See! Chapter 13! And you know how KCB's always going on about how blondes aren't stupid? The other day she threw her coin purse in the garbage! LOL! She's gonna kill me for that one. Anywho...

Do you see a copyright notice on this? No. We don't own this.

Chapter 13

Diagon Alley

Harry woke once again to Sirius shaking him awake.

"Just five more minutes..."

"No, get up you lazy, good for nothing godson of mine!"

"Why????"

"JUST GET UP, OKAY!!!!!! Tarantallegra!"

Harry's legs went into an uncontrollable Irish jig and he fell out of bed and to the floor at Sirius's feet. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron woke up at this, rather disoriented, and yelled,

"Wha...where are they? You can't have my ice cream!" Then, upon seeing Sirius hovering over Harry's bed and, thinking Harry was being attacked by a ferocious Death Eater, he shouted, "Rictusempra!"

Sirius, not ready for a spell, fell to the floor, laughing hysterically.

At that moment, Mrs. Weasley stepped into the room. She took one look at the scene before her and yelled, "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?! We have to leave for Diagon Alley in 20 minutes! Why aren't you up yet? Harry, stop dancing, and Sirius, what are you doing on the floor?"

"We're only going to Diagon Alley!?! Why didn't you say so mum?"

Sirius just continued laughing, not aware that Mrs. Weasley was even in the room. Harry tried to stand up, but failed miserably and landed on Sirius's head. Sirius just laughed harder. Ron, the only one who knew what was going on and thought it was hilarious, burst into fits of laughter as well. Mrs. Weasley gave an exasperated sigh and left the room to find Tonks, Lupin, and Hermione, would hopefully be able to stop the three of them from laughing and, in Harry's case, dancing. Unfortunately, Tonks and Lupin found the scene just as funny as Ron had, and they too, fell to the floor laughing.

Hermione, on the other hand, performed the countercurse for Tarantallegra. Although it stopped Harry's legs from dancing uncontrollably, it had no effect on the constant giggling, and she gave up and left. Five minutes later Mrs. Weasley came back again, this time with Mad-Eye Moody, who had showed up for the Order meeting concerning Sturgis Podmore. This stopped Harry, Ron, Tonks, and Lupin from laughing hysterically, but Sirius continued on as though Moody standing over him with a look of dismay and anger was as usual as breathing, although he was having trouble doing this at the moment.

"What happened here?" Moody exclaimed. He watched Sirius for a moment, disgusted at his behavior.

"Uhhh..." Ron muttered guiltily. "Do you know the countercurse for rictusempra?"

"Yes..."

"Uhhh, can you use the countercurse for rictusempra?"

"Oh, okay." Moody muttered the countercurse, but Sirius just continued laughing, along with Harry and Tonks. Moody cleared his throat and Sirius, realizing for the first time that Mad-Eye Moody was standing over him, immediately stopped laughing and got to his feet.

"Sorry about that," Sirius remarked, still gasping for breath. "But now that you're going to Diagon Alley in a matter of minutes, I suggest you get dressed. I'm already dressed, but of course, I can't go to Diagon Alley because I'm a convicted mass murderer."

"No you're not," Ron replied. "Are you? Or are you just a crazed man living in his forgotten childhood?"

"What on earth do you mean by that?"

"Uhhh, never mind."

"Anyway, maybe you should get dressed, unless of course you want to visit Diagon Alley in your pajamas. I rather like yours Ron."

Ron's ears turned a deep shade of red as he and Harry made to push Sirius, Moody, Tonks, Mrs. Weasley, and Lupin out of the room. They quickly changed and ran down the stairs to the common room, out the portrait hole ("I say, slow down,") and into a beautiful woman they'd never met before.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry," Ron stammered stupidly.

"Quite alright, I'm fine. Why are you in such a rush?" she asked.

"Uhhh...we were...uhhh..."

"We were just going downstairs to get some breakfast," Harry replied.

"Wait...why are you here so early? School didn't even start yet. You do know that, don't you?"

"Uhhh..."

"Yeah, we just...like to get a head start," Harry finished somewhat lamely.

"Okay, enjoy yourselves. And slow down!" she yelled after them as they dashed to the Great Hall.

"Where have you been?!?" Mrs. Weasley scolded. "We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago! This upsets our whole schedule!"

