Chapter Seven: Craig

Look around me. I'm living my dream. I'm not at school. I'm on the road. Doing some music stuff. I'm recording my own album. A solo record. Just me. I know I sound like I'm off my meds but I'm completely on them.

Since I'm not at school, how did I know about this capsule thing? Ellie, Manny, Marco, Jimmy, everyone told me. It seems to be some pretty big news at Degrassi. I guess we're supposed to want to remember how we are now instead of thinking later and trying to remember. There's so much that has happened at Degrassi to everyone that I guess it's cool that they're letting us record our thoughts on it all. I just hope Ms. H will actually put mine in. Because what I have to say is a little big. And in ten years, it'll be tiny and unimportant.

I think I made a huge mistake. I really do. After Ash left for London and then broke up with me through Ellie, I went for what I thought was comfortable and well easy. That would be Manny. We never have those deep conversations that other couples have. We're physical. Don't get me wrong, I love her. I guess I love her anyway. I'm just not in love with her in the way I was with Ash. I have a connection to Manny but it's nothing deep. She knows this a little. That the reason I chose her after that band was because I didn't want something that would hurt in the end.

Plus Manny just has that way about her. You want to save her. Everyone wants to save her. She's made so many mistakes. She needs love just like I do. We fill this need for one another.

But she's not the one I should've chosen. I should've chose Ellie. I know she liked me. Or at least I think she did. But with Ellie, it would've been too hard. I mean, we have such a deep connection with actual emotions and everything. She knows everything about me. She doesn't need to be saved either. Or at least she'll never admit that she does.

I want someone that I could save. That's why I chose Manny. I wanted something easier. Something that wouldn't make me hurt so much. That's another reason I chose Manny. We have all this history. All this stuff from our past that we never even discuss. Like our child. Or what would've been our child. Or the time I called her a mistake. I do regret calling her a mistake but I can't bring myself to apologize.

She deserves better than me. She doesn't know it. I listen to her talk every night on the phone and I just think that maybe one day she'll realize that she deserves better. She deserves someone who will actually love her for more than convenience. When she realizes that, I'll let her go without a second thought. I care about her too much to allow her to stay tied up in a relationship that won't really go anywhere.

I never really told anyone this. Not Marco or Jimmy, my two best friends. I think I'd tell Sean if he still was in Toronto. Of course, if Sean was still in Toronto, I wouldn't have had to choose between Ellie and Manny. I mean, Sean and El still would've been together. That's another reason I couldn't date Ellie. Sean called me awhile ago, back when I had to make a decision. The night after the gig actually. To see how Ellie was. He still loved her and I couldn't do that to Sean. He was one of my first friends at Degrassi.

I realize this whole thing has been about two girls. And only two. Because talking about the third girl still hurts. I will always love Ash. She will always be my first true love and will always have this place in my heart. There's three songs recorded on this album for her so far. I don't know if they'll hit the cutting room floor but they're for her. Manny can imagine they're for her. Ellie can do the same. But I know the truth. They're for Ash. They're always for Ash.

I wrote one song so far for another girl. That would be the song that got me here. That was for Ellie. Because she helped me so much. She really did. Without her, I wouldn't be here.

So while I love Manny, she's not the one for me. I have to tell her… in person. Graduation is in a few weeks. Maybe I'll go visit. Maybe seeing her will change my mind, but maybe it'll prove to me that she's not right for me. That she deserves better and I'm holding her back.

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Craig looked at the camera and sighed. He turned off the camera and leaned back on his bed. He glanced over at the three pictures on his nightstand. The one in front was him and Ash. Behind it, was one of him and Manny at the airport. Then was the one of him and Ellie. He looked at all three and wondered who he'd end up with, one day in the distant future. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. It was the first peaceful sleep he'd had in ages.

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Next time: The capsule is opened and the class of 2006 remembers the thoughts they had at 17 or 18.

Author's Note: I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was trying to catch DB up on the story so you guys are in the same place. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I'm not the greatest at Craig's voice.