July 25th
I know, this is only my second entry, but Ginny was right. This does help me feel better. I know this might sound crazy, but Ginny could have told me something like, "Oh Harry, the death eaters will all be defeated if you run and give Lord Voldemort a hug!" and I'd probably do it. Okay, maybe not something that stupid, but I'd do anything for her. I don't even think she realizes it. She doesn't know how I feel about her, nor does Ron. Well actually, I don't even know how I feel about her. And if I did, how could I tell any of them? Maybe I could tell Hermione, but I'm really not sure.
I guess thats one of the reasons I'm grateful for this journal, not only because Ginny got it for me, but because I can't tell them this. How would they react? Ginny probably doesn't even like me more than a friend or possibly even as abrother since I'm her brother's best friend. We've been through a lot together.
If only Sirius was here. I'd be able to talk to him about it. I know that everyone thinks its not my fault, but how isn't it? If I practiced occulemency like I was supposed to instead of just being stubborn, he'd be alive. The dream seemed so real its impossible to think I wouldn't have acted on it after I had it. I mean the dream with Mr. Weasley and the snake was true, how likely was it that the one of the ministry wasn't? I wish I wasn't so stupid. If I wasn't so stubborn he'd be alive. I miss him so much.
July 30th
Harry's birthday is tomorrow! I got him the nicest quill so he has a special one for writing in his journal, a box of Bertie Bott's, and also a defense against the dark arts book on curses and jinxes. I hope he likes them. I've been too busy to write lately, but nothing of immense importance has happened. I've been having that dream a lot these past weeks. I can't figure out why or what its about. I'm not even sure if I should tell someone, would Harry think I'm crazy? It doesn't make sense ... I think if I get it again I'll tell him, maybe he can help me understand it. Maybe I'll even tell Hermione, but I think she'd get all concerned over it, even if its nothing.
I've been keeping my temper with Ron. He, of course, has been yelling at me about everything but I've kept my mouth shut and when I feel like I'm going to burst with anger, I look at Harry who gives me one of the brightest smiles and all my anger just ebbs away.
July 31st
I think Harry loved his gift. He was sitting in the kitchen at the table eating his breakfast when I walked over and sat next to him.
"Happy birthday!" I said giving him a big hug. He smiled and I felt my heart miss a few beats," I, uh, have something for you."
I handed him the wrapped gifts I had in my hands.
"Wow, thanks, Ginny," he said, taking them from me," you know you didn't have to."
"Oh, I know. But I wanted to. Besides your sixteen, you become of age next year, so its KIND OF an important birthday," I said grinning. He opened them carefully, his smile growing wider with each one.
"This quill is beautiful," he spoke as he examined the quill before opening the last of the presents,"and this book is absolutely fantastic! Thank you so much, Gin!"
"Hermione gave me the ideas," I said.
He got up and pulled me to my feet, giving me the biggest hug he could muster.
"I don't even know what to say," he said as we pulled apart," I love it, all of it."
He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I swear time seemed to freeze. We both spent a few, seemingly long, minutes staring at each other. It was the most wonderful moment of my life.
"Harry? I've been calling you, mate," said Ron as he entered the kitchen with Hermione, oblivious to the way things were only seconds before, "want to go play quidditch? Fred and George are already outside."
Harry looked like he couldn't find any words,"Uh,.. yeah. Sure, just let me get my broom."
Ron left and Harry followed, looking back at me before disappearing from my line of vision. I smiled and looked at Hermione.
"Hm, I'd say Ginny has a crushhhh!" she said laughing. I felt my face turn red.
"Not true, and you know it!"
--- well I'm done for today, my wrist is killing.
July 31st
I kissed her. Okay, it was a small peck on the cheek but I still kissed her.
She gave me the most amazing book and quill for my birthday. I was so shocked and thankful I wasn't really sure what to do. I looked at her and was floored by how pretty she is. I just,.. kissed her. It could have been the most awkward moment I could possibly experience, but it was anything but that. We just looked at each other and everything seemed to be perfect. I'm probably just giving myself high hopes.. She doesn't like me like that. We're nothing more than friends. Besides, even if she did, I couldn't go out with her... she's my best friends sister.
I wonder what would have happened if Ron and Hermione didn't come barging into the kitchen. I guess I'll never know.
August 5th
Things have been so hectic! We've been cleaning like crazy and making sure we have everything we need for school. I realized I was missing two books but fortunately, they were books I could borrow from Hermione. So we didn't have to make an additional trop to Diagon Alley, Mum was quite relieved. She said she didn't want to endanger her children in anyway. Its actually quite weird how You-Know-Who's return changed how everyone does things. I'm not going to be able to write for a couple days. Lupin and Tonks will be here any minute, they need to discuss something with the Order. So we're all being kept busy so we don't interfere or overhear.