"Relax, mum."

"Can I please go with you????" Sirius begged on his knees.

"For heaven's sake, Sirius, act your age for once!" Sirius crawled toward her and made a sad puppy-dog face, revealing Padfoot in him. "Don't you take another step closer!"

"I'm not taking any steps!"

"Don't move any closer then! You know what I mean, Sirius!"

"Aaaawwwwwww, I haven't been to Diagon Alley since my school days!! PPLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Sirius, you know you'll get caught and then you'll wish you'd listened to me."

"I won't get caught! I'll be Padfoot!"

"Oh, this is getting ridiculous! Sirius, you're not coming with us, and that's that! Come on Ron, Harry, Hermione."

"But I haven't had breakfast yet!" Ron complained.

"Well Ron, that's your own fault. If I don't get to go to Diagon Alley with you, you don't get breakfast!"

"Mum, can't Sirius please come with us so I can get some breakfast?"

"Ron, that wasn't my reason, stop being so whiny. Now, let's go!"

"PPLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"NO!"

"You guys never let me have any fun."

"Did you think Azkaban was fun?! Stay here!" Harry yelled.

"Well, I did get to plan many horrific tortures for Wormtail and Snivellus!"

"We're never going to get to Diagon Alley if you don't hurry up!" Mrs. Weasley yelled as Hermione was transported by floo powder to Diagon Alley.

"Coming, mum," Ron shouted. "Bye, Sirius. Sorry."

"You!" Harry commanded, pointing at Sirius. "Stay!"

"Fine!!!!!!" Sirius yelled at them as he stormed out of the Great Hall, muttering under his breath. "Azkaban. I'm not going to get caught, if they'd just let me go with..." Suddenly, Sirius's eyes lit up at the idea that just came to him. Smirking, and making sure that no one was looking, he raced up to Gryffindor Tower.

"Ron, you're in desperate need of new robes, I'll meet you at Madam Malkin's in an hour. The rest of us will go to Flourish and Blotts. What's your new Defense Against the Dark Arts book called again?"

Just as the group stepped into Flourish and Blotts to buy their new textbooks, a pair of rough hands grabbed Harry by the shoulders and thrust him into a nearby alley, covering his mouth so he couldn't make any noise.

"MPHLMMBLWGHNMSPTYWNG!!!" Harry blurted through his captor's hands that he couldn't see. Apparently this Death Eater was wearing an invisibility cloak. Suddenly thick ropes from an unseen wand were binding him as the Death Eater dragged him off down the alley.

"Ernnnnn!!! Ermoneee!!!"

Meanwhile, Hermione and Mrs. Weasley were walking through Flourish and Blotts, browsing the bookshelves.

"Well, I think we've got all of your books. Go find Harry and let's head over to Madam Malkin's."

"Okay. Ummm, where is he? Harry? Harry?? Harry! HARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh no, oh no, where is he??????? Harry!! Where are you!! HARRY!!" The two of them dashed out of the bookstore to find Ron, who quickly joined the hunt, still wearing one of Madam Malkin's robes.

Down another alley, Harry could vaguely hear Mrs. Weasley's frantic voice yelling out his name at the top of her lungs. He tried to respond, but all he could manage was,

"MWPPWMBMGHMMMMMMMMMMMM!" However, his captor simply ignored him and merely proceeded to drag him down the alley. He tapped his wand on one of the walls and a secret passageway immediately opened in front of them. Harry felt himself being dragged down the stairs until his captor let go of him, allowing him to fall the rest of the way. Still dazed, he was thrust into an uncomfortable wooden chair and bound to it.

"Well, Potter, my master will be very happy to find that the little brat is finally where he belongs. You know how much the Dark Lord wishes you dead. And now, I just have one final remark-THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT TAKING ME TO DIAGON ALLEY WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"SHRRIFFSSS?!?" Sirius, once again laughing hysterically, removed Harry's invisibility cloak and unbound him. Now that he was able to talk properly, he asked Sirius, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!? YOU'RE GOING TO GET CAUGHT!"

"Okay, I just got done dragging Harry Potter around Diagon Alley, bound and gagged. You'd really think I would've been caught by now."

"Okay fine, you win. Just don't scare me like that. Now let's go find Mrs. Weasley and tell her I'm alright."

