PROLOGUE - How did this happen?
"Oi! Cat Man!"
The rather angry demihuman turned his sights to the tracksuit-clad man, scowling.
"You said you'd do anything, right?"
His rage grew and his scowl deepend, but he gave no verbal objection. He simply stood up from where he had previously crouched, facing the object of his resentment with fiery determination. He tried his best to ignore the empty feeling that came from the removal of Ram's hands from his arms.
The black-haired boy donned a mad smile in response, gesturing downwards with his hands as he declared, "Suck my cock! Right here, right now."
At his words, Subaru could see the demihuman's temper flare; disgust and disdain plain on his face. The sheer hatred contained within Garfiel was unlike anything he had ever seen before, not in himself nor any of his enemies. And yet, to the abject horror of the bystanding maid, King Candidate, and great spirit, he actually walked over to Subaru and dropped down to the floor, kneeling before the man he directed the entirety of his hatred towards.
The madman's evil laughter rang through the dining room and into the halls as Garfiel's hands reached for the hem of Subaru's pants. A quiet comment from the little girl standing a short ways away was the only sound to break that tension,
" Sigh. Hopeless, in fact."
Now you may be wondering, dearest reader, how in the Divine Dragon's name such an unbelievable and objectively horrifying scene came to pass. Well, it all began that morning when he was sound asleep and having a less than pleasant dream. It was the Sin Archbishop of Pride's third day in the Greed timeline. Last night, he had finally thought things had settled down. He had finally thought things could drift to some sort of consistent 'normal'. He could not have been more wrong.
EXHIBIT A - Umbral Dreams and Penumbral Shadows
He opened his eyes. He saw a darkened room, only the dimmest of lights granting him vision. The smell of spilt liquor permeated the air along with a strong sense of melancholy that wafted off of every figure in the room.
He looked left. There stood Blue. It was crying and muttering incoherently in between breaths. The frills of its once beautiful and cheerful dress only served as a reminder that it was worthless now, meaningless now.
He looked down. There was a layer of pristine white laid upon the floor. A covered form left it lumpy and uneven. It seemed out of place, its tainted purity not quite fitting in the darkened room.
He lifted the white sheet. It's "Dead," he said.
The cold, lifeless eyes of a good man. There were no spirits to surround him nor was there a smirk on his face. His lavender hair brushed against the dirty floor, tarnishing his once perfect appearance even further.
He had seen this many times, imagined it many times. This sight had floated in and out of his mind over the years whenever he'd idly ponder his past actions. Never once did it bother him…
Moving its now dry, dull lips, the corpse spoke in less than a whisper, "why?"
But now he felt a weight. The entirety of his existence was pinned down by that one word.
"It was necessary!" he shouted defiantly, as if he were arguing with the corpse.
Blue, next to him, whimpered through its sobs, "Why...?"
"It… it was necessary…" His own voice was faltering, the word felt a dozen times heavier now.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and reflexively shuddered. He turned to see another him.
He was dressed in the clothes of a noble, not a tracksuit nor Witch Cult robes. A black pendant hung around his neck, gleaming a soft green in the dim light. His eyes appeared exceedingly tired, but there was a fire in them. He was outraged, livid, and genuine disgust filled his expression.
"Why?" the other him asked, the disdain in that word now an emotion that the madman himself could feel.
His words struggled to escape his lips, he was hardly able to stand now. The weight was simply too great. "I-it wa-was necess-"
"WAS IT!? WAS IT REALLY NECESSARY!?" the tired man screamed, snuffing out the pathetic excuse he attempted to give. The black pendant gleamed brighter now, as if entertained by his suffering. He was pathetic. No, worse than pathetic. He was revolting, repugnant, loathsome. He was worse than a disease and it would take the fires of the capital itself pressing against his skin to cleanse the taint and rot that he embodied.
"TO WHAT END!? TO SAVE WHOM!?"
He had had this very thought before. But he could run away from it, right? He can distract from it, right?
"I-I don't-"
The well-dressed man saw straight through him and grasped the front of his shirt, lifting him off of the ground. "YOU DO KNOW! AND STOP PRETENDING YOU DON'T!"
He couldn't find the strength to answer. He couldn't bring himself to respond. He wanted to shut his eyes and turn away, run away.
This world had always had it out for him, out for her. This world was corrupted and tainted and evil. It was unfair, so unfair. It was only right for him to do what he did. Anyone would do what he did. He made the right choice.
But even thinking these things felt wrong now. That one word made it impossible for him to delude himself any further.
He was deluding himself? No. No, that couldn't be right. And yet that word would not stop pushing against the very foundations of his soul.
He found himself growing tired, the weight of the word making him go limp in his other self's hands, pulling him to the ground. He was so, so tired.
This was the last way he could flee from that word, that feeling, that guilt.
He fell asleep while uttering that single word.
"Why?"
Darkness. A familiar darkness. One he had never been more glad to see.
"I- I just…"
The entirety of the void lay still as he thought. No ghosts of the past came to disturb him.
"I- I-"
He couldn't bring himself to think. He just… remained mentally numb in the quiet, shadowy place as his body began to form around him.
.
.
.
A voice like silver bells rang out.
"I love you."
He could feel her approaching presence but did not respond. He allowed his body to solidify within this odd place but did not turn to look at her. He stood, gazing into the distance.
"I love you. I love you. I love you."
Unable to ignore her vapid words of affection any longer, he could only repeat that which tormented him so, still staring into the endless abyss, "Why?"
She paused for a short moment, but not to think nor hesitate. Subaru may not have registered it, but she had changed. Her tone softened slightly and her eyes became more gentle as she replied:
"Because… you saved me… you gave me everything."
He processed her words, broke apart the sentence in his mind and, after a brief silent analysis, rejected them, saying, "But I've… I've never given anything to anyone… I've only stolen and killed and robbed the life out of the world just to…"
His attention no longer focused on her now. He began to question himself.
"Just to give it all to someone who didn't want or ask for it?"
He knew this to be a pretty lie. He knew this to be a sweet delusion. He knew this to be untrue. And so, he sought reality.
"No, I did it for myself, then? It was all necessary to Satisfy me, then?"
He saw his Pride in full. He saw his greatest vice for what it was.
"But I wasn't even Satisfied with that. All that I did, all those I killed, it was all for nothing."
He saw it for the deadly sin it was.
"It wasn't necessary?" he asked himself, almost pleading for it to be untrue, his voice breaking along with his once unshakable will.
Saddened silver bells rang out to comfort him, as if mourning his loss of purpose,
"I love you."
But her voice did not reach him. The crumbling away of the very foundation of his identity brought nothing but chaos to his mind. He spoke in frank terms, unable to keep on even the simplest of masks,
"So I'm worse than worthless, huh? I'm a disease, infecting every life I touch. Even here. Even now."
It was the only conclusion he could reach. It was the only truth left to accept.
"I'm a sinner and a madman. All my suffering? All my pain? It was nothing compared to that which I've inflicted on others," he said, a pungent tone of self hatred lacing his words.
Tears forming in his eyes, Subaru struggled through his train of thought, his every instinct telling not to pursue it.
"I don't… I don't deserve a Happy Ending. I don't deserve anyone's care or concern. Because, at the end of the day…"
He fell to his knees and wept as he finished his line of reasoning,
"I'm the villain aren't I? I've always been the villain... and I can never be anything more... anything better. I- I really am a terrible person…"
"Even so…" those silver bells started, her gentle and kind words overwhelming his own shaking and angry voice.
She knelt beside him and spoke her own truth once more, "I love you."
Despite all the compassion and sincerity she displayed, her words annoyed him. To him, they felt empty before but now they were blatant lies. In his pursuit of the truth, he challenged her falsehood. He couldn't let more comforting illusions hide away his shame.
Finally turning to face her, he defied her words, saying, "Prove it. Prove you can care for my rotten existence."
She, without stopping for even a moment, gracefully sat on her knees beside him. She brushed down the shadows present on her lap and brought him down to lay upon it. It felt nearly identical to his Emilia-tan's.
"Almost, but not quite," he thought, the subtle difference fascinating him. But it did not distract him for long. He knew he'd have time to think about it more later.
"And what does this prove exactly?" he asked, spiteful.
In total opposition to his bitterness, she gave him a light poke to the nose and let out a small giggle, saying, "Even after everything you've been through, everything you've done, you're still my Subaru."
From this angle, he could see the lower half of her face that was unobscured by her veil. She looked upon him with nothing but joy and a soft smile, her features seeming especially beautiful in the darkness.
"Liar. You couldn't possibly know that," he said, trying his best to believe it himself. Even if what she had said felt genuine, he came to doubt it.
She lifted a hand and made a small motion, prompting a piece of the darkness to detach from the rest and float above him. It contorted and morphed until it grew reflective, seeming totally unlike the shadow it once was. Had he not seen the magic used to produce it, he would have easily mistook the product as a common, medium-sized mirror.
But his focus was less on the odd magic and more on what appeared within it. He saw himself slightly blushing and with the most gentle of smiles.
He saw his own eyes widen in shock as he touched his own face, thinking, "This… this is no illusion…"
"I know that because you still love me… and I still love you. You're still my Subaru, no matter how Greedy, Slothful, Lustful, Wrathful, Envious, Gluttonous, or Prideful you are."
He felt his consciousness slipping away, his form was dissipating. It was odd, feeling sad to leave this place, sad to leave the comfort this Witch brought him.
"But my Subaru always had a heart big enough for a whole country," she said, playing with his slowly disappearing hair. He could no longer feel her heavenly thighs.
"Even though I will love you no matter what, you could stand to be a little more Greedy, Natsuki Subaru."
In his final moment of presence there, he allowed a single phrase to leave his corrupted and blackened heart, "Thank you… Satella…"
EXHIBIT B - #FF0000
"Man, I still feel like absolute shit. The 'Well Rested' buff was a fucking lie," Subaru thought as he lay in bed, unwilling to move from his position despite the sun steadily rising in the sky.
Heavy fatigue permeated his every muscle, yet he still felt himself able to move despite it. It was the considerable mental fatigue and guilt coursing through him - that he was pointedly ignoring - that truly kept him in place. Thankfully, relishing in his physical pain was a great distraction, one of very few that would actually work.
"Even my fucking eyelids are sore. How the fuck are my eyelids sore?"
However, there was another reason Subaru remained immobile.
Despite the ever-present, numbingly dull pain he felt, the fact that he held the second cutest person in his world in his arms meant that he was, in fact, incredibly comfortable.
"As much as Betty deserves your desperate embrace, you should be getting up soon, I suppose. A rather troublesome girl will come to fetch you if you do not, in fact," said the blonde haired-girl, almost insincerely. She too was at ease cuddling and did not at all want to move. Of course, it would not be befitting of a great spirit to say something like that, she supposed. But even then, her Subaru was very comfy.
Subaru moved his mouth as little as possible as he responded to her in a low tone, savoring the comfort her presence brought him. His voice came out as a very soft, raspy whisper. "You mean petra? I can definitely convince her to leave me alone. After what she pulled last time, she'll think twice before-"
"You're too late, I suppose," Beatrice said, cutting him off, her tone hinting at amusement. "She is at the door, in fact."
Subaru was totally definitely 100% mentally prepared to fend off the duty-bound maid in her attempts to wake him. He had dozens of cards to play that varied from guilting to bribing. Tricking Petra was like taking candy from a baby, or like teasing Beatrice for being a little girl.
He was not, however, prepared to stop who actually entered the room.
"Subaru?" a voice like silver bells rang through the now open door. It immediately put Subaru at ease to the point that he no longer had to consciously suppress his regretful thoughts. It just happened naturally whenever she was there. She consumed the entirety of his attention, filling every corner of his mind.
"Emilia-tan~"
But then his logical brain reassumed control, and he came to the realization that all the tactics he could use would be worthless against her. This was not because she was somehow immune to manipulation, but rather that she was the one person he could never control his emotions around. There was a reason he didn't ever show his face around her in his old timeline: He would melt at the very sound of her voice.
No amount of bluffing, scheming, or plotting would work against her since he simply was unable to do any of those things properly. He just couldn't bring himself to do it to his angel.
As he was coming to grips with his situation, Emilia had walked over to his bedside, standing before the turned away Subaru,
"Subaru~ It's time to wake up, sleepyhead~"
"Her voice sounds like heaven. A choir of angels could not comp- focus, Subaru, focus. How do I manage to get out of this situation?" Subaru thought, full of both panic and pleasure.
She reached a hand out to touch the back of his head, but was stopped by Beatrice's interjection, "You should refrain from touching Betty's Subaru, I suppose. He is still quite tired, in fact."
"Beako, I love you and I hate you... I leave the rest to you."
The half-elf was somewhat surprised to hear the spirit girl's voice. Had they not agreed to give Subaru space for the night? She gazed up to see Beatrice being held in Subaru's arms, her head only just barely poking up above the covers.
"No fair, Betty-chan! You just want him all to yourself!" the King Candidate argued, pouting at the great spirit who smirked smugly in response. Emilia's pout grew to match Beatrice's smirk as a wonderful idea came to her mind.
"Well~ I guess you can sleep in a little longer~"
"Oh thank Jesus Christ almighty I was about to say-"
"So why don't I join you?"
Without giving Subaru a moment to even think of an objection, he felt his beloved's form slip under the sheets and press itself against his back. She was hugging him even tighter than last night.
"Betty's Subaru looks much like a lesser spirit of fire with all that red, I suppose," Beatrice teased, Subaru's conflicted expression well within her sights.
Subaru's trained tactician's mind was hot garbage when faced with the feeling of Emilia's chest against his back, her breath against his neck, and her legs intertwining with his. Coherent thoughts were no longer even in the realm of possibility for the young man.
"EmilayourchestissosoftIjustwanttosquishityourlegsaresosmoothIwanttofeelthemforeveryourbreathbringsmelifeholyfuckingshitIthinkIhavediedandgonetoheavenifthisiswhatJesusisofferingIllbecomeadevoutchristianandprayeverdayIloveyouEmiliaitstakingeveryounceofmywillnottocorruptyourinnocentsoulrighthereandnowIhopeyouknowthatyou-"
His thoughts halted as he felt her arms wrap around his waist. They were dangerously close to where she had no place going to just yet. And so, despite how aroused and comfortable he was, he forced himself to resist the temptation she brought him.
"ThiscantgetworseIgottafocusgottagetoutofhere-"
Squirming away from her grasp, he was no match for her superior elven strength. His only way out of this situation was to negotiate. Unfortunately, his usually strong and confident voice that could talk down even the world's greatest evils came out shaky and nervous in the face of Emilia's embrace.
"E-E-Emilia-tan, I'll get up, I'll get up, just please let go!"
In response, she effortlessly turned him around to face her. She could see what Beatrice meant about the redness of his face and a light touch of crimson came to her own as she said, "Hmmmm, I don't know Subaru~ I didn't rest well last night so I'm feeling reeeeally tired right now~"
She pulled him to the point where there was no distance left between them. Their bodies were on one another and their faces were mere centimeters apart. It took every drop of willpower he had left in him to not move forward to kiss her.
"Even if it makes me a naughty girl~" she cooed, her tone and word choice flipping every one of Subaru's switches.
She was slowly getting closer and closer to him. But she suddenly stopped and asked, "Subaru…? Why are you poking me?"
"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK"
The gears in his mind spun but formed no thoughts. He spoke but conveyed no meaning.
"I-umm-well-I just-you see-the thing is-" he stammered, unable to respond.
Luckily, he felt himself being pulled away from her embrace yet again and instant relief flowed through him despite a sizable part of him wanting nothing more than to remain with her forever.
His ability to form coherent thoughts returned as he realized, "I can't do that a third time. I- I don't think I could stop myself again."
Emilia pouted, looking past the man and towards the great spirit who was yet again stealing away her Subaru.
Before the half-elf could raise an objection, Beatrice spoke up, "Sigh. Betty promised to educate you come the morning, I suppose. Before you kill Betty's contractor with your foolishness, she will fulfill that promise now, in fact."
Emilia took offense to the unfounded accusation against her, placing a hand on her chest in indignation and sitting up on the bed, saying, "I wouldn't hurt my Subaru! I promised myself not to do it again…"
"Yes, hurting, that is a good place to start, I suppose," Beatrice mused, largely ignoring the silly girl's words of protest. She, having already cast Murak on him while he was resisting Emilia's charms, effortlessly lifted Subaru out of bed and carried him to the bathroom door.
She placed him inside and left a message before shutting it, "Betty saw you struggling to keep yourself in check, in fact. You should stay here while Betty once again saves you from your worst impulses, I suppose."
At the sound of his contracted spirit's voice, he snapped out of the indecent thoughts that looped through his mind and said, "Beako, wait!"
She narrowed her eyes and directed a determined look towards him, stopping him in his tracks, "Did Betty's Subaru not beg for help from others just last night, in fact?"
He had no words to retort, he had no words to refute her. He simply sat on the floor, looking mildly unhappy.
"Betty's Subaru truly is a hopeless man, I suppose," she repeated, unable to properly express her exasperation.
And so, she shut the door and walked back towards the increasingly impatient half-elf who waited on the bed.
"So do you understand now, silly girl, why what you did both yesterday and today was improper, in fact?" Beatrice asked from her place on the bed. She was sitting with elegance, her tone and demeanor remaining composed despite her slight flush.
"Be-be-because I was making it s-s-seem like I wanted t-to m-make babies with S-Subaru…" Emilia barely managed to articulate. She sat across from the spirit girl, hands covering her very reddened face as she struggled to form a coherent sentence. Mental images of the actions described to her being taken by herself and her Subaru refused to leave her mind.
