Thanks again to all of you who keep reviewing. It really means a lot to me.
In the last part Chandler's diagnosis was confirmed and he told Ross and Joey. I don't mean to offend anyone in this part. I just think that true to Chandler's character, there would be a lot of joking going on.
I don't own any of them...yada,yada. Oh,except the doctor and nurse are mine.
The three girls sat around the kitchen table. Monica ran her fingers around the rim of the coffee cup. Phoebe stared into hers as if the answer to the meaning of life would appear. Rachel stirred hers absently.
Monica had gotten as far as the real reason behind their trip when they heard the crash. Phoebe and Rachel had wanted to go investigate, but knowing what was going on next door, she stopped them by blurting out that Chandler was sick. That resulted in the stunned silence they now sat in.
Monica chose her next words carefully. "While we were up there, we saw a specialist. He did more tests. Um, a biopsy."
"Does Chandler have cancer?" Monica bit her lip to keep from crying. Hearing Rachel say the word made her break down all over again. Slowly, she nodded her affirmation.
Rachel gasped and reached out for her friend's hand as the tears fell. Phoebe swallowed hard, and reached for Monica's other hand.
Monica tried to compose herself so she could continue. She wanted to answer their unasked questions. "So, anyway...surgery's on Monday. Then there will be a period of recovery, and probably be followed up with chemo."
Phoebe spoke up. "Maybe he doesn't have to."
"Well, chemo's not definite yet."
"No, I mean there are alternative therapies. My guru - "
"No, Phoebe!" Monica said this sharply. "I'm sorry, sweetie. It's just this is his best shot. We're not willing to gamble Chandler's life like that."
"Oh, Mon. Honey, how are you holding up?" Rachel's concern was displayed in her eyes.
"You know, okay. I still have moments where this doesn't seem like it's really happening. Those are great moments," she smiled sadly. "I just wish I could turn back the clock like one month, you know?"
Rachel rubbed Monica's arm soothingly. "Honey, I wish I could wave a magic wand and change things. You two have gone through so much lately. It's so not fair."
"No, it's not. In one short week I lost the possibility of having children, and now I have to face the possibility of losing Chandler. 'Not fair' is an understatement."
Phoebe cleared her throat. "I know I tease Chandler about being weak. But it's so not true. He has the kind of strength that counts. If anybody can beat this, he can."
"Thank you for saying that. And you're right. He's been so unbelievably supportive this past week despite everything he has gone through. Part of me wants to be mad at him for keeping it from me at first, but I just can't. I just keep thinking how sweet and caring, how amazingly strong and selfless he is...to try to spare me like that. I would do the same for him in a heartbeat. I'd even trade places with him if I could. He doesn't deserve this."
"Oh my God." Monica raised her head at the sound of Chandler's voice. She hadn't even heard the door open. But here he was, crossing the kitchen as she stood up to greet him.
His voice was thick with emotion. "I love you so much. You are amazing." He pulled her into a hug. "I am so glad it's me and not you. I don't know how I'd deal with it if I was in your shoes. Thank you."
"For what?" She pulled back slightly so she could see his face.
"For just being you." He brushed her hair back behind her ear. "For loving me enough to see me through this."
They searched each other's eyes and found understanding and strength. The couple knew then that even if their fairytale didn't have a happy ending, they would be okay.
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The six friends sat around Monica and Chandler's apartment. They had all just finished a huge meal akin to Thanksgiving dinner. The last of the beer and wine was being divied up.
Ross came out of the guest room with the big board. "Let's play Pictionary."
A chorus of 'nos' echoed throughout the living room. "Oh come on, let's do something fun."
"I think as the one who is getting a major part of my anatomy removed tomorrow, I should have some say."
"Playing that sympathy card a little early aren't ya?"
"Gee thanks, Pheebs." Phoebe answered with a wink to show him she was only teasing.
"How about dirty pictionary," Joey chimed in.
"Now that might be interesting," Chandler contemplated. "Guys versus girls?"
There was a flurry of activity as Ross grabbed the easel and Monica rounded up the markers. Joey and Chandler giggled like school boys as they made up dirty phrases and dropped them into a hat.
Phoebe jumped up. "Girls first!" She rummaged around in the hat and drew out a slip of paper. "Ooh, ooh. Okay. Go!" She drew frantically, but no one could guess what she drew.