"Or..."

"HARRY!!!!! Sir, have you seen Harry Potter around here?"

"No, if I had, I would have asked for his autograph! What, is he lost?"

"Captured by a Death Eater, more like. I doubt a sixteen-year-old wizard could get lost in Diagon Alley!"

"Right, sorry. Wait! What did you say about a Death Eater?!? HARRY POTTER! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Ten minutes later, the whole of Diagon Alley, along with numerous members of the Order, were searching frantically for Harry. The Daily Prophet reporters were going crazy, asking anyone and everyone if they knew anything about the whereabouts of Harry Potter.

Harry and Sirius, both under the invisibility cloak, were silently laughing, watching the scene before them. Once or twice, people came within inches from running into them, but luckily no one actually succeeded.

"Okay Harry, what do you say we go back to Hogwarts until this is all done."

"This is me we're talking about. It'll never be done."

"Yeah, true, but eventually they'll realize that you're not here any more and go look someplace else."

"Okay, works for me. Won't it be all over the Daily Prophet?"

"Nah." They walked into the now deserted Leaky Cauldron and flooed back to Hogwarts. Harry fell onto the floor of the Gryffindor common room.
"Sirius, shut up! You know I hate traveling by floo powder!"

"Yeah, I know, but it's still funny!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"Okay stop."

"You stop!!"

"ERG!!"

"What, are you still gagged?"

"SIRIUS!! Fine, let's go and have some lunch."

"Why???"

"Because I'm hungry!! And I know you can't resist chicken." Sirius's eyes widened in delight and he ran out through the portrait hole, and fell on top of Professor McGonagall.

"Sirius, what are you doing?!?! Haven't you heard that Harry was captured by Death Eaters?!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" Sirius yelled, pretending to be surprised at this information.

"Please, stay in the Great Hall, there's a small chance that Harry could get away, and he'd probably come back here." Sirius raised his hand in a salute as McGonagall hurried off.

"Small chance?!?!?!!?!" Harry cried as soon as she was out of earshot. "Who does she think I am?!?!"

"Never mind her, McGonagall doesn't like anyone thinking that they're better than she is. Now, let's go have some lunch. My chicken awaits."

Later, in the Great Hall, as Sirius and Harry enjoyed a large platter of chicken wings, Hedwig and an owl Harry didn't recognize flew in and both dropped a letter onto the table. One was a frantic letter from Mrs. Weasley, saying,

Sirius,

Harry has been kidnapped by Death Eaters. Please stay where you in case he escapes and comes back to Hogwarts.

Molly

"Wow, she really has messy handwriting!"

"Oh, she's just worried about me, that's all."

"What's the other one?"

"Uhhhhh, it's a special edition of the Prophet telling everyone that I've been kidnapped. Ha!! Did you know that the Death Eaters, also known as you, are going to throw me in a cauldron full of undiluted bubotuber puss? Or, better yet, leave me in a room with a group of enraged manticores."

"Can I read it??"

"Be my guest. But that leaves more chicken for me."

"Oh, no you don't." Sirius took the plate of chicken and put it in his lap as he read the article:

The Wizarding World's Darkest Hour

Harry Potter Captured by Death Eaters

Earlier this morning, panic gripped the heart of the wizarding population as Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived, disappeared from Diagon Alley, believed to have been ambushed by a pack of Death Eaters.

Witnesses of the abduction say they overheard them speaking of numerous tortures for the poor, young wizard, including being thrown into undiluted bubotuber puss, locked in a room with a group of manticores, and being murdered by You-Know-Who himself. We can only hope he survives and grieve for the possible loss of this brave hero. If you have any information on Harry Potter's whereabouts, please send an owl to the Ministry of Magic immediately.

It went on, giving a full description of Harry, including his eye color, hair color, height, weight, favorite pastimes, future occupation, and his deepest fears, which were all completely inaccurate.

By the end of the article Sirius was on the floor laughing for the third time that day. To his dismay, the chicken wings had fallen to the floor as well; however, he invoked the "five second rule" and ate them anyway. As the whole of Diagon Alley and the Order combed England for any trace of Harry, he and Sirius calmly played an exciting game of wizard chess, ending in a huge victory on Harry's part.

We had LOTS of fun with that chapter!!!!!! Review please! It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy!