DISCLAIMER: HG characters do not belong to me.

Katniss's handwriting will be in italics.

Chapter 90-The Letter II

April 23

"I love you" Gale says breathing heavily while thrusting deeply into her while pinning her hands above her head. He had just come home from his trip, he was gone longer than expected, and hadn't seen her in almost 3 weeks. Needless to say they were both eager to spend time alone after going out to dinner that night.

She leans up and kisses him in response. After she leans back down she says, "Love you too" looking at him with a look of pure love in her eyes.

She frees her hands from his grip and moves to turn around and lays down on her stomach, reaching for him to enter her from behind. He obliges and gently pushes into her and begins his rhythm again. After a few moments, no longer not wanting to see her face, he forcefully turns her around and grabs her legs and scoots her towards him. He brings her legs up around his shoulders and he reaches down and inserts himself into her and rapidly picks up the pace from before.

She looks at him with desire as he continues his movements, loving the fact that he was being gentle yet forceful at the same time. Seeing the look on her face, he grabs both of her breasts and begins teasing her nipples with his fingers, causing her to whimper in response. Needing the feel of his lips on hers, she brings her legs down and leans up and meets him halfway as he bends down and begins kissing her, his tongue inside her mouth hungrily. He pulls her into his lap while he continues his movements, wrapping his arms around her back and bringing her closer to him while moving her up and down rapidly. Enjoying the sensation of feeling him inside her while locked in an embrace, she breaks away from his lips and leans her head back and he begins kissing her neck softly.

Knowing he is about to orgasm, he moves away from her neck and looks into her gray eyes while he comes inside her. She gives him a quick kiss before moving off of his lap, noticing the white substance between her legs. He uses a sheet to clean her off.

"We'll need to wash these sheets" he says grinning at her while stripping off the sheet he just used, the two of them then lay down on the bed, and he curls up next to her, his head on her shoulder.

She stokes his hair as he continues to lean his head on her shoulder, after a few minutes she asks, "How was your trip?" realizing she hadn't asked while at dinner.

"Good but boring. I was glad I had Harper with me to keep me occupied in the evenings. And I missed you, it's getting harder and harder being away from you."

She feels the same way when apart from him. While they were used to being away from each other for long periods of time, after living together for the last seven months and now that they were married, being apart was at times almost unbearable.

"Same here" she says softly.

He leans up and kisses her, once his head returns back down to her shoulder he feels his eyes start to get heavy, exhausted from traveling all day. Not wanting the moment to end he gets up and pulls her into the shower. Once inside her pins her to the wall and gets down on one knee, pulling her leg up and draping it over his shoulder. Wanting to make up for the fact that she hadn't come earlier, he begins going down on her, teasing her with his tongue, knowing exactly what movements drive her over the edge while the hot water pours down on them while she moans in pleasure. Once she comes, he gets up and lets her lean on him, steadying her while she feels her heart rate return to normal, wrapping her arms around him tight not wanting to let go.

A few hours later, the sheets washed and Gale sleeping soundly on the bed, she sits in the lounge chair in their room and finishes the last chapter of the book she is reading. Still not feeling tired though she knows she should go to bed, she heads downstairs and grabs a pen and some paper and sits at their dining room table, knowing if she does not do this now she never will, she begins to write furiously.


April 27

Peeta arrives back to the Victor's Village at 4 pm, his usual time after his day at the bakery. He checks his mail and sees an envelope addressed to him. Recognizing Katniss's handwriting immediately, he goes inside quickly and sits down at the dining room table they once shared. The table he now eats at alone or with Haymitch.

He sees she has written him a letter, suddenly feeling anxious he begins reading:

Dear Peeta,

I hope you are well and that your medication is continuing to work for you. You are in my thoughts often. I saw Johanna Mason recently and she is doing well, she has a two year old daughter named Holly and is a small business owner like you in District 7. And like you she is experiencing health issues and has terrible headaches. I can't help but wonder if what is happening to both of you is some kind of after affect from the torture you both endured from the Capitol. Seeing what the Capitol did to both of you, is something that will haunt me forever.

While I hope you will allow Haymitch to keep me updated in regards to what happens in the future regarding your health, there is something I wanted you to know and hear from me first. Gale and I got married. We married right before the New Year. It was a small ceremony with only my Mother and his family present. It also happened very quickly and I was surprised when he proposed. Besides our families, no else knows. I know how much this must hurt you, for you had asked me so many times in the past to marry you and each time I refused.

When I said I never wanted to be married while living in 12 that was the truth. Had I stayed, I never would have married.

I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I am asking for it. I'm asking you to forgive me for hurting you and leaving behind the life we had. I sometimes wonder if I had asked you to join me in District 4 when I decided to become a teacher what our lives would have been. Would we have married and eventually had children if we ended up in another District? The truth is, I think that would have happened. It is why I say I do not deserve your forgiveness. I robbed you from having what you most wanted due to my own selfishness. Had we gotten married and had children, I still would not have been truly happy, I would have just continued to stay happy enough.

I will never forgive myself for feeling that way. Feeling that I was only happy enough when we were together. You deserve so much more than that. It is why I knew deep down I could never return to you even though I was scared to be on my own and away from the comfort of home.

I hope you find what your heart desires with another, whether it be Delly or someone else, you deserve happiness. You will make a wonderful husband and father someday. Again I am sorry I was not able to be the person to give that to you.

Had we met under different circumstances, if I had been born a town girl instead of a girl from the seam, had we never been in the Hunger Games and fought in the war, things would have been different. I know they would have. But life does not work out the way a person wishes it would, I learned that the hard way by losing what was most important to me.

While I couldn't be the person to bring you happiness, please take comfort in knowing that you saved my life in so many ways. As I told you before, you saved me not only during the games and during the war, but after. Had you not returned to 12, I would have lost my will to live because of my grief. There are only four people I feel I have ever totally loved, completely and unconditionally. My Father, Prim, Gale and you. Even though I have a better relationship with my Mother now, even she is not someone who I know I love with my whole heart.

Love changes over time, while my love for you is not what it was, it is still there, and it always will be. But not the type of love you need from me.

The guilt I feel will consume me from now until the day I die. You will always hold a special place in my heart, a place that no one else could ever fill. It is what comforts me when guilt overcomes me.

When I need to ease my anxiety, I still think of my list of kind acts. My list has gotten quite long over the years, but you still rank at the top with the most displays of kindness I have seen a person do. I don't think I ever told you that. I'm sorry I never told you sooner.

If you never want to speak to me or see me again, I understand.

I hope you can find the happiness you deserve, no one deserves it more than you.

-Katniss

After a few moments, the ink begins to run on the page, the result of his wet tears falling down on the paper. He cries as he holds her letter, overcome with heartbreak. Never wanting to admit Katniss would hurt him this way, he had told himself that the visions she saw were not her future. But he is now faced with the realization that the future she saw with Gale has become a reality. Knowing it is only a matter of time before she becomes pregnant with Gale's child, he decides to pursue the one thing he knows will help him get over his heartbreak of losing her. He then dries his eyes and puts her letter away and heads over to Haymitch's house.