"And while Betty's Subaru would most certainly greatly enjoy doing such a thing, you can not simply force yourself upon him, I suppose. 'There is an order and rhythm to this sort of thing', in fact," the great spirit elaborated, easily taking on the role of a diligent tutor even for a topic such as this. Unbeknownst to the half-elf, Beatrice had just quoted a line Subaru delivered last night after her rather long Tickle Torture session. They had discussed Subaru's troubles with Emilia at length, leaving him rather surprised with his partner's maturity.
She was, in fact, not as mature as she let on. She knew the mechanics of sex, as it was described in detail within a biology book in her Mother's now destroyed library, but the way Subaru talked about the activities surrounding it would normally have left her a blushing mess. Fortunately, she was emotionally exhausted after the rather long day and was able to leave her furious blushing for after he fell asleep.
"S-so- ummm-" Emilia stammered, unsure how to put her thoughts into words.
The formerly innocent girl took a moment to form a sentence in her head before continuing. Unfortunately, it came out rather rushed and all at once,
"IreallywanttogetclosertoSubarumaybeevenlikethatwheredoIstartBetty-sensei?"
Beatrice stared at the crimson-faced half-elf for a moment before sighing and rubbing the bridge of her nose with one hand. She spoke without meeting Emilia's eye as she couldn't muster the strength to after such an embarrassing request,
"Betty thinks it best to sort out your exact feelings first, in fact. But if you wish to take action first, Betty would recommend k-kissing her Subaru, I suppose."
She silently cursed herself for slipping up her mature facade right at the end of her sentence. Subaru would have been able to see through that in a second but Emilia was far too preoccupied to notice.
"Kiss? Kissing Subaru?" she thought, somehow managing to blush harder. It was impressive, really.
"I can do this! I can k-k-kiss Subaru! I'll even do it by the end of the day!"
She gave a shaky yet determined smile - that would have been impressive if she had not been the color of a tomato - and nodded to herself.
"Thank you so much, Betty-chan! I-I'll be sure to put what you told me to good use!" the King Candidate declared.
This was not the reaction Beatrice was expecting nor was it the one she wanted but it was better than how things were just a few minutes ago so she, as Subaru would say, rolled with it.
Some time later, long after Subaru had calmed his thoughts and was in the midst of planning out his day, avoiding the emotional landmine that was self reflection, he heard a knock on the bathroom door. He stood up in response, glad to finally have something to fully occupy his attention.
"Yeah? Is that you, Beako?"
A voice Subaru could tell was struggling to keep its composure called back, "I have finished my lecture, in fact."
Subaru opened the door to see a lightly flushed Beatrice, struggling to meet his eye. He placed a hand on her head and smiled, "You did a good job, Beako. You shouldn't push yourself so hard for my sake. This isn't stuff little girls need to worry about, you know?"
She pouted at being called a little girl again but was very pleased with the praise, relieved that Subaru saw through her crumbling facade. She did not want to maintain it any longer.
Silently accepting his words, she focused instead on enjoying the head pat.
"I'll be sure to tease her about this later."
Inspecting his surroundings, Subaru saw Emilia standing all the way on the other side of the room, avoiding his gaze and blushing as hard as he had last night and just this morning.
"Emilia-tan?"
She let out a small yelp at his voice and instinctively met his gaze. She then lingered on his lips for a moment before fixing her eyes to the floor and blushing yet again.
"I can do this! I can k-kiss my Subaru! I can-"
While she was busy psyching herself up, Subaru found the perfect opportunity to get his revenge for her earlier teasing. He walked up to her and placed a hand on her cheek, gazing deep into her amethyst eyes.
She shot her sight back up at the feeling and saw how incredibly close he had gotten to her.
"Are you okay? I don't want my Emilia-tan to be sick or uncomfortable," he asked with as much concern in his tone as he could possibly muster, his eyes packed with care and honesty.
Subaru was proud of himself. It seems he was wrong about his inability to manipulate his beloved. He could do so, but only when it came to maximizing the efficacy of his teasing.
" Totally worth the nerf."
Emilia, on the other hand, had just beaten Subaru's blushing high score and achieved a never before seen intensity of red on her face. The warmth of his touch, the closeness of his form, the new knowledge bestowed upon her, the determination to kiss him, and his use and emphasis of the phrase 'my Emilia-tan' were a perfect storm of actions and ideas that, individually, each left her feeling warm inside, but together, caused her to file for mental bankruptcy.
He leaned in close and rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes.
"You feel so hot, Emilia-tan. Do you have a cold? You can rest in my bed for now if you want."
Emilia did not think it possible for him to make her more embarrassed. If she were capable of coherent thinking, she'd have figured out he was doing this all on purpose. As his lips drew near and thoughts of sleeping in his bed filled the entirety of her thinking, Emilia's overstimulated mind short-circuited. She simply couldn't take it anymore.
"You-You dunderhead…" she muttered out softly, her every muscle relaxing. A smile laid plain on her very red face as she fainted within his grasp.
With his beloved now unconscious in his arms, he allowed his previously suppressed blush to take hold as he mused to himself, "Whoops… I may have overdone it a bit."
He gently picked her up, careful not to touch her in any place that would set him off again - which was difficult because every square centimeter of her body was flawless to him - and brought her to his bed. He tucked her in and stared at her for a rather long moment.
"I don't think I could ever deserve someone like you but…"
He would have kissed her forehead as he turned to leave, but he was too embarrassed to do so.
"I just can't stop loving you, Emilia."
The spirit girl watched the scene as she waited by the door. She solemnly shook her head.
"Truly hopeless, in fact."
She was unsure who that sentiment was directed towards anymore.
EXHIBIT C - Breakfast Blues
Hand in hand, Subaru and Beatrice calmly made their way through the halls of the mansion. They spent the entirety of the short journey bonding. And by bonding, it was actually Subaru ranting and raving at her about his various passions as she looked on in a mix of concern and amusement.
The sound of laughter and enthusiastic discussion filled the halls as they walked. The pair were in their own little world, totally enraptured with their conversation.
Subaru reached the climax of his current topic of choice right as they were opening the door to the dining room. His face was somewhat red with rage and his voice was much louder than necessary for speaking to someone directly beside him. "…and that's why I fucking hate that bastard Todd sooooo fucking much. And I just know that prick's gonna show up again in this timeline, I swear he will."
Beatrice was initially sceptical about the poor reputation her contractor gave to a knife of all things. But, after hearing his long and drawn out tale with bated breath, she couldn't help but share in his sentiments, saying, "Betty hopes to never see this 'Todd', I suppose. He can 'eat shit', in fact."
Subaru, wholeheartedly agreeing with the sentiment of her words, was about to voice his approval, but paused at her response.
"Beako, you know it's not good for little girls to curse," he said, his anger subsiding.
Beatrice pouted at the familiar remark and took a seat at the table. She plopped herself down on her chair with an air of elegance that Subaru could only see as one of childish annoyance. Even though he was meant to be scolding her, he couldn't help but smile at the adorable sight.
"How many times must Betty tell you she's a centuries old spirit, I suppose? Betty's Subaru is incapable of listening, in fact," she replied, maintaining her air of elegance despite the crude phrasing she had just used.
Just as they were beginning their usual teasing routine, with Subaru having already prepared his response to her, a third voice interrupted them. Still standing, Subaru turned to face it. Before him stood the pink haired maid, and her face had shifted from its usual neutral composition to a slightly disgusted one.
"You are unable to even remember simple facts regarding your own contracted spirit. Barusu is really as useless as ever," she spat, her gaze more intense than he'd ever seen before.
"Well she's being more… informal. I would say friendly but a verbal lashing first thing in the morning hardly makes her amicable," he thought, unsure of how exactly to approach her change in attitude.
"That's awfully… rude of you to say," he settled on saying, largely neutral in his tone.
Ram turned her head and made her usual 'Hah' noise before shooting back, "And tell Ram why she must respect someone like Barusu? Can you only function on constant praise, scum?"
Her second question felt more like a statement of fact than anything else. It left a strong impression on him and got him thinking.
"It's almost cute, this whole prideful attitude she's got going on. The arrogance to think she can out-pride the Sin Archbishop of Pride is almost endearing…"
With the thought of his status as an archbishop entering his mind, the memories of his many crimes committed under said alias wormed their way towards the forefront of his thought process. Rather than allow himself to think about those negative things, he turned off the logical part of his brain. Unfortunately, he did this in the middle of a conversation and was left silently staring at the maid before him.
At a loss of what to do, Subaru's need to respond was taken away as the Court Mage and Sword Saint entered the room, conversing. The clown-like man spoke aloud in an insincere pleading tone, facing Reinhard, "So you seeeee, Reinhard-kun, we can sit and eaaaat breakfast but we must leeeaaave within the hour."
The red haired knight seemed conflicted, struggling to properly formulate a response. Noticing his hesitation, Roswaal raised his voice a level so that everyone in the dining room could hear him.
"Unleeeess you've found something more impooortant than the search for Felt-saaaama?"
The clown closed his blue eye as the other drifted to Subaru. He frowned in response, the act prompting his brain to turn back on.
"I fucking hate it when he stares at me like that. I can already tell he's about to pull some annoying bullshit. Just my luck."
Reinhard quickly denied the accusation, hesitation fading but not disappearing, "Of course not, Roswaal-sama. I have sworn to do everything in my power to aid my lady… but…"
His gaze shifted towards the scowling Subaru as his body tensed. "I promised to save him."
Maintaining his jovial yet threatening tone, Roswaal shifted his eye off of Subaru and replied, "Buuuut~?"
The knight lightly shook his head, returning his sights to the margrave, and said, "It's nothing. We should eat with haste."
Roswaal's smile widened ever-so-slightly.
Subaru was not having a fun time in the dining room. First, he was eating breakfast in a dining room. Dining . Like, dinner. Something about this completely normal activity bothered him today especially. Maybe it was the absolutely gargantuan size of the room that did not at all fit the number of occupants of the mansion. Maybe it was the fact that they were having the same bland-ass fucking soup for the third meal in a row. Maybe it was the mountain of suppressed anxiety and guilt that was growing increasingly hard to ignore. Or maybe it was the lack of mayonnaise. Subaru did not know, and he did not want to think about it. There were more pressing concerns.
Second, the occupants of the room were… absolutely infuriating, to put it mildly. His beloved Emilia-tan was absent, his darling Beako was trying to get him to train his self control, he had already been berated by the sharp-tongued maid, that clown was up to some more of his trademark bullshit again, and now he was forced to sit across from a smiling Reinhard who just wouldn't take his attention off of Subaru.
Reinhard's skill at getting under Subaru's skin was second to none. And so, none of his other complaints even compared to the frustration that Reinhard's smiling face brought him.
"Fucking dickhead with his stupid ass smile. When his soup comes, I hope that it's filled with sugar instead of salt," Subaru thought, a smirk coming to his face.
Noticing this, Reinhard spoke out to his friend, "I am glad to see you smiling, Subaru. I wonder what happy thoughts are inciting such a reaction."
The knight received an honest reply accompanied by a wider smirk, "I'm hoping they put sugar instead of salt in your soup, ruining your breakfast."
Without missing a beat, Reinhard shot back, "If such an unfortunate event did occur, I can assure you that I'd eat Petra-san's lovely meal with a smile anyway."
Subaru's smirk faded as he didn't get a fun reaction out of his nemesis.
"Fucking perfect asshole."
Reinhard, noting the dampening of Subaru's mood, gave a less teasing response, hoping it would cheer his friend up once more,
"But it would be impossible to begin with, Subaru. I have the Divine Protection of Salt Reasoning that allows me to, among other things, tell whether my food is salted or sweetened at a glance."
The tracksuit-clad man gave a knee-jerk response, "Bullshit."
Reinhard raised an eyebrow to silently question his doubt, making it clear that he wasn't lying.
Subaru was taken aback, to say the least. After many thousands of loops of experimentation and research, he knew every single one of Reinhard's long, long list of Divine Protections by heart. This one was new to him and had to have been obtained because of something his other self did or caused. Such a possibility didn't even occur to Subaru until that moment and Reinhard's potentially infinite number of new powers, frankly, terrified him.
That may be part of the reason why his next words were said in more of a shout than anything else. It was also likely why he had unconsciously adopted a nervous tic in his right leg. No other reason. There were absolutely no other negative emotions being suppressed at that moment. Nope. None at all. Definitely not.
"How?! Why?! Why would you even need something like that?!"
The knight's smile faltered a tad. He knew that Subaru had his entire list of Divine Protections, their effects, and why he had them, perfectly memorized. In fact, when he had first joined the camp, Subaru specifically asked to be kept up to date with any and all changes to said list. For that reason, Subaru must know that this one in particular was gained as he was in the service of his lady. His lady that abandoned him. His lady he wasn't enough for. His lady that he failed...
But just as he was about to fall downwards into a self-hating spiral, he remembered one crucial fact: Subaru must have been doing this intentionally.
"Why? Why would he want to hurt me like this?"
Reinhard remembered his friend's hatred and guilt. Reinhard remembered the promise he had made. His smile returned, stronger than before, the tense feeling in his body that had lingered since he spoke to the margrave subsiding.
"Nice try, Subaru. But you will not deter me so easily," he said, more determined than ever. "I promised I would save you, Subaru. Even if you try to keep me away, I will never stop standing by your side. It is what a friend ought to do. And if a few mean words can stop me then… I can hardly be counted as your friend, now can I?"
"Deter…?" Subaru started, confused, before saying, "I was just asking you an honest question, you intention-assuming cock weasel!"
From how Subaru had said that last phrase, Reinhard assumed it was an insult. He would add this to his ever-growing list of Subaruisms.
"My mistake, Subaru. Allow me to correct my error at once," Reinhard said, polite.
Subaru didn't want his nemesis to have his way but… he also wanted an answer. His solution was to silently look unhappy at him. Although this had worked somewhat well against Beatrice earlier, it somehow only strengthened Reinhard's smile. "Seriously… What the fuck is his deal?! What kinda twisted self-reflections did he have last night?!"
"I received the Divine Protection of Salt Reasoning while I was under the service of Felt-sama. I… would rather not linger on such bittersweet memories," Reinhard explained. While his smile was as strong as ever, it was clear from his tone that reflecting on those past joyful events indeed brought him great sadness. This only served to confuse Subaru.
"Felt? Like the thief girl from way back? Why the hell would the Sword Saint serve some gutter rat that stole from a Royal Candidate?"
"Reinhard-kuuuun, bittersweet is such a haaaarsh word to use is it not?" Roswaal interjected, as if it were the most natural thing in the word despite being several meters away at the head of the table.
"Ah, the third most annoying entity I've encountered so far has joined the conversation. Now we just need the tiger boy and the Big Three of making me want to blow my brains out will have assembled."
Graceful as ever, the Sword Saint turned to reply to the creepily smiling man, his head inclined ever-so-slightly, "I am merely stating the truth, Roswaal-sama. As fond as I am of my time spent in her service, it saddens me to have seen Felt-sama leave."
Subaru scoffed at this, adopting yet another smirk, thinking, "So he got dumped by a slums loli? Pathetic."
"So isn't it greeeaaat that a business assoooociate of mine may have a leeeaaad on her?" the mage said, his eyes adopting a knowing gleam, as if he knew all of the red haired man's secrets. "If I didn't knooooow better, I'd say you aren't haaaaappy to reconnect with Felt-saaaama."
The knight grew annoyed at Roswaal's implication. Well, as annoyed as Reinhard is capable of being. The clown remained unintimidated as the Sword Saint replied, "Roswaal-sama, I could be nothing but overjoyed at your news. I am merely concerned with the camp's safety in my absence."
As if expecting that answer, Roswaal wasted no time on thinking before replying.
"If thaaaaat's the case, can't you aaaaask Od Laguna for a Diviiiiine Protection to put your mind at eaaaase?" he said, his smile widening to an unnatural degree.
Reinhard, despite his hesitance to follow along with whatever the incredibly suspicious mage was plotting, closed his eyes at the suggestion. It wasn't a bad idea and he lost nothing from trying.
Subaru's smirk instantly vanished and his gaze grew glacial as he started down the praying Sword Saint.
"Note: Keep Roswaal away from Reinhard in the future. Individually, they're a pain in the ass but together they're nigh unstoppable."
Reinhard silently begged the soul of the world for a way to ensure the safety of the camp, especially Subaru, in his absence. And so, as Reinhard was beloved by the world, his wish was granted and he opened his eyes, looking at the clown once again.
"I have received it," he said, monotone and expressionless, before adopting a determined and reinvigorated smile.
Subaru's gaze remained undeterred. He was prepared to take any action necessary to address whatever new threat was to appear. "I'm ready for your OP bs this time, Reinhard."
"I have just received the Divine Protection of Subaru Searching. It grants me the ability to intuitively know of Subaru's location and physical health in the case that he truly, from the bottom of his heart, desires my assistance or presence."
The madman was at a loss for words. His every previous action and train of thought halted. Even the nervous tic in his right leg stopped for a time.
"...what? Why? That's so…"
He didn't know whether to be offended, confused, or angry at the knight. And the smile that just wouldn't shake from Reinhard's face made it all that much worse. "He seems so damn proud about this too. Why? Why are you being so…"
Subaru eventually came to an unusual thought. But, this time, he did not think it with a mad, calculating smile. He simply looked at the man across from him with astonished amazement. If you looked closely, his lips were ever so slightly curved upwards.
He whispered quietly to himself, in a tone that no normal human could possibly hear, "Happy Birthday, Reinhard. It's a new you!"
The knight, using one of his many Divine Protections, heard what his friend had muttered and turned to see Subaru's odd-looking smirk. He didn't quite know what to make of it.
