A/N: Writing Jim with another woman feels like a betrayal. Honestly. I get mad at myself even as I'm typing. But it looks like what Becky's selling - Jim ain't buying anymore.
So at least that's something. ;)
And she's not all bad. She's got some good ideas.
Jim should listen to her. (:
Chapter Four
Email was quickly becoming Jim's best friend. It was perfect. It was as if Pam was sitting right across from him again, just like he was back in the old office.
Which, sadly, he actually missed more than he cared to admit.
He smiles at her latest report about Dwight and Angela, cringes when she tells him about Michael harassing her about Jan, laughs out loud at just the way he can practically hear her voice through the monitor.
They hadn't talked in person since she called him a week ago, lamenting the fact that Roy had moved on. And in a way, he honestly preferred simply writing to her. How else could he talk to her all day long?
He starts to respond to her latest email and suddenly stopped short. The image of Roy and Katy prompted another question. What type of guy would Pam eventually move on with?
The only thing he knows is that it would obviously not be him.
As he reads her words he's vaguely aware that he keeps waiting for a hint, a clue as to how she felt, if she has any feelings for him at all. The feeling is achingly familiar. It's suddenly like he was right back in Scranton, watching her with Roy.
Actually, it was almost more torturous this way, miles away from her, just imaging who would be the lucky guy.
Shaking the thoughts from his head, Jim starts to type again, but his heart just isn't in it. He closes his email and picks up the phone. It was time that he got some work done anyway.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Pam wanders into her apartment, yawning as she kicks off her Keds. She is surprised by how much she enjoys living alone.
She only has to cook for one, and some nights, like this one, she decides not to cook at all. She eats ice cream right out of the carton - and that's her dinner. And she has the remote all to herself.
Practically every night she quickly changes into pajamas and curls up on the couch, sipping a glass of wine. When she clicks on the TV, it's more for company than anything else. And like every other night it takes a record three seconds for her thoughts to turn to Jim.
She'd missed him today, more than usual. She'd emailed him right before lunch but he hadn't replied. He must be busy.
Despite the fact that his new job took him so far away, she was proud of him. Really, really proud. She knew he must be doing so well. She had always known that his talents had been wasted in Scranton. Jim, as much as he would not want to admit it, was a born salesman. He was honest, genuine, trustworthy, and funny. Everyone loved him. It made his job easy.
Everyone loves him. Pam thinks with a sigh. What is not to love?
It was actually better that they didn't talk much today. Because today, she had found out something that made her so giddy she was afraid she might burst. Jan had called and let her know that she had an interview - for the graphic design internship. Which, as luck would have it, was in the Stamford office. In just two weeks she'd be able to see him. In person. She had decided not to tell him she was coming. She could hardly wait to surprise him.
Pam lays her head down on the arm of the couch, sighing as her eyes begin to grow heavy.
She drifts off to sleep, the television droning on, and when she begins to dream, as usual, she dreams of him.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
That night Jim ends up at Becky's because frankly she's…there. And being with her is not at all complicated. It's always been simple. And simple is exactly what he needs right now.
"That was great." Jim says as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.
"The best take out money can buy." Becky laughs as she moves to clear his plate.
"I thought you said you'd be making me dinner." He laughs back.
"Trust me, if I'd cooked you'd have been taking life into your own hands." She takes a long sip of her wine as she crosses the room and sits down on the floor next to him. Her voice turns into a husky whisper. "It's safer this way."
He smiles slightly as he plays with the stem of his wineglass. With a gleam in her eye, she reaches over and tugs on his tie.
"Hey." She says softly as she leans closer to him.
"Hey." He whispers back.
Before she can stop herself, her lips touch his gently, then a little more urgently. And even though he barely moves, almost immediately she can feel him pulling away.
He sighs and turns his head. He can't be sure what's going on but right now this…thing? It's not working for him anymore. Since he began talking to Pam again he can't block her from his mind. His hand moves to thread through Becky's hair and it's not what he's expecting. It's too…short, it's too…straight. She simply doesn't feel…right.
Suddenly, he's back in the office in Scranton, watching Pam as she leans against the desk, twisting the cord of his phone in her fingers. She looked…amazing and for the second time that night he leapt before he looked, not at all caring that she'd just seemed to reject him.
When he saw her standing there he was unable to stop himself as his arms reached out and drew her close.
It was an absolutely incredible feeling. Finally getting another chance to feel his lips on hers, to taste her, to breathe in the scent the she wore. He remembers it now and shuts his eyes tightly.
