Chapter Six: Hazel

People have always veiwed me as Paige's side kick. I've been in her shadow since grade 8, maybe before. I don't really remember. It's always been Paige being noticed. Then me. And me being noticed was dependent upon if Ash were around or Ter or someone else. I wasn't even promoted to her best friend until after everything happened in grade 8 with Ashley. I admit that I get jealous of Paige sometimes. A lot really.

Look at it this way. Paige was always the popular one. She had a serious boyfriend long before I did. Then she had her first heart break before I did. Then she got a secret relationship with a really hot teacher who she wouldn't have liked if I hadn't told her once that I did. Then she didn't even tell me that she was with him. I had to hear it from Manny Santos. That stung so much. I'm supposed to be Paige's best friend. She doesn't even like Manny. But Manny knew before I did. Heather Sinclair probably knew before I did. But at least I had Jimmy. Jimmy trusted me more than anyone.

Until he got shot. After he got shot he started to cut me out of his life. I was so grateful when he got made captain of the basketball team or whatever official title he got. It was like having the old Jimmy Brooks back. And then Ellie entered the picture. He showed her his sketches. I didn't even know that he drew. Let alone ever seeing them. That hurt so much to know that he trusted someone else over me. I was supposed to be the love of his life. I gave him my virginity. Before Jimmy I swore I'd wait until marriage. Of course, only Ash, Ter, and Paige knew that but it was true. I even told Jimmy when we got serious. I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage. But when he got out of the hospital we did. I don't regret it. Not even now that I lost him.

Our break up was kind of hideous. I threw orange paint all over his white shirt. Not my finest moment. But there were so many thoughts going through my head. He had painted Ellie Nash in that mural. He didn't even have me in it. I did busy work. He and Ellie laughed at me when I thought flash was a superhero. I'm sorry for not knowing things about computers. It pissed me off. So I finally snapped and ended it. I broke my own heart.

I expected Paige, my best friend, to be there for me the way I was when everything happened with Spinner. Carrying a carton of Ben and Jerry's. But she wasn't. She was hanging around her new best friend Alex. Then she asked if Alex could ride with us in our limo to the premier. How about no! But Alex did and Paige spent the whole night with Alex, leaving me watching Jimmy and Ellie have fun and flirt. And then Paige was so worried about some kiss that she had with Alex the night before. When did she become a lesbian? They started dating.

Here's the part that I don't want to admit to anyone. Ten years later, hopefully I'm over this. Otherwise I'll have to deal with this. I wasn't okay with Paige and Alex at first. The thought that I shared a bed with someone who like girls and was a girl freaked me out. I'm not homophobic. I mean, I love Marco. And I love Paige. I just don't love the idea that Paige likes girls. It freaks me out. What if when she and Alex break up she tries to get with me?

I'm cool with Alex. I'm cool with Paige. But I don't think I'll be cool with them being together for a long time. I just hope that I can be. Because I want my best friend to be happy. But why can't she be happy with a girl?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hazel shut off the camcorder and sighed. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted. She had finally told something, anything, her qualms about Paige's sexuality. She knew that in ten years it would be revealed but she didn't care. She felt a small flame of acceptance strike inside. Maybe all she needed was to tell someone that she was scared of her best friend's sexuality. A small smile tugged at her lips and she walked out of the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next Time: Craig Manning records his confession while on the road.

A/N: You'd think that since I finally graduated high school, the updates would come quicker. But I still have a lot to do so I'll try to keep updating as much as humanly possible. Only Craig left now and then the reunion. I hope that you guys like this one as much as you liked the Alex one. I didn't have much to work with since Hazel hasn't had a plot since like season two.

A/N2: It isn't uncanon to have Hazel slightly afraid of Paige's sexuality. In High Fidelity she made a comment that she had just gotten used to Paige being gay. That's where that comes from. I figured I should try to give some depth to why Hazel reacted the way she did to Paige's news in Lexicon of Love and then Alex in Our Lips are Sealed.