Sorry this took so long, guys. It's been busy around here. End of the school year, last minute stuff for final grades…and final exams…greaat. Anyway, here's chapter 14, woot!


:Haunted House 3:35 A.M:

"Well Gilbert, you've managed to get us lost in an old abandoned house, scare the shit out of Rey and get US tied to a chair!" Talia yelled and started kicking in frustration.

It was true; they were now tied to a chair, back to back. Here's how this came about. Talia stepped on a rotting floorboard and got her foot stuck. Gilbert reached down to help her out and "accidentally" grabbed her ass. This caused her to kick him in the groin and thus he dropped like a stone to the floor. Well, that was a bad idea. The whole area that the group was standing on caved in resulting in a dog pile on the floor below them. The group didn't appreciate this.

Since Shinn was still sore cuz he and Luna got tied to a chair, he decided to go find a rope and a chair. Seeing that Meyrin was the professional in the room, she tied the two near the front door, that way, when the person hunting them came in; they'd be the first to get caught.

"Hey, this is NOT my fault. You're the one who stepped on the moldy floor board," Gilbert shot back.

"Hmph," Talia pouted.

"How about instead of feeling sorry for yourself you help me find something sharp to get us untied," He suggested.

Talia rolled her eyes and made a funny face, because he couldn't see, and it's fun to mess around with him when he's drunk.

"Hold on while I pull a flash light out of my ass, because right now I can't see shit,"

"Pft, well you're a great coordinator. Enhanced eye sight and you can't even see your own hand in front of your face,"

"Can you see anything Mr. "Hello my Name is Gilbert and I have a stick permanently shoved up my ass,"?"

"Yes I can see! There's a broken piece of glass sitting on the floor right in front of me Ms. "Hi my name is Talia and I can't see anything because I'm too drunk,"

"Well then Mr. smart guy, why don't you get your damn piece of glass and get us outta here so we can go kick those kids asses!"

"I would if you would stop distracting me with your voice!"

"Oh please, how hard can it be to reach over and grab a piece of glass off of the floor?"

"Pretty hard when you're trying to drag Talia Gladys along with you!"

"Are you calling me fat?" Talia then started to cry.

"N-no, that's not what I meant! I'm just saying that by talking you're not helping me move the chair over so I can reach!" Gilbert explained frantically.

"Really?" She sniffed.

"Uh huh,"

"Okay,"

While the two of them tried to get over to the glass, someone came in the front door very quietly, and they didn't notice. Gilbert almost had the glass when they heard a creaking noise. Talia grabbed Gilbert's wrist.

"What was that?" She asked in a whisper.

"I don't know," He looked around and then gasped when he saw a shadow.

"Talia, look!"

"OMG WTF!"

The figure moved closer. Gilbert and Talia nudged the chair closer to the glass. He tried to reach, but accidentally kicked it further away. The figure was closing in on them. Talia and Gilbert stopped moving and looked up in terror. The person finally got close enough to see their face it was none other than…SAMARA FROM THE RING! No, just kidding.

"IT'S LUNAMARIA!"

"AHHHHHH!"

:Idiots in Yzak's Car:

"You guys wanna play a game?" Tolle asked lamely.

"Like what, make bets on how long those two are gonna go at it?" Natarle snapped back hotly.

"I guess that's a no,"

They were engulfed in silence again.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb its fleece as white as snow,"

"What the hell are you singing?" Natarle looked over to Tolle with her eyes wide.

"Well, if you ding little things like that, it makes the situation seem that much more innocent.

Natarle and Flay face palmed.

"Why don't we just leave?" Flay asked.

"Because this is the best hiding spot ever and we shouldn't have to give it up because Bonnie and Clyde wanted an intimate moment back there," Tolled answered boredly, seemingly having given up his singing career.

"True that, true that,"

Just then, Romeo and Juliet flopped into the driver's seat. Tolle, Flay, and Natarle didn't really appreciate that one.

'What the fuck are you doing!"

Yzak and Shiho looked up just now remembering that they weren't alone.

"AHHHH!"

"AHHHH!"

Now it was an ultimate scream fest. Awesome.

During this time, someone's foot managed to shift the car out of 'park' and change it to 'reverse.' Then someone else's foot hit the gas…oh boy.