"My turn." Ross repeated Phoebe's steps. This time the guys guessed correctly. Rachel went, and then it was all tied up. Joey missed, as did Monica. It was up to Chandler.
"Okay. This one's for all the marbles." Ross had gone into gameshow mode again and everyone was getting a little annoyed with him.
"All the marbles?" Chandler smirked. "Are you sure you want to use that phrase with the man that's going down a marble tomorrow?"
Chandler was laughing, but at first no one else was joining in. Was it okay to laugh at that? Was there any humor in it? The other five were all wondering the same thing. Chandler kept laughing until finally Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe joined in. Even his laughter elicited a chuckle from Monica and Joey.
Ross was giggling. "I guess asking you 'how're they hanging' is out."
This brought new peals of laughter from Chandler. "Yeah, what am I gonna say - kinda light? Ooh, ooh! Do you dress right or left? I don't know. Which one's left?"
The laughter continued for several minutes untilJoey asked innocently, "So which one are they taking?"
That set Chandler off again until he was dabbing at his eyes and gasping for air. "I don't know, Joe. It's not like being left-handed or right-handed." Ross choked on his beer at this last statement.
The oven timer went off sobering everyone up. It was midnight. Chandler wordlessly handed his soft drink over. There would be no more eating or drinking for him until after the surgery which was a mere eight hours away. The other five disposed of their food and drink too, out of consideration for Chandler.
Rachel joined Monica in the kitchen and made a half-hearted attempt to help clean up. "What time do you have to leave for the hospital?"
"Six am," replied Monica dryly.
"We should go so you two can rest." Rachel dried the dishes Monica handed her.
She shook her head. "No, you don't have to. I think tonight's been good for Chandler...kept his mind off things."
"Yeah. But how are you holding up?"
Monica continued scrubbing the pot. "Okay. I mean I have to be, don't I?"
Rachel took the pot from her and set it down. She led Monica out into the hallway. Monica dabbed at her eyes as her breath started hitching in her chest. Rachel pulled her into a hug and let her cry.
"I'm scared to death."
"I know it's scary, but I'm sure he'll come through the surgery just fine."
"It's not the surgery so much. I'm just terrified that they'll find something more." She crossed over to the step and sat down. Her arms hugged her knees to keep from shaking. Rachel stroked her back.
"But the doctor said the chances were pretty good that this would be it, right," she reminded Monica in an attempt to comfort her. "This whole thing is horrible, but it'll be over soon."
"You're right. I've gotta focus on the future. But what I'm most afraid of is a future without Chandler in it." Rachel had no response to that because deep inside, that was also her greatest fear.
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Chandler winced as the iv was inserted. He was counting off the seconds on the clock, trying to pass the time until Monica could come back and be with him. Despite his protests, all the gang had decided to accompany them to the hospital. Now he was glad - it would be good for Monica to have some company.
He felt the coolness running up his arm. His other arm was squeezed by the blood pressure cuff as the nurse injected some medicine into his iv. "This will relax you. They'll be taking you back shortly. I'll bring your wife back now."
Chandler looked around. The light was glaringly white, and it was cold. The biting smell of antiseptic filled his nostrils. It was replaced by the smell of lavender, the smell of Monica.
"Hi, honey."
"Hi. How are the guys doing out there?"
"Fine. Of course Joey's hit all the vending machines already."
Chandler laughed. At least some things never changed. "I guess this is happening soon. The nurse already gave me some medicine."
Monica stroked his arm, being careful not to disturb the iv. "The guys send their love. They wish they could be back here with you."
"Me too. Tell them I love them too." Chandler's eyes were growing heavy. "And I love you...so much."
Monica struggled to keep the tears out of her voice. "I love you too." She saw several people in blue scrubs walking toward the pod they were in. "I'll be right here when you wake up."
Hospital personnel began unhooking monitors and taking the brake off the bed. Before he was wheeled back to the OR she gave him a deep kiss and squeezed his hand. When the doors to the OR suite swung shut, she buried her head in her hands and wept.
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The five friends had been sitting in the surgical waiting room for nearly two hours. No one was handling the wait well, least of all Monica and Joey. Monica paced frantically and Joey had chewed on everything but the tile. Ross stood up. "I'm going for some coffee. Anybody else? Mon?"
