I don't really know what to say in one of these things. I mean, I know what I could say. Some totally cheesy message about how I hope that in ten years I'll be watching this as a Banting grad with my husband and then going home to my three kids. In this scenario, I somehow picture myself pregnant. I don't know why. But in this scenario, I'm really successful.
But I don't think I'll ever see this come true. I applied to Banting months ago and still nothing. I might not have got in. So there goes the Banting graduate part of that fantasy. I can't graduate from a school that won't let me in the front door. And all because I made one mistake. All because I got stoned and totally bombed the meet and greet. Nice one, huh?
And the totally hot husband, that may never happen either. I'm dating a girl. Everyone knows about it, even my parents. Like they'd freak out. Hello… my brother is gay. And I really care about Alex. Two months can do that to you. But it doesn't make me any less confused. Maybe that's what I should just rant about… confusion.
I mean, look at it this way. I'm the school queen bee… I'm the captain of the spirit squad… and I'm totally confused. I really care for Alex but maybe I don't love her. I don't even know what love is anymore. After Spinner, I think I shut those feelings down. I cared for Matt and I care for Alex but there was a different degree of those emotions. But I don't think I'd ever want Spin back. He's changed too much. I've changed too much. I don't even know what I'm saying.
Anyway, back to breaking down this fantasy world where I'm successful. I don't think I'm ever going to get married. And if I do, I don't know who it will be to. It could be to a girl or to a boy. I can't even think of who I'd want to get married to, or even what gender. I know if I get into Banting, I'm going to ask Alex to move there with me. I need someone there to hold my hand. Maybe I do love Alex. Maybe I don't. I don't even know anymore. But there's something about the way that girl kisses me… okay, I know disgrossting. You don't want to hear about my seventeen-year-old juvenile love life. You'd much rather hear me rant about other things.
I don't think I'll show up at the reunion pregnant or with kids or any of that stuff. I'm still a virgin. I'm a seventeen-year-old virgin. How totally lame. Ashley lost her virginity before I did and face it, Ash was kind of a prude. Hazel lost her virginity already. And here I am… the most popular girl in school, clinging onto my virginity like a prize. Only it's not my real virginity. I'm not going into that on camera. To keep it simple, I've never willingly had sex and I'm afraid that I never will. When Matt and I got close to that point, I freaked out. When Spin and I got close to that point I freaked out. And well Alex and I haven't got to that point. And would that be considered… Stopping now.
I'm going to wrap this up. I've been ranting for way too long and well, I know I'm self-centered now but I don't want to look back in ten years and think I'm the same person. So future Paige, do me a favor. If you're listening to this and are totally lame… get a life, grow up, and get over it. If I didn't get into Banting and I'm still working at the theater, please, please, please shoot me. Or at least force me into community college. I already know what I want to do. If I'm not in advertising, I want to be a counselor for people who got raped. So future Paige, there you go. If you needed it, there is your swift kick in the butt. Toodles.
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Paige looked up at the camera and smiled. She turned off the camera and breathed a sigh of relief. She had just spoken some of her greatest fears to a camera. In ten years, she'd be hearing those fears. She hoped she'd be laughing at them. She prayed she'd be laughing at them. She didn't know what she'd do if those fears were her reality in ten years. She pushed the thought from her mind and painted on her signature plastic smile and walked back out into the bustling hall.
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A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I've been way too busy lately. LOL. But I had a snow day and decided to take some time out of my busy life and update this for everyone. So review!
Next Time: Jimmy Brooks confesses his dirty little secret.
