Thanks for all the encouraging reviews. Sorry it took so long to update. There is a little language in this part but otherwise nothing major. The parts will get longer as I go along so I hope you all will continue to stick with me. As usual, I own none of the characters...
Ross trudged wearily out into the living room of his small apartment. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He had tried unsuccessfully to fall back to sleep after being awakened by a nightmare. As long as he was up, he figured he might as well grade some of the midterms he had distributed last week.
"Where's my red pen," he mumbled outloud to himself. He located it on the corner of his desk and reached out for it. In the low light, he misjudged the distance and bumped it by mistake. It fell to the floor and skipped away. On hands and knees he retrieved it. Pulling up sharply, he hit the edge of the desk with a thud, causing him to subsequently drop the pen. "Dammitཀ"
Ross stood up slowly, wary of the desk. Unable to see the pen, he reached over to snap on the desk lamp. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flicker of something. Ross squinted to bring into focus what he was seeing. A bright orange dot floated stationary across the way. Suddenly it rose upward two feet and grew brighter.
Awareness hit him. Judging from the location someone was on Monica and Chandler's balcony smoking - and the only someone it could be was Chandler.
Anger grew inside of Ross. I'll kick his ass. He told us he quit, Ross fumed. He grabbed his keys and his leather jacket, and began to make his way across the street.
He softened as the bitter cold hit his face. Chandler's lapses usually came in times of great duress - him and Rachel breaking up, the wedding, the move to Tulsa. Ross's anger turned to concern as the snow crunched underfoot. What was eating at Chandler now?
Ross hesitated. Should he confront him now or later? It was the middle of the night, after all. After a moment's deliberation he pushed on. Chandler never willingly discussed what was bothering him. Maybe the vulnerability of sleep deprivation would help the process.
Ross crept into the apartment closing the door behind him with a soft click. His footfalls were cushioned by the rugs. Ross saw that Chandler's back was to him, so he sat on the ledge and swung his boots around.
Chandler finished lighting the next cigarette. "Hey Ross," he said without turning around.
"Wh- How-How did you know it was me?"
"Lucky guess." Chandler shrugged. "Plus I saw you crossing the street."
"Oh." Ross couldn't think of anything else to say.
When Chandler turned around there were remnants of tears on his cheeks. He inhaled and blew out. "What are you doing here man? It's like three am."
"Try four. Dude, what are YOU doing," Ross asked gesturing toward the orange light. "Are you alright," he added almost as an afterthought.
Chandler sniffed and laughed sadly. Ross looked on confused. "I'm pretty fucking far from alright right now."
"What's going on, man?"
"Nothing."
"Chandler!"
"Ross," Chandler mimicked.
"Come on, man." Ross placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Does this have anything to do with the fertility clinic?"
"You might say that." Chandler smiled bitterly.
"Care to elaborate?"
"No."
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"Yeah, but you're not going to are you?"
Ross dug his hands deeper into his pockets. He looked Chandler dead in the eye. "Nope."
They both laughed. "You Gellers really are relentless."
"So what is it? What's going on?" Ross attempted to get Chandler to open up once again.
"Let's just say you'll never be an uncle."
"Huh?"
"Kids, Ross. You know, kids? We can't have them." Chandler gripped the ledge of the balcony for support.
"Yeah, I got that, okay? I'm just in shock." Ross looked uncomfortable. What else could he say?
"Ironic, isn't it? Monica broke up with Richard because he didn't want kids. Now she's with me and I can't give her children," Chandler spat out bitterly.
"So it's you?"
"Yes and no?"
"What the hell does that mean?"
Chandler rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, using the ledge for balance. "It means...It means what it means, Ross." Chandler sighed, exhaustion coursing through his body. He suddenly lacked the energy for this conversation.
Ross didn't know whether to be angry or concerned. He settled for a mixture of both. "Why are you being so evasive, man?"
Chandler rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be. I just - there's some stuff I have to discuss with Monica before I can tell you guys what's going on. I have no idea how I'm going to tell her," he added under his breath.