"No! I can't leave. They should be finished by now."
"Yeah. What is taking so long?" Joey picked a new nail to chew on.
Ross sat back down defeated. He unsuccessfully tried to provide a distraction, albeit a minor one. The waiting was hard on everyone. All their nerves were frayed.
Finally the doctor appeared walking down the long corridor. He peeled off his surgical mask and made it over to the group. "Perhaps I should speak to you in private, Mrs. Bing."
Monica's heart jumped into her throat. The doctor's words did not put her at ease. Good news was shared with everyone. Bad news on the other hand, was always told in private. "It's alright. These are Chandler's...they are family. You can say what you need to say in front of them," she stated bravely. Inside she was a quivery mess. She needed them nearby.
"Well, we were able to remove all the tumor. As discussed, the testicle had to be removed. The surgery went well and he is in recovery." The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "However, there was more lymph node involvement than I had anticipated. And the scans revealed a spot on the bone in his leg."
The latest development caused the words to stick in Monica's throat. She twisted her necklace around trying to regain her composure. Luckily, Ross stepped forward. "So what's the plan now? Can you treat what's left?"
"We want to start extensive chemotherapy and radiation treatment as soon as possible. But I want to give him a chance to recover from the surgery a little before we start."
Monica lifted her head. Her chin was trembling, but she willed the tears back with effort. "What - um, what are his chances?" There. She asked 'the question'. The others gathered around her to hear the answer, and offer their support.
"There are no guarantees." Five heads simultaneously dropped. "But his chances are still pretty good. The chemo will focus mostly on wiping out the cancer from the lymph nodes, and the radiation treatment is aimed at the spot on the bone. We're attacking it from all angles. And as I said before, generally this type of cancer is very responsive to treatment." The doctor patted her shoulder and stood up to leave.
"When can we see him?" Joey needed to see for himself that his best friend was okay.
"He should be waking up soon. Then we'll take him upstairs to his room. You can meet him up there very shortly if you like."
Five heads bobbed in agreement. "Wait, Dr. Marshall!" Monica's loud cry caused the other four to jump. "Um, when are you going to tell Chandler?"
The surgeon paused. "Once he's in his room and settled, I'll come up and tell him everything."
"Good. Good. I want to be there when you tell him." Monica hugged herself tightly and turned away. The doctor left. Now there was nothing else to do but wait.
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Chandler felt as if he were floating. Darkness surrounded him. He swam upward towards the muted sounds. There was dull, throbbing pain. He heard someone say, "I think he's waking up."
Suddenly, all his senses were assaulted. Blinding lights, loud beeping, and pain. Oh God, the pain was excruciating. It was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was like a fire burning him from the inside out. He tried to turn away from the pain to no avail. He scrunched up his eyes to shut it out.
Chandler felt a soft hand on his face. He leaned into it, wanting to bury himself in the warmth and safety it offered. He heard his name called softly, a gentle whisper. Finally, he dared to open his eyes. Staring back at him was his beautiful wife. He managed a small, drugged smile.
"Chandler," she breathed, kissing his hand. She stroked his forehead. The cool touch was wonderfully relaxing. He didn't want her to stop.
Worry lines were prominent on her forehead. Chandler took inventory. He figured he must look pretty awful to cause Monica's face to look like that. The rest of his friends's faces held similar expressions.
He was connected to an iv. There were several lines by the look of it - an oxygen monitor was on his finger. Okay, not too bad. There seemed to be a heart monitor and tubes up his nose. It wasn't until he saw the catheter draining bloody urine that he began to freak out.
Thankfully, Ross noticed the signs of Chandler's 'freak out'. He pulled up a chair next to the bed. "Hey, how's it going?" Chandler gave him a blank stare. "Um, yeah. Sorry. I mean, everything came out okay. Are you okay?"
"What Ross means is, we're glad you're awake. How're you feeling?" Ross gave Joey a look of gratitude.
How did he feel? It was such a loaded question with such a complicated answer. He opted for simple. "Fine. Tired."
"Maybe we should let you rest," Phoebe suggested.
"No, I kinda want you guys here if that's okay."
