Chapter Forty-Eight: Bella
January 4, 2023
London, England
I hate being self conscious. For the most part, I've been pretty okay with who I am and what I look like since my late teens when I realized that the opinions of people I don't know really don't matter.
But Spawn has changed things.
I'm awkward and clumsy, I feel huge, and for some reason that I really can't explain, I don't want people to know why.
Christmas was amazing, and having family in town gave me a break from this need to hide Spawn.
But now I'm back at work, and of course, there is a mandatory in-person meeting.
I pinch at my baggy sweater, hoping that I can get away with calling it seasonal.
"Hey, Bella!"
I look up at Jess as she heads my way and give her a nod.
"Hey, Jess."
She's done a surprisingly good job keeping my secret around the office.
"Hey, mama," she teases as she gets closer to me, her voice almost a whisper so she's not overheard. "Have you let anyone know yet what you're packing?"
I roll my eyes but shake my head.
"No, not yet."
Jess hums. "Well, you may want to." She pauses, looking over her shoulder. "I heard someone just talking about the paperwork it took to file for maternity leave. Sounds horrendous."
I groan. Fuck, I forgot about that.
"Dammit," I hiss. "Fine, okay, you're right."
Jess shoots me a sympathetic look. "I have to get to a meeting. But let's do lunch today, yeah?"
I nod to her. "Yeah, I'll see you later."
We part ways, and I take a deep breath, heading to Carmen's office. We still have an hour before our meeting, and I hope she's got some time to talk.
I knock hesitantly on her door.
"Yeah?" she calls, sounding distracted. I take that as permission to enter.
"Hey, Carmen. Can I talk to you real quick?"
She looks up from her computer, one of her eyebrows arching.
"What is it, Tia?"
I step into her office, sitting in a chair across her desk. "I uh…" Fuck, why can't I just spit this shit out? I spit out everything else in my life.
"Please," She begs, her eyes squeezing shut. "Please do not tell me you are quitting."
I bark out a surprised laugh. "What? No! What else would I do with myself without this job?" Since Edward is busy with school again and I can't just jump his bones 24/7, I'd get way too bored not working.
Carmen looks relieved. "Okay, good. So what's going on?"
I take a deep breath. "Uh, well. I'm… uh… I'm pregnant?"
Carmen's eyebrows pull together. "Was that a question?"
I grunt, and reach down, pulling my sweater up. I'm wearing a tight shirt underneath, and today my belly looks massive, even though it's not really all that huge.
Carmen's eyes bug out in surprise.
"Meirda," she breathes. "You are really pregnant!"
I nod, dropping my sweater back down. "Yeah. But I don't want to stop working, and I don't want it to change how people talk to me or anything."
Carmen sits back in her seat.
"How far along are you?"
I bit my lip. "Um, about five months?"
She shakes her head. "You're entire time here," she says, and I am surprised to hear a hint of hurt in her voice. I take a breath.
"I haven't been telling people," I say quickly. "I just… I was barely ready to think about it myself, let alone tell other people."
Carmen nods. "I understand, Tia." Her lips pull into a wide smile. "Congratulations."
I give her a half smile. "Yeah…" I stop, looking down at my bump under my sweater. "Yeah, it's growing on me, I guess."
She laughs, and I look back up at her. "We need to get HR involved. The company has some benefits you should know about, and we need to look at what your schedule will look like in the coming months."
I nod. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner."
Carmen shakes her head. "You don't have an obligation to tell me anything." She gives me a little smile. "But it's nice to know, so thank you for sharing it with me."
Carmen straddles that space between boss and friend so well that it's hard to know how much I should and should not tell her.
"Maybe we can go out after work?" I say hesitantly. "Catch up and whatever?"
A true smile spreads over Carmen's face, and she nods. "I'd love to."
I leave her office feeling surprisingly better. Who know letting people in could actually feel good?