"It isn't the anniversary of my birth though? And no one would celebrate it, even if it was."
"Is something wrong, Subaru?" Reinhard asked, genuinely concerned.
The usual scowl reserved for his nemesis returned as Subaru looked away and grumbled, "You just had to ruin it didn't you? Get a Divine Protection of Good Timing already, you annoying asshole."
Even with the ending of the strange conversation, those words echoed through Subaru's mind, humming the same tune as his suppressed guilt.
"It's a new you…"
The rest of the meal went by largely in silence. Gariel had loudly barged in several minutes after it began, and, of course, there were the sounds of the various maidly activities performed by Petra, Ram, and the nice blonde tiger lady that Subaru still didn't know the name of, but no real words were exchanged the whole time. Just glares.
In fact, Subaru had never been in a room with so many people looking at him with their hearts on their sleeves. Of course, Meili and Elsa were always honest with him. Brutally so. Not a day went by without the busty assassin making a pass at his bowels and the loli assassin's disgusted reaction to said passes.
"Ah, good times. Who else was there that'd be so plain with me? Hmmmm. Todd? No, he was a lying son of a bitch. Plummy? I don't really know her well enough to be sure. Blue? In a way, it had its own brand of honesty but it wouldn't do to count pets among people like that."
Oddly, the thought of his cat brought him a fleeting negative emotion that it never had before. Reflexively, he immediately suppressed and ignored said feeling and moved onto other thoughts, surveying the room around him.
"That tiger boy looks like he's about to jump out of his seat every time I look at him. No way is this crotch goblin related to that maid. Apple must've fallen real far from the tree this time around."
Subaru passed his gaze over the silently smug clown - "fucker is looking at me like I'm a preschooler in a playground" - and inspected the pink haired maid. Somehow, while barely moving, Ram was still giving him nonverbal cues of disgust and aggression.
"She's so full of emotion yet so controlled," he thought, honestly impressed.
The maid visibly shuddered when she noticed him staring. She glared both politely and hatefully back at him. He smirked as he mused, "Don't poke a bear, Ram. You'll get hurt when it bites back."
A moment later, he moved on to where his beloved would normally be seated.
"Emilia-tan~."
He relaxed slightly at the thought of her. His eyes softened and his breathing became steady and calm. For several uninterrupted minutes, he just regarded her empty chair with a smile.
"Emilia-tan… it hurts when you're away from me like this. If you were here, all my worries would melt away…"
The resurfacing of the mere mention of his anguish in his mind broke the trance.
"I… I don't deserve her. I don't deserve a Happy Ending. I need to be hurt. I need to be punished for what I did. I'm a monster…"
He tensed significantly and reached to pull up his sleeves and scratch at his arms but found that his hands were stopped in their tracks. He snapped out of the negative train of thought and saw that Beatrice had plopped herself on his lap and pulled his arms in to hug her. "Beako…"
"Betty's Subaru doesn't need to be alone, I suppose. You have Betty, in fact," she said, gentle in her tone, not needing to raise her sights to him. Subaru knew the pained expression she'd be holding and the image of it alone was enough to double the weight of his guilt.
He was about to respond, apologize, thank her, and tell her he doesn't deserve her all at once, but was cut off yet again. This time, the disturbance was from a substantially more annoying source.
"My oh my, loooook at the time. Reinhard-kuuuun, we'd best be goooooing now," Roswaal announced in his usual joyful, benevolent tone.
The margrave's sudden interjection brought Subaru mixed feelings. On one hand, he had just found the perfect distraction from his negative mindset but, on the other hand, he now had to listen to Roswaal's voice instead of his darling Beako's. And since he was actively no longer thinking about all those bad thoughts, he was left with only annoyance and rage. The state of having mixed feelings did not last long.
"Fucking clown always fucking getting in the way of everything. You're second on the kill list behind the cat man, now."
"Understood, Roswaal-sama," Reinhard replied, placing his spoon gently back down beside his bowl.
Subaru's frown turned to a scowl as he thought, "Well then, I thought it couldn't get worse. But Saint Shitface here always manages to fuck up my mood, even if it's already awful."
"Oi! Why're ya two off so quick like yer a needler on a swamptip?" Garfiel interjected, as angry as always.
Subaru's scowl deepened significantly but, with Beatrice holding him almost as tight as he held her, he merely glared at the tiger boy. "Of fucking course he'd join in too. And with more random nonsense to boot. This world's idioms are fucking stupid."
The margrave stood up from his chair and smiled benevolently at the demihuman. At this, both Garfiel and Reinhard stood as well. Since Subaru's head was slightly cooler with his Beako in his arms, he decided to remain seated and dropped his sights downwards, listening in on the conversation as he played with the girl's hair.
"I know you won't but it would be so great if you could all just kill each other. Save me the trouble."
The maid beside her master spoke on his behalf, turning to the tiger boy, "Garf, you missed it because of your dilly dallying on the way back from your morning routine but Roswaal-sama and Reinhard-sama will be leaving on a business venture shortly."
Crossing his arms, he seemed rather unconvinced by this argument. And so, she continued, "One of Roswaal-sama's business partners claims to have information regarding Felt-sama and her whereabouts."
Garfiel seemed surprised by this but became even more suspicious a moment later. His glare shifted to the clown in question as he said, "So yer tellin' me that ya suddenly found a lead after months of fruitless searchin'? Ya know, right when-"
"Garf." The pink maid interrupted him, the authority in her voice as clear as day. He looked very unhappy about it but he kept his mouth shut.
"Aw hell, ya two ain't my amazin' self's problem anyways. I'm goin' back out to train," Garfiel grumbled, walking out of the dining room somehow even unhappier than when he entered.
"Garf aside, I believe it best that you leave promptly, Roswaal-sama, Reinhard-sama," Ram said, addressing the remaining standing men. Her determined stance eased slightly and her elegant maid's demeanor persisted.
Roswaal regarded his servant with an inquisitive look, his blue eye closed. After a moment, it opened once more and he replied, his usual jovial smile returning, "Indeeeeeed, Ram. We shall leave immeeeeeediately."
The pair of master and maid moved to leave the dining room but stopped short at the door. Roswaal turned slightly, calling out to the Sword Saint as Ram grabbed ahold of the handle, "Reeeeinhard-kun, if you would."
The red haired man had not yet moved. His sights were locked on the seated man he stood across from. It was clear that Subaru knew he was staring and was purposefully keeping his attention on the girl in his lap so as to not need to interact with Reinhard. It hurt a little but he understood. "Stay safe, Subaru. I will come should you call."
Subaru would have retorted with a biting remark but, once he glanced up and saw the look of intense determination and concern on the knight's face, he paused. "It really is a new you, huh? I've never seen you this… protective. Even after everything I did, the only new emotion you could muster was rage. But this…"
He was amazed and amused by the Sword Saint once again.
"This is new."
Around an hour later, Subaru was within one of the mansion's many grand gardens. He laid on the grass basking in the warm sunlight, Beatrice by his side. He had just finished yet another long winded story and the pair opted to share a comfortable silence for the time being, rather than continue.
" ...in the case that he truly, from the bottom of his heart, desires my assistance or presence"
He rolled onto his side and gently played with one of his contracted spirit's hair-drills. She made no move to stop him.
"What does that even mean? Could it really have such a condition? I really want to know how it wo-"
Suddenly, a loud crashing sound could be heard from about four meters behind the pair. They immediately jumped to their feet, hand in hand, ready to face whatever the threat was.
"Subaru, I am glad to see all is well."
The dust around the figure cleared, revealing a handsome red haired man.
"Furthermore, I am overjoyed to know that you truly and whole-heartedly desired my presence for a full three seconds."
His smile did nothing but irritate Subaru.
"Fucking happy looking prick."
"Aren't you supposed to be past Flugel's Tree by now?! Why are you here?!" Subaru asked, his accusatory tone doing nothing to hamper Reinhard's smile.
"The former site of Flugel's Tree, Flugel's Stump, is still quite far from our carriage, unfortunately," Reinhard explained.
"What the fuck…? Why would you need to chop down that big ass tree, Natsuki Subaru?"
"As for your other question, I came as soon as you called."
The tracksuit-clad man scoffed, crossed his arms, and looked away from the knight, saying, "Of course you did, Mr. Leap-tall-buildings-in-a-single-bound. What are you? Superman?"
Reinhard added yet another Subaruism to his mental list and said, "May I ask why you called? All seems well."
His friend's silence was mildly disconcerting and so he followed up his question with a guess at his answer, "Perhaps you require my assistance for an approaching threat? I can sense no nearb-"
Subaru snapped at the Sword Saint, returning his sights to him, "I just wanted to see if the damn Divine Protection actually worked the way you said it did! I swear, you really gotta stop assuming my intentions."
"Prick."
Reinhard took serious note of this and added it to the list of things he reaffirmed to himself every morning. It already took him a full five minutes to say it all aloud so what harm could one more do?
"Understood, Subaru. Is that a-"
"Just get out of here already!"
He gazed warmly at his friend and gave him a light nod. "I will see you again soon, Subaru."
The same oddly protective smile adorned his face as he jumped gracefully through the lower Stratosphere and into the distance. Subaru whispered to himself as Reinhard's form was lost in the clouds and the impact crater he left vanished, "A new you, huh?"
EXHIBIT D - Somehow, Even Redder.
The same frozen forest. The same clear yet foggy memory. The same voice calling her name.
"Emilia!"
The half-elf's eyes shot open. Last night she was frankly too mentally exhausted to even dream properly. It felt like she layed down, recalled a memory, and suddenly morning rose.
But then, all of those worries and regrets began to creep up on her again. She felt the burden on her mind once more. She instinctively began to curl up into a ball as the temperature around her dropped.
"My fault. I froze them. I did it. It was all my fault. I killed Mother Fortuna. I hurt Geuse. I-"
" I'm a greedy, prideful bastard who wants even someone as incompetent and insufferable as you by my side."
Her magic faded with her worries, a smile coming to her.
"My Subaru~"
She hopped out of her bed and marched right to her eye of the storm.
Around an hour later, she woke up once again. This time she had not even a fraction of a dream. She closed her eyes, allowing the feeling of warm safety to surround her for a while, before opening them again. She hadn't had such a peaceful sleep in months - or even years at this point - and the feeling of relief elated her.
Rubbing her eyes and yawning loudly, she stretched her limbs out and sat up in bed, dishevelling some of the pristine linens around her. But something confused her.
"These sheets…"
Her relieved happiness shifted to embarrassed shock as she saw herself in Subaru's bed. Immediately, she lifted the coverings to see what lay underneath, feeling relief and an odd disappointment to see she was both clothed and alone.
Heaving a great sigh, Emilia relaxed her tensed muscles and leaned back against the headboard. She sat in silence for a moment, blushing at the recollection of what happened just before she passed out.
"Subaru, you nincompoop."
She jumped out of bed, marched over to the door, and walked out into the hall. Her face still reddened, Emilia declared to herself, "I promise I'll get you back for that! I'll k-kiss you and you'll be reeeally embarrassed!"
Several minutes later, Emilia was walking about the mansion alone, peaking in the odd open door for any sign of Subaru. At first, she walked at a leisurely pace, her mind still filled with the hazy comfort brought by the thoughts of her Subaru.
She felt truly at ease.
But as room after room proved empty and the quiet of the halls grew more and more noticable, that which she had suppressed upon her first waking began to creep up on her.
A raging snowstorm. Ice coating the land. A forest coated in white.
Her pace quickened and the smile began to fade from her face.
A taller figure, standing across from her with mean and determined eyes. They were stern yet so loving. They were loving yet clearly panicked. She was barely holding it together.
Frost formed on the floor where she stepped and her walk turned to a jog.
"Emilia, I promise. You and I will always be together."
Her jog sped to a run as she desperately threw open door after door and scanned room after room. Her once serene expression had fully shifted to one of panic, the emotions lining her memories now filling her heart in the present.
"More than anyone, Emilia… Lia… I love you more than anyone else in this world."
The whole of the hall was covered with ice, lesser spirits crowded around her, and her run turned to a full on sprint through the mansion while the scenes of her past flooded her mind. She had to find Subaru. She had to find her eye of the storm.
Subaru was having a good time, all things considered. Beako was in his lap, the shade of the tree he was under made him really feel at one with nature, and Reinhard was no longer in the near vicinity.
With the knight's new attitude, Subaru found it difficult to even pretend to tolerate his presence anymore. On one hand, the change was fascinating and somewhat endear- "scratch that, Reinhard could never even exist within the same solar system as the word 'endearing'" - but on the other hand it was infuriating in a way Subaru never expected Reinhard to be. Either way, it was not good for his mental health.
He leaned back onto the tree trunk, a smile on his face.
"His leaving has done wonders for my stress. I've got Beako right here and everything's looking juuuust fine."
It takes a great deal of mental training and an alarming amount of emotional repression to be able to lie to yourself in your own thoughts. Yet, Subaru had also trained to hold onto that which comprised his being with an iron grip such that it would stay together even when shattered into thousands of pieces. So, given both of these unusual talents, despite his excellent work at forcing his highest order thoughts to think as if nothing was wrong, a non-insignificant part of him was always quietly nagging, "I am revolting. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve Beako. I don't deserve Emilia. I don't deserve peace of mind."
But those were pushed away as far as they could be. So long as his full attention was occupied, he didn't even have to think about his sins.
Unfortunately, his darling Beako had somehow noticed this clever use of a mask. "Betty's Subaru must be honest with her, in fact. You need to trust Betty with your problems, I suppose," Beatrice said from her place on his lap, sounding impatient.
She had been slipping comments like this throughout their conversations since the early morning and it was growing more bothersome than endearing. Subaru frowned. It was getting annoying to have to constantly maneuver around them like they were potholes.
Right as he was about to delicately work his way around her words, her attention shifted from him as she turned to look back at the mansion. She crawled off of his lap and stood about two meters away from him, an exasperated yet relieved look on her face.
"Murak, in fact. She should be able to assist me in my efforts, I suppose," Beatrice muttered, gazing into the distance.
He felt his weight decrease and instinctively questioned, but did not resist, her odd behavior. "Wh-"
He didn't even see it coming. One second, he was sitting with his legs crossed under the shade of a tree. And the next he was on his back, mildly concussed, fairly cold, and being held in an embrace so tight that his bones were beginning to break.
Had he not hit his head on the grass so hard, he would have realized who was hugging him and that he only survived thanks to the marginal safety his near-weightlessness brought him. Alas, he was dazed and could only think one thing: "Beautiful. Gorgeous, even. Stunning, really. I would do anything for you. I love you more than I could ever possibly love anything about myself." But he did not just think this. He also said it aloud.
"D-dummy Subaru. You're reeeeally going to make me faint again…" the half-elf said, raising her already reddened face, still holding him within her bone-crushing embrace.
As he was still quite dazed, he did not process what she said and continued thinking out loud.
"Your eyes are shining jewels of unparalleled value. Your hair is so, so beautiful even when it's cut short like that. I never thought I could like short hair but you've proven me wrong, Emilia-tan."
At this point, Emilia had sat up and covered her incredibly reddened face with her hands. At the same time, Beatrice sighed and walked over to her downed contractor.
"Your whole face is enchanting. Your ears are so damn cute I just want to nibble on them. Your lips look so soft I just want to kiss yo-"
Beatrice flicked him in the forehead. He reflexively reached for the irritated spot and turned towards her, saying, "Hey! What was that for?!"
Beatrice, her arms crossed and as exasperated as ever, replied, "You should have more thought when you speak, I suppose."
"When I speak…?"
His sights followed her extended finger to what she was gesturing towards: the half-elf who was still straddling him.
All at once, his senses came back to him. He realized that not only was Emilia dangerously close to his crotch, but that he had also just said something incredibly embarrassing to her.
"I hope it wasn't my whole thought process. She'd probably run away if it was my who-"
"S-Subaru… y-you want us to k-k-kiss too?" the half-elf stammered, barely able to form coherent thoughts, let alone express said thoughts.
If Subaru were a computer, he would have automatically powered off due to an overheated processor. Unfortunately, he only had his human-sized brain to comprehend the meaning of the words just spoken to him. And so, instead, he simply clung onto the last logically processed thought his brain mustered before it was overloaded.
"Want us to kiss too… too… an implication of agreement… someone other than myself wants me to kiss her… it could be Beako… but that doesn't feel right… so that means that Emilia…"
He felt her collapse back onto him, her head landing on his chest.
Sighing yet again, Beatrice rubbed the bridge of her nose as she said, "That silly girl managed to faint again, in fact. You're both hopeless, I suppose."
Subaru laid his head gently back onto the grass and held the unconscious girl tight. He gazed into the sky with rather tired eyes.
"Emilia-tan… we have a lot to talk about…"
He let himself fall into a peaceful slumber, his beloved in his arms.
An unending void. Darkne-
"Not this shit again!"
The moment Subaru found himself within what he likes to call the Shadow Realm, he instantly willed his physical form into existence. He spoke out to the empty plane around him, "Listen up! As much as I appreciate what you've done for me, Satella, I don't want to be ending up here every time I fall unconscious! I've got better shit to do!"
The empty plane answered back in a rather condescending tone, "'Better shit to do', huh? When speaking to someone, it's only fair to value each member of the conversation's time is it not? It seems you're implying that your time is more valuable than mine. What gives you the right to trample on my-"
Cutting the rather annoying man off, Subaru shot back, "Oh for fuck's sake will you just shut up already?! I had enough of your stupid ramblings when I burned down your fucking mansion!"