It had ultimately lasted only a few seconds, but he'd be damned if it wasn't the best few seconds of his life.
Pam's skin smelled soft and clean, like fresh cut grass or a maybe a field of wildflowers. He's never actually been in a field of wildflowers but that's the image it puts in his mind. He basks in the memory and tries to keep himself from remembering the rest of the night, and how it had taken such an incredibly bad turn.
Slowly returning back to the present, his stomach starts to turn when he buries his face in the crook of Becky's neck and gets a whiff of her perfume. It's all wrong. It's too spicy, too sultry, too…much.
More than anything it was simply not Pam.
As she sits back on her heels, she's more disappointed than she cares to admit. "Jim? What's going on?"
"Hmmm?" He replies, distracted.
Becky clears her throat and says words she doesn't truly feel. "We have a good thing going here don't we? No strings - remember?"
"Yeah." He shifts so he's a nearly a foot away from her now. "I remember."
This isn't how tonight was supposed to go, she thinks with a sigh. Becky stifles her pride and stares at him. "She's not here." She leans close again. "I am."
Pam may not physically be there, but that statement is far from true.
His hands are pushing her back. "Becky. Stop."
She's frustrated now, in more ways than one. Annoyance fills her voice as she shakes her head at him. Not willing to give up so quickly she moves closer still as she whispers. "Just…let it go."
"It's not that easy." Jim reaches over and slowly, deliberately, takes her hand off his thigh.
As he stands and walks to the other side of the room she bitterly replies. "It is that easy. You just won't let it be."
He realizes what a mistake he's made. He should have known better. This couldn't lead to anything good. He's ashamed that he didn't realize it before.
"I'm sorry." Is all he can think to say to that.
"No. I'm sorry." Becky stands and shakes her hair back, feeling guilty for pinning this all on him. She'd always known there was someone else.
She wasn't about to beg. She knew when to admit defeat. "I always knew it might end up like this. I knew how you felt about her - from the very beginning.."
His eyes are full of sadness as he gazes over at her, "I don't know. I keep thinking one day I'll wake up and be over her."
"Doesn't seem to be working out that well for you." She smiles slightly as she looks back at him.
"No." He chuckles bitterly. "Doesn't seem to."
"You need to tell her." Becky grabs her glass and drains the last of her wine, wishing it was something much stronger. "Because trust me, the next woman you get involved with might not be this understanding."
"I've already told her." Jim shakes his head.
"Tell her again." Becky shrugs. "Maybe she didn't hear you."
Jim wants to tell her that there is no way in hell Pam didn't get the message but he suddenly feels guilty and it dawns on him what's so wrong. He feels like he's betraying Pam - simply by talking about her with someone else.
"I should go." He says as he turns away and searches for his coat.
"Yeah. You should go." Becky replies.
He's out the door so quickly she can't even believe it. This girl must be something else, is all she can think.
As she watches the door close, complete and utter disappointment sneaks in and clamps down on her heart. Becky is suddenly insanely jealous because it must be so incredibleto have someone so completely...gone…over you like that. Someone so far gone that they block out anything and everything else. She wonders if she'll ever know what it's like to be on the receiving end of something like that.
"Lucky girl." She mutters under her breath as she sinks down on the couch and refills her wineglass. "Very lucky girl..."
xoxoxoxoxo
The sound of the phone startles her. Blindly her hand reaches out and she fumbles before finally managing to turn it on.
"Mmm. What? Hello?"
He winces when she answers. He'd needed to hear her voice so badly that he didn't even notice the time.
"Pam. Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. God, it's later than I thought."
"Jim..." She sighs heavily.
"Yeah. Go back to sleep." He whispers. "It's OK. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Jim." She says again, her voice pleading a bit.
"Yeah?"
He can tell she's still not awake. Her voice is incredibly groggy. "I'm dreaming, right? You're not here?"
"Yeah. That's right." He smiles, imagining what she looks like, curled up in bed, her eyes full of sleep. "You're dreaming."
"It's a really good dream." She mumbles too low for him to hear.
"What?"
It's no use. Her reply is completely incoherent.
He's actually relieved. He wasn't even sure what he'd planned to say anyway. Jim smiles as he whispers, "Sleep tight, Pam."
He hangs up the phone and shuts his eyes and as usual when he does he can only see her.
This is crazy. Becky is absolutely right. He needs to do something. He just isn't sure what.
After all - he's already told Pam he loves her. Shouldn't that be enough?
