DISCLAIMER: HG CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME

Chapter 137-Smoke and Herbs

Katniss takes a deep breath and knocks on Gale's door, entering before giving him a chance to respond. Unsurprisingly, he is sitting at his work desk, staring straight ahead at his computer screens.

"We need to talk" Katniss says.

He sighs and says, "I need to take a break from this boring report anyway".

He follows her outside to the deck, Lady following them then taking off into the meadow. They stand facing each other, his gray eyes staring hard into hers with a cold look, a look so cold she hasn't seen it in many, many years. Her anxiety begins to rise even higher than it already is.

"I never kept anything from you" she says, her voice slightly breaking.

"Stop! Just stop with these lies" he says with disdain.

"You have to let me explain-"

"You kept things from me. Important things."

She thinks back to long ago when Morning Sun told her then that he should know about the visions. "I should have told you about the vision of us with the kids in the meadow, but-I-I was afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of everything! What if I had lost one of our children? What if I had died giving birth? What if I still lose one of them?"

"Katniss, this is crazy talk-"

"Don't dismiss this Gale" she snaps back.

"I'm not, I just-I thought after all these years, your fears and nightmares, were under control?"

"My nightmares yes, my anxiety and worry, while it is a lot better, a lot better, it never went away-not completely. Before I couldn't function, I can now, but-I always had a sense I was on-borrowed time. Especially after Juniper was born."

"You never said anything" Gale says, his voice cracking.

She gives a small smile, "I didn't think I had to".

His mind begins racing, thinking back over the last eight years, he begins thinking about after Juniper was born, the moments he would watch Katniss with her, feeding her, holding her, always with a slight look of sadness on her face. He always thought that look was due to Juniper being their last baby. He thought to the intimate times they spent together, how she told him she loved him more than she ever had the previous years they were together. Again, he thought it was due to over the years becoming a mother of four. Inside, he curses at himself for being so blind.

"I'm sorry" he says, unable to say anything else.

With an understanding look on her face she says, "You know I'm not the best with words, and, it's not like our house hasn't been-busy".

He cracks a small smile and says, "Now what?"

"Well, I've been thinking. Even though I might have exhausted all my options in the traditional sense with the doctors I see in the Capitol, there's still-other options. I could see if there's herbs or some other natural remedy I could take, I could go out to District 4, discuss it with my Mom".

Gale nods and says, "What do you need from me?"

"Hold down the fort while I'm gone?"

"Absolutely."

"Thanks" she says as she turns to head inside, he grabs her arm and embraces her, holding her tight. She smiles into his shoulder, missing his touch, even though they have avoided each other for a week it felt like an eternity. He leans in and kisses her, it is a hard kiss, desperation in his movements. She reaches up, wrapping her arms around his neck. After a few minutes he reaches down and lifts her up and carries her bridal style back into the house and whistles for Lady to come back inside. Once they are upstairs and on the bed she says, "What about your report?"

"Taking the rest of the day off" he says as he begins taking his clothes off.

She laughs as he begins kissing her again, thinking to herself 'Good thing the kids are at Hazelle's'.


Katniss sits out on the deck while she drinks the same green liquid she's been drinking for the past four weeks. It tastes wretched, but she's determined to do whatever it takes to be there for her family as long as she can.

Her visit to District 4 was intense, once her Mom learned the truth of why she was there. Reverting back to her cold demeanor, it took days before her Mother spoke to her, but when she did, she gave Katniss a list of herbs with directions. Explaining some of the herbs she will have to send to her from District 12, for they cannot be found anywhere else.

She has to drink the horrid green liquid once a day and smokes another type of herb three times a week. She tries to smoke when the kids are at school, so far her efforts to conceal her new habit has worked.

She tries to remain positive but the fear of the future lingers in her mind, she tries to make the most of each day, spending quality time with all of her children, and of course with Gale.

Having completely stopped her medical treatment against her doctor's wishes, she wonders how long they think she'll live, a month? Six months?


