Sorry it took so long to update. Only two or three more parts to go. Thank you all for hanging in with me throughout my first Friends fic and the great reviews...doggone it, after all this work, I still don't own any of them.
Ross handed Rachel the lukewarm cardboard cup of coffee. He sipped at his own. There was an overwhelming sense of deja vu. They had been here before - within these cold, sterile white walls. Ross was at unease, but Monica was downright panicked.
Maybe he was in shock. This can't be happening again he repeated to himself over and over. But his brain knew what his heart did not want to know. He knew the minute his friend collapsed onto the foyer floor. It was happening again.
He was barely cognizant of the fact that Rachel had laid her head on his shoulder. A year ago, hell even a week ago that would have been all he was thinking about. But now his thoughts were consumed with Chandler and his sister. All he could do was think and wait for the doctor to appear, and pray they did not have to relive the nightmare.
It was another long hour before the doctor finally walked through the double doors. Ross roused a dozing Rachel. Monica got immediately to her feet. "Dr. Marshall. How is he? Is Chandler okay?" Her voice shook with fear.
"He's resting comfortably now. Why don't we go somewhere more private and talk?" He indicated a room down the hall.
"They can come too. They're - they're family too."
The doctor merely acknowledged them with a nod and ushered them into a tiny room. The group of four waited in nervous anticipation for him to begin speaking. He allowed them to sit down before beginning. "It seems that what Chandler experienced was a grand mal seizure based on the EEG findings and what Mr. Geller described."
Ross nodded. He had known that piece of information, but he stayed silent to hear what else the doctor had to say. Dr Marshall pulled out several scans and stuck them up on little boxes. When the boxes illuminated he pointed to several images. "We did a CT scan and an MRI of the brain to see why Chandler had this seizure." He turned towards Monica. "If you notice, it looks like someone took a salt shaker and sprinkled it over the scan."
Monica swallowed hard. "What - what is that," she choked out.
Dr. Marshall took a seat directly in front of her. He briefly scanned the room before allowing his eyes to rest on Monica again. "I wish I had better news. Monica, the cancer's back. The scan shows metastasis to the brain "
Monica drew in a sharp intake of breath. Three heads dropped simultaneously. Monica composed herself before speaking. "So when do we start treatment?"
The doctor scooted forward in his chair and laid on a hand on hers. He shook his head. "I'm so very sorry. Treatment at this point would only be palliative. It won't put him back in remission."
"So what are you are saying?" Monica's voice rose an octave with each word.
"Monica, I don't know how to tell you this, but..." He ran a hand over his face and met her eyes once again. "We can't cure it this time. Chandler has terminal cancer."
Monica broke down in loud, heartwrenching sobs. Phoebe and Rachel supported her as she rocked back and forth to move away from the pain. Ross's face scrunched up in disbelief. "So there is nothing that you can do," Ross asked indignantly.
The doctor gave a sad smile. "I wish things were different. But when it is this widespread throughout the brain there is very little hope of cure."
"How is this possible? All his tests were clean." Ross was clearly agitated.
"Sometimes, the cancer lies dormant. Something triggers it unexpectedly and certain types spread like wildfire.Like Chandler's." He knew his words were of little consolation, but it was the best explanation he had.
"How, um - how long are we talking about here, doc?" Ross leaned forward to hear the answer.
The doctor shrugged. "There's no finite timeline, but if I had to give a number I would say about six months. He might have a few more good months before he starts declining."
The doctor's last statement brought a new onslaught of tears from Monica. Ross realized he was also crying. "When you say declining..."
"We'll put him on medications to help control the seizures. But he'll grow tired and weak and unable to do things for himself. He may fall into a coma at the end."
"Oh my God! Jack's bath - the soap bottle." To the rest of them it appeared Monica was making no sense, but she knew what she had witnessed earlier was a sign. Chandler was already having some weakening. It took a few minutes, but she explained this to the doctor.
"This was just today," he questioned.
"Mmm-hmm." Monica looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink back the tears. "Does he know yet?"
Dr Marshall nodded. "I broke the news to him before I came to talk to you."
