Chapter Five: I'll Stop With Suicide Notes

Later that night I slid into the prefects' bath tub. That's what I loved about this position. A nice bath to relax in, nothing could compare to it. As large as a swimming pool all the kids would want to bathe in it since it was larger than the regular baths.

I watched my pale body be covered by the water and bubbles that filled the tub. I smiled, happy to feel the boiling hot water soak my skin. When I pulled my arms out they were beat red. I started to wash myself watching the soap slide off my body and into the already overpopulated bubble bath. After my legs were lathered up enough I took my razor and began to shave. As I was going up I cut myself, accidentally of course. I looked at it to find it wasn't too deep so I continued my process.

A little bit later I pushed hard and another cut appeared. Then another and another, all not too deep but still deep enough. By the time I was done both legs I was cut up and down. I stared at my legs and began to sob. That was the first time I ever did that. I was hoping my psyche wasn't trying to tell me something. That I was becoming suicidal, especially over a boy. How lame could I get? I hated myself for the way I was acting. I felt stupid and foolish. I cried for a good time. When the tears finally stopped coming I got out of the tub and got dressed, making sure to pull my socks up above my knees. Looking at myself in the mirror one last time I left the bathroom and returned to the Gryffindor Common room.