Rachel couldn't stop the tears that spilled over. "It's more than okay, sweetie." She had never heard Chandler so vulnerable before and it broke her heart. He seemed so small and lost underneath all that equipment.
Chandler seemed more alert now and it was only a matter of time before he asked about the operation. Monica hoped the doctor would arrive soon. She didn't want to keep Chandler in the dark about his condition, but as selfish as it sounded, she didn't want to have to be the one to tell him.
Chandler once more turned his attention to her. "You're so beautiful."
"If that's a line, it won't work tonight buddy. You need to recuperate."
"Aw, you would deny a sick man that joy?" Monica shrugged as if to say 'sorry'. Chandler just grinned. "Yeah, I don't think I'd be quite up to the challenge. Get it? Up to the challenge?"
There was tense, polite laughter from the group. "Did they take out your funny bone too when they were in there," Ross mocked.
"Good one, Ross. I see you are learning."
Chandler winced as he shifted. Monica anticipated his need and handed him the pain button. He looked at her quizzically. "See you push this button and it gives you pain medicine when you need it."
He pushed it slowly. Once it took effect he said, "The guy that invented this should be a millionaire."
"So I take it you're comfortable?"
"Getting there. So is anyone going to tell me how the surgery went? What did Dr. Marshall say?"
Chandler searched his friends's faces for some kind of response. Everyone returned blank stares. "So obviously you've all been replaced by pod people while I was under. Did anything else happen?"
As much as she loathed the thought, Monica didn't think they could stall him any longer. She once again sat down on the edge of the bed and grasped his hand in hers. "Honey," she began trying to place a smile on her face. "The surgery went well. They were able to remove all of the tumor, and of course they had to remove..."
Chandler smiled in relief thinking that was the end, but when Monica's smile faltered he knew that all the news wasn't good. Internally he began to panic. Was he dying? Was that it, and nobody wanted to say it to his face. "Please...somebody tell me what's going on."
Joey, the most unlikely one to come forward, did just that. "Man, I don't know how to say this." He sat on Chandler's other side and took his free hand. "The cancer's spread into your lymph nodes. It sounded like more than the doctor expected. And, um..." Joey turned his head away so his emotions wouldn't betray him.
"And what, Joe?" The sense of dread was growing inside of Chandler.
"And they also found a spot on one of the bones in your leg. I'm sorry, man."
"Oh my God," Chandler muttered. He looked absolutely crestfallen. "Does that mean - ahem - does that mean that's it for me?"
"No! No, absolutely not, Chandler," Ross said emphatically. "The doctor said it's still very treatable with extensive chemo and radiation."
"Aren't I lucky?" Chandler hugged his pillow and rolled on his side with his back facing the group. Self pity wound it tendrils around him.
Phoebe interrupted his wallowing. "Yes, actually you are!"
Phoebe's words caused him to roll back over and face her. "How the hell do you figure that one?"
"Because Chandler...you are still here, and you still have the chance to beat this thing. Western medicine has come up with some amazing things to give you just that chance. And yeah, treatment will really suck, and you'll probably feel really sick. But you will be so lucky because you will get the chance to find out how loved you are by all the people around you that want to help you and support you throughout this ordeal. You get to experience that feeling where most people don't. And the five of us are so lucky because we get to realize what a blessing we all are and how no one or nothing will take one of us down without all six of us putting up a fight. So you see Chandler, you are lucky."
Chandler was clearly moved by her words. "Well, when you put it that way." Chandler motioned Phoebe over and pulled her down for a hug. He kissed her cheek. "Do you think we should rent her out to football teams for pep talks?"
The door opened revealing the doctor. "I apologize for the delay. So how are you feeling, Chandler?"
"So-so. Listen, they told me the whole story. So when do we actually start the treatment?"
"I'd like to give you about two weeks to recover from the surgery. I'll keep you in here for a couple more days, and then you can go home to finish healing. Sound good?"
"Can't wait," Chandler jibed sarcastically. As the doctor closed the door, Chandler made faces.
"Ya can't shoot the messenger, Chandler," Ross advised.
"But I don't have to like the message though, do I?" Ross rolled his eyes.
Monica redirected the conversation. "Home in two days, huh? I will spoil you, you know that."
"Yeah, I know. It can't come fast enough. I'm beginning to hate this place."
"Maybe this will help pass the time." She kissed him passionately. The others looked on "Ewww! Get a room."