"We have to go see him now. He must be so scared." Monica pulled out her compact and checking herself in the little mirror.
"Mon, what are you doing," Ross put a hand on her arm.
"I cannot let Chandler see me like this. He hates it when I cry, and he's the one we should be worrying about. Let's go," Monica said decidedly.
Dr Marshall directed them to his room and left them to their private moment. The four entered the room as a group. Chandler's face was to the window so they moved quietly so as not to disturb him if he was sleeping.
As they made their way in, he rolled over sleepily. "Hey," he croaked out. Other than the drowsiness, he gave no sign that anything else was wrong.
"Hey, sweetie." Monica put on a brave face as she inched towards the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"A little tired," he mumbled. He patted the bed beside him. "C'mere."
She sat down tentatively, afraid of hurting him. She gazed at his face and marveled at how young and healthy he still looked. Monica could not allow herself to comprehend that in a few short months she would never be able to look at him, to speak to him, to touch him again.
These thoughts caused her to lose her resolve. Her chin quivered and she desperately fought the tears that wanted to overflow."Oh, Mon. Please don't cry." Chandler brushed away an errant tear.
She knew he would say that. She could finish his thoughts for him. How could someone she had loved and cared about all these years be slipping through her fingers? "Oh Chandler. Baby." She grasped his hand and clung onto it as it were life itself. She sniffed back yet more tears.
Chandler brought her hand up to his lips. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. "You know, don't you?"
Monica nodded slowly and let the tears come. Chandler pulled her down into a hug. It was all he could think of to do to comfort her. He kissed her forehead tenderly, and for the first time seemed to acknowledge the other three. "Hey," he greeted.
"Hey," they chorused. Ross shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, not sure of what to say. Rachel and Phoebe were both too choked up to say anything.
Chandler hated this awkward silence. "At least I don't have to go through anymore treatment," he weakly joked.
"That's not funny, Chandler." Monica wore a grave expression.
"No," he agreed. "Nothing about this is terribly funny."He shifted and tried to sit up, but his energy was sapped. Ross stepped forward and offered him a hand. "Thanks, man."
"Are you okay? Sorry, stupid question," Rachel hurriedly finished.
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I guess. But I am sorry I ruined your birthday again Phoebe."
"Don't worry about it. What's most important is that you're okay."
Chandler pondered this for a moment. "I guess I'm not really okay, am I?"
It was such an innocent question, but it carried such a heavy connotation. Monica stroked his face. "No baby, you're not." A tiny teardrop balanced on the end of her nose before it fell on the hospital sheet.
"When can I go home?" His voice so small, it almost seemed childlike.
Monica shook her head. "I don't know, sweetie. I didn't even think to ask."
"I'll go ask," Ross offered. He started to step through the door, but stopped short. "Um, do you want me to call Joey too?"
Chandler looked stricken. He cleared his throat. "Um, no. That's okay."
"You'd rather break it to him, huh? Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Of course I'm 'up to it', Ross. I'm not dead yet." He sighed deeply. "Joey is not to know, alright?"
"What," Phoebe exclaimed. "Why don't you want him to know? He's your friend and he would want to be here."
"That's why he can't know. I don't want him to give up his dream to come back home."
He halted a round of protests with his hand. "Promise me you won't tell him."
The group looked around at each other. Each was torn between honoring Chandler's wishes, and giving Joey a chance to spend Chandler's last few months with him.
"Promise me," Chandler said more firmly.
"I promise," Monica uttered. Rachel merely nodded.
"Pheebs?"
"Chandler - alright," she agreed reluctantly.
"Ross?"
"Chandler, doesn't he deserve to know?"
"Ross, this is my life and I am going to decide how I spend the rest of it and with whom. Don't make this harder on me than it has to be."
Ross looked guiltily at the floor. He didn't like it one bit. "Alright. But if things change..."he warned.
"Promise me," Chandler repeated.
"I promise."
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Chandler sat in the rocking chair in the twins room, cuddling Erica. He breathed in deeply and kissed the top of her head. He reached over the railing and stroked Jack's sleeping form. "You know, I love you guys so much. The last thing in the world I want to do is leave you guys. But this one's outta my hands. I hope when you guys grow up you will know how much I love you."
