DISCLAIMER: HG characters do not belong to me.

Chapter 21-Apology

Katniss walked back to her tepee, startled when she first stepped inside forgetting that the team's weapons were placed in there. She changed into her sleepwear and sat down and took out the journal Rain gave her. She skimmed through what she had written, looking over the stuff she wrote concerning her mother and then looked over the stuff she had written about Gale and the Capitol.

She went back to her entries on Gale. She looked at the list she had written of the things she couldn't forgive him for. On the list she had written:

1. His willingness to let innocent people die to defeat the Capitol-no matter what the cost.

2. Not coming to District 12 after I returned.

She took out a pen and crossed off number 2. While she didn't like what he said to her, she knew he was right. Had she reached out to him, he would have come. She knew back then she didn't want to reach out to him, she was too focused on blaming his bomb design for Prim's death. And then Peeta returned and she wanted to focus on starting over with him, only that didn't turn out the way she had hoped it would. Her grief never subsided, and while she loves Peeta she still feels something is missing in her life.

She thinks she has finally figured out what it is-having a purpose again.

Before the games, she was a provider for her family, she took care of them. After the games, she thought she was going to be a mentor and faux fashion designer with Cinna. During the war, she became the face of the rebellion. But since the war, her life has consisted of being with Peeta and helping him with the baking at home he did for the District. She hunts only because she wants to, not because she has to.

She knew she loved Peeta. But she wondered if love was enough? Their life had become so simple. She used to think that was what she wanted after the war, but now, she wanted more. Being so far removed from Panem in the wild territory made her start to forget about some of the things that has made her so sad in District 12. And she thought about what Rain said to her, about getting a job, a real job. However, she knew if she got a job, she wanted it to be a job that she wanted to do. Something that was a passion for her. She wanted nothing to do with food production or medicine in District 12. Medicine reminded her too much of Prim.

She didn't see how she could return to 12 now. She also didn't know how she could face Peeta and tell him she couldn't stay there. She knew he was happy there, he had his baking and painting and was friendly with pretty much everyone there. She however, still continued to keep to herself, only associating with Haymitch and Greasy Sae. She knew for Peeta life was always easier for him in District 12 then it was for her. He was a town person after all. She used to think that didn't matter, but now that she is older, she wonders if that is why Peeta adjusted to life back in 12 better than she did. And while he grieved for his parents, they were not the most loving people, she knew him being in charge of the baking for the District gave him a strong sense of purpose and a way to honor their memory. But she didn't have that, all she had in 12 was him.

She never thought her life was consist of being a housewife—without the actual marriage or having kids part.

She also knew that was why Peeta was pushing so strongly for them to get married and start a family, because he saw how she was slowly slipping away.

She closed her journal and took out her other book, the one Peeta placed in her goodbye bag. She had added a lot of new entries regarding kind acts she had seen since coming to the Sioux's village. How the tribe members looked after and cared for one another, how they provided food and clothing to her, how they were patient in teaching her their language, how they never left anyone behind. And she had a lot of entries about Rain. She looked over what she wrote, repeating in her mind the lines over and over before going to bed.

That night she had a dream. She was in the ocean on a small boat with Gale-fishing. They were sitting in silence, not saying a word to each other. Finally, Gale said to her without looking at her, "You have to know the truth."

She turned and looked at him, "What truth?"

"The truth about the Capitol."

She then opened her eyes, breathing heavily. She was thankful for a brief second this dream didn't consist of her doing things with Gale she hasn't even done with her own boyfriend. But she knew this dream meant something, just like her steamy dreams with Gale did. She wasn't ready to face those dreams, but she was ready to face the dream she just awoke from.

She knew she needed to see President Paylor once the cameras came down.


The next morning, she approached Gale's team. She saw his team outside eating breakfast with him. The entire group turned and looked at her when she approached.

"Good morning Miss Everdeen, what brings you by to see us so early in the morning?" Gale asked in a professional manner.