Ross locked eyes with Chandler, and was surprised to see his friend's eyes shining brightly in the dim moonlight. Ross softened considerably. He reached a hand out and placed it on his best friend's shoulder once again. He was mildly disturbed to feel the shaking beneath the thin fabric. "Tell her what? She doesn't know what the doctor said about not having children?"
Chandler shrugged the hand off his shoulder. "She knows that, Ross." He turned around and began climbing in through the window. "Just leave it alone, okay."
As Chandler crossed the kitchen into the entranceway, Ross spun him around sharply. "Dammit, you're my best friend and Monica is my sister. If something's wrong I should know what it is!"
"Ssshhh!" Chandler opened the door and pushed Ross out into the hallway. He quietly closed he door behind them and spun around to face Ross. "You should know? I can't believe you..." Chandler stopped himself. "Look, I know you're concerned - "
He was interrupted by the door to Joey's apartment opening, "Hey guys. What's up? Are we having a pajama party?" Joey's goofy grin exasperated the pair even further.
"Hey there, Hugsy." Chandler purposefully pointed out Joey's bedtime penguin pal to shift the focus of attention off of him.
It worked - briefly. Joey guiltily shoved the penguin inside the door and pulled it closed. "So what's going on guys? Why so serious?" He shifted his gaze from Ross to Chandler, and back again.
"No reason." Chandler rubbed the nape of his neck. Joey recognized the action immediately as one of Chandler's stress induced habits.
"Riiiiiight," Joey replied and looked over at Ross.
Ross's frustration level was boiling over. "There's something wrong and Chandler won't tell me."
"Oh good. Run to mommy and tell on me." Chandler's words dripped with sarcasm as he gestured towards Joey.
Joey could sense an argument simmering below the surface. "Look guys, it's late. We're all tired. I'm sure whatever it is, Chandler will tell us when he's ready to. Why don't we get some sleep, huh?"
Ross opened his mouth to protest, but stopped short when he witnessed the grateful glance Chandler threw Joey's direction. "Whatever," he mumbled and started down the stairs with the intent of going back to his apartment.
"Thanks, Joe." Chandler smiled despite himself. He glanced down at his shoes, slightly embarrassed by the exchange.
"Hey, you're welcome." Joey placed a hand on his shoulder. "Now go get some sleep," he pointed to the door of Chandler and Monica's apartment.
"Yeah. Okay, man." Chandler looked back at Joey once more before turning the knob and going inside.
Joey waited until he heard the latch click and ran down the stairs after Ross. He spotted Ross crossing the deserted street as he exited the apartment building. "Hey man, wait upཀ" Ross stepped into the entranceway as Joey caught up with him. "What the hell was that about?"
"It was nothing. Just forget about it." Ross had trouble meeting Joey's eyes.
"No! You don't go after your friends like that without a good reason. So what gives?"
"I just -" Ross ran his hands through his hair causing it to stand on end. "Something's up with Chandler."
"So?"
"He was smoking!"
"So?"
Ross folded his hands in front of his face to keep the wind out. "Look, Chandler only smokes when something is really wrong."
"Something is wrong, Ross." Ross's eyes widened in surprise at Joey's statement. Before he could interrupt Joey continued. "He just found out he can't have kids."
"It's more than that. He was really upset."
"That's not enough to make him upset? I know it's Chandler, but this was really important to him and Monica."
"You don't understand," Ross's voice rose with each word.
"Then enlighten me."
Ross took a deep breath and blew it out, creating a white plume of smoke. "He was crying. When was the last time you've seen him cry?" Joey looked stricken at this revelation, but stayed silent to allow Ross to continue. "He said something about talking to Mon before telling me what was going on. So there is something else. I just don't know what it is."
Joey took a moment to process this new information. "I don't know, either," he said softly. "But I do know this. Trying to pry it out of him will only clam him up further right now. We have to respect that." Joey leaned back against the doorframe in defeat. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Chandler. He understood now how Ross had felt. But he also knew that given time, Chandler would come around when he was ready.
Ross must have finally come around to that realization too because the angry facade he had been sporting seemed to melt off of his face. "Okay. Okay," he relented. "I'm going to bed. Wake me if anything happens."
TBC