The nondescript man frowned deeply, closing his eyes and beginning a rather long winded speech, "Now listen here, not only is it unthinkably rude to interrupt someone as they're talking but it's just as much of an offense to my rights to lie plainly to my face."
"Oh my fucking God can I please just leave already I can't deal with him right now." Subaru thought, instantly tired of Regulus's shit.
"And what makes you think some insignificant worm like you could follow through with such an act? Of course, it's because you're a liar. You're standing in the presence of a truly satisfied existence like mysel-"
"Nope. I'd rather be stuck in my own head than listen to more of this."
Subaru tuned out Regulus's rant as he found himself deep in thought once again. The mountain of things he had been refusing to allow to surface since the morning - or perhaps even earlier - flooded into the forefront of his mind. The plain man's rambling acted as excellent white noise to stimulate his thinking.
"So, none of it was necessary. None of what I did was worth a damn to anyone, myself included. But…"
The words of a sad, lonely, little girl forcibly changed the tone of his thoughts: "AND WHAT NOW, I SUPPOSE?! WHAT WAS ALL OF IT FOR, IN FACT?!"
"I can't just die. I can't just walk away from all that's happened. And yet…"
The calculating words of a terrible man wormed their way into his mind: " Unless… are you not truly Natsuki Subaru?"
"I'm just a fraud living the life of a better man. Sure, he made mistakes but at least he tried to save them. At least he tried to be a good man. At least he…"
The little girl's words, taken from his other self, returned, overpowering the clown's: " Even if the flames of regret don't seem like they're vanishing right now, if you keep pouring them out maybe they'll vanish someday."
"It can't be that simple. It isn't right for someone like me. Someone so inferior to him to…"
Her words once again shifted the tone, pushing him closer to the truth: " You may not remember it but you took everything from me, in fact! I cursed your name for what you did to me, I suppose!"
"In the pursuit of his own one goal, he hurt everyone in his life."
More calculating words came to him, but from a source with even greater manipulative tendencies: " the Sword Saint is not insane but is merely filled with self hatred, Subaru gave him a place to go after secretly taking away the place he was already happy at, he hopes to be Subaru's friend but thinks himself unworthy, and he had his trust in the one person he can still rely on shatter to pieces."
"If this is all the case…"
Images of the look of pain on Emilia's face and the desperation-filled Sword Saint flooded into his mind. But they were mixed images. The silver hair was both short and long. Those piercing blue eyes were lined with concern and hate. The mistakes of both Natsuki Subarus, both Echidna's Contractor and the Sin Archbishop of Pride, floated in his head in an overlapping jumble.
"How different even are we? Can I be better? Can I really… change?"
Several voices all rang out in unison to answer his question:
" Are you really Onii-san? You look too alive to be him."
" You know Subaru, ever since yesterday you've been acting reeeally strange."
" That would have likely worked on any other impatient, rash Natsuki Subaru. But you're different."
And yet, he rejected them.
"But those are just the acknowledgements of a broken man. Of a pair of broken men. Neither of us could be what Natsuki Subaru ought to be. Neither of us could be truly human. We're both insane madmen…"
At his lowest point of despair, when his thoughts had reached a hopeless conclusion, he heard silver bells ring out in his mind: " Even after everything you've been through, everything you've done, you're still my Subaru."
But they were not the words of his Emilia-tan.
" I will always love you. Please, this time, try to love yourself too. Want more than to fulfill your one goal."
And yet,
" Natsuki Subaru… Be Greedy."
They held authority over his heart all the same.
"More, huh?"
" I WANT MY FUCKING HAPPY ENDING ALREADY!"
"No, not a Happy Ending."
He looked down at his own two hands. They were slowly vanishing. He clenched his fists.
" A new you, huh?"
"A Second Chance. A Second Chance to be Natsuki Subaru again. A Second Chance to be a new me. A Second Chance to be human."
Ignoring the complaints of the plain looking man before him, Subaru let his consciousness fade as he returned to the real world once more.
"Thank you, again, Satella."
Subaru's eyes lazily fluttered open. He found himself once again under the shade of a tree, wind shifting the leaves above him. The warm feeling of serenity he usually only got from his beloved filled him after his recollection of the Witch's words. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it so he decided to just allow himself to enjoy it while it lasted.
"I wish I could stay here forever. I've never woken up so peacefully before…"
He tilted his head and looked down to notice that his beloved was still silently sleeping on him, having not moved whatsoever.
"I guess that's in no small part why."
He heard a familiar voice ring out from beside him. It sounded rather annoyed yet relieved at the same time.
"It's good to see you're finally awake, I suppose. That infuriating pink maid came demanding your presence and would have dragged you off to dinner had Betty not stopped her, in fact."
He shifted his sights over to his contracted spirit. Beatrice was sitting quite elegantly on the grass and had the demeanor of a slighted noble's child, complete with pout.
"First she refuses to bring you food when I requested it and now she thinks to harm Betty's Subaru… who does that rude girl think she is?!"
Still basking in the afterglow of a good nap and a renewed will to live, Subaru answered the question with complete seriousness and his full attention, more glad than ever to have his Beako in his life, "If I had to guess, I'd say probably the tool of that clown… but it feels like they've been on a different wavelength recently."
The thought of Roswaal and Ram spoiled his mood a bit but with Emilia still laying on him and Beatrice by his side, he was still dozens of times happier than usual.
"Ronald McDonald is looking at me like I'm worth serving twenty-five to life in prison for while Resting Bitch Face seems like she thinks I took a dump in the ball pit and gave her kid fucking Cholera," he thought aloud, placing a hand on his chin.
Beatrice was unable to keep up with the high density of Subaruisms used in that sentence and did not form a response before he continued.
"What is a ball pit, in fact?"
"Well, so long as neither of them fuck with me I won't fuck with them. For now at least. They might have a place in whatever Emilia-tan wants to do, after all," Subaru concluded, dismissing the undesirable thoughts from his mind and returning to vibing in the garden. His stomach audibly growled shorter thereafter, earning yet another sigh from Beatrice. "By my count, that's about a dozen so far. I guess I'm just really good at exasperating her."
"It's time to head off for dinner, I suppose. You slept through lunch, in fact," Beatrice said, framing it as a statement of fact rather than a request or demand.
Finding it incredibly endearing, Subaru gave her a nod and a smile, appreciative of her concern. "Alright, just give me a sec to get up."
He attempted to slip out from under Emilia, who he had been trying to not get lost in the feeling of, but was immediately grabbed by her arms and held even tighter.
"Noooo, Subaru. You need to stay riiight here," Emilia mumbled, still held deep within the confines of sleep.
"That's the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life. We should definitely cuddle more often." Subaru thought, trying his absolute hardest to resist her charms. He continued to struggle against her grip but his efforts ended up pulling him even closer to her. She was no longer resting on his chest. Instead, she placed her head to the left of his and pressed herself even tighter onto him.
Subaru, quickly becoming overwhelmed by the situation, pleaded with his beloved, "Emilia-tan, you're gonna kill me if you keep this up! Please, let go!"
"She's not budging or listening no matter how much I struggle or yell right into her ear... Her ear…"
Given their positioning, Emilia's left ear was right in front of Subaru's face. He basked in its full, pointy, elven glory.
"I always thought they were cute but now…"
In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to do a single thing. Even the feeling of her body on his was nothing compared to this desire.
"I better not get a fucking ear fetish after this."
He leaned forward slightly and nibbled on the pointy tip of the half-elf's ear. It was an odd but incredibly pleasant experience that he was disturbed to be aroused by.
Emilia instantly jolted awake and flew out of Subaru's grasp, landing on the ground beside him, stammering, "Su-su-su-subaru!"
Her face surpassed the generally accepted limits of red and turned to a never before even conceptualized shade of crimson. She reached a hand to touch her slightly wettened ear, eyes still on Subaru.
"I-I-I'm really sensitive there, you know…"
He felt a little guilty and joined in on the blushing. Apologizing, he said, "Ah, I didn't think you'd be so mad about that-"
He was quickly cut off by the King Candidate grabbing his hands and giving him a stern look.
"I'm not mad! I can't be truly mad at my Subaru. Not after everything you've done for me."
Subaru found this incredibly adorable and, seizing the golden opportunity to tease her, asked, "So you enjoyed it, then?"
The redness of Emilia's face somehow managed to find a way to intensify and she looked away from him, still holding his hands in hers. Not meeting his eye, she said, "Just, just ask before you do something like that n-next time."
His own face matched hers at her mention of a 'next time'.
"I love you so much, Emilia-tan. You really are an angel."
She raised her sights to meet his once more. They silently stared into each other's eyes as they began to lean closer and closer. Their faces were only a few centimeters apart.
And then, Subaru's stomach let out an obnoxiously loud growl that was followed by the slapping sound of Beatrice facepalming, hard.
Sighing deeply for what felt like the dozenth time, Beatrice said, "Betty's Subaru needs to eat now, I suppose. We should head off to dinner promptly, in fact."
The couple stood from the grass, incredibly embarrassed, and released part of their grasp on each other. His right hand remained interlocked with her left as they turned towards the mansion. They were both still quite flushed.
"That was close… but she was leaning in too? Does she really…"
"I was so close! I almost kissed him! Next time, I swear I'll do it!"
Their thoughts were plain on their faces to the singular observer of the half-elf and human.
"I wonder if there's another way to say "hopeless", I suppose," Beatrice mused. The spirit girl took her contractor's free left hand as they went on their way.
EXHIBIT E - A Slightly Less Disastrous Dinner
The trio arrived at the dining room rather early. All three of the mansion's maids were busy in the kitchen so Emilia, Subaru, and Beatrice took their seats at the table and continued to idly chat as they waited.
They rearranged the chairs such that Subaru's, whose was in the middle, was brought a meter or two away from the table while Emilia and Beatrice's were each turned towards the black haired man's. They effectively sat in a small triangle, all within each others' lines of sight. This gave Subaru the feeling of being around an invisible campfire and put him in a story-telling mood.
"…so then, the motherfucker has the audacity to say 'I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer'. I swear, the balls on that man must have been made of fucking titanium or something," Subaru said, enraptured in his own story telling. He was eager to bring them to the climactic finish and his all time favorite part of one of his favorite stories when he was suddenly interrupted.
"You know Subaru, you swear a loooot more than you used to," Emilia commented, a look of slight confusion on her face.
If it was literally anyone else, Subaru's reaction would have ranged from angry to homicidal, but, since it was his beloved that spoke, he didn't mind whatsoever.
"Ah, sorry about that. Does it bother you?" he asked, casually addressing her comment.
Emilia shook her head and lovingly gazed at him, a soft smile on her face. "I'm just happy my Subaru is being his honest self around me."
Subaru's heart skipped a beat and he lost himself in her amethyst eyes. They seemed so pure, so unsullied by the taint of the world. "She's literally perfect in every way. I don't want her anymore, I NEED her. But…"
"Emilia-tan?" he asked, suppressing the blush on his face as best he could.
She tilted her head in response, maintaining her smile. "Yes, Subaru?"
He took a second to burn the wonderful image into his mind before continuing, "Can, can we talk later? Like, after dinner?"
She seemed a tad confused and placed a finger on her chin. "Why can't we talk right now?"
He had to consciously suppress his obsessive thoughts to focus on answering her question. It was exceedingly difficult but he somehow managed. "Well, it's really important and I don't want it to be interr-"
The dining room doors slammed open with a loud thud, startling Subaru and Emilia, who were too focused on each other to see it coming, and annoying Beatrice, who still flinched despite anticipating it.
"Oi! 's like a coocow's nest after a rainstorm in here!" a familiar blonde boy remarked, striding through the now open doorway and walking straight towards his usual spot.
"That. I don't want that to happen," Subaru explained with a frown, gesturing to the obnoxious intruder.
The usually oblivious half-elf somehow understood what he meant and hesitantly agreed to his proposal, "Alright, Subaru. But don't you try to skedaddle before then!"
He gave a soft chuckle as he stood to move his chair back to the table. "No one says 'skedaddle' anymore, Emilia-tan."
While he was busy, the two girls caught each other's gaze. Beatrice looked expectantly at her contractor's beloved. "Don't forget what Betty taught you, I suppose."
Emilia blushed in response. "I'll do it! I'll kiss my Subaru!"
The pair then turned their own chairs around as Subaru sat and glared at the demihuman - who was already giving him the stink eye - across the table. "What's your problem?" Subaru asked, legitimately curious despite his taunting tone.
The tiger boy sneered at him. It was nothing compared to what Regulus was capable of. Subaru was unfazed.
"Yer face," Garfiel said, seeming proud of himself.
"Really? That's the best he could come up with?"
"Is there something on it?" Subaru asked, already growing bored of his opponent's lackluster performance.
Garfiel's sneer shifted to a smirk. This was also paltry compared to Regulus. Subaru remained unfazed.
"Yeah. 's the look of some stuck up dipshit who's suddenly turned into a murderous stuck up dipshit," Garfiel replied, even more proud of himself.
Subaru was slightly taken aback by this, but maintained his composure. His calm facade held firm but his mind was immediately put on edge. "Does he know?"
He was going to respond but, at that moment, the side door to the kitchen opened up and all three maids entered with the meal for the evening. Well, Petra and the yellow-haired maid carried the meals. Ram walked in with her arms crossed and her sights on Garfiel.
"Garf," Ram said, visibly displeased. Well, more displeased than usual.
The demihuman looked rather unhappy about it but decided to hold his tongue for the time being. He trusted Ram's judgement and didn't want her to think less of him. He wasn't some impatient brat, after all.
"My amazin' self'll get him soon enough."
For dinner, the nice blonde tiger lady, Petra, and probably not Ram had prepared and served a rather simple but seemingly tasty dish: several platters of well-seasoned grilled fish along with a whole basket of steamed potatoes. Honestly, Subaru didn't think the meal was too grand or special - the steamed potatoes being especially plain - but at least it wasn't the same unappetizing godforsaken soup as last time. This alone made the meal exquisite in Subaru's book.
Part of the way through dinner - well, part of the way through Garfiel and Subaru's dinner, Beatrice and Emilia knew how to show some restraint - the blonde maid and Petra stood at the dining room doorway and spoke to the group.
Clearing her throat and bringing the room's attention to her with trained elegance, the yellow maid politely said, "I apologize for the abrupt departure, but, as we are running low on supplies, I must take Petra with me to purchase additional provisions in Costuul. We should return by dusk and I hope that our absence will cause no problems for any of you."
"Wow. She's really just the model of a maid, huh? You know what? You're on the keep-alive list now, buddy. Until I figure out your name, I'll avoid getting you killed. Unless it's annoying. Then you're as good as dead," Subaru thought, still genuinely impressed by her skill.
The maid duo bowed and exited the dining room, closing the doors behind them. As soon as they left, Ram served an extra meal to the spot beside Garfiel and took a seat there. Subaru raised his eyebrow at this action. "Isn't it improper for a maid to eat in the dining room like that?"
She shot back instantly before calmly taking a bite of a steamed potato, "Isn't it improper to pretend to be someone you're not?"
Since Garfiel already made a similar comment, Subaru managed to keep on his poker face. "Oh she definitely knows. Don't want to give them any information though. I'm not sure about what exactly they know."
"What are you getting at?" Subaru asked, leaning forward in his chair and placing his elbows on the table.
Since Ram was mid-bite, Garfiel, who had already scarfed down two whole grilled fish, responded in her stead, regaining his earlier smirk, "Yer just as annoyin' but yer not the same bastard as before now are ya?"
Subaru held his poker face and narrowed his eyes, but the half-elf beside him managed to respond before he did.
"Subaru is Subaru! Stop being so mean to him!" Emilia yelled, standing from her seat and slamming the table in front of her.
Ram lightly pushed her plate forward, placing the potato with a single bite upon it, and glared at the one who her master supports, speaking with a rather icy tone, "That man is just as much Barusu as Ram is ugly."
Subaru crossed his arms and smirked. "So... very much so?"
Garfiel violently thrust out of his seat and positioned himself to lunge across the table, but Emilia had simultaneously stood and instantly trapped him in ice. He struggled to break free but wasn't nearly strong enough as Emilia was constantly reinforcing it with her mana. In fact, it seemed like his flesh was starting to freeze as well.
Only a second later, Ram stood with her wand at the ready while Subaru grabbed Beatrice's hand and mentally prepared himself to cast any number of magical spells. The artificial spirit spoke quickly to her contractor, stuck in a stand-off against the oni maid, "Subaru, Betty does not think this battle wise, I suppose. We can easily win but the damage and consequences would be far too severe, in fact."
Subaru considered her words for a short moment before clicking his tongue, annoyed. He let go of Beatrice's hand and approached Emilia, his arms outstretched.
"Emilia-tan, calm your magic," Subaru requested, his tone as gentle and as kind as he could make it.
He brought her into a tight embrace, causing her to relax significantly and shift her attention away from her opponent.
"I'm here. I'm safe. I'm okay," he whispered right into her ear, the feeling of his breath brushing against it sending a satisfied chill down her spine.
The ice glowed and vanished, releasing the partially frozen Garfiel. He angrily sat back down, using his healing magic to defrost himself as Ram sheathed her wand, calmly returning to her seat. Once Subaru was satisfied with his hug, the trio on the other side of the table followed suit.
Seemingly fighting through the pain, the blonde demihuman spoke up, significantly less smug, "And now what, you fake bastard?"
Subaru leaned back in his chair and relaxed his body, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. He sighed and returned his sights to the pair across the table, saying, "I don't know if it's possible to prove who I am to you guys."
"They are kinda right, after all."
