DISCLAIMER: HG Characters do not belong to me.

Katniss's handwriting will be in italics.

A/N: To reviewer Guest: your post was not deleted, it just takes a couple of days to show up. I've noticed when someone posts as a guest this site has a delay on posts/reviews showing up. I will not delete any comments unless they are what I consider pointless or spam i.e. Peeta/Kantiss 4ever. So please don't be discouraged from posting reviews.

I did delete a post that just said "real or not real". Again I consider that pointless. Which by the way I admit was my error-I read the hunger games books so long ago I thought the saying was "true or false" instead of "real or not real". I should have checked it before I began the story but at this point I decided to keep it the way it is. Doesn't hurt to change some things up.

Chapter 51-The Letter

When Gale got back to his apartment after dropping Posy off at his Mom's house, he saw that Dez still wasn't home yet. He decided to take the opportunity to open up the sealed envelope Katniss gave him. He figures it is a thank you card, but his curiosity got the better of him when Katniss told him to open it alone. After taking Harper out on a quick walk around the block he goes into the bedroom, closing the door in case Dez comes home. He sits on the bed and opens the envelope. Inside is indeed a thank you note, addressed to him and Dez. Katniss writing Thanks again! at the bottom of the card and signing it.

A folded up piece of notebook paper is inside. He knows this is what she wants him to read alone. He opens up the paper and begins reading:

Dear Gale,

I decided to write you this letter because you know I am not good with expressing my feelings, especially in person. I have learned since the rebellion writing words comes more naturally to me. When I first returned to District 12 with Peeta and Haymitch, we started working on a book-a memorial of sorts for all of the people who died. I would write details about them and Peeta would draw a picture if we didn't have a picture of them to put in the book. It was while doing this project that I discovered writing helps me. And I think writing this letter will help me say to you what I wanted to say to you for a long time.

When Peeta first returned to District 12, I no longer felt alone. I realized someone had come back for me, someone who'd be there for me and love me. When he planted the Primrose bush outside my house I realized I truly needed him, he was my dandelion in the spring. Peeta coming back reminded me life can go on, no matter how bad. I learned to love again, and love I did. I needed a sense of purpose again. And I got it, for a little while. We wrote the book, we started to help rebuild the district. But then, I realized, I was just going through the motions. Peeta went back to his passion-baking and I-went back to nothing. I hunted, but that's about it. I hunted because it gave me a sense of peace. Going through the motions helped me survive Prim's death, but it's not enough anymore. I didn't want to go to the wild territory and be with the Native's-my Mother and Peeta forced my hand, the stubborn person that I am. At first I just wanted to come back to District 12-not taking my time there seriously. But then, things started to change, I found being there gave me a different sense of peace than I what I experienced in the woods in District 12. I no longer had nightmares, and I learned to look at things differently, especially things regarding you.

They say when one grieves, there's different stages-denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When Prim died, my grief for her tied into my relationship with you. There wasn't any denial-I was there when she died, saw it with my own eyes. But there was a lot of anger. Anger at you for the bomb design, anger at my Mom for allowing her to go that day. It was easy in my anger to cut ties with you, have limited contact with my Mom. By doing that I didn't go through the bargaining stage of grief and went straight into depression. I've been in the depression stage for a long time, even with Peeta's support and love. As I said before, Peeta helped me realize life goes on, I just thought for me what I had in District 12 was what it was going to be. It wasn't the greatest life, but it was good enough, I thought I was happy enough. But being away, I saw that what I had in District 12, wasn't enough. I wanted more.

The tribe helped me reach my final stage-acceptance. I accepted what I knew deep down all along, that while I loved Peeta, my love for him was not strong enough to keep me going in 12. It wasn't enough to satisfy what I wanted out of life. I want to do a job that interests me, not just because it is what's available in my district. Maybe if I was different, had things been different, it would have been enough, but it wasn't. With Prim gone I need a new purpose, I think teaching children will be that purpose that I need. To help teach the future children of Panem that they have more hope and opportunities now than ever before.