"Hey, this is my room. Maybe you all should leave," Chandler quipped.
With that the other four said their goodbyes and quietly slipped out to let the couple enjoy each other's company.
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Chandler slowly climbed the stairs with help from Joey. The pain was unbelievably sharp with each step. He drew in a deep breath and steeled himself for the next step. He hated having to rely on Joey to do such a simple thing. Deep down he knew Joey didn't mind, but he couldn't help but feel he was a burden. He felt somehow...less of a man.
When the pair finally reached the top, Joey let go and patted him on the shoulder. He figured Chandler would want to walk into the apartment under his own power. Chandler gave him a silent thanks and entered the apartment.
He was greeted immediately by Monica whothrew her arms around him. Over her shoulder he noticed the balloons and banner. His friends sat around the living room with some additional guests. Mike was next to Phoebe. And over in the corner, Jack and Judy rose and headed towards him.
"Wow, Mon. Did you do all this?"
"I wish I could take credit, but it was all Rachel and Phoebe's idea. If this is too much for you, everyone can go."
"No, it's great. Remind me to thank them later."
"Can I get you something to eat or drink," Monica offered.
"I think I'd like to sit down first, sweetie," Chandler said gently.
"Of course, I'm sorry. Come here." She led him to his prize recliner and helped him get comfortable. "Now how 'bout that drink?"
"Okay, sure." He gave her a light peck on the cheek.
Judy and Jack sat down on the coffee table directly in front of Chandler. "How ya doing, son?"
Chandler was mildly surprised to find his in-laws here. Until Ross's Thanksgiving admission, their parents had hated him. "Good. Um, I guess. You know considering."
Judy layed a motherly hand on his knee. "Chandler dear, Monica told us the outcome of the surgery. I'm so sorry, dear. Jack and I want you to know-"
"You have been such a good friend to Ross and such a good husband to our little Harmonica that..." Jack trailed off. He was clearly wrestling with his emotions.
"What Jack is trying to say is that if the two of you need anything - a cooked meal, financial help, or whatever, we would be more than happy to help out."
Monica had arrived with drink in hand and had caught her mother's speech. The sentiment made her well up all over again.
Chandler was flabbergasted. He stuttered out, "Thank you." Across the room Ross was giving him a thumbs up sign. He suddenly realized Judy had been saying something else to him. "What?"
"I said where are your mom and dad? I would've expected them here."
"They're probably busy. You know Mom with her book tours and Dad with his Vegas act."
"Probably? You mean you haven't told them yet?"
"Mom," Monica gave her a warning glare to drop it. Chandler excused himself and went to the restroom. Monica turned back towards her mother. "He hasn't even told his parents yet."
"But why not? Wouldn't he want them here?"
"Yes, but he's afraid he'll tell them and they'll still say they are too busy to come. On top of everything he's been through in the past couple of weeks, he just doesn't want to be rejected again by his parents."
"That's terrible," Jack exclaimed.
Monica could only nod as Chandler made his way back over to the recliner. His movements were slow and halting.
Jack and Judy stood up. "We wanted to drop in and say hello. But we must be going so you can get your rest."
Jack went in for a hug and accidentally bumped Chandler's chest. Chandler grunted a little, but tried to hide it by clearing his throat.
"Oh my gosh. What did I do?"
"It's okay," Chandler assured him.
"It's just sore there where they put the port-a-cath," Monica explained.
"Port-a-cath?" Judy looked questioningly between Chandler and Monica.
Chandler spoke up first. "It's um, where they are going to put the chemo through so I don't have to be stuck all the time with needles. It'll protect my veins."
Judy gave him a pitying look. That was the last thing he wanted right now. But he knew she meant well. He said his goodbyes as some of the other guests left as well.
Finally, it was just the six of them again. Chandler, true to his nature, broke the silence. "Thanks Pheebs. Thanks Rach. It was very thoughtful of you guys to put this little shindig together."
"Yeah, well. You know...Hey, we still have cake. Anybody," Rachel enticed.
"No. Thanks anyway. I think I'll pass. I'm beat. Joey can have my share."
"Yeah baby!"
Chandler reclined back in his chair as Monica covered him with a blanket. He listened to the soft droning of voices as he drifted off to sleep, realizing that Phoebe was right. He was pretty lucky to know these people.