She didn't smile or acknowledge the group, she needed to talk to Gale right away. She looked only at him and said, "We need to talk, back at the village."

Katniss knew Gale long enough to know when he was irritated, and she saw irritation in his face though she could tell he was trying to hide it.

"As you wish" he curtly responded.

She saw the looks his team gave her, looks of disbelief at how rude she was being not even acknowledging their presence. She didn't care, she wasn't here to make friends.

While walking back to her tepee Gale said, "I see your friendly personality hasn't gone away."

She gave him a look and responded, "I am not here to make friends."

"Saying hello to people is hardly making friends."

"I get the feeling your group is not all that comfortable around the people I am with. The fact that they want to keep watch says enough. Why should I be friendly?"

"They don't trust the Comanche, it has nothing to do with the people you are with."

Katniss gave Gale a doubtful look. "I don't know about that."

"What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked wanting to change the subject.

"When are the cameras coming down?"

"Soon, a hovercraft is on its way. Right now it is picking up the other members of my team, I have seven more people coming to join us. I had split up the group after Trent and Sequoyah ran away. They were searching for them while we continued on here."

"Once the cameras come down, I need you do something for me. Well, two things."

"Okay-"Gale waited for Katniss to elaborate.

"I need you to have your hovercraft take me to District 9, I need to see Rain's mom and tell her what happened right away."

"Okay, that won't be a problem."

"And then, I need to go see Paylor."

They had reached Katniss's tepee. He didn't respond to what she said until they both walked in. "Why do you want to see her?"

"I need to find out the truth."

"The truth about what?"

"About what she knows about the wild territory, what she knows about the tribes. Why she still has those cameras on."

"Katniss I already told you why those cameras are still on" Katniss saw the irritation returning to his face.

She held her hand up to stop him. "I heard what you said. I need to hear this from her myself."

"You don't believe me?" Gale's voice rising a full octave higher.

"I do believe you Gale. I don't know if she is being truthful with you."

"You're wrong" he said fiercely.

"I hope I am, I really do, and I really liked Paylor. I was happy she was elected as President. But I have to know the truth for myself."

This seemed to have calmed him down. "Alright, I will let her know you want to see her."

"Thanks" she said with a small smile. "You know, you were wrong about something last night."

He looked at her in confusion.

"When you said that you lost me when I went into the arena for the second time with Peeta. That's not true."

She read his face. She could tell the minute the two were reunited he was trying to put up a wall of restraint. She was trying to do that herself. But for a brief moment, his restraint faltered.

"When did I lose you then?" She could hear in his voice the sadness he was trying to hide.

"In District 13."

She saw his look harden. "What did I do in 13? And don't tell me the bomb design."

"In District 13 I felt we were slipping away from each other. You were so focused on destroying the Capitol you would stop at nothing to ensure the rebellion would win. Including sacrificing innocent people. Rain asked me to figure out the things I could and could not forgive you for. I have forgiven you for the nut, for the bomb design even. But there is one thing I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for."

"My willingness to let other people die? He answered.

"Yes. And not just Prim, all the people who died because of us during the rebellion, the people in the other districts and the Capitol citizens."

She watched as he looked down, his hardened expression changing to a pained one. He swallowed and said, "Well, I wasn't expecting to hear that."

"I thought you should know."

"I still stand by my decisions. I felt I did what was needed for us to win. Remember you didn't see District 12 burn the way I did."

"I know that" she said softly.

"I better head back, the hovercraft should be here soon." He started to turn to walk out.

"Gale!" Katniss said urgently.

He stopped and turned back to look at her, she saw his eyes start to water.

"The reason I can't get past it, was because I did care for you. I was distracted by Peeta yes, I admit it. And I did only respond to you when you were in pain. I'm sorry for that."

He didn't respond, only nodded, and walked out. Not letting the tears fall until he was out of the tepee.