He stretched slightly and sat up straight, gazing at the visibly cautious oni maid and raising a single finger. "But I do know a way that we can cut through a portion of this tension," Subaru started, an interesting and fun idea coming to mind.
A slightly mad yet cunning smile grew on his face while Ram's eyes narrowed further. "There's a game from my hometown that's perfect for this sort of revenge-filled atmosphere…"
He was totally prepared to pitch his idea and convince the reluctant pair across from him. But the pink maid spoke before he could continue, her eyes still narrowed.
"Would it be the King's Game?"
"How the hell- oh, right, other me."
The madness in smile diminished but the cunning remained. Ram's look softened slightly as she adopted a smug smirk.
"Yep," Subaru confirmed, trying to not seem slighted. "Does anyone not know the rules?"
Garfiel snickered but it was clear that his heart wasn't in it. He was in too much pain to do it properly. And even then, it wouldn't have affected the target of his aggression. It just came off as half-assed and confused.
"I don't and, even if I did, I wouldn't play along," Garfiel said, icy.
The pink oni leveled her usual glare at the boy beside her, the expression she directed towards Subaru vanishing in an instant. "Garf."
This time, the demihuman's frustration had won out over his patience and his submission to his crush's will. He turned his attention to her and began to argue, "No, Ram. I respect ya but we can't just keep lettin' him go like this! Who knows what the bastard is up to?!"
Ram directed her strongest glare at him, to which he resisted only a moment before faltering. The spectacle was so close to impressing Subaru that he had to suppress his urge to cackle.
"Fine, FINE! I'll play yer stupid game," Garfiel finally conceeded. He seemed incredibly unhappy with this arrangement, as usual, but Subaru paid it little mind.
The tracksuit-clad man began to explain the game to the now defrosted boy, "The rules are simple. But first, we need lots with the numbers one through four on them along with a fifth one that denotes the King."
As he was about to ask if they could use whatever they did last time, he saw the familiar glow of his beloved's magic out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see that she had practically instantly created what he had just described along with a small cup to hold them in. Emilia beamed at him as she held it out for him to see.
"Look, Subaru! I even made the extra one have a little you on it!"
He examined the lots, noting that they met all the requirements. He found the chibi picture of himself giving a thumb's up that adorned the King's lot rather endearing, especially since there was a not-so-subtle heart imprinted behind it.
"Was that even intentional? And I wonder what else she can make with this ice if it can produce such intricate detail… Questions for later, I guess."
"Mazel tov," Subaru mumbled, genuinely impressed. He looked up at the incredibly proud and smug girl. At such a sight, he could only do one thing: give her a head pat.
At his touch, Emilia nuzzled the top of her head into his palm and a wide smile and light blush grew on her face. His eyes widened at the adorable sight as he muttered to himself, a warmth filling his chest and his face slightly flushing, "E… M… T… Emilia-tan Maji Tenshi…"
At his words, Emilia glanced up at Subaru, absolutely beaming. It had been too long since she had heard him say that and the familiar line filled her with unbridled joy.
After a rather long moment, Subaru returned his sights to the scowling Garfiel, who looked a second away from yelling at him to hurry up, and continued his explanation, clearing his throat and putting his poker face back on. It took a few seconds for him to stop uncontrollably smiling.
" Ahem. Now, we each choose a lot at random. Whoever gets the one with the little me on it is the King. The King must then, using the numbers randomized by the drawing rather than names, order their 'subjects' to perform any action they demand," Subaru explained, still all smiley.
Garfiel thought over the rules for a second before adopting a wide smile. He knew that this game would be perfect for Ram. Once she drew the King's lot, she could just use her Clairvoyance to figure out the bastard's number and ask him any number of useful questions.
"Ram, my amazin' self should've never doubted ya. Might as well play along, then."
"Ha! My amazin' self'll give ya a mighty fine order," Garfiel declared, full of confidence.
Subaru seemed confused by the tiger boy's enthusiasm but pressed on anyway.
"Does he not get that they're randomized? Whatever…"
"Exactly, it is the perfect chance for revenge. Although, you should take care not to inflict your punishment on an ally."
"Or don't. I'd love to see you two destroy each other."
He reflected on his own thought process for a moment, recalling his recent trip to the shadowy garden.
"I think I should try to be less… murderous in my thinking. I'm pretty sure that normal, human people don't think like this. As a stopgap, I'll put a moratorium on killing people."
He then noted his own emotions and impulsive desires. He sighed.
"I guess that has to include the clown, tiger boy, and pink maid, then. Fuck my life."
The group of five stood in a circle off to one side of the dining room. Ram had her arms crossed, Garfiel glared at Subaru while glancing at Ram occasionally, Emilia struggled to contain her excitement as she stared at the lots, Beatrice looked incredibly fed up with the whole situation, and Subaru suppressed a cackle. "Quite the Breakfast Club we've got going on here."
Subaru held the icy cup out for them to draw from.
Being the closest, Beatrice quickly grabbed the nearest lot and gracefully returned to her previous position.
Emilia skipped over and took a random lot, flashing Subaru a wide smile that made his whole chest warm considerably.
Ram grabbed hers while glaring at the now smiling idiot. Her sneer of disgust did nothing to dampen his mood.
Garfiel casually strolled up to Subaru with one hand behind his head and snatched a lot with the other before wordlessly strolling away.
Lastly, Subaru took the remaining lot and saw a little him engraved upon it. He placed the cup on the nearby table and turned to face the group.
"Well this is nice, I get to be the King first, huh?" Subaru said aloud.
Emilia and Beatrice seemed excited - the former purely because of the game itself and the latter because she knew there was a reasonably possible chance that her contractor would immediately end this farce with an unreasonable command - while Ram and Garfiel eyed him cautiously.
Reading the room, Subaru decided to take the safe route.
"This'll be no fun if they quit on round one so I might as well start them off easy."
"Ok. Number… three, I order you to grab Number... one by the waist and toss them into the air," Subaru ordered.
Garfiel perked up and cracked his knuckles, a smirk on his face. He seemed legitimately excited to fulfill the request.
"Alright then, who does my amazin' self gotta chuck up in the air? Princess? Lil' girl?"
The half-elf and great spirit both showed their lots to him, giving an apologetic smile and smug smirk respectively, revealing the numbers two and four.
"Wait, that means…"
He turned to his crush, his smirk vanishing.
"Ra-ram?" he stammered out, a touch of fear in his voice.
She was glaring at Subaru, hard. It was almost on par with something Regulus could manage. It greatly impressed him.
"It almost makes me not want to kill you, Ram… Almost."
She heaved a large sigh and looked at the anxious boy, rather annoyed.
"Well? If you don't hurry up, Ram will grow old and die," Ram said, her tone sharp and unforgiving.
He approached her and cautiously grasped her waist, careful not to touch the rest of her body more than necessary, and lifted her gently off the ground.
"Well, here goes nothin'"
Subaru looked on as Garfiel audibly gulped and tossed Ram up into the air lightly, as instructed.
And, by lightly, Subaru meant her head gently grazed against the rather high up ceiling of the dining room. And, by gently, he meant it slammed right into it with a loud thud, leaving a sizable dent, before Ram fell back down, landing on her feet.
Garfiel looked rather pale once he saw that he did not, in fact, toss her lightly. Sure, he didn't throw her hard by any means, but it certainly wasn't light.
Ram dusted off her hair and glared at the boy beside her hard enough to kill.
"You are responsible for fixing any and all damages to this room from now on, Garf. Do I make myself clear?" Ram spat, her voice oozing with venom and malice.
Garfiel staggered back slightly, faltering at the pressure of her contempt. "C-crystal."
"O-okay then, time for round two!" Subaru announced, equally surprised and impressed.
"Now THAT was a look even Regulus couldn't produce. Good work, Ram."
"Betty is the King, in fact."
The spirit girl softly regarded the chibi Subaru displayed on the lot.
"Betty wishes her Subaru could smile like that more, I suppose."
"Well? Ya gonna give us our orders?" Garfiel asked, quickly growing impatient at her silence.
At the tiger boy's voice, that still seemed slightly shaky despite the gusto put into it, the warmth left her eyes and she looked around at the group.
"This game is beneath me but I shall indulge my hopeless contractor… I really must think of another word beside hopeless…"
She closed her eyes and waved her hand at the group, defaulting to an answer that involved a new concept her contract told her about earlier that day.
Sighing, Beatrice gave her command, "Number two and number four, enter a contest of strength with each other, I suppose. Make it an 'arm wrestling competition', in fact."
She may have said those words in a rather bored voice but Garfiel was nothing but ecstatic at her order. Not only was he to pit his strength against someone else, but it was to be in a way he'd never even heard of before!
"Hell yeah! My amazin' self misjudged ya, girlie," he said with true strength in his voice, his earlier anxiety fading.
While Beatrice ignored the excited boy, Subaru looked down at his lot. "Three."
He felt relieved at not having to participate but considered the possibility anyway.
"Honestly, I probably wouldn't stand a chance against him even with Beako and my… huh, I forgot to actually give it a name. I'll put that on the to-do list. It's just after the talk with Emilia-tan but before I need to sit down and figure out my stance on who I can and can't kill."
He looked up at the remaining two players who had yet to announce their numbers.
"I hope it's Ram again. I don't want anyone touching my Emilia-tan, let alone fighting her. But knowing my lu-"
The girl he was staring at gave a courteous smile as she turned to the excited boy, saying, "Please go easy on me~"
"FUCK! OF FUCKING COURSE."
Off to the side of the dining room, where they had been playing the game this whole time, there now stood a simple icy table. It stood at about chest level for the two contestants and made for the perfect battleground for their arm wrestling.
Emilia and Garfiel stood on either side of it, their hands held in position, waiting for the signal to start. Beatrice stood perpendicular to either of them, looking up at the table that was too tall for her to see the top of. Subaru and Ram stood a few meters from the table and from each other, opposite of Beatrice, seeming like proud parents at a little league baseball game.
"Garf," Ram called out. She dismissed her urge to preemptively attack the man beside her, whose blood lust for the tiger boy was clear as day.
The demihuman turned to her with a neutral expression, still focused on the upcoming contest.
"Don't embarrass Ram. Again," Ram commanded.
He nodded with a smirk and gazed at his opponent.
"Emilia-tan," Subaru called out. He suppressed his urge to run at the barbarian touching his beloved and to tear him limb from limb.
She turned to him, a wide smile coming to her face, her attention totally shifting to her Subaru.
"Do your best! I'll be rooting for you!" Subaru cheered. He gave her the same thumbs up and smile that was present on the King's lot. This brought great satisfaction to both his beloved and his contracted spirit, the latter of whom could see him through the space under the table.
Emilia turned back to her opponent, a fire in her eyes.
"Subaru said to do my best! I won't hold back! I'll make my Subaru proud!"
"My amazin' self'll go easy on her. She might be strong but I don't wanna hurt her if I can help it."
"Start, I suppose."
Emilia instantly put her full force into slamming his hand down. In a fraction of a second, Garfiel had already lost the contest, but did not even consider giving up. He put his full strength into his arm, beginning a partial transformation and gritting his teeth, but it wasn't enough.
Emilia did not stop either, she pushed his hand further down, destroying the icy table top, and flinging him towards the ground with incredible force. Their hands separated and he was sent straight through the floor, shattering the pristine pattern that adorned it, and about two meters into the earth below. He would have kept digging himself downwards had he not activated his Divine Protection of Earth Spirits to cushion and slow his descent.
After he finally stopped, more surprised than injured, he used his Divine Protection to mold the earth around him to fling himself back up into the dining room and close up the hole he had made with his body, inadvertently spraying dirt everywhere.
The whole ordeal had lasted less than five seconds.
"Emilia wins, I suppose," Beatrice announced with the same bored voice, having not moved from her spot despite the destruction of the table and ground before her.
Dusting himself off, Garfiel reflected on what had just occurred. He was more impressed than offended. "My amazin' self has gotta stop underestimatin' opponents. Or… overestimatin' myself? I'll think on it later."
He sighed to himself as he turned to Ram with a tired expression. "I know, I know, I'll clean it up later," he said, already anticipating her disappointment.
She just shook her head at the boy, thinking, "I suppose there were worse ways he could have embarrassed Ram."
Standing next to her was a rather shocked Subaru. To him, the match started, the table exploded, Garfiel basically teleported, and Emilia remained standing.
"I- What- How- the fuck?"
Jumping in place, Emilia stretched her arms into the air and triumphantly shouted, "V-Victory!" She then ran towards him and pulled him into a crushing hug, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck.
"I won! Are you proud of me, Subaru?" Emilia asked, beaming.
There were many things on his mind at that moment but, for some reason, the one that superseded them all was a thought concerning his potential future.
"If she's strong enough to do that to Garfiel and powerful enough to shatter my bones effortlessly with every hug then…"
A genuinely worried look developed on his face.
"I'm scared for the integrity of my pelvis."
"Please be gentle, Emilia-tan."
Emilia looked down at the lot she had drawn. It had a familiar little Subaru on it.
"Finally!"
She smirked to herself and looked around at everyone else's lots.
"Let's see…"
Emilia, just before the first round but just after Subaru had inspected them, secretly and silently put minute bumps on the back of each lot that she was fairly certain only she could both notice and make out from a distance. Even if they weren't visible while in the cup, she could see them when the lots were held out in the open.
"Subaru always said it's wrong to cheat but…"
She figured out what she wanted to know and brought her gaze back to her own lot.
"I made a promise and I intend to keep it! I will kiss my Subaru by the end of the day!"
"So? Who's the King?" Subaru asked a few silent seconds after everyone drew their lots.
Emilia gave an excited smile and showed off her lot to the group.
In response, Subaru smirked and gave her an over-the-top bow, saying, "Please bequeath unto us your majesty's divine will."
Emilia instinctively pouted at his teasing but, this time, she had a way to get him back that he'd never expect. She smirked as she spoke, "Number one, give the King a k-kiss."
Subaru tensed for a moment, exited his bow, and looked at his lot once more. "Number One."
He turned to Emilia who stared at him intently with a smug look and started, "Emilia-tan…"
"Y-yes, Subaru?" Emilia replied. Her smugness was being overpowered by the embarrassment such a request naturally brought.
"Did you know that I'd be number one?" Subaru asked.
Emilia was not expecting this question and could not put on a poker face even if she did.
"Ah, no, definitely not, I just had a lucky guess is all," she lied.
Subaru feigned a betrayed look and said, "So you were fine with just anyone kissing you?"
Her smug and embarrassed demeanor instantly vanished as she jumped to defend herself, "NO! I'd only want my Subaru to-"
She realized what she was saying as she said it and hid her face in her hands. The pink oni seemed legitimately shocked for a moment before leveling one of her lesser glares at the half-elf, saying, "Emilia-sama… so you admit to cheating, then?"
She peaked through the gaps between her fingers at the maid and muttered, "I- well- ummm-"
She looked at the ground, hands moving back to her sides, thinking, "I'm such a dunderhead! I should have listened to my Subaru! Subaru's always right and I didn't trust him… I'm so stupid! I-"
Her thought process instantly halted as she felt a soft presence on her cheek. It had lasted for less than a second but the whole of her attention was brought to savor the fleeting feeling.
She turned to see a flushed Subaru standing directly beside her, moving away slightly. She reached to touch the spot with a shocked expression.
He looked away and scratched his own cheek out of nervousness. "You may have cheated but… I still have to respect the rules of the game so… that's all you'll get out of me this time, Emilia-tan."
His bashful display was then teased by both Ram and Beatrice but Emilia didn't even register that. She just stared at him, transfixed. She was as still as a statue as she held her cheek.
"I- I feel so warm inside… I never want to stop feeling like this… Is-is this…"
She cautiously let the forbidden thought complete itself:
"Is this what you call Love, Subaru?"
EXHIBIT F - Nevermind, Shit's Fucked
Ram looked down at the lot she had just drawn. She held her usual neutral expression as a mixture of relief and excitement filled her. "King."
She brought her sights to Subaru, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. It was finally time to put her plan into action.
The group had just drawn lots for the fourth round of the King's Game. The tension that had previously filled the air was far less prevalent and it could be said that they were on the cusp of having fun.
But then, out of nowhere, Ram fell to the ground, dropping her King's lot. She began convulsing on the floor and shouting out in pain.
Instantly, the tension flooded back in. Beatrice took her contractor's hand, Garfiel jumped at Subaru, and Emilia trapped him once again in ice.
He looked angrier than ever before as he screamed, thrashing about to escape his confinement, "YA BASTARD! WHAT DID YA DO TO RAM?!"
Beatrice was also looking up at her contractor, concerned and confused, as she said, "Subaru…?"
But the black haired boy was not looking at either of them. He wasn't gazing at his beloved either. He was staring right at Ram with a madder smile than anyone present had ever seen before.
Beatrice, Garfiel, and Emilia all followed his line of sight to the still collapsed Ram. After a few seconds, she finally stopped twitching and thrashing around. She looked up to meet Subaru's gaze.
Ram was absolutely terrified.
Ram often likened her use of Clairvoyance to climbing onto another's back to gaze over their shoulder. In most cases, Ram could adjust her natural rhythm to latch onto really any normal person fairly easily and painlessly. In fact, the same was true of most animals. The vast majority of beings Ram used her Clairvoyance on were simple to latch on to.
This was not true of some people, who had closed off their hearts, or mabeasts, whose hearts contained nothing but rage and hunger to begin with. But usually, when her Clairvoyance did not work, it felt like climbing onto someone's back only for them to lash out and attempt to shake her off.
Naturally, such an occurrence brought her a biting sensation of pain. However, Ram had lived every waking moment in constant physical agony, with her every muscle aching even while standing completely still. She was used to the worst pains the human mind could imagine. That was just how she lived her life.
