"There, there, it'll be okay girl. What's the matter Allison?" Mariah asked as gently as she could, trying to ignore the audience they had.
"I-It's K-K," Allison hiccupped, "K-K," She hiccupped again, "K-K-," And again, "K-K-," and aga-
"Just spit it out already!" Mariah impatiently asked, getting a little more than annoyed.
"It's Kai."
"What could possibly be wrong with Kai?" One of Mindy's cronies (who was part of the audience and an avid Kai fangirl) demanded.
Allison immediately stopped crying. She silently stood up (gently shoving Mariah's arms away from her body) and impassively turned around to face the girl.
"You're asking me what's wrong with Kai," The redhead asked in a low tone of voice, "I'll tell you WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM!" Allison had shouted towards the end of her sentence and leaped across to start strangling the poor unfortunate Mindy clone.
Mariah and Ray continued watching bug eyed at the spectacle, taking no notice of the other students chanting the girls on to 'Fight! Fight!'.
"You think we should help them?" Mariah asked her boyfriend.
The two looked at each, then back at the battle, considering which course of action to take.
"Nah…"
Chapter Seven Ends……….TBC
Whew, I'm finally finished! It was a bit hard to, since I wasn't sure at what point to end it. When it reached 12 pages on Word though, I thought it was okay to end it there.
Anyways, on next chapter we will find out more about what happened in the restaurant since I didn't give all that great details on it. We'll also look in more about the Allison-Kai-Mindy triangle, and Felicia might stop being so…scary.
And wow, I'm halfway through finishing the fic (more than halfway if you include the prologue)! Just another seven chapters and IWD will be done and I can go back to concentrating on TUT and BT (which are NOT discontinued; just on major hiatus).
Review please!