"I'll make sure they know," Monica appeared in the doorway. She crossed the room and took a sleeping Erica from him and laid her in the crib. She sat on his lap and laid her head on his shoulder.
"I'm gonna miss this," Chandler whispered. "Just holding you like this."
"I'll miss you more than you can ever know." She played with his hair.
"This wasn't supposed to be like this," he sighed. "I was supposed to be making you happy for the rest of my life."
"Chandler, you are making me happy for the rest of your life," she assured him. "You have fulfilled every promise you ever made to me, and then some."
"But I want to do more." He paused. "Well, there is one more thing I'd like to do."
Monica gave him a knowing look.
"Of course that. Always that. But I want to go see Joey before I can't get around anymore."
Monica inhaled. "I can understand that. But someone would go with you, right?"
"No. It's something I want to do by myself. I may not tell him the truth about what's going on, but I still want to say goodbye."
"Chandler, I don't think that's such a good idea. What if you have another seizure or something worse?" Monica prayed he would see the logic in her words.
"I haven't had a seizure in over a week. That's why I need to go soon before I'm no longer able to. And I don't want him to notice anything's wrong, either. If I wait much longer I'm afraid I won't be able to hide the truth from him."
Monica cupped his face in her hand and kissed him passionately. "As much as I hate the thought of you going alone, I can't deny you the chance to see Joey one last time."
Chandler breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I really need to do this. Just a couple of days is all I need."
"You'll call every day."
"Twice a day," he smiled at her. "I love you."
"I love you too." Monica stood up and gently pulled him to her. Chandler scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed and caressed her face. She moved into his touch and began exploring his body with her fingers.
They hungrily disrobed one another, sliding into each kiss as if it were their last. Their movements were frantic and hurried - so much so that he accidentally wacked her in the knee with the prosthetic leg. "Ow," she exclaimed without thinking.
"Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He mentally slapped himself for his clumsiness.
Chandler reached down to take it off, but Monica held his hand with her own. "No, let me."
He inwardly winced, but bit his tongue. After all, Monica was still with him even after he was handed a death sentence. And no pardon would be coming from the governor this time. If that didn't prove that she loved him unconditionally, then nothing would.
He willed himself to relax as she slid it off and tenderly kissed her way up his leg to his chest. They had never felt this close or connected. It was slow and sweet, and everything it should be. They didn't stop until the sun came up over the horizon.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"Monica! How can you let him do this," Ross was incensed.
"Ross, I am not 'letting' him do anything. It is something he has to do, okay," Monica retorted.
"By himself?"
"He's going to say goodbye, Ross. And I think that warrants a little privacy, don't you?" Monica had stopped packing the suitcase to face her brother. "He wants to do it now while he is still relatively healthy. Can't you understand that?"
"But I could go with him," Ross offered.
Monica grinned. "I already tried that tactic, but Chandler has made up his mind. He wants to spend a few last days with Joey. I've made my peace with it so you have to too." She resumed packing.
"Mon..." Ross capitulated. Obviously no amount of arguing would change either of their minds. He was worried. Something could easily happen between New York and LA. And the strain of the secrecy might cause Chandler's health to decline further faster. To Ross, it wasn't worth the risk.
"So does this mean you'll still take us to the airport?"
"Whatever..."
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"But, Ginaaaaa," Joey whined. "I don't wanna do another stupid interview. You tell Bobbie -" Joey was interrupted by a knock at the door. He got up to answer it, but pointed a finger at Gina. "This isn't over."
"Yes, it is Joey."
Joey threw her a look before he opened the door. "Chandler! Oh man, come in! Come in!" Joey literally drug him into the living room.
"Easy Joe, you might pee on the carpet."
Joey bounced around like a little kid. "You remember my sister? And this is my nephew, Michael."
"Ah yes. The sister I did not make out with." He gave Gina a wave and said hello to Michael.
"Wow, so you're Chandler. Joey talks about you all the time," Michael was in awe. Joey always talked about Chandler as if he were some mythic figure.
