We settled into a pattern. With Gabriel, Starfire, Victor, Logan and Raven all here, waiting for us almost. Saving lives as they could. The rest of us would stay for weekends or breaks. I would always try and head over after school, but sometimes had to stay, write essays the like.
Robin and Kon continued to argue. They both seemed to be going through the impossibility of puberty, and the worry that glimpses of the future had shown them. Gabriel had been quiet through their loud arguments over good and evil. He didn't offer a word in, even when asked, almost begged by Kon about how the evil within might destroy him.
Gabriel's calm personality found a friend in Victor. Victor spent most of his time with Gabriel, helping him cope with the wings. Sometimes I would arrive to see Victor calmly talking with an almost enraged Gabriel. These moments seemed to draw the two close. Giving Victor someone who he could help, who desperately needed help. And it gave Gabriel someone who he could talk to.
I was jealous that I couldn't be the one who he went to. But part of me was mature enough to understand. The other part was the more prevalent, a whiny child who cried out "I want!"
But Gabriel was really open among us. He didn't like to go outside. The pain of walking around and having people stare at his wings was too much. Logan didn't understand, and neither could I. Starfire was happy to have people look at her, she invited it. She almost bragged. Robin didn't really spend much time hanging out with us. But to me Gabriel was the most conspicuous when he wasn't going out. Maybe because I had a huge crush on him.
But he didn't come out with us. Not that no one ever asked him. Often Gar begged jokingly kneeling and clasping his hands together. But Gabriel had an excuse.
Sometimes he left in the middle of the night, I would watch him. He'd wear dark clothing, a large black coat that covered all but the tips of his wings and he'd walk away. I never followed him much though I wanted to. Instead I'd sit up in the common room. Making a perpetual cup of tea. Drinking one almost as soon as I'd finished making it. I would wait, and Gabriel would come in and wordlessly take the tea I offered.
He sat quietly sipping at the berry flavored tea.
"How many did you drink tonight?"
"What?"
Gabriel looked up at me smiling slightly, "I mean how many cups?"
"Oh" I could feel myself blushing deeply, looking over at him. He looked into his cup pensively. "About twenty"
"You're insane" Gabriel chuckled lightly.
"I know" I looked up grinning. "Um" I wanted to ask about where he went, the story about Terra that Gar had told me was always prevalent. Most of us trusted Gabriel implicitly, just because he could do no wrong. But I worried.
"Its nothing" He said looking down at his cup again, his hair almost fell into the hot mixture.
"Okay" I said. Not wanting to become an asshole like Tim can be.
"Did you ever belive in God?" Gabriel asked quickly.
"What?"
"Like did you ever?"
"Um not really, we always have the speed force" I said uncertainly. I had grown up in a fake world why would I need god?
"But did you ever wonder why?"
"Yeah, every time I go out with everyone"
He gripped the cup. "You would think I would have more belief then anyone." He whispered.
"What?"
"I mean I saw him, her, it the giver. There was no real definition. What I saw" he bit his lip. Not knowing if he could tell me or not. "It looked like a kid. Long brown hair, clean shaven. Baseball cap. Looked like the kinda guy you could talk to. But that was only a split second. Then I was praying. What if I was delusional. What if what gave me these powers was just…" he sighed "A medical miracle."
I gulped, wanting to help him. His eyes were getting angry. "I go to church" He whispered "My old one in my neighbor hood. And when ever I think that I'm doing good. I go down there. And I see the hell that people live in. Its like listening to Tim talk about Bludhaven." He sighed. "I know I'm doing good. But is this what that thing saved me for?" He sighed "Why me? Why not someone who isn't afraid to leave the house?" He bit his lip, pulling it into his mouth. "I don't deserve this"
"Yeah ya do" I said. I don't know why. "I mean, its hard for anyone to get this stuff. Cassie hasn't figured it out, neither has Gar, or Tim or me even. Being born with it doesn't make it easier." I sighed.
"But you all can leave"
"Victor doesn't normally"
"He has reasons"
"So do you, you've been Angel for what? Three months?"
"Yeah"
"Three months to discover who you are?" I gulped "I mean how long did it take to come to terms with being gay?" It was hard for me to say the word, not because I was embarrassed, but because I wanted to know if I was. If anything I was ashamed not to be able to be out, whatever I was.
"Years" he said.
"Then maybe its not all bad"
"You know what, thanks" He grinned "The tea's great" He stood up and as he passed me, he ruffled my hair, hand staying in for a little longer then needed, stroking the length gently for a second. "I really like having you to talk to when I get in"
I smiled turning back and watching him, making sure he was gone before I did a victory dance and ran to the bathroom.