When Ram used her Clairvoyance on Subaru, she expected for it to either work without a problem due to his magical and physical weakness - the likely option - or fail completely due to his force of will - the unlikely option she'd yet to plan around. She did not, however, anticipate a third possibility.
When she saw through his eyes, latching onto the back of his consciousness, it felt as though his consciousness looked back with an unnatural smile and began choking her to death.
That is why, after only using her Clairvoyance on Subaru for a handful of seconds, she was in massive pain. But it was no normal throbbing sensation of hurting. It was beyond anything she ever even conceived of. It was so intense that it brought her to the ground in an instant. Her every muscle spasmed, only intensifying the feeling.
Ram desperately tried to sever the connection but it felt as though Subaru was forcing it to stay. It was as though the fish on the end of the line pulled back with such a strength that it yanked the fisherman into the water instead.
Every second spent sharing his senses was torture. No, that word failed to capture the magnitude of her suffering anymore. Agony, torment, anguish. These were mere whispers of wind. What she felt was beyond words, beyond conception. It was a pain so deep that it blurred the lines between physical and mental feelings. It was a pain so deep that it immediately threatened to break even her indomitable spirit.
When using Clairvoyance, Ram made a habit of not lingering in another's mind. If she stayed too long, their very thoughts would begin to flood into her and she'd lose sight of her sense of identity. But on Subaru, who actively strengthened their connection through sheer force of will, Clairvoyance immediately started pouring his thoughts and emotions into her. This only served to push her pain beyond what she had already thought were the broken limits of the feeling. She could no longer even sense the outside world. Her entire being was one of pain.
Flashes of a destroyed city, of an angry Sword Saint, of a crying half-elf, to the deaths of good men, of bad men, of men who I killed just because I wanted to.
Regret, waves of regret. Smiles I'll never see again. Ugly faces and terrible fates I caused for a reason not fully true.
And just as Subaru's mind would drift from his regrets to his physical pain, time froze. Ram saw and felt a shadowy hand reach for Subaru's heart. It gave it a light squeeze, as if caressing it.
But then, that shadowy hand moved and reached for her own heart. She felt an intense fear, terror of such strength that her mind degraded from esteemed maid to scared girl.
It grasped her heart.
"It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts."
She wanted to awaken her broken horn - she wanted to release her every shackle in that moment to destroy that which tormented her, the pain of even that accursed power was preferable to this - but she was powerless before it.
"If you think this hurts, maid, you haven't experienced even a fraction of the mental anguish I've endured."
Her mind filled with the calm thoughts of the clearly mentally abnormal man.
"Try again when your sense of self is powerful enough to withstand the shattering of your consciousness a thousand times over."
And with that, the fish ceased its pull, the smiling consciousness looked away, and Ram was allowed to return to her own body.
Ram was a strong woman under the protection of many strong individuals. Even if she were to face someone more powerful than her, she'd stand tall in the name of her master and fight to her dying breath. She would fulfill her end of the contract, after all.
She looked up at the man, whose dark secrets she'd caught only a glimpse of, with uncharacteristically terrified eyes.
She had seen monstrous creatures and monstrous men and held herself in defiance against them. Even the all-powerful Sword Saint was a monster that Ram could be brave against. But the man who stood before her was different. It's almost like he was trying to be a monster.
And a man who has seen horrors Ram could not withstand at her strongest, without even flinching, a man with such an ironclad will that he could have erased her entire sense of identity in a second had he desired it. That man, knowing better than anyone else what it meant to be a monster and deciding to be even more monstrous than them, frankly, terrified her.
Monstrous beings are threatening because they are incomprehensible and unpredictable. But you can learn to stand in the face of that. You can defy that which you don't understand with ease.
But a sane man wearing the robes of an insane one and intentionally walking the path of madness is threatening because you know his every action is made with his interest in mind. He is a person who thinks just like you, and chooses to be a monster anyways.
Having shared his mind for a full few seconds, Ram could say with confidence that whoever it was that had taken the place of the Barusu she knew was more threatening to her than any witch cultist or divine dragon.
Subaru gazed back into her terror-filled eyes with a knowing smile and said, "You know, Ram, even after all of that, somehow, I am still Natsuki Subaru."
Beatrice had come to the conclusion that the maid she detested had taken a peek into her contractor's mind and, after only a few seconds of looking, was left as a hollow shell of her former self. This understanding did not bring the relief she desired. In fact, it only made her worry for exactly what he had to have experienced for such a thing to occur. She knew her Subaru was hurt and fragile - it was why they understood each other so well, got along so naturally, and why she chose him, after all - but it seemed she didn't quite grasp the gravity of his anguish.
"Betty will have to speak with him again later, I suppose."
Emilia had no idea what to make of this odd situation. One moment, they were all having fun and playing Subaru's game and then the next they were fighting again. She was liking Ram and Garfiel less and less by the second. But, instead of coming to comprehend the situation, she had decided to wait for Subaru to make a decision for her.
"Subaru's the only one I can trust. I can leave this to him."
Garfiel was absolutely livid. Now, normally, when he was this angry, he'd lash out and kill whatever was in his way. But this situation was different. The man who caused his anger was so incomprehensible or powerful or something crazy that even Ram broke from exposure to it. Seeing that look on her face, Garfiel knew that he couldn't fight his way out of this. He had to try talking to the bastard.
"Oi!" he said, calling out to the madman.
Subaru shifted his attention from Ram to the source of the shouting, losing his mad smile. He didn't hold any fear or rage against Garfiel at that moment. If anything, there was only a mild impatient annoyance on his face.
"The hell did ya do ta Ram?!" Garfiel asked, getting straight to the point, his rage still incredible yet contained out of fear, fear for Ram.
Subaru sighed, his mild annoyance growing to a moderate annoyance. He answered in a bored tone, "She's the one who decided to see what it was like to be me…"
A mad smile flickered onto his face for a second as he finished, "Clearly, it was not a fun experience."
After he spoke, Subaru turned and began walking towards the dining room doors, thinking, "I'm bored and have better shit to do than babysit a brat and a mindbroken maid. Also, if I stay any longer, I'll likely end up killing one or both of them and, as fun as that would be, I don't think good people kill terrified girls and desperate little boys."
"Wait!" Garfiel called out once more, desperation clear in his voice.
Subaru halted and turned back, slightly more annoyed than before.
"Kid, you're really making me regret wanting to be human right now."
The demihuman's voice was strained and frantic. He was disgusted to speak these words but he knew he had to anyway, rage and pride be damned. He stammered out, "I'll… I'll do anything if you just help her!"
Subaru's expression softened. "Now that's a fun proposition, Garfiel. Fine, I'll humor you."
He made a small gesture to his beloved as he spoke out, a smirk growing on his face, "Emilia, let him go."
The ice glowed and vanished, releasing him. Garfiel immediately ran over to Ram's side and tried to use his healing magic on her. It didn't do all too much. She continued to occasionally spasm despite the soft glow of his magic.
"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. What do I do?!"
As Garfiel's mind desperately tried to think of a solution to this impossible problem, he felt a pair of hands on him. He looked down to see that Ram had reached out her shaking arms and clutched onto him as if her life depended on it. Garfiel had never once seen Ram even close to this scared. It filled him with equal parts rage and fear.
"Oi! Cat Man!"
The rather angry demihuman turned his sights to the tracksuit-clad man, scowling.
"You said you'd do anything, right?"
His rage grew and his scowl deepend, but he gave no verbal objection. He simply stood up from where he had previously crouched, facing the object of his resentment with fiery determination. He tried his best to ignore the empty feeling that came from the removal of Ram's hands from his arms.
The black-haired boy donned a mad smile in response, gesturing downwards with his hands as he declared, "Suck my cock! Right here, right now."
At his words, Subaru could see the demihuman's temper flare, disgust and disdain plain on his face. The sheer hatred contained within Garfiel was unlike anything he had ever seen before, not in himself nor any of his enemies. And yet, to the abject horror of the bystanding maid, King Candidate, and great spirit, he actually walked over to Subaru and dropped down to the floor, kneeling before the man he directed the entirety of his hatred towards.
The madman's evil laughter rang through the dining room and into the halls as Garfiel's hands reached for the hem of Subaru's pants. A quiet comment from the little girl standing a short ways away was the only sound to break that tension,
" Sigh. Hopeless, in fact."
Ram looked on with the same terror as before, barely able to raise her head from the ground. She was slightly relieved by Garfiel's presence but now… seeing him comply with not-Barusu's request for her sake filled her with shame and disgust. All in all, she felt like a mess and didn't have either the strength or will to get up from her spot on the floor. The echoes of that incomprehensible pain still send spams through her body.
All she could do was silently think, "Garf… I'm sorry…"
Beatrice, frankly, was, as Subaru would say, 'sick of this shit', in fact. She knew her contractor had a tendency for cruel pranks but… this was really just a step too far in her opinion. Of course, she'd stand by her Subaru's side until her dying breath, but that didn't mean she couldn't complain about some of his choices.
"And in front of that silly girl too… Betty's Subaru doesn't know what kind of mess he's getting himself into, I suppose."
Emilia, initially, was quite confused about what Subaru said. Why did her Subaru want Garfiel to suck on a chicken? It really didn't make any sense to her but… when she saw Garfiel kneel before him and start to reach for his pants, alarm bells began ringing in her mind.
From her talk with Beatrice that morning, she knew that the spot Garfiel was reaching for was where Subaru's… thing… was. And seeing Subaru ask for someone other than herself to interact with it immediately brought an intense feeling of jealousy, rage, and betrayal to her.
In an instant, her magic flared and the dining room was covered in a layer of frost. With every passing second, the temperature dropped further and further.
Subaru immediately turned to the source of the sudden shift to see Emilia staring at him, tears building in her eyes. His mad smile immediately vanished, overwhelmed by the intense guilt that sunk in his stomach.
"Wait, I didn't-"
"Subaru…" Emilia started. The pain was clear on her face and tears began to trickle down her cheeks. He had never seen her this hurt before and it shook him to his core.
"…did you lie to me?"
He attempted to speak up but the weight of her words were a thousand times heavier than El Vita could ever make them. They were only comparable to the force that his sins pulled him down with.
"A joke? Really? This is my idea of a joke? I find hurting the one I love funny? To think I had a chance at redemption… I must have been a fool."
"Did you lie when you said you loved me?" Emilia asked, her voice breaking.
Her magic lashed out in every direction. The gale produced from her body flung the kneeling Garfiel back, beside the still collapsed Ram. He kicked down on the ground with his full strength, pushing his foot through the patterned floor and into the earth below. Using his Divine Protection of Earth Spirits, he swiftly threw up a defensive shell of dirt around himself and the oni maid. Only once they were shielded from the magic did he notice she had once again desperately latched onto him.
"Ram…" he called out to her, his voice filled with naught but concern.
In response, she merely looked up at him with needy, terrified eyes. So, he held her close and protected her as best as he could. He was her shield, after all.
Outside of the newly formed dirt mound in the dining room, Subaru stood unaffected by the wind. It was as if everything in the room but him was buffeted by the storm. He was safe from her wrath until he provided his answer… but he just could not bring himself to speak.
"Irredeemable. Worthless. Insane. Monster. I poison everything I touch. I poisoned my old world and now my stupid fucking joke's poisoned this new one. I'm a fail-"
His train of thought was halted and his attention was drawn by the familiar voice of the one he has come to care for the second most in the world.
"Betty's Subaru loves you more than anything and anyone else, in fact. He is simply a twisted man, lashing out and poking fun at the world, I suppose."
Emilia's gaze shifted to the little girl who now stood beside her in another spot unaffected by her icy spell. Beatrice sounded rather exasperated while saying that last sentence but her tone shifted to determined and serious when she continued, eyes meeting the half-elf's,
"He did not lie."
The authority and sincerity with which the spirit girl spoke resonated deeply with Emilia. Perhaps it was their shared mutual care for Subaru, perhaps it was their detailed discussion that morning, or perhaps it was how she always seemed to go out of her way to ensure their relationship was on the right track, but, for some odd reason, Emilia felt like Beatrice was the only other person she could, besides her Subaru, truly trust in.
That is why, at her words, Emilia's magic eased and then vanished, the ice shattering into thousands of tiny pieces and dissipating away into nothing. Her gaze remained on the little girl she felt she could trust.
Sighing for something like the hundredth time that day, Beatrice took Emilia's hand and said, "Come with Betty, I suppose. We must have another discussion, in fact."
With that, Beatrice walked Emilia out of the dining room without another word to her contractor.
Subaru stood in the newly defrosted dining room, his mind numbly looping the same handful of thoughts. Frankly, it was the only way he could cope with the mountain of things that troubled him now.
"I threw away my second chance. I am a failure. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve them. I threw away my second chance. I am a failure. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve them. I threw away my second chance. I am a failure. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve them."
The dirt mound behind him crumbled and fell, revealing a deeply scowling Garfiel holding Ram's unconscious body in his arms.
"Oi!" he called out, careful not to be so loud as to further disturb Ram.
Subaru did not turn nor flinch, it seemed as if he wasn't even aware his attention was requested.
"Fuckin' bastard. Ignorin' me like I don't matter."
Garfiel marched right up to the track-suit clad man and, still holding Ram, used an arm to roughly grab his shoulder to turn him, saying, "The hell's-"
He cut himself off as he saw Subaru's face. It was a wretched mess of blank, dull eyes and dried tears. There wasn't a single spark of recognition or sign of consciousness present there. Much to Garfiel's displeasure, his eyes were incredibly reminiscent of Ram's terrified ones.
Garfiel clicked his tongue with an audible tisk and unhanded the man. He walked to a side exit of the dining room before stopping and looking back at the still stationary man.
"Subaru."
The unexpected call of his name caught Subaru's attention. The words still played on loop in his mind but he noted the demihuman's mixture of ever-present anger and odd understanding.
"He's still a murderous stuck up dipshit but…"
"Ya won't find any understandin' from the princess and the lil girl."
"Bastard's too damn pitiful to earn my anger like he is now."
He turned to leave, speaking in a lower tone as he exited, "Go find yerself some other killer to understand ya."
"My amazin' self kills men and monsters, not hollow shells."
Subaru numbly nodded and mindlessly walked towards the primary dining room doors, following the same path he'd taken after dinner yesterday.
EXHIBIT G - The Weight of His Sins
Over the many decades of his long, murderous, time-traveling life, Subaru had developed a plethora of odd habits and skills. Among them was an incredibly detailed spatial memory of any given place he found himself in. That is why, when first arriving in this timeline, he noticed something was different about the mansion. The angle at which light entered the windows, the exact placement of the paintings in the halls, and even certain parts of the layout were ever so slightly off. Subaru knew, intuitively, that the mansion he found himself in was not the same one he was familiar with from his own version of Lugunica.
This, however, was not at all on his mind as he walked like a zombie through the empty, orange-tinted halls. He was using said excellent spatial memory to automatically navigate himself to a hallway with bad vibes, down a stone spiral staircase, and up to a locked iron door, repeating those same words on loop in his mind the whole time.
"I threw away my second chance. I am a failure. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve them. I threw away my second chance. I am a failure. I don't deserve-"
The looping paused for a moment as he bumped right into the closed iron door. He regarded it blankly, his eyes still dull.
"Yellow maid opened it last time. She's not here now. Problem: Iron Door. Tools: Physical Strength, Authority of Sloth."
Just as he was about to reach into that odd slithering feeling, a memory resurfaced in his mind.
"Ah," he vocalized, his voice now slightly hoarse from several minutes of disuse.
He recalled something he'd thought just last night, "Note to self: Avoid using Authorities whenever possible - hurts like hell."
"Physical Strength first, then," Subaru said, monotone, his eyes still dull.
He raised his right fist into the air and slammed it down against the metal, hard. A loud ringing noise echoed from the impact, but there wasn't even a dent left once he brought his hand back.
He kicked and threw himself against it multiple times but ended up inflicting more damage onto himself than anything else. Bruises covered the whole of his body but, with his mind numb, he felt little to no pain. And what he did feel did not bother him in the slightest.
He then assaulted the door's handle over and over for several long minutes until a small bit of blood splattered against it, drawing his attention towards something he ignored until then: the lock on the door merely required a simple key to open.
"Problem: Iron Door with Simple Lock. Tool: Authority of Sloth. Note: Name Needed."
He relaxed his now injured body and allowed that odd slithering feeling deep within himself to take hold. A single thin, shadowy appendage overlapped with his left hand and the dull haze in his mind shifted to something far more angry.
"Note: Seemingly powered by and enhances insanity. Avoid use unless absolutely necessary in the future."
Suppressing the sudden urge to turn around and murder the weakend Ram and Garfiel, he willed the shadow to overlap solely with his left index finger before extending it outwards towards the lock. He pushed the malleable darkness within it and allowed it to expand to fill the keyhole.
"Note: Has properties of rubber, gum, and normal Unseen Hands depending on intent and will of user."
He forced the shadows to shift to their rigid state before turning his hand. With an audible click, the door unlocked and the strange power vanished. He immediately collapsed to the ground, panting heavily.
"Causes and feeds off of madness, can be a variety of shapes instead of just hands, yet always starts by overlapping with my own appendages."
He steadied against the door and brought himself to stand, ignoring the aching soreness of his body.
"Mediocre name hah hah acquired."
He straightened himself and walked off into the cold, stone hallway, leaving the door open behind him.
"Authority of Sloth: hah hah Lunatic Limbs."