Chandler started to respond, but Joey led him over to the couch asking him question after question. "So where are you staying? Never mind, you're staying here. You don't care do you, Michael?"
"Whoa, slow down Joe before you bust a blood vessel. I was gonna stay at the hotel up the road."
"No way! You're staying with me. Michael, go home with your mother."
Chandler was becoming a little uncomfortable. He didn't want Joey to kick his nephew out to accommodate him. He started to protest, but Michael spoke up first. "Actually, that might not be a bad idea. I've been meaning to clean out my lab space and bring some of it over here. So this will give me the perfect opportunity to do that."
"Dude, you're a dork," Joey said. "But thanks."
"Yeah, thanks," Chandler added. "You're sure I'm not putting you out?"
"Nah." Michael waved a hand at him. "Mom'll dig it anyways."
Gina nodded happily in agreement. "So Chandler. How are you doing? Joey said you weren't doing too good a little while ago." She snapped on her gum, anticipating an answer.
Chandler gave such a slight pause it went unnoticed. "Really, really good. Monica's great. The twins are great. Everything's fine."
Joey could no longer contain himself. "Now that everyone's caught up - get out," he annunciated the last part to his sister and nephew. He ushered them out the door before even waiting for a response.
He turned to Chandler with a goofy grin on his face. "Let's get you settled in and then I am going to show you around this town."
Joey whisked him away to every major LA landmark, and even some not-so-well-known spots. Chandler was exhausted, but he was wont to put a damper on Joey's enthusiasm. It was one of his most endearing qualities, and Chandler wanted to soak up every minute of it.
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud beeping noise. "What was that," Joey asked.
"Just my watch," Chandler mumbled scratching the back of his neck. "Um, I promised Mon I would call and say goodnight to the twins. So if you don't mind...could we go back to your place?"
Joey looked disappointed but he started heading towards home. "Alright. You probably are pretty tired. But tomorrow, it's ultimate fireball baby!"
"Looking forward to it." And he really meant it. Joey's childlike wonder was infectious and made him forget his situation - at least until the beeping of his watch brought him back to reality.
Joey parked the car and bounded ahead to unlock the door. Chandler followed, "I'm gonna go wash up a little," he excused he hoped believably.
Joey pointed out the bathroom to him and grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge. "When you're done come out on the patio. We can play cups."
Chandler just smiled at him and turned around. He stepped into Michael's room where he would be staying, and unzipped the inner pouch of his suitcase. He looked around to make sure Joey was nowhere nearby, and then he hurriedly shook out a pill. He tossed it in his mouth and swallowed it dry.
He exited the bedroom and rushed into the bathroom to wash his hands, lest Joey get suspicious. Chandler was just drying his hands when Joey poked his head in. "What's holding you up? You're gonna miss it."
"Miss what?"
"I have a hot neighbor that walks around in the nude. Instead of ugly naked guy, I have hot naked chick out here." He put the beer in Chandler's hands and patted him on the shoulder. He then took off towards the patio. Chandler shrugged and followed. At least some things never changed.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Chandler found it nearly impossible to keep up with Joey. "Dude, you still suck at fireball. What's up with that?"
"Out of practice I guess. But I can safely say you won't be getting your safety deposit back here either, "Chandler glanced at the scorched part of the carpet, amused.
"Well, I'm friends with the landlord so it'll be okay." Joey's face lit up. "Hey whaddya say you and me go get in the hot tub?"
Chandler shook his head. "Didn't bring a swimsuit, Joe." He didn't want to divulge the real reason for his reluctance.
"Who doesn't bring a swimsuit to LA? You can wear one of mine - that I didn't go commando in," he added hurriedly seeing Chandler's expression.
"Still, no"
"Awww. C'mon. Why?" Joey's pouted and his puppy dog eyes begged Chandler. "You love to swim."
"Used to, Joe. Used to. It isn't exactly easy these days," he mumbled under his breath.
