Thank you all for the reviews and continuing to stick with this story. I agree that Ross was a little mean in the last part. But he will make up for it in later parts. As usual, I own nothing...
Chandler closed the door gently , intending to creep into the bedroom and slip under the covers without waking up Monica. Instead he was greeted by a frantic Monica storming out of the bedroom. "Where the hell have you been? It's like five am. I woke up and you're not here. What -"
"Mon," Chandler interrupted softly. He opened his mouth to say more, but the words froze in his throat.
"Well," she prompted impatiently.
"Um, I was talking to Joey." Chandler scratched at the back of his neck, unable to look her in the eye.
"What could be so pressing that it couldn't wait a couple of hours?" Monica cinched her robe tighter to emphasize her question.
Chandler took Monica's hands in his and led her over to the couch. He hesitated, the words dying on his lips. He changed tactics. "Hey whaddya say we play hooky today?" Monica gave him a doubtful look. "We had a hard day yesterday. I think I just need to spend some time with you today...figure some things out."
Monica squeezed his hands and sighed. "I'd love that more than anything. But we've got inventory to do, and -"
"Please, Mon. I just need..." Chandler trailed off. He got up and shuffled over to the window, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Never mind. You're right."
Monica stared at Chandler, silhouetted against the ever-lightening sky. He seemed so lost...so dejected. The couple had had a crushing blow only yesterday, but it seemed more than that. She got up and from behind, wrapped her arms around her husband's chest. Monica concentrated on the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.
Chandler was grateful for the close contact. He continued to gaze out on the city that was slowly awakening, relieved that she couldn't see his face. "There's something else we need to talk about. See Dr Connelly told me...There's more to it than I originally told you."
Monica backed away and gently turned him around to face her. Fear fluttered in her stomach as she saw the tears threatening in his eyes. "Sweetie, what is it?" Her voice was shaking despite her efforts to control it.
Chandler swallowed hard. "Remember when I said my guys were too lazy to get off their barcoloungers?" Monica nodded. " The problem is that they can get off their barcoloungers, but they can't get out the door."
Monica was confused. She searched Chandler's face for an answer, but was greeted with a grim look that only stoked her fears. She remained silent, awaiting his explanation.
"Dr Connelly said...He did this ultrasound thingy and it showed some sort of blockage down there that's preventing them from getting out."
"Blockage? What kind of blockage?"
Chandler took a sudden interest in his shoes, a move he had perfected in the last twelve hours. He took a deep breath, unsure of how to proceed. Monica lifted his chin with a delicate touch until his eyes met hers. At that moment looking deep into her crystal blue eyes, he knew that stalling would only delay the inevitable. As much as he wanted to, Chandler could not protect her from the truth. "It's a lump. He found a lump in my testicle."
"A lump. Does that mean what I think it does?"
Chandler sighed and nodded in response. "It's another word for tumor." His mouth quivered at the edges, willing his emotions in check.
"Tumor? As in - as in cancer? For sure?" Monica had trouble forming the words. Her mouth had gone dry from the effort.
"Not a hundred percent, but it does look that way. A biopsy will say for absolute sure."
A single tear slid down her cheek. Monica clasped her hands behind his neck. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
Their foreheads were now touching. Her voice was now so low that to an outsider it would have appeared that the couple was merely having an intimate moment, which in a weird way she supposed this was. "I'm sorry for not noticing something was wrong. I'm sorry for letting you go through this alone. I've been so absorbed with myself a truck could of run me over and I wouldn't have even blinked."
Chandler slid his hands down her arms and grasped her hands. "Mon, there's no way you could've known anything was wrong. I didn't even know until yesterday."
"How come you didn't tell me yesterday?" There was a hint of anger in her voice. She didn't want there to be, but she couldn't help it. She felt...betrayed wasn't the right word. She felt...left out. Monica needed to be there for him, and it hurt a little that he didn't give her the opportunity.
"I just - I don't know." Chandler paused to collect himself. He sat down on the window seat and gently pulled Monica down next to him. The sun was starting to come up over the horizon, causing an orange haze to fall over the apartment.
Monica inhaled deeply. Her nerves were raw. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. The past several months had been an emotional rollercoaster, and she felt as if she were zooming right off the tracks.
As if reading her mind Chandler began to speak. "I had to tell you some terrible news yesterday. My heart broke for you when I saw the look on your face. I couldn't do that to you again. I couldn't keep hurting you. But I couldn't keep it from you. I was so confused. I needed some time to think things through..."
Monica leaned into his shoulder. "Chandler, it's okay. I understand." She sniffed back tears.
"Where do we go from here?"
"What do you mean?"
"I love you so much, Mon. But I have let you down so much." Chandler turned and faced the window, ashamed.
