Dear Diary, September 16, 1954

I didn't see Buzz all day but tonight around ten he showed up outside my window again. I wore a navy blue skirt and a light blue, buttoned up top. When we got to his car, he had parked around the corner so that my parents wouldn't hear him drive up, I saw that the usually eight other kids were already piled into his car. I climbed into the car and sat next to Buzz.

I kept asking him where we we're going but he wouldn't tell me. He sped out of town and after a few miles he turned down a dirt road that looked like it led to nowhere. Actually, that basically just happened to be where it led.

When I saw the cliff getting closer I got terrified and I cuddled closer to Buzz. He smiled down at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I thought he would slow down but he didn't, not yet anyway. He pushed the gas down as far as he could and when we we're only about ten feet away from the edge he slammed down hard on the breaks. It looked like we we're about to go barreling over the edge but the car stopped a few inches from the edge. I had been screaming the whole time his foot had been down on the breaks. My screams, however, only made the other's laugh. Buzz smiled down at me, holding back his laughter as he held me tighter and kissed my forehead.

"It's alright, honey," Buzz whispered softly against my cheek. I just nodded. I was too terrified to respond but I clung to him like he was the only thing keeping me from falling over the edge of the cliff and onto the rocks below.

Dear Diary, September 22, 1954

Tonight was so much fun! For the first time, Buzz and I went out alone. Yes, JUST me and Buzz. You heard me right. We went back to the cliffs. My father had told me not to go out tonight but of course I hadn't listened. I just snuck out like I did last week when Buzz took me up to the cliffs for the first time.

Tonight I got to see a part of Buzz that I don't get to see in front of his friends. When we got to the edge of the cliffs Buzz pulled a blanket out of the back of the car, opened the passenger door for me and led me out to the edge of the cliffs. He spread the blanket out on the ground and sat down on it. Then he pulled me down so that I was sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my neck gently.

"Your beautiful, honey," Buzz whispered, "so beautiful." I smiled and turned so that my lips brushed against his. A few weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to be that bold but just being around Buzz made me so much braver. The kiss started out slow and gentle but then he moved his hand to the back of my head and pushed my lips hard against his. I moved my hands to his shoulders as we kissed.

When the kiss ended I instantly felt lonely but Buzz pulled me closer against him and I felt safe. In his arms I always feel like I'm free to do anything I want to do. He makes me feel so special. My father would never understand that.

Monday is the first day of school. Buzz said he would pick me up for school so I'm going to meet him out back in the alley. I don't care if my dad sees or not.

Dear Diary, September 24, 1954

Today was a great day. Even better than the last few weeks while I was hanging out with Buzz and his friends. Today I walked into school as Buzz's girl. He had his arm draped over my shoulder as we walked down the hall. Everyone was watching us. Even the teacher's we're staring at us. I couldn't keep the smile from my face.

I didn't think the day could get any better but during my first hour class one of the girls that always hung out with us passed me a note. I opened it and read the small writing quickly so that the teacher wouldn't catch me with the note.

Judy,

We're meeting after class in front of the bathrooms. We're going to skip and go to the cliffs.

I turned and nodded at her before slipping the note into my jacket pocket.

After the class I headed straight for the bathrooms and smiled at Buzz when I saw him waiting for me with the others. When I got close to him he put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I giggled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. He kissed me back softly before we started making are way down the hall to the doors that led out into the parking lot.

We had so much fun at the cliffs. The boys stood at the edge and played around, pretending to start to push each other off the cliffs. All of us girls just sat on the hood of Buzz's car watching them, laughing at the stupid jokes they made and smiling at them when they turned to look at us.

My new friends are great. They are dangerous and fun. I feel so free when I'm with them. Like I can do whatever I want and no one can ever do anything about it.

Dear Diary, September 30, 1954

Tonight was amazing and so much fun. I never laughed so hard or had so much fun in my life. First, we went to the cliffs. Buzz got behind the wheel and backed up until he was about a hundred feet from the edge of the cliff. Goon, one of the other boys, climbed onto the hood and laid down on his back with his hands holding onto the hood. Everyone else stood back and waited patiently. Suddenly, Buzz hit the gas and started driving toward the edge of the cliff. Goon held on tightly for what seemed like forever when Buzz finally slammed on the breaks. When the car came to a stop Goon jumped off the hood and ran over to Buzz. He gave him a high five and then turned to the rest of us.

"Who's next," Goon asked. No one said anything. Goon laughed as they looked at each other with terrified expressions on their faces.

I don't know why I did it. I hadn't intended to do it but before I knew it I realized I had stepped forward and volunteered. Goon ran over, grabbed my hand and led me toward the car. He gave me some brief instructions on how I should hold on and how I needed to just let my body be free. I nodded and got into the car with Buzz. He backed up to where he had been when Goon had got on the hood and stopped the car. He turned to me and slipped his arms around my shoulders.

"You don't have to do this," Buzz said. I nodded and leaned forward to kiss his lips quickly. I smiled at him, got out of the car and climbed onto the hood. I held onto the hood and waited.

"Ready," Buzz asked. I gripped the hood tighter with my hands before I answered him.

"Yes. I'm ready," I replied. He started the engine and a split second later he was speeding toward the edge of the cliff. I felt my fingers slipping and tried to grip the hood tighter. Right when I thought I couldn't hold on any longer he slammed on the breaks and the car stopped. It was the most intense moment of my life.