Chapter Sixty-Three: Edward
May 28, 2024
London, England
It's been wonderful but strange not to have Birdy with us. After settling into the room, Bella and I head into the city for a little bit, visiting our favorite places before stopping at her favorite pub for drinks and dinner. It's not fancy, but it's nice to see where she comes after work.
I love Bella so completely, but I hadn't realized how much of our lives had shifted to revolve around our daughter. Conversation between us is stiff at first, a little awkward as we both try not to wallow in how much we miss Birdy.
After dinner, we head back to the hotel room, and though we haven't had proper time or space to have sex in a long time, neither of us seems to be in a rush.
I could spend the whole night just holding Bella and I'd be happy.
Back in our room, we go to change immediately into pajamas. I'm leaning back on the bed, gazing out the window at the city view, when Bella comes in, crawling on the bed with me. She curls into my side, and I hold her to me, enjoying the silence.
"Edward?"
Bella's voice is soft as her toes slide up and down my leg, seeking warmth. I look down at her, humming.
She doesn't look at me as she gathers her thoughts. "Do you think Birdy will pick up an accent?"
I bark out a small laugh.
"What?"
Bella twists in my arms, looking up at me. "I mean, since she's probably going to live here at least a good chunk of her childhood... do you think we will pick up accents?"
My mouth goes a little dry as I stare at her. "My program is only another year," I point out.
Bella's dark eyes meet mine.
"I overheard your phone call last week," she admits. "I know you got offered a job here."
She looks sad, and I feel immediately like shit for not telling her sooner.
"I didn't bring it up because we've been dealing with so much," I say softly. "We were all sick, and Birdy was turning one, plus it wasn't a true job offer. I'm still a far way from my degree being finished."
Bella doesn't look like she's buying it.
"It just would have been nice to hear it from you," she says slowly. "I've been waiting for you to bring it up."
She looks like I've hurt her feelings, which is so much worse than if she were to be pissed at me. I let out a long breath.
"The truth is, I didn't tell you because I didn't know how I felt yet. I'm a while out, but one of the professors I'm working with asked if I'd be interested in staying on as staff when I'm finished."
Bella's eyes lift to meet mine. "Are you?"
I hesitate.
"It's a great school," I say slowly. "Really reputable program with tremendous access…" My voice trails off and Bella's eyes narrow.
"So you do want to stay?" she asks, her tone carefully neutral.
"I don't know," I admit. "I haven't been able to land either way yet."
Bella nods, turning her gaze back outside as she lays against my chest again. I frown.
"Wait, that's it?"
Bella has never just left a conversation like that. Ever. She can't help it, she has to argue things into the ground.
Bella glances back up at me. "What am I supposed to say?"
I sit up, disrupting us, and turn to her. "Why do I get the sense you are pissed at me?" I demand.
Bella sits up, crossing her legs as she looks at me. "I am pissed at you."
I frown, waiting for her to elaborate. "Care to share?" I snap after she stays silent. She lets out a breath.
"What the fuck do you want me to say, Edward? You've obviously made a choice to stay here for your career without talking to me about it."
"I haven't made a choice!" I argue.
"Haven't you?" She demands. My mouth snaps shut. "It would have just been nice to be consulted about a decision for our family."
My eyes narrow. "I'm doing this for our family."
"No, Edward. This is about you. Don't try to put this on us. You're making a choice for us to follow your dream."
I feel like she's slapped me.
"You knew," I whisper. "You knew before we got married this was where my career was headed. What happened to supporting that?"
Bella flies off the bed, pacing the room. "You," she snarls turning to me. "Don't get to fucking say that to me. I've uprooted my entire goddamn life to support you. I had a fucking baby in a foreign country to keep supporting you!" she screaming now, and I climb off the bed to try to rein her in. "Since the day we fucking met I've been supporting you!"
I reach out to her, but she shakes my hands off her, pacing the room again.