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"Mon, you didn't have to come with me. You've missed so much work already. Joey could've come with me." Chandler shivered as the nurse swabbed cold betadine on his chest.
"Honey, I wanted to be here with you. Remember, I told you before that you come first, then work." She held her hands apart, one higher than the other, to illustrate her point. Chandler smiled at the memory. That was a fight they had before he went to Tulsa. He swore he would never voluntarily leave her like that again.
They both watched with interest as the needle was inserted into his chest. The nurse taped it down and expertly hooked it up to the iv pump. She briefly explained what medications he would be receiving. Chandler was relieved to hear that there was one to counteract nausea in there. No since in taking any chances in his mind.
"How long is this going to take?" Chandler was growing paler by the minute as he watched the fluid begin dripping in the chamber.
"A few hours." The nurse paused to allow for more questions. When there were none, she pointed out the call light and instructed him to use it if he needed her. She then left to attend to other patients.
Now that the couple was finally alone, Monica scooted her chair next to Chandler's and took his hand. "Does it hurt," she asked tentatively.
"Uh-uh. This isn't so bad." He gave her a weak smile.
"Good," came her simple reply.
Neither one was sure what to say. It wasn't like there was an etiquette book for such situations. And nothing Monica could say would make this any easier. She was all too aware of that fact. And Chandler knew that no matter how much assurance he gave her, Monica would still worry about him.
The only sound was the soft ticking of the iv pump. Chandler snatched the remote and turned on the television for some distraction. Monica in turn, picked up a magazine and began thumbing through it.
The next three hours crawled by. When the machine began beeping, it startled Monica. "What's that?"
"It's okay. I think it's just empty, is all."
"Oh."
The nurse came in and mercifully stopped the beeping. "That's it. You're all done." She began the process of disconnecting him. "How are you feeling?"
"A bit queasy, but not as bad as I thought I would. Is this as bad as it gets?"
The nurse paused to consider how best to phrase her response. "Unfortunately, it has a cumulative effect. Usually the next couple of weeks are the worst, but everybody's different. You might get lucky."
"Great." Chandler's sarcasm shown through.
"Well, you are done here. I will see you next time."
Chandler stood up and reached for his jacket. Monica beat him to it and started to help him on with it. He inwardly groaned. This was another thing he did not want. He was still capable of performing some tasks and it was really beginning to drive him crazy that nobody would let him.
Monica kissed him and he felt guilty for feeling the way he did. Chandler knew their actions were out of love and concern, but he ached for normalcy again.
"So you really are feeling okay," she asked as they walked to the car.
"Yeah. Really. A little queasy and a little tired. But that's it."
"I'm glad." She hooked her arm through his.
"Me too. Hey, Mon...go back to work."
Monica stopped abruptly in the middle of the parking lot, not expecting him to say that. "What?"
"It's just - I really appreciate you taking off work to take care of me, but I just want you to get back to your normal life."
"You are my life, Chandler."
"And you're mine too. That's why I want you to get away from all this. Get away from me for a little bit." He noticed her hurt expression. "I need you. I need you to take care of yourself and stay healthy. Wearing yourself out like this isn't good for you. Plus, quite frankly, we need the income and benefits. My salary on leave isn't enough."
"Okay, you're right. I hate this - all of this!"
"I know. Me too." Chandler wrapped his arms around her.
"Of course. I'm sorry. You shouldn't be worrying about anything like finances. You only need to concentrate on getting better. That's your only job. Let me worry about the details."
"Well, you are pretty good at that," he chuckled. "Come on. Take me home."
Chandler crossed off the first week in his head. It had gone better than expected. And he was relieved that Monica saw the wisdom of his suggestion. She had been his nurse-maid around the clock and it was wearing on her. She never said so, but he could tell. It would be good for her to get out of the house and away from the situation. Hell, if he could get away from it he would.
He was walking a fine line, trying to remain strong. If he was totally honest with himself, inside he was a wreck. Chandler didn't dare let on how scared he was for fear of freaking out the others. But this house of cards he had built was in danger of collapsing around him, and he didn't know how much longer he could keep up the charade.
TBC
I know this part was some random events, but I want to move the story along. In the next part...how will Joey handle things?