On the other side of the mansion, a pair of figures slowly walked through the halls to an entirely different location. The shorter of two strode slightly ahead and, despite moving at a slow pace, felt as though she was dragging her partner to their destination. As she snuck a peak at the other figure, she sensed the completion of an important task through her bond with her contractor.
"Betty's Subaru has walked all the way down there already, I suppose. He took less time than expected, in fact."
The taller of the two lagged slightly behind and, despite still holding the trustworthy little girl's hand, felt nervous about… well, everything really.
"Subaru…"
The spirit girl turned forward and spoke out, interrupting the other's train of thought,
"We should hurry up, in fact. We don't have all day, I suppose."
The pair picked up the pace and walked faster towards their goal.
Subaru dragged his sore and mildly injured body through the cold, stone hall. When he reached the second and lockless door he opened it, stumbled inside, and slammed it shut behind him, falling into a sitting position in front of it.
"Onii-san?" a voice asked, confused but not concerned, never truly concerned.
He looked up to see a familiar blue-haired girl eyeing him with a perplexed look. She approached him cautiously, inspecting the whole of his collapsed form before landing her sights on his eyes.
"You look just like before again…" Meili said, frowning at what she saw.
"So this is how Natsuki Subaru always thought and always lived. He knew he wasn't enough… knows I'm not enough."
His lips curved up ever so slightly and his dull eyes held a tiny tint of pain before he closed them.
"Thank you for letting me learn that, Satella."
His body tensed slightly at the odd feeling of something on his head. He opened his eyes to see that the girl had placed her hand on him as if to comfort him.
"You know Onii-san, you can't kill Mama with that attitude," Meili said, casual.
"Kill Capella? Oh, right. I promised to do that with her. To kill with her again…"
"Meili…" Subaru started, a strange thought coming to mind.
The girl retracted her hand and questioned him in her usual tone, "What is it?"
Subaru looked past her green irises and deep into what he thought was her soul itself, asking a simple question,
"Do you ever feel guilty for all those you've killed?"
The pair strode straight through the door they had both left that morning and closed it behind them. Emilia stood idly in the room and looked to Beatrice for guidance, who then gestured to the unoccupied and still messy bed.
Taking a seat where indicated, Emilia raised her head to see Beatrice standing in front of her with crossed arms and a serious expression.
The spirit girl spoke out, "Silly girl, have you ever killed someone, I suppose?"
The question surprised Emilia but the air of authority Beatrice held made her immediately begin to formulate an answer. Flashes of slowly solidifying memories entered her mind: A green forest turned white. The white stained with blood. The blood on her hands. A corpse before her.
She answered with a shaking voice, "Y-yes"
Beatrice narrowed her eyes and inquired further, "Do you feel guilty for doing so, in fact?"
More memories popped into her head: A forest of ice. A human family. They were scared. So scared. She protected them. She hurt them. They were scared. So scared.
She held back her tears, thinking, "They lived. They're okay. But even so…"
"...yes," Emilia answered.
Without giving her even a moment to regain her bearings, Beatrice shot one final question at her, barely holding her own composed facade together, "And how does that feel, I suppose?"
The half-elf did not need a moment to think. She just spoke her exact thoughts aloud, "Awful… Like I'm drowning in regret."
Right as the first tears trickled down her cheek, Emilia heard words she never expected to hear. No, she had heard them before but never truly processed or understood them.
Beatrice said, her voice audibly shaking, "Betty's Subaru has killed people, I suppose. Many people, in fact."
Her eyes widened with shock as she comprehended the true weight behind those words for the first time. "Subaru has killed… Subaru has killed many people…"
She wanted to voice the single word that came to her mind but Beatrice continued before she could ask 'why'.
"Betty-" Her facade was a moment away from faltering. She took a breath to steady herself and spoke again, her voice slightly stronger but no less pained, "Betty doesn't know how many or the specifics…"
She recalled the look of pure terror on the oni maid's face and the accompanying look of madness from her contractor.
"But Betty knows it must have been countless. And…"
Small hints at the pains of his past came to mind as she spoke, those remarks lost on everyone but Beatrice:
" All that I've done. All that I've worked for. It was all worthless wasn't it? I'm worthless aren't I? I might as well just die-"
" I killed and destroyed so many lives, so many times. I told myself I was doing it for you but I was really just doing it for me…"
" There's a goddamn storm in my head that's been raging ever since I got to this godforsaken place. And I don't know what to even do anymore."
She concluded her statement, conveying what little she has learned of her contractor's troubles as best as she could to his beloved, "Betty's Subaru is weighed down by an immeasurable guilt. It is heavier than the weight of the world and stars combined."
"Guilty for those I have killed?" Meili repeated in a neutral tone before adopting a pensive expression and placing a finger on her chin.
"Hmmmmm~ No, I don't think so," she answered without difficulty.
She then tilted her finger and pointed at Subaru, holding her usual look, asking, "Do you feel bad for killing someone, Onii-san?"
Subaru recalled that scene that now tormented him, that dim, dark scene: The collapsed form of a man in white. The standing form of a broken knight. The towering form of a murderous villain.
"Yes," he answered, the weight of a thousand sins carried by that one word.
His powerful, painful response was quickly processed by the girl who brought her hand back to her side and answered with words as light as a feather, "When I kill people, it's usually because Mama told me to. Did you have to kill that someone, Onii-san?"
The words from a fuzzy dream rang out clearly in his mind:
" WAS IT!? WAS IT REALLY NECESSARY!?"
" TO WHAT END!? TO SAVE WHOM!?"
"No, I didn't have to kill any of them."
"So why did you, then?"
"I-"
"I thought it was necessary? No. I knew it wasn't but I did it anyway. I did it for me. For my false satisfaction."
"I thought it would make her happy, make me happy."
"And Betty is sure that her Subaru did it thinking it was all for you."
The moral implications of what was just said were put aside as Emilia processed these most recent words. She reflexively objected, "N-no! I wouldn't-"
Beatrice cut her off again, her voice now shaking and tears forming in her eyes, "It wasn't about you, in fact. It was about him, I suppose. He thought it was the only way to do it all alone."
They both recalled his words from the previous night and repeated them in unison, their tears freely flowing: "I don't want to do it all alone anymore."
"Murder becomes a habit," Meili said, contemplative.
The familiar words from his own world surprised him and his dull, pained eyes widened as Subaru muttered, "W-what?"
Her neutral tone shifted to a satisfied one, a look of comprehension forming on her face. She elaborated, "You told me that one time, Onii-san. You tried explaining it but I didn't get it until now."
She stepped slightly closer to him and poked his chest, saying, "It's when you think you can only solve your problems by killing, right?"
"I-"
He reflected on the nature of his trained strategist's mind and all of the choices he's made up to this point, bringing his head to his knees and curling into a ball.
"I didn't have to burn the whole kingdom, killing millions, to make her King, but…"
"Murder becomes a habit."
"But we need to show him there are other ways to do it all, in fact. Other ways to live. Other ways to be happy."
Beatrice wiped away her tears and controlled her shaking voice, meeting the half-elf's eyes, "And that all starts with you, Emilia."
The half-elf looked back with a face of shock and confusion and said, "Me?"
Beatrice continued, her voice almost pleading, "He loves you, I suppose. He loves you more than Mother is Greedy, in fact. He loves you so much that Betty doesn't understand how he does it."
The shock subsided slightly and a blush came to Emilia's face. She stammered out, "D-don't tease me like that. This is serious."
The spirit girl's tone remained hard and strong, "It's the truth, in fact. And Betty thinks that only with your support, our support, can he get better."
"But even the worst habits can be broken."
Subaru lifted his head to look at her, shock once again coursing through him.
"You said that too, Onii-san."
He only had one word for the words of his other self. He only had a single thing to say to that hopeful phrase:
"How?"
She frowned slightly and lowered her gaze to the ground, her tone finally leaving its neutral state in favor of a sadder, slightly frustrated one,
"I don't know, Onii-san. You just kept saying you'd help me through it…"
" Did Betty's Subaru not beg for help from others just last night, in fact?"
" I'm just happy my Subaru is being his honest self around me."
The comforting lines of the two he holds most dear to him rang through his mind. But they prompted the remembrance of yet another line.
" Alright, Subaru. But don't you try to skedaddle before then!"
His eyes widened, casting off their dullness and filling with hope and life again. He pulled the blue-haired girl into a tight hug, saying, "Thank you, Meili. Thank you so much."
Before she could even object or respond, he jumped up, pulled open the door, and ran out of it, waving with a smile.
"Next time, I'll do good on that promise!"
"But I don't… I don't know…"
Doubt plagued Emilia's mind at the other girl's words. She felt uncertain.
"What do you feel for him, in fact?" Beatrice asked. She went right for the heart of the issue and forced the half-elf to come to a conclusion.
"I-"
"Warmth? Like? Love?"
The spirit girl's patience had run thin. "He's coming, fast."
"For the dragon's sake, girl! You almost froze the mansion at his crude joke earlier, in fact! This shouldn't be so hard for you, I suppose!"
"Do I love Subaru? Is what I feel the same thing that he has?"
"I…"
Subaru ran through the halls at a breakneck pace. He barely had time to lock the iron door behind him, let alone properly think of what his next step would be.
"Don't think. Just run. Go to Beako. Go to Emilia. Talk to them. They said I don't have to be alone anymore."
A small smile formed on his face as he continued sprinting.
The door to the room flung open with a loud bang, startling Emilia. Beatrice merely calmly turned to face her contractor, her arms crossed, and said, "At least one of you has good timing for once, I suppose."
She tried to pout but couldn't help but smile at the life she saw in his expression.
"And huff huff what's that supposed to mean?" Subaru said, panting.
He feigned offense at her comment but she did not address it. Instead, she walked right past the tracksuit-clad man and took hold of the door handle, saying, "Betty has an errand to run and will return in an hour or two, in fact."
As Beatrice left the room, he turned his attention to the half-elf.
Subaru, slightly bruised and covered in a few splatters of dried blood, stood across from the now standing Emilia, her short hair gleaming in the moonlight and the once-fresh tears drying on her face.
"So, Emilia-tan, I guess it's time we talked."
Beatrice closed the door behind her, trying her best to keep her calm demeanor in place. She walked off down the empty halls for a moment. She held it together until she was finally alone in the hallway, several doors down from Subaru's room.
She trotted along for a moment before leaning against the nearby wall. In an instant, her composure melted away and she sank to the floor, pulling her knees to her head and curling up into a ball.
Her grip on her legs tightened to the point where she felt pain. Were she human, she would have drawn blood at the action. Instead, the pastel pink and reds of her dress were clawed away to reveal a bright blue. Flakes of her mana-based form fell off of her, but she paid it no mind.
Tears ran down her face unimpeded, soaking the parts of her legs not being injured by her own actions. The sobbing was audible, her voice catching and her breathing uneven as her grip grew tighter and tighter.
But Beatrice could not die nor permanently harm herself, even if she wanted to. Her mother had made her incapable of suicide and, even were she able, she could never allow herself to leave her Subaru unsupported.
Her Subaru was weak and fragile like her. Her Subaru needed someone to hold him together like she did. But Beatrice could never ask him to do that for her. She knew he was strong, but not strong enough for the both of them, not with sins so great.
So Beatrice held them both together. She had to. She had failed her mother, failed to find That Person, failed to protect the library, failed to keep Bubby in her life, failed time and time again.
Beatrice could not fail her Subaru. Beatrice would die in less than a heartbeat were it for his sake. She would rather suffer the worst deaths imaginable than abandon him. She would rather die than become worthless again, lose purpose again.
And so she sat alone in the halls, crying to herself, harming herself for a moment of catharsis. She hated herself for needing this. She hated when her Subaru tried the same and yet here she was, clawing away at her own form. What would he think if he saw this? Would he hate her too? Would he abandon her too? Would he break his promises like she did time and time again?
Beatrice did not know. She just cried at the thought and gripped harder. It barely helped.
For several uninterrupted minutes, she sat alone in the hall, losing herself in a self deprecating downward spiral of negative emotions.
Eventually, a shaky smile came to her face. She spoke between sobs, "B-betty's Subaru better g-give her plenty of p-praise when this is all o-over, in fact."
After several more minutes, she composed herself and wiped the dried tears off her face, the ones soaking her legs magically disappearing.
Standing up, that which she gripped was healed and all evidence of what had just occurred was gone. Adopting her composed facade again, she walked off into the distance to complete her task, trying not to allow those dark thoughts to creep into her mind once more.
EXHIBIT H - An Errand, I suppose
A lone boy anxiously paced in the room of the one he liked. Normally, such an event would be cause for celebration, but the circumstances that lead to this outcome were less than ideal.
"What can I even do to help her at this point? I don't even know what that bastard did…"
Garfiel gazed once more towards the lying form of the pink-haired maid on the bed. The sun had long since dipped under the horizon when her grip on his hand finally loosened and she was taken by the cradling comfort of true sleep, not just exhausted unconsciousness.
Garfiel clicked his tongue - something that was becoming somewhat of a habit at this point - and looked away. He felt undeserving to see her, let alone stand by her side. He had never felt more useless and worthless before. And the fact that the one who caused all this was a pitiful mess in his own right just made his shame burn hotter. The image of her terrified face filled his mind once more and he clenched his fists.
"What's all this strength even for if that's the face she's makin' under my care?" he thought, a scowl coming to his face.
This pit of self loathing Garfiel now found himself in had been masked by intense worry for Ram during her every waking moment, but, for the past ten or so minutes, his thoughts had been getting progressively more and more negative.
And then, he heard a light knock on the door. It was not rushed yet sounded impatient and indignant regardless. Not knowing what to make of it, his body froze at the noise for a long moment.
Right when he was going to speak up, the door opened and revealed a young girl in a fluffy red and pink dress with grand blonde hair. Her appearance brought the boy mixed feelings, chief amongst them being his instinct to protect Ram.
He shifted himself to stand between the girl and the sleeping maid, ready for a fight.
"The hell're ya doin' here?" he spoke out, pointedly and powerfully.
Her gaze passed over the combat-ready boy and onto the bed-ridden oni. She walked straight towards her and right past Garfiel, who did not move to stop her. Whether it was her noticeable lack of malicious intent or the absence of her contractor, the spirit could not say, nor did she really care.
"Oi! The hell d'ya think-"
The boy's lackluster objection was cut off by the croaking sound of Ram's voice coming from the bed. It was the first thing she had said since dinner and it immediately drew Garfiel's full attention. "Bea… trice-sama?"
The girl now stood at Ram's bedside, the tiger boy just behind her, with a neutral expression.
"Maid…" she said, looking down on the oni.
Garfiel watched the scene with trepidation, ready to jump to Ram's defense at a moment's notice.
"What do you think Betty's contractor is, I suppose?" Beatrice asked, neutral in tone.
Garfiel noted that she did not ask 'what do you think of him' or 'why do you hate him'. She asked 'what do you think he is'. He did not understand the meaning behind the odd phrasing but the bed-ridden oni did. She blinked slowly before responding,
"Not… Not Barusu."
Beatrice sighed at this answer and allowed what little tension filled her to leave. She replied, "You're not entirely incorrect, I suppose."
Garfiel also noted this answer as particularly strange and resolved to analyze it further later.
"Whatever he is… he's a monster," Ram croaked out, her eyes filled with an odd combination of fear and determination.
Garfiel felt the bottled fire in her words. And right as he was going to resolve to assist in killing him at Ram's side with all his might, the great spirit interjected,
"That is where you are wrong, in fact."
The odd comfort that came with the spirit girl's earlier agreement vanished and Garfiel went immediately on edge.
Beatrice elaborated, "Betty's Subaru is a hurt and weak man who pretended to be strong, I suppose."
Despite the negative content of her words, there was an intensity and confidence in them that captured both Garfiel and Ram's full attention. Neither of them dared interrupt the spirit as she continued,
"In his delusions, he believed himself strong enough to be above this world and any of those who resided within it, I suppose."
Her butterfly-patterned eyes locked with Ram's crimson ones as she spoke the next words with a pained understanding that bordered on pleading,
"And so, he brought much death and destruction to where he came from in the pursuit of his singular goal that he viewed as more important than any number of lives, in fact."
Ram's eyes widened at the description. The similarity was painful.
"Does that sound familiar to you, maid?"
"Barusu is like Roswaal-sama?"
A long moment of silence passed before Ram determined to speak, "I-"
But she was interrupted by the turning away of the spirit girl, who spoke again, "Betty has said what Betty has come to say, in fact."
She took a few steps towards the door as she continued, "Betty will be leaving now, I suppose."
Right as she reached the door and grasped the handle, Garfiel ran up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, saying, "Oi! What was all that about?"
Her head snapped around and she glared at him with a strong sense of contempt.
"You judge Betty's Subaru as if you know his sins and pain," Beatrice spat with a scowl, slapping his hand off of her shoulder.
"But you are nothing but a child trying and failing to be a hero, unable to accept the cruel realities of this world."
She turned her head back and stepped through the doorway. She continued without even looking at him,
"When you take a thousand lives to save one or when you spend a thousand hopeless nights at the site of your greatest failure, Betty will give you the right to understand and judge her Subaru. But until then,"
She slammed the door shut as she spoke the next words with as much venom as she could muster,
"Keep your idiocy to yourself, boy."
EXHIBIT I - A Heart to Heart Under the Moonlight
His words immediately set a tone, not of tension per say, but of an odd anticipation that filled the following silence.
He saw the most beautiful woman in the world, even with those tear marks and that short hair.
She saw the most handsome man in the world, even with the bloodstains and his ragged breathing.
No thoughts were had and no words were spoken, the pair just finally basked in their moment alone together, staring at each other, transfixed.