Joey pointed a finger at him. "You're going." He disappeared up the stairs and returned a minute later throwing a swimsuit Chandler's direction. Chandler caught it mid-air. Rather than argue the point, he went to get dressed. He would figure out how to get from point A to point B in a minute.
Joey was waiting with two towels when he emerged from the bathroom. He looked his best friend up and down. "Oh man. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." Chandler suppressed a smile. The joke was too obvious, even for him. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. Really."
Chandler shrugged. "You really want to. What's a little embarrassment between friends?"
Joey helped him into the hot tub and climbed in beside him. He seemed to really look at Chandler for the first time. "So, how are you doing really, man?"
Chandler put on his best game face. "Everything's great, Joe." He didn't exactly answer the question, but he hoped Joey wouldn't notice.
"Really," Joey probed.
"Yep."
Joey thankfully didn't press the issue. Instead they fell into reminiscing. Neither Chandler nor Joey had laughed that much in a long time. They continued that way throughout dinner and into the night. "Man, I can't believe you have to go home tomorrow. This sucks."
"Yeah, it really does, doesn't it," Chandler agreed. And then he said what would normally be very uncharacteristic for him to say. "Joe, I just want you to know that..." he forced a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck."You know once in a lifetime a friend comes along..." Chandler was having difficulty putting his feelings into words. "Wow, this is harder than I thought."
"Chan, you don't have to say anything. I know."
"No, I think I need to say this." He inhaled deeply and blew out a breath. "Okay. I just want you to know that you are the best friend I ever had. And besides being with Mon, being roommates was the best time I ever had in my life."
Joey looked off in the distance. "Yeah, we did have some great times didn't we?"
"Absolutely. I totally miss you, but I am so glad things are going so well for you out here. I only want good things for you - you totally deserve it."
"You're not doing too bad yourself, huh? You're a new daddy. And things with Monica are pretty good, right?" Joey grinned at him.
"Couldn't be better." Chandler hesitated before laying it out on the table. "I just want you to know how much I love you, man. Please don't ever forget that."
"Awww, Chan..." Both guys were starting to tear up a little, and doing a poor job of hiding it from the other. "Dude, I love you too. And there's no way I could ever forget my best bud." Joey hugged Chandler so he couldn't see his face.
I'm absolutely counting on it, buddy, Chandler thought.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Joey struggled with the luggage. Chandler breathed a sigh of relief. If Joey had noticed anything was amiss these past few days, he gave no indication. "Dude, what did you pack?"
Chandler smirked. "Maybe it's the operator, not the equipment."
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Chandler pulled something out of his pocket and held it out towards Joey. "I want you to keep this."
"But I gave you that bracelet," Joey looked hurt.
Chandler averted his eyes. "I know. Just keep it on you until we see each other again."
Joey didn't realize the heaviness those words carried. He fingered the 'best buds' bracelet. "I can't believe you kept it all this time. I thought you hated that thing."
"Nope, 'cause you gave it to me."
Joey grinned happily. "Awww, but I can't keep this."
"Sure you can. Something to remember me by." Chandler gave a sad smile.
Joey nodded his acceptance. "Okay, but next time you come visit I'm giving this back to you."
Chandler's smile faltered just briefly. He took it from Joey and clasped it on his best friend's wrist. There was a moment of hesitation. Chandler knew he had to board that plane back to New York and his wife and children, but his feet stood rooted in that spot. What he wouldn't give for one more day to spend with Joey. An extra hour, even. But it was time.
"I'll miss you, Joe."
"Yeah, me too. But I'll see you again."
Chandler gave a noncommital nod. He reached in to hug his best friend for the last time. Chandler lingered just a little longer than usual. He clapped Joey on the back. "Good bye, man."
"Goodbye." Chandler shuffled down the gateway. "Give those babies a kiss from their Uncle Joey," he called after Chandler.
Chandler barely heard him as he angrily swiped away the tears. His whole body was weighed down with the gravity of what he had just done. He had just said the first of many more goodbyes to come.
Okay...ducks for cover...don't shoot me.. I've been wanting to write this for a long time. Hopefully despite the content you will stick with me :) I promise there won't be too many tears...okay maybe some ;)