Monica tenderly drew his face around with her hand. "You have never let me down." Chandler nodded. "No honey, you haven't," she protested gently.
"I can't give you children, something you've wanted your entire life. And the reason behind it... I might have cancer." Chandler took off his glasses and pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose, spitting out the last words as if they dripped with poison. "I am so sorry." He finally broke down, letting out all the emotions that had built up over the last twenty-four hours.
Monica held her husband, soothingly stroking his back. "I love you so much," she murmured over and over. "And we will get through this."
Chandler nodded against her shoulder. "I know. I love you, too. But there's a lot more we need to talk about."
Monica jumped up and grabbed the phone. Chandler looked at her quizzically, but Monica turned her back and began speaking. A few minutes and another phone call later, she came back and sat next to him. "Still wanna play hooky?"
Chandler smiled. "That would be wonderful." He gave her a quick kiss and moved towards the kitchen.
"Whatcha doing?"
"I thought I'd make some coffee." He expertly prepared the coffeepot as Monica looked on lovingly. She felt a warmth growing in the center of her chest. She couldn't believe how much she loved this man, how much her heart ached for him. Monica felt his smile before she saw it. She returned it willingly.
The coffee brewed and spluttered. Monica was reluctant to break the peaceful moment, but the unspoken question begged to be asked. "When, um - when do they wanna do the biopsy, honey?"
Chandler grabbed two mugs and started pouring the coffee before he answered. He cleared his throat. "Tomorrow."
"So soon," she gasped.
"Yeah well, Dr Connelly set me up with a specialist. He was worried it might've spread. Apparently some of my lymph nodes are pretty swollen down there." He said all this matter-of-factly.
"So after the biopsy, then what?" Monica's hands shook slightly as she lifted the steaming cup to her lips. She hadn't even remembered Chandler handing it to her.
"I don't know exactly. If it's um, malignant...probably surgery and chemotherapy. I'll meet with the oncologist after the biopsy when the results come in. We'll discuss the options then, I guess."
Monica asked a few more questions that he couldn't quite answer. She couldn't stem the flow of questions, and Chandler couldn't really blame her. They were questions he had been asking too. Chandler shouldn't have been surprised at her next statement, but he was. "I'm coming with you."
He shook his head. "Mon, that's not necessary. It's a very quick procedure; in and out. Nothing to it." Chandler acted nonchalant.
"Yeah right. They're putting a needle in your boys and you're so calm about it," Monica challenged him.
Chandler set the coffee cup on the counter and started gesturing wildly with his hands. "Calm? I am about 100 miles north of calm! But if I start to panic then everyone else will, and we don't know if there is anything to panic about yet."
Monica blew the breath out she was holding. "You're right. One thing at a time." She paused, lost in thought. "Do the others know? Is that what you were talking to Joey about?"
"Not directly. Joey, and Ross especially think something's wrong, but they don't know what yet. I wanted to talk to you first." Chandler chewed on his lip. "Mon, I'm scared."
"Oh sweetie." She let the tears fall as she embraced him tightly. She could feel his body trembling against hers. "I'm sure everything will be fine." If only saying those words aloud would make them true, she would've repeated them all night.
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Phoebe came tromping up the stairs, digging in her handbag. She came to the landing and began to approach the door to apartment 20. She paused when she heard voices belonging to Ross and Rachel.
Smirking, Phoebe crept up to the landing above. As the pair rounded the corner, she jumped out and shouted, "Danger!"
Ross screamed like a little girl and dropped the box of donuts all over the hallway floor. Rachel laughed, and taking Phoebe's cue said, "Ah, unagi."
Joey heard the ruckus out in the hallway. "What the hell's going on? Oooh, donuts." Joey picked one up off the ground and started to bite into it.
Ross snatched it away. "Joey, that was on the floor!"
"So?" He snatched it back and proceeded to eat it.
"Ewwwww!" everyone chorused.
"Why were you bringing donuts over here anyway, Ross," Phoebe asked.
"I felt kinda guilty yelling at Chandler last night, sooo..."
"Why would you yell at Chandler," Rachel wondered.
"It's complicated."
"Basically, Ross - um, we think something's really wrong with Chandler, but he denies it," Joey jumped in.
Rachel looked confused. "You many besides the whole baby situation?" Joey and Ross nodded in response.
"They'd tell us if something else was wrong, wouldn't they? Let's go eat, I'm starving." With that Phoebe opened the door to apartment 20. The other three friends piled in behind her. They were met with absolute silence.
"Monica? Chandler?" The foursome called out the two names to no avail. The apartment was empty.
"Where are they?" Rachel echoed what everyone else was thinking.
"Work," Joey suggested.
"Too early," Ross countered.
The phone rang interrupting their questions. All four looked at each other trying to decide if one of them should answer it. Finally, Ross took the initiative. "Hello?"