"…"
"…"
She was the first to break the frozen moment of time, noticing his injured state and moving to aid him, but she could not bring herself to end the silence. She wordlessly stood, brought him over to sit on the bed, and sat beside him, summoning lesser spirits to begin his healing.
The light trickle of pain that coursed through his already sore body made the depth of his fatigue very apparent in his mind. For a moment, part of his attention was shifted to thinking once more.
"Note: Avoid over-reliance on healing magic. Overuse can permanently injure."
And with that tiny part of his brain free from Emilia's alluring grasp, all his other thoughts began to surface, vying for attention. It was almost like every single moment of the days prior fought tooth and nail to intrude on this one. Eventually, something won out and he spoke, breaking the ethereal silence,
"Emilia…"
Her mind empty, her attention focused on him and her body automatically going through the motions to heal his injuries, Emilia was caught quite off guard by the call of her name. She even stopped her magic for a moment before resuming it and responding to the call. She looked down at his damaged hand as she spoke,
"Yes, Subaru?"
He pictured the betrayal and pain he had left plain on her face not too long ago. He grimaced at the thought.
"I'm sorry."
Her body tensed but she did not reply. She simply recalled the spirit girl's earlier words, "Betty's Subaru is weighed down by an immeasurable guilt. It is heavier than the weight of the world and stars combined."
"I'm sorry for what I did…" he continued, lowering his gaze.
The reminder of the earlier revelation of his murderous tendencies coupled with the present apology prompted her every anxiety to fill her. She was on the verge of tears, only the distraction of healing his injury prevented her total collapse. She lightly bit down on her lip, the pain serving to help keep her composure.
"I shouldn't have acted that way…" he said, regret plain in his tone.
She wanted to respond. It was only fair for her to speak, to acknowledge her Subaru's pain. But the words caught in her throat. They were clear in her mind but refused to pass through her lips.
"Subaru, you shouldn't have to… have to kill for me…"
And right as she felt tears beginning to well up in her eyes, Subaru said something completely unexpected,
"My behavior in the dining room was inexcusable."
It hit her mind like a sledgehammer. She thought he was going to speak of his sins and the crimes he commited in her name. She thought she'd have to carry the weight herself for him or break down trying. But she did not think that her feelings would be his top priority, even over such a burden.
"I don't know how-" Subaru started, before being abruptly cut off.
Emilia immediately stopped her healing and lunged at him, bringing him into a crushing hug he was not at all prepared for, the sinking feeling that had almost overtaken her now totally gone.
" He loves you, I suppose. He loves you more than Mother is Greedy, in fact. He loves you so much that Betty doesn't understand how he does it."
"E-Emilia-tan?" Subaru stammered, surprised by the sudden change in her mood and actions.
"He really does love me and…"
She brought herself a small distance from him, her arms still wrapped around his back.
"I think I love him too, but…"
"Subaru…" she began. Amethyst locked with Amber. The world held nothing but them now.
"I have to tell you something, but first…"
He could see her building the determination to continue. He dared not speak.
"Tell me about your life. I want to know my Subaru."
There was a fire in her eyes that he lacked the courage or will to defy.
"The good and the bad."
Subaru spent the next full hour or so summarizing the story of his life, from Zero, in Lugunica. This task, which was already made difficult by the awful sense of guilt that accompanied the memories, was hampered even further by his constant dancing around Return By Death. Surprisingly, he was able to mention the deaths of people he knew to be alive in this world. This was good as it made a five minute vague description into an hour long tale. Well, good in the way that coming clean about a gambling addiction and listing every single one of your debts and what you spent the money on is good. In other words, it was emotionally exhausting in a way that Subaru's already tired mind was not at all prepared for.
By the time he had gotten to the fire of the capital and danced around being killed by Emiilia, they had both cried until there were no tears left to cry and hugged as if the other would disappear if they let go several times over. Now they sat beside each other on the bed, both staring at the floor, their hearts numb from overuse.
"And then, I found myself in this room. Petra came to get me and, when I went down to dinner, I ended up crying in your lap. I contracted with Beako, fought Garfiel, talked to Meili - twice, and had a generally…"
He searched for the right word to describe the last two and a half days.
"... tumultuous time here. It's been taxing, but I can't say I've ever been happier or more filled with hope."
And, with that, Subaru looked up at Emilia. He thought he should be anxious or excited but all he felt was relief. For the first time in a long, long time he finally didn't feel alone.
After a quiet moment, without looking up at Subaru, she spoke,
"I've killed people too, you know."
He was surprised but did not question her. He knew she would continue with time.
"I have nightmares about it. Every night. For the past two years," Emilia said, bringing a hand to her chest and holding it there tightly.
"I-"
She felt like curling up in a ball, but resisted the urge.
"I can't say that I'll ever be able to understand your pain, Subaru."
She cautiously raised her gaze to meet his again, the tears in both their eyes long dried.
"But I know what it feels like to be haunted by your past."
She turned her whole torso to face him, the grip on her chest wavering and their shared sights breaking for a moment.
"I know what it feels like to have it be so overwhelming that you just want to curl up and cry and wait for it to all go away. Or, or lie to yourself about what happened or what you did to find peace of mind." She spoke with a truly painful understanding. An understanding that only came with the mutual sharing of stories.
"Subaru…" Amber met Amethyst once again.
"There's a storm in my head, just like yours. I'm standing in a raging river of madness, just like you."
She took her hand from her chest and from her side to grasp his.
"And I want us to 'support each other as we walk through the rapids of madness', Subaru."
They both leaned in closer, as if drawn together by an invisible force.
"Because…"
They could feel each other's breaths at this point. Their hearts were laid out plain for the other to see.
"I love you, my Subaru."
She pushed herself the rest of the way and brought her lips to his. His eyes reacted in shock for a moment before returning the gesture.
In actuality, it was a short and simple kiss. But it seemed to last forever to them. The half-elf and the otherworldly human felt a shared warmth and comfort neither wanted to end. After a few seconds, Subaru drew back and returned the words that filled every fiber of his being:
"I love you too, my Emilia-tan."
After their kiss and mutual confession, for an unknown amount of time, the pair laid back onto the bed and held each other close in their arms. Emilia's head snuggled against his chest and Subaru's head rested on the top of her's. They remained like this for quite awhile, neither wanting to sleep or to be actively awake.
Eventually, the silence was broken. Even if the present realities had been made apparent, the future remained unclear. He asked her the one question that had been on his mind since he realised that this Emilia was different from the one he knew,
"What do you want?"
She replied without a moment of thought or hesitation, "To be with you and to face my past with you at my side."
She returned his question, "What do you want?"
He too did not need even a second to think before replying, "To be with you and to put this second chance to good use."
He gently kissed the top of her head and spoke again,
"What more do you want?"
She took a moment to think. Hidden in his chest, her face reddened significantly while her voice remained strong.
"A family and safety for it."
He did not wait for her to return his question and pressed further, "What about the Royal Selection? Your past?"
She shifted slightly and lifted her head from its incredibly comfortable position. She met his eyes with a powerful determination. Her next words were what she believed to be the inarguable truth.
"We can take anything on together. For our future family."
He smiled at her with sincere kindness and said, "Our present family, Beako included."
She neither replied nor objected to this, simply losing herself in the peaceful look in his eyes.
There was a long pause.
"I can take Emilia and Beako and run away from here, right now. We could go to Kararagi or even certain parts of Gusteko or Vollachia and live relatively safe lives together."
But something instinctual deep within him resisted this urge. Some powerful Greed now rooted itself deep within his soul and overpowered any notions of Sloth. And so he spoke the words that would decide his future, their future, and, unknown to him, the future of the entire world.
"It would be far easier if you were King…"
She saw this odd internal conflict play out through the expressions on his face. She dared not spoil even a moment of it. Her response to his words would've been the same no matter what he decided, but she paid close attention to them regardless. "I trust you, my Subaru. If you think this to be the best way, then I will walk this path with you."
There was another long pause. He did not pull her head to his chest, so they remained positioned as they were. He gazed out to the room beyond while she drank up his every expression. When it became clear that he had no more to say, she spoke up, "What more do you want?"
He thought of his few good, pure times in his old world with Meili and Plum. He thought of the warmth he felt now and when he was held in Beatrice's grasp. He thought of that same warmth being caused by the Witch who gave him his gift. He smiled. " But my Subaru always had a heart big enough for a whole country"
"Want more than to fulfill my one goal, huh?"
He brought himself up to sit, meeting no physical resistance from Emilia's arms.
"Subaru?"
She lifted herself up to match. They sat up across from each other on the bed.
He leaned in once again and gave her another kiss. Their lips touched and lingered for a few seconds longer but, once again, he had words he needed to say. Although, it was clear to him that she was disappointed and it wouldn't do to leave her dissatisfied a third time. He made a mental note of this as he spoke,
"I want to save myself and…"
His image of the burning capital was replaced by how it once was. It was full of life in his mind with a smiling populace walking the streets, free of fear.
The hateful glare of the Sword Saint shifted to Reinhard's protective and loving eyes.
Subaru adopted an odd mix of smirk and smile.
"Maybe to try to save them too, I guess?"
They laid back down on the bed, cuddling under the soft moonlight. It did not take long for them both to be wrapped up in the comforting embrace of sleep.
It was the dead of night when the door to the room opened once more. A short figure entered and closed it behind her with a soft click. She looked up to see the pair asleep on the bed, a small gap between their lower bodies.
In his sleep, Subaru mumbled something aloud, a relaxed smile on his face, "Emilia-tan~"
His saying of that name while held in that embrace and adopting such a peaceful expression made the girl feel something. Something wrong. Beatrice brought a hand to her chest and tried to understand this odd emotion that had been merely bubbling under the surface until now.
"Why does Betty feel sad, I suppose? Her Subaru is finally happy, in fact."
She gripped her shirt as an awful sinking feeling overwhelmed her. Almost on instinct, she stealthily made her way onto the bed and crawled between the pair.
A memory floated to the forefront of her mind: " I hold no ill will towards you for breaking our promise. I was the one who advised Natsuki Subaru to force you to break it, after all. Although, I have to say I am-"
She thought being here would bring her warmth and comfort but it just made that sinking feeling worse. She muttered the completion to her Mother's words out loud,
"Disappointed. Betty is a disappointment, in fact."
She began to quietly sob to herself, her tears wettening the pristine, white sheets. "Betty is not enough for her Subaru, I suppose."
She slowly began to lift herself up from the spot between the unconscious couple as she continued, "He doesn't need Betty's help to stand. He doesn't need Betty's voice to look forward. He doesn't need Betty's hands to keep him together."
She was almost out of the position of being flanked by their unconscious forms.
"He doesn't need Betty-"
But she suddenly felt a pair of arms grab her and hold her tight. She turned to see her still sleeping contractor's face. It seemed somewhat disturbed, the total serenity it once had now gone.
"Subaru?" she asked, her sadness paused for a moment by her confusion.
He was still sound asleep, but his relaxed demeanor returned as he mumbled once again and squeezed the girl closer to his chest, "Beako~"
No, the peaceful look he held was even more relaxed than before. He seemed almost child-like at that moment.
"Subaru~"
The warmth she so desperately sought filled her chest and she returned his hug. The strange sadness that once threatened to destroy her was swatted away with that one action and one word. She shakily sighed to herself, "Helpless is a fine substitute for hopeless, I suppose."
EXHIBIT J - Moving Parts
Under the same moonlight, several other key figures in this tale had moments of their own, ranging from defining, to reaffirming, to relatively normal.
After Beatrice left them, Garfiel and Ram stayed in silence for quite some time, processing the words spoken to them along with the day prior's events. Frankly, it was a lot to work through.
Ram was scrutinizing every one of the spirit girl's lines in her head and comparing them to the not-Barusu she experienced. As every single one of her points was affirmed by his behavior, Ram's frown grew deeper and deeper.
Garfiel was once again lamenting his weakness, but for the first time, it was his weakness of character that angered him. Ram's terrified face never left his thoughts, and the great spirit's words echoed through his mind: " you are nothing but a child trying and failing to be a hero, unable to accept the cruel realities of this world"
He scowled at the ground he was staring a hole through, thinking, "Then, what can my amazin' self do? What can I be? What should I strive for?
"Garf," Ram called out, her voice still weak.
The blonde demihuman's expression softened as he turned at the call of his name. He was elated to finally hear her speak it again, even if it was said with the usual disappointed tone.
"You're an idiot Garf, but you have a good heart."
His eyes widened at her words. It legitimately shocked him to hear something even remotely like this from her. He could count the total number of times she blatantly, even if back-handedly, complimented him on his two hands.
"Go to sleep, worrying all night won't help you in the morning."
With that, the pink haired oni shut her eyes and seemingly fell unconscious. He muttered to himself as he blew out the candle in the room and approached the door, "I guess yer right, Ram."
He walked out into the hallway, an odd resigned smile on his face, and thought aloud to himself, "Priestella wasn't built in a day, after all."
With him gone, Ram's eyes fluttered open again. She let out her thoughts as a whisper into the darkness, "Like Roswaal-sama, huh?"
Many kilometers away, a clown-like man and a red haired knight stood under the full moon, feeling the light breeze.
They had stopped their carriage at Flugel's Stump at the margrave's request and had spent some time staring at it and haphazardly setting up a tent.
"Are you sure you're fine with an outdoors stay, Roswaal-sama? Sleeping in a tent just off the highway doesn't quite suit a man of your status…" Reinhard said, repeating himself for what he felt was the fiftieth time, still surprised by the odd turn of events.
The clown, without a hint of regret felt or offense taken, brushed him off yet again, "It's fiiiine, really."
He turned to the knight, feigning a look of excitement and relief, and explained, "I neeeever get the chaaaance to enjoy the beauty of the night stuck in my ooooffice like that."
Reinhard merely nodded at him and turned back to the former site of Flugel's Tree.
After several minutes of silence, Roswaal turned towards their tent and spoke aloud while departing, "Reeeeinhard-kun, take as muuuuch time as you want. I'll be ooooff to bed now."
Reinhard did not reply, simply standing still for a few minutes longer.
Once the distant light from the tent went out and the margrave finally fell asleep, Reinhard jumped up onto the stump with ease, landing on the direct center of the once mighty tree.
"So this is where you killed it, Subaru. You slew that which they say killed my grandmother."
He surveyed the large open plains around him, no particular expression on his face.
"I wonder if you'd slay her real killer as well."
Underneath the mansion, sat a lone girl, playing with her toys. Normally, she'd've tried to go to sleep by now but she, today especially, did not want to be alone with her thoughts.
She took an Ulgarm plushie and chased it after a doll of a woman.
"Arrggg, I'm gonna eat you!"
" But even the worst habits can be broken."
The woman tripped and was caught by the mabeast.
"Ahhh! Don't hurt me please!"
" Next time, I'll do good on that promise!"
Meili mimed the woman being clawed to death.
"Ahhh! Stop! Please! Spare me!"
"I wonder if he will this time…"
If anyone else was in the room to watch her playing, they could tell with a glance that the blue-haired girl's heart wasn't in it anymore. And yet, she played and played and waited for tomorrow to come.
At the entrance to the manor, with the sun long set, two individuals arrived. The shorter of the two frowned as they hurriedly walked, groceries in hand.
"I hope that nothing went wrong while we were away…" Petra said, voicing her concern.
The taller maid gave a comforting smile to her subordinate and replied, "I'm sure all is well."
The pair walked through the halls and straight towards the dining room.
The Yellow maid continued, "Subaru-sama has a knack for preventing disaster, after all."
She began to push open the doors as Petra responded, "Yes, but Subaru has been… acting… differently… lately…"
She trailed off as the two saw the state of the dining room. The floor was broken in several places, one of which had a hole that was at least a meter wide and several meters deep, and there was dirt splattered around half of the room.
Petra dropped the bags she had been carrying in shock while the yellow maid sighed, her smile vanishing and her eyes closing in resignation.
"We have a long day's work of cleaning ahead of us, Petra."
EPILOGUE - The Morning After
The sun was steadily rising in the east, cresting a hill right near Roswaal's Mansion. Upon said hill stood a lone figure, clad in a black robe that could be mistaken for rags.
"Ah, what fine ingredients. This may truly be Gourmet ~tsu."
The child-like individual extended their arms out and regarded the distant building with a wide smile, a black book in one hand.
"Fin~ally, Let's Eat!"
Author's Note:
I'm finally fucking done. It has taken months but I've finally finished these godforsaken edits. It is impossible to convey how relieved I am right now.
Cumulatively, I've added something in the ballpark of ten thousand words to both this chapter and all the previous ones. So, if you're reading this, please go reread Pride's Greed if you haven't already.
Actually, even if you have, you should definitely read it again. So go reread it. Go, get. Shoo. Come back in several weeks (or days if you're really lucky) when I decide to post chapter 21. Or to reread it. Pump up those view numbers, you know?
This entire project would not have been at all possible without Ben (EmiliaNatsuki on both and ao3). Please, if you enjoy this series, you have him to thank. He has written Re:Incarnated, What it Means to Love, Pride's Slothful Greed (spin-off pog), Dearest Queen Dearest Knight, and Re:Kindling Hope After Wrath (with myself as cowriter). If you like emisuba, go read his works.
Further thanks to LookingGlassInsect for helping with this chapter in particular (he was incredibly thorough with his suggestions and borderline nitpicks which was quite poggers of him) and thanks to all those who have supported me through my time spent in Editing Hell. I can't say I'll miss it but I certainly can say that it was fun, at least in a masochistic way.
Anyways, if you've read this far, thank you so much for your support. Leave your thoughts in the reviews/comments, I'd love to read them. Even if I don't respond, know that I read every single one.
- TheColourPurple
