DISCLAIMER: HG characters do not belong to me.
Words not spoken in English will be italicized.
A/N: I see some think Katniss is totally OOC, I get it, while it is disappointing some are no longer reading the story, I will say this-Katniss cannot be totally in character, if she was, this would be an Everlark story. In order for her to be with Gale, she has to change a little. But, I am going to try to right the ship sort of speak and put her back into character more. Because I don't want to lose readers. I have yet to see anyone say Gale is OOC so I guess I am going decent with him.
Chapter 69-Shell
Katniss stared in silence on the train ride back to Harvest Moon. When she had finally stopped crying at Child Services, she got on her feet and brushed off Gale's arm, saying she was fine. Her demeanor changed and she didn't speak another word. She stared in silence and showed no response or emotion when Gale said he was going for a quick walk to stretch his legs. He had tried to comfort her when they first got on, turning his body to face her and wrapping his arm around her waist, trying to pull her forward, but she quickly pulled back and brushed his arm away.
When he came back ten minutes later, he sees she is in the same position when he left. He sits down beside her and looks at her, when he sees she is still unresponsive he faces forward and they sit in total silence the rest of the way.
When they arrive back to her apartment, she goes into her room and heads into the shower. She avoids looking at River's crib that is still in the room. While waiting for the water to get warm, she stands in front of her mirror naked and stares at herself. She looks at her scars and thinks back on all the scars her body has endured. She then quickly takes a shower and gets dressed, knowing she needs to get to the school by 10 am. She hurriedly dries her hair and braids it, not having time to do anything else with it. When she heads out into her small living room she sees Gale sitting on her couch, reading what looks like a report. She assumes he brought some of his work with him. She quickly goes into the kitchen to fix her lunch when she hears him say, "I made your lunch; it's in the refrigerator." She grabs it and says, "Thanks" while gathering her stuff to leave.
"I'll see you later" she says while walking to the door and heads out, not looking back.
When she gets the school, she sees the children are working on a test. She quietly sits down at her desk and begins taking out her lesson plan for today as well as turning in next week's plans to McKenna. Once the children finish their test they break for lunch. While in the teacher's lounge McKenna says to Katniss, "How are you holding up?"
Katniss can only raise her arm up in response, pleading with her eyes to McKenna not to speak anything more on the subject. Instead they make small talk, just the two of them though Katniss doesn't say much and only listens while McKenna talks.
Before going back into the classroom, Katniss knows she needs to be more responsive or else she will be reviewed badly by McKenna. Each week she strives to improve, taking all of McKenna's advice to heart and works on ways to do better. Next week is the half way point, and knows she needs to make it through this week. She reaches into her purse and takes out the bottle containing her morphling pills. She twirls the bottle in her hands, contemplating what she wants to do. Knowing she needs to get back in there soon, she opens the bottle and takes out two pills and swallows them down with water she scooped into her hands from the sink.
McKenna notices she is more animated and responsive after lunch. She asks Katniss about her change in mood after the children go home for the day. Katniss responds by saying, "I need to focus on the task at hand, I don't want you giving me a bad review."
"I wouldn't give you a bad review for being off one day. You didn't have to come in today, it is okay to miss a couple of days, PES isn't that strict."
"No, I don't want to be at my apartment. I'd rather be here."
"Is Gale still there?"
"Yes, he's-making sure his stuff gets picked up by Child Services."
"I think the two of you should go out tonight, get your mind off of things."
"I think you should mind your own business."
McKenna gets a look of shock on her face and says, "Sorry, it was just a suggestion."
"I don't know what Gale's plans are, he could be on the train heading back by now."
"I seriously doubt that. There's no way he'd leave without saying goodbye to you."
"Why? Because that's what Ceasar would have you believe? You know nothing about my relationship with Gale."
"You're right I don't. All I do know, is that you two have amazing sex. Have a good night Katniss" McKenna says harshly as she turns and leaves the classroom, having had enough of Katniss's attitude.
When Katniss arrives back to her apartment, she sees that all of River's stuff is gone. She also sees that Gale had cooked dinner for the two of them and had her small table ready for them to eat. "Hey-how was your day?" she hears him call out from her bedroom.
"I survived" she says as she sees him emerge. She can tell he had just gotten out of the shower.
He comes over to her and hugs her, she hugs him back but does it in a way that shows she is just going through the motions.
Her actions do not go unnoticed and she sees him start to look uncomfortable as he says, "Are you hungry?"
She shrugs in response and says, "I could eat."
They eat practically in silence, he tells her a little about the report he was reading about and what he was currently doing on his job. She however, fails to say anything.
He asks if she wants to go for a walk when they finish, but she declines and says she needs to get to work on her lesson plans for the rest of the week. She finishes at 9 pm and when she goes into her bedroom she sees Gale reading on her bed, still immersed in the report he was reading earlier.
She brushes her teeth and washes her face before getting into her sleep clothes and climbing on the bed. She feels Gale's eyes on her the entire time she has been there, refusing to make eye contact with him.
"I'm not going to ask if you want to talk about what happened today" he says as she lays down.
"Good" she says blankly.
"Did you take a morphling pill today?"
She doesn't respond and sits in silence, staring at the wall, her back turned from him.
"That's what I thought. Peeta told you his love was not enough, I guess mine's not either. Don't become a shell of your former self, I will figure out a way to help you. You haven't been yourself since the day I rescued you on the boat, I get why, but this can't go on Katniss."
Suddenly it becomes dark in the room. After he turns off the lamp she feels him shift to lay down. She stares and after about a half an hour, she can tell he is sleeping. She quietly gets out of her bed and heads into the living room. She takes out a piece of paper and begins writing a letter, one to Peeta, and one to Haymitch. She seals the letters and places them by her purse. She then goes back into the bathroom and stares at herself in the mirror. She sees tired eyes looking back at her and says aloud, "My name is Killing Bird. I was a member of the Sioux tribe. I was once a warrior, but now, I am no one."
She quietly goes back into her room and packs a bag and changes, she takes down her dreamcatcher and places it in her bag. She grabs her purse and the letters and places them in her bag. She grabs her bow and arrow from the closet and puts her father's jacket on. Finally, she places a note by her nightstand and quickly leaves her apartment.
A/N: I know this is probably unexpected, but it will make more sense later. I think you probably know where she is heading.