There was a beat of silence, and Ross followed up with, "Where the hell are you guys?"
The other three let out a collective sigh. At lease nothing bad had happened. "Vermont! What are you doing up there?" Ross listened for several minutes. "Okay. Okay, I get it. We'll see you when you get back."
Ross turned to face the others' questioning glances. "They decided to get away for a couple of days with everything that has been going on. They said they'd be back in a couple of days." Ross shrugged as if it was no big deal, but inside he was more than a little concerned. Monica was far from spontaneous, and this was not something those two would do without notice.
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Chandler's feet tapped nervously on the linoleum. Monica put down the magazine she was holding and squeezed Chandler's hand reassuringly. "Honey, it'll be okay."
"Yeah," Chandler muttered without conviction.
"Sweetie, they'll call you back soon and take the biopsy. The doctor said it would take less than a half hour."
"It's what comes afterwards that I'm worried about."
Monica couldn't argue with that. She was terrified. There was nothing more frightening than the unknown. And right now they didn't know...well, anything. Monica began to do something she hadn't done since she was a little girl. She chewed on her fingernails.
"Chandler Bing? We're ready for you," a young, attractive nurse announced.
Chandler rose slowly. Monica met his lips with her own. "I'll be right here waiting."
"I know, Mon. Well, let the fun begin," he joked feebly. Monica gave a cursory smile at his attempt at humor. He briefly returned the smile, and then disappeared behind the wooden doors.
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"Mrs. Bing? You can go back now." Monica followed the same nurse from before down a pale blue hallway, and through a set of double doors.
There he was, lying on a gurney, an iv dripping fluid slowly into his arm. "Hi, Sweetie. How ya doing?"
"Okay. Sore. I don't know." Chandler's voice was unusually reserved.
"Do you know anything yet? I mean, did the doctor..." Monica didn't quite know how to finish.
Chandler shook his head against the pillows. "He's supposed to come talk to us soon." Monica followed Chandler's line of sight as he shifted his gaze around her. "Speak of the devil."
A tall, lanky young doctor in blue scrubs made his way over to the couple. He introduced himself to Monica. "You know we won't have the final pathology back for several days. However, I sent a sample for a preliminary reading." He looked from Monica to Chandler, noting the expectant look on each of their faces. "Unfortunately, the report is showing an undifferentiated malignant tumor."
"So in English..."
"The preliminary biopsy is positive for cancer."
Chandler closed his eyes against the doctor's words. Monica's mouth hung open in shock. Hearing the doctor say the words forced them to hit reality head on. Words were hard to form.
"So what comes next?"
"We'll wait for the final reports to come back. If the report coincides with the preliminary reading, we'll talk through treatment options."
"Can you give me some idea in a nutshell., Doc?"
Monica's knees became weak, and she sank into an orange plastic chair. She unconsciously reached for Chandler's hand to keep it from twisting the blanket to shreds as they tried to listen to what the doctor said.
"First, we remove the tumor. If it's encapsulated - uh, sorry - if it hasn't spread that's it. If it has then chemo and maybe radiation treatment." The doctor stood with his arms crossed as if anticipating a response. Instead he was greeted with silence.
Monica looked over at her husband. He removed his gaze from the ceiling and met her eyes. She broke eye contact to ask the doctor, "So when will we know for sure?"
"The results should be back in a couple of days. Come to my office Thursday, and we'll talk everything through then. As soon as you're ready, I'll have the nurse bring the discharge papers." He started to walk away, but turned back. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
Chandler could only acknowledge him with a nod. He felt incapable of speech at the moment. He swallowed the lump of fear that stuck in his throat. He didn't even glance up as Monica signed the discharge papers. "Honey, you ready to go?"
"Yeah, I think so." Chandler reached underneath for his clothes, but was stopped short by a sudden jolt of pain.
"Here, honey. Let me help you," Monica offered. She placed the bag of clothes next to him and reached to untie the hospital gown.
"I can do it," Chandler said sharply.
"I'm - I'm sorry," she stuttered.
Chandler's expression softened. "No. I'm sorry. I just...Come here." He pulled his wife down next to him and put his arms around her. "Why don't you go get the car while I get dressed, and I'll meet you out front. We'll go back to the hotel and get something to eat, and talk this over, okay?"
Monica nodded and gave him a big kiss before leaving. She knew he needed a few moments to himself so she complied with his request.
Chandler watched the double doors swing close behind her. He gingerly began getting dressed. As he struggled to fight off the tears, one thought kept running through his head repeatedly...This can't be happening. I'm too young to die. I've got a wife and friends and...This can't be happening. I'm too young to die. I have a wife and friends and...
TBC ...Can Chandler beat this?