"Bella–"
"And for you to have the fucking audacity to accuse me of not supporting you?" She glares at me, and I'm horrified to see tears in her eyes.
"Bella, please–"
"Fuck off, Edward!" she screams, storming into the bathroom. She slams the bathroom door shut and the lock is like an arrow through my lungs.
"Fuck!" I shout, pacing out of the room. I head out to the terrace, tears burning my eyes. How the fuck did this night get so far away from us?
You fucked it all up.
I can't help the nasty little voice in my head, especially because I know it's right. I did fuck this all up. Bella is right and I've been an oblivious, selfish, asshole.
I'd gotten so focused on the opportunities in front of me, that I'd forgotten that none of it would have been possible without Bella.
Fuck.
I head inside, needing to see my wife. I need to make things right, need to apologize to her in every way I can, because she's right. I've been making selfish decisions.
The bathroom door is still closed, but when I reach for the doorknob, I'm surprised to find it unlocked. I crack the door open and when I see Bella sitting in the bathtub, fully clothed and curled up sobbing, my self-loathing triples.
"Fuck," I hiss, slipping into the bathroom. I reach out to her, moving her body so that I can slip into the dry tub behind her. "Baby, I'm so sorry."
She doesn't fight me as I settle in behind her, and in fact, she turns and curls into my chest, crying into my shirt. My tears start up and soon I can't slow them down. They pour down my cheeks as I try to hold her to me.
"You're right," I tell her, my fingers brushing through her hair. "I'm a selfish asshole and you are right."
Bella doesn't say anything, and her silence is piercing. My eyes squeeze shut as tears drip down my cheeks.
We are awkwardly curled into the bathtub as we cry. I feel beyond awful; awful that I've let us get to this point and awful that we are spending our one night apart from our daughter like this.
Had I been a better husband and father, I would have been more aware of my family's needs, and Bella and I would likely be having a very different night.
It's a long time until Bella and I stop crying. I hate the feeling left in me after the tears, but it also feels like it's relieved some of the tension and pressure between us too. Bella is curled up against my chest, her hands fisting my shirt as her breathing falls in sync with mine.
We are quiet for a long time, both of us recovering from our meltdowns.
"Bella, I'm so sorry," I whisper after a while. "You've always supported me, more than anyone, and you didn't deserve any of what I just said."
I feel her take a deep breath against my stomach. "Edward, I want you to follow your dreams," she says, tilting her head up to look at me. "But it's not just us anymore. We have to start thinking about what's best for Spawn too."
I lean forward, pressing a kiss to her hair. "I know," I murmur. "From now on I promise I'll talk to you about everything. Every decision we make will be together."
Bella takes a deep breath, nodding and leaning her head back against my chest. I frown and sit up. Bella looks at me in surprise, but then I shift, starting to stand. She climbs off me, stepping out of the dry tub with me.
I offer her my hand, and she takes it, weaving her fingers through mine. We head back to the bedroom, climbing into the large bed. The space is wasted on us though, because immediately, we curl up together, half of Bella's body on top of mine.
"I want you to have all that you've ever dreamed about in life," Bella murmurs, tilting her head up to look at me. I lean down, pressing my lips to hers. We both taste like tears.
"Bella, I already do," I whisper against her lips. "I'm so sorry I've been taking you for granted. You and Birdy are all that matter to me, truly."
Bella's head nuzzles under my chin, her lips pressing against my neck. "We're stronger together," Bella sighs. "We'll figure out everything that is coming, so long as we do it together."
She's right, of course. My wife is always fucking right.
I make a silent vow to myself right here and right now that from here on out, I will strive to always put my family first, and to trust Bella to talk shit out with me.
She's never let me down before, and I can't imagine she'll start anytime soon.
Yes, so a little bit of a different night away than most people might have expected for these two, but they'd had some pressure building, and it was due to erupt.
See you loves tomorrow for another update!