--Top 10 places NOT to have sex

Location number two:

In a car…WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!

They just broke one of the rules. Shame on them. The car jerked backwards out of the driveway, causing everyone to fly forward into the windshield. Whoever had their foot on the petal, coughYzakcough, didn't have enough brains to take it off until the car was zooming down the grassy hill in front of Milly's house.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Tolle scream and was then silenced by Natarle whacking him the head.

"Alright, Tolle, here's a game for you. What word has four letters and begins with a B?"

"Uhm…beat?"

"Yes!"

"And…?"

"THAT'S WHAT WE ARE!"

:Mu and Murrue:

"Hey, Murrue, can we get out of this bush now, it's really starting to itch,"

She looked over at him with a weird look on her face.

"Mu, this bush isn't itchy. As a matter of fact, we're not even touch the bush,"

"What do you mean we're not touching the bush?" He asked while scratching at his arms and legs,"

"It's like a frigging umbrella; it's totally hollowed out in here!"

"Well apparently not!"

She then looked down to see what exactly was itching him. She saw the said problem.

"Uhm, Mu…I know why you think the bush is itching you…"

"Really, why?" He kept scratching at himself without a second thought.

"Because, you're not sitting in the bush,"

"Huh?" He didn't get it.

"You're sitting in poison ivy…"

He looked down at himself, and then back up at Murrue. Then he did a double take.

"AHHHHHH!" He jumped out of the bush and started dancing around outside like an idiot.

Murrue then burst out laughing.

:Kira and Lacus:

Lacus was sitting happily on the couch reading a magazine, with the TV on and eating chips when she heard groaning coming from the coffee table. No, the coffee table wasn't groaning. It was none other then our favorite hero, Kira.

"Holy crap, what happened to me?" He asked to no one in particular.

"I beat the living hell outta you, that's what," Lacus chirped merrily, throwing aside her magazine.

"Woah, where'd you come from!" Kira was having a brain lapse, but, you couldn't blame him, he just had his face shoved through a coffee table, so it was understandable.

"I've been here the whole time, remember?"

"Oh, yeah; man, I didn't think you could hit that frigging hard!"

"You don't know a lot of things about me," She said mischievously.

Kira then had a thought.

--Top 10 places to have sex

Location number four:

On a comfy couch with the TV on

Well, they followed that rule nicely when he tackled Lacus to the couch. Oh great, here goes the porno again. Let's see who ruins the moment first. Lacus was enjoying herself with Kira on top of her, but, right then and there a thought hit her.

"Kira, did you forget to wrap it again?"

A pause.

"Dammit to hell!"

he got up and trudged off to the bathroom, throwing off articles of clothing along the way. He came back out five minutes later to see Lacus on the couch…with no clothes on. It kind of reminded him of Titanic, where Rose took off her clothes so Jack could…you get the point…anyway. Once he was settled back on the couch he was about to go after Lacus again…but, by now you know things never go according to plan with these guys…go figure.

--Top three thing NOT to say before having sex

Number one:

"Are you sure it's on there?"

Kira could've died, and he wanted to.

"Lacus, if you open you're mouth one more time, I'm going to kill myself tonight,"

Lacus then immediately closed her mouth.

:Ten Minutes later:

As the author of this fanficiton, I now dub Miriallia's couch, "The Couch of Sex," First Mu and Murrue, and now Kira and Lacus, let's see how many more go nuts before the end of the night. The night is still young, after all. But, of course, all happy moment have an end, and this ones about to end and get real ugly. You'll soon realize that "Couch of Sex" and "Couch of Death" aren't very different from each other.

--Top three things NOT to say after having sex

Number two:

"OOPS, the condom broke! My bad!"

"KIRA!" Lacus threw him off of her like she was the Incredible Hulk…except pink.

"Jay kay, jay kay!" He backed away in fear with his hands up.

And back through the coffee table he goes.

Disowned.


And the Sex Tips return! Hehe, sorry about the lack of Milly and Dearka, and Cagalli and Athrun. It's just so much dialogue and a lot of writing, but, you all have my word that they'll be in the next chapter…if not, you all have the permission to glomp me with your weapon of choice xD