But life never turns out the way one thinks it does, one month becomes two, two becomes three, then six, then twelve. Before she knows it, three years have passed. Sienna, now 21 and out of the house and studying medicine in the Capitol; Avery, 19 also out of the house and in fashion school in District 8. Which left Jack, now 16 and Juniper, 11.

With two children away at school, daily life around the house was not as chaotic. Lady, now deceased, the Hawthorne's had a new companion in the house-a cat. When Juniper asked Katniss if they could get a kitten she couldn't say no, and only asked that it not be named Buttercup. Gale and Katniss took her to the Silver Lake animal shelter and let her pick out a kitten, she picked out a black kitten she named Jade. When Katniss asked her why she named the kitten Jade, she replied, "look at the green eyes". The kitten took to Juniper right away, sleeping in her bed with her the first night, the two of them still sleeping together even now that Jade is almost an adult cat.

Jack was still the same carefree Jack, Gale's mini-me in looks and interests, the only difference is that Jack did not have Gale's temper. But he did take after his father when it came to caring for his younger sibling, for Jack was a protective big brother, especially now that Sienna and Avery were gone. Recently though, Katniss has been at odds with her son because for the last six months he has been dating a girl from his school-Anatasia or Ana for short. Having already experienced this with Avery, she knew she had to establish firm boundaries when it came to boyfriends and girlfriends. With Gale in agreement Katniss had taken Avery to be put on birth control, and she was given the birth control implant. Gale and Katniss came to this decision after they had discovered Avery had snuck out of the house to see Jett after Katniss had forbidden her to go to a party by the lake the summer before her last year in school. Knowing that forbidding her from seeing him would only make the situation worse, she decided to talk with her about her relationship with Jett. While silent at first, Avery eventually opened up to Katniss that she had been with Jett, but that she had made him wear a condom. Making an effort to show that both her and Gale were supportive, Katniss took her to get the birth control shot but then set firm rules in place for when and where she could see Jett. The agreement worked. With Jack however, it was different, for one, Katniss could not put him on any type of birth control for while the Capitol was working on advancements and innovations in this area for men, nothing was available yet. And with Avery she had dated Jett for a while before she lost her virginity and was 17, Jack had just turned 16. Katniss mentally was just not prepared, not yet. The conversation the two of them had was not a good one. Katniss had tried to set boundaries with him as she had with Avery, but he pushed back, not understanding why his parents decided when and where he could see Ana but the same rules didn't apply to his friends. Katniss had told him there were rules in place for where he could see and hang out with his friends, and that this was no different. He continued to argue, saying that compared to his father he looked like an angel, throwing in her face that his father was not a virgin by the time he was his age. Slightly surprised that Gale spoke about this subject matter with Jack, she decided to ease up for now, deciding to let Gale take the reins on how the boundaries would be set.

When she stopped her medical treatment in the Capitol, she also officially gave up her recruitment job with PES. Thinking she'd never be satisfied as a stay at home mother, she ended up loving it-enjoying how once the kids were off to school she could hunt in the woods, go fishing in the lake, or practice cooking, a hobby she had recently taken up. While she was not nearly as good as Gale she had learned to make some meals. She spoke to her Mom on the phone once a week, and while she didn't get to visit with friends as much in person, she frequently was in touch with them over the phone or on a virtual call.

Thankful for the fact that she never had to worry about providing for her family, and being in a financial position that afforded them the luxury to pay for a full time housekeeper, of never having to worry about paying bills, and being able to pay for extracurricular activities along with their children's education past high school, Katniss had decided to join a volunteer fundraising group for families less fortunate. For the last three years she has been making appearances four times a year in the Capitol, mainly archery events and occasional photo opportunities, the money going to charity groups. Surprised even after all this time people still wanted to meet the 'girl on fire'.

Just as she is about to prepare one of her herbal plants to smoke, she sees Haymitch is calling, now that he is 74, she tries to answer whenever he calls in case something is wrong. Luckily he was just calling to say hello, so once the call ends she finishes prepping the herbal plant and begins to smoke it, getting a package ready to be mailed while she inhales.

The package is being sent to District 12 and addressed to Peeta Mellark.

A/N: Longest update ever I know, hopefully those of you who once read this story will come back to it.