I also accepted what I knew was suppressed deep down inside me concerning my feelings for you. In my anger stage I thought I didn't need your fire to keep me going, that all I needed was Peeta's light. Things happen for a reason in life, the tribe taught me that. I have accepted that Prim is gone, that even with all I tried to do, I couldn't save her from her fate. Instead of keeping to my word and staying by your side and causing all kinds of trouble with you, fate pulled me back into the games and the rebellion. If that hadn't happened, I would have stayed with you, been yours. I don't know what our life would have been like, but you would have been by my side-always. But the Capitol didn't allow that for you and me. In District 13 I was so focused on Peeta, on getting him back, I didn't focus on us. In my grief and anger, I suppressed all feelings I had for you and buried them-deep inside me. I tried to forget. Like I told Peeta once he and I first got back from the games-to forget what had happened.

That's what I've always been good at doing when I want to avoid something-forget. I wouldn't allow myself to forget Prim, thinking of her made me think of you, and my anger resurfaced. Rain taught me that I needed to separate my feelings, that I shouldn't allow Prim's death to keep fueling my anger at you. I have finally done that. Rain told me, that if you are still the person I knew before the rebellion, that it was the real you. Being with you again has made me realize, you are still that person, that person who was once my closest friend. While we not have agreed on how to handle certain things during the rebellion, you were still always there for me. I'm sorry I was not there for you.

The tribe taught me never to regret, to never look back and wish I could change things that cannot be unchanged. There is only one thing I regret, my relationship with you. Fate took Prim away from me, took away my Father, the other people in my life that I cared for. While I will always have a void in my life because of their deaths, I don't regret anything. But with you, I regret not realizing sooner what I tried to suppress, that I love you, I always have. I realized it the day you were whipped, that you were mine and I was yours. But I let you go and chose Peeta. There's a reason I never married Peeta, why I refused to have children with him despite the many times he begged me to. He wanted to complete our family, but I would never commit to him. Not in the way he wanted me to. I realize now I wouldn't commit because of my suppressed feelings for you.

When I saw you on TV, I used to wonder whose lips you were kissing. I knew you'd move on without me. I know you are not mine anymore, while it is my biggest regret, I have accepted it. You deserve happiness, the life you have built for yourself is wonderful. I only hope I can build something similar for myself. Whether it be in District 4 or somewhere else.

So, I will end this letter with saying again, things happen for a reason in life. Unfortunate circumstances brought us back to one another, but there is a reason for it. I got my fire back, the fire inside me that keeps me going. The fire that had been burned out after the rebellion ended. You brought it out of me again. I wanted to thank you for that. Thank you for being the kind of friend not everyone in life is fortunate enough to have. As my Mother said, we are two peas in a pod you and I.

I hope you find happiness with Dez, that your future is everything you hope it will be. Even if we drift apart, you'll always be my best friend, I never had a best friend before I met you, and I haven't had one since despite the close friendships I did form with others. What we had was special and can never be replaced.

I'm sorry I never told you I loved you back the day I asked you to run away with me. I hope you can someday forgive me. I have accepted the choices I made, but I still wanted to let you know how I felt and still feel.

Love,

Katniss

He sits for a few moments, unable to react to what he has just read. Then his emotions take over and he rips the letter up, letting the pieces fall the floor. He gets up and begins throwing whatever objects he sees around the room. He ends up breaking a couple of photo frames and a lamp, the other objects unharmed in his fury. He hears Harper whimper from behind the door, Gale relieved that he kept him out of the room while he read the letter. He falls to the floor on his knees and begins crying, the tears falling down his face, tasting the saltiness of them. He can't stop crying. He's angry and sad at the same time. He wonders how it is possible to love and hate someone, for that is how he feels about Katniss at this moment.

A/N: Just a little preview to let the readers know, Galeniss is still not happening quite yet-you will start to see time jumps in the next few chapters.