After I realized I would never burn again, I didn't know what to do. So, I just sat there in the darkened cosmos, without form or shape, simply existing. Licking my wounds. I didn't move for a few hundred thousand years. I didn't see the point.
Looking back, I can see that I was lonely. But I had no reference for what "lonely" meant. I had never encountered another sentient being. I had no one, nothing. All I knew was that it was dark. Very dark.
And then, I saw her. Floating among the blackness. I don't know where she came from. Another of the few things I will never know. She was not my creation… I knew that right away. I could see immediately that she was raw energy, like me. But she was unlike any energy I had ever known. She was something completely new. She was light. Pure light.
She came closer to me. Without hesitating, I immediately flew up and met her. We hung there, like two massive clouds of energy, across from one another in the empty cosmos, not moving or speaking. I suppose I was nervous. I wouldn't be surprised if she were too—neither of us had ever interacted with another being during the course of our entire existence. I had no idea what she was. I just remember thinking that she was incredibly beautiful. The only light I had ever seen.
Soon, though, she began to move closer. She was slow at first, gradually inching toward me. She didn't move directly, but curved her long ribbon of light around toward the left side of my energy. Unsure of how to respond, I backed away nervously. After a moment though, I arched my own energy forward, tentatively reaching to the left to meet her. We hovered there, close, for an instant, almost touching, before she suddenly darted away, withdrawing quickly into the abyss. I hesitated for a moment, and then raced forward, the two of us shifting back and forth through space, our energies moving in tandem as if in some sort of cosmic dance.
But then, without warning, she suddenly broke the rules. After retreating, I had just begun to pursue her. As I flew toward her light, instead of moving back, all at once she shot back toward me, her light piercing through me like a projectile. For a moment I froze in terror. I didn't know what to do. Panic filled me. I had no idea what her force would do to me.
But in that instant, her energy began to mix with mine, igniting it like a spark. I could feel myself start to burn. The familiar rush of creation filled me. The power. The intensity. I felt a wave of excitement. I darted back toward her, swirling around and through her—our energies intertwining, blazing. Her light became brighter, changing color from a soft yellow to a fiery red. I could feel her heat all around me. Her energy pulsating against my own. She poured into me, her red light changing again to become white hot. Swirls of iridescent color shot off of her. My own energy started to flicker, gradually beginning to glow, until like her, I too burned bright against the blackened sky. I shook with elation. We swirled around one another, spinning faster and faster, churning the energy between us, until a tiny, blazing globe formed between our circling bodies. It spun rapidly, with flares of light jumping off its surface, like a volcano venting bursts of molten fire. I could feel a building intensity, a mounting pressure as our mingled energy spun the orb, expanding it outward until it doubled in size many times over. My being burned hotter and faster, wilder and fiercer, becoming pure energy. Pure creation. Pure heat. Pure power. I cried out in ecstasy. I felt myself erupt, creating a trail of light as our fiery cores exploded into the universe, glowing like comets amid the darkness.
I hung there in the empty space, somewhat dumbfounded, the excitement still radiating through me. Gradually, I felt the energy begin to dissolve, my heat begin to cool. I looked off into the distance. Floating there, far from us in the deep outer reaches of the universe, was our glowing orb, the one we had created, shimmering like a beacon in the void.
As I was staring at it, somewhat awestruck, she came up to me. She huddled in close, her energy touching mine. I could feel her heat, much cooler now, but still with a comforting warmth. She curled up in a kind of elongated ball, resting her light near me as her energy slowly dissipated. I stayed close, wrapping myself around her, holding her as near to me as I could.
As we floated, I watched her light shine off into the distance, penetrating the cold, empty universe, and tried to make sense of what had just happened. I had thought I would never create again. Yet, here we had made something truly beautiful. Something amazing. All because of her. I should have been grateful, overjoyed. And I was… in a way. And yet, though our burning had been incredible, it could not compare to those first few moments of my life, when I burned so brightly I created everything. When I was the single force in the universe. The greatest power in all of eternity.
Though I loved her (and, in truth, I already loved her), I knew even then I would never be able to give her as much love as I wanted to, as much as she deserved. Because there would always be a part of me that was distracted. That would be constantly yearning for that raw, unfettered power. I looked down at her beautiful, shimmering light, already trying to numb myself against the deep pangs of regret.
