This chapter was supposed to be humorous, but we're not quite sure if that's what we got or not. Hmm. Anyway, check our profile for notes about lots of things that we don't feel like putting in this chapter. That will be all, have a good day.

Disclaimer-we STILL don't own Harry Potter. J.K. won't give us the rights, for some odd reason...

Chapter 37

Hermione Granger's Mid-life Crisis

"We killed someone…" Hermione moaned.

"Yeah, with Exploding Snap Cards," Ron replied.

"But we killed someone…we murdered…"

"It's a war," responded Harry coldly. "People are going to die, there's no other way."

"But we killed someone! We just murdered two Death Eaters! WE KILLED THEM!"

"Hermione, give it a rest, will you?" Ron asked exasperatedly.

"This is going to go on my permanent record!"

"Hermione, there is no such thing as a permanent record," Nikki told her. "Some idiot made that up so all the kiddies would be perfect little angels." Hermione looked at her for a second, then dropped to the ground.

"SO? We killed someone!"

"Give it a rest!" Nikki screamed back, and they soon got into a catfight. Ron and Harry looked on in shock and amusement as Hermione attempted to yank Nicole's hair out. She in turn ripped Hermione's Prefect badge off of her robes.

"Ron, this is all your fault. Your girlfriend is slapping my girlfriend!"

"Who said she was my girlfriend?" Ron asked in reply.

"I did! You went on a date with her! And then you locked me in a cupboard! Do you realize what memories that brings up?"

"Well, you were interrupting our so-called date!"

"I was not!"

"YOU WERE TOO!" Ron and Harry were soon rolling on the ground, punching each other and yelling a few not-very-nice things. They eventually got mixed up with Hermione and Nikki's fight, and if anyone was looking at the Riddle Mansion at that point, they would have a giant pile of ashes and four teenagers attacking each other in front of it.

Hermione suddenly stood up, holding out her arms to stop the fighting. Ron had Nikki in a headlock, while Harry had his arms around Ron's legs in an attempt to knock him to the ground. They froze, and, as a result, came crash-landing on top of each other in a pile of legs, arms, and robes. Once they had calmed down enough to listen, Hermione gestured toward their surroundings.

"We don't have any clue where we are!"

"So?" Nikki got up, lunged at Hermione and knocked her to the ground. "What does that have to do with anything?" Harry and Ron ran forward to restrain them, and the two girls called a truce. It was then that Harry stared at the remains of the Riddle Mansion and came to the conclusion of where they were: the very same graveyard where Cedric had died and Voldemort had been reborn.

"Uh…guys?" he muttered shakily.

"If it doesn't have something to do with our location or how to get out of it, I don't care," Hermione snapped.

"I know where we are."

"Great. Just brilliant. Where?" demanded Ron.

"The graveyard."

"That doesn't help," Nikki replied.

"No, THE graveyard. You know, with Cedric, Voldemort, Death Eaters…that graveyard."

"Oh. Oh!" Hermione gasped. "Oh, that one…we should probably leave."

"Right," Ron agreed.

"Anyone care to point us in the direction of Hogwarts?" Nikki, who had already heard about Harry's "adventures" in first through fifth year, questioned.

"Point me," Harry whispered after snatching Hermione's wand. He looked up at his three companions and shrugged. "That way's North."

"Peachy," Nicole exclaimed dryly. "Whole lot of good that rubbish does…oh no, I'm turning British."

"Well," Hermione mumbled, making lines in the air with her finger, "we know that the sun rises through that tower…the lake is that way…East and West…if that is North…but this is backwards…through the Astronomy tower, Orion is to the left, so that would be South…no, East…"

"Don't you just love it when she makes so much sense like that, mate?" Ron inquired.

"Ronald! Hush, I'm trying to think!" Harry and Nicole exchanged looks, then Harry suddenly remembered something.

"Wait! I had a dream about this place! I was flying an owl!"

"Do you remember which direction you went?" Hermione asked eagerly.

"Well…no. I was focusing more on the rest of it." Ron groaned in disappointment and kicked the stump Nikki was sitting on. He spent the next five minutes hopping on one leg muttering swear words under his breath while Hermione tried desperately to figure out how to get them back to school.

"No use. I don't know."

"I'm hungry," Ron suddenly mentioned.

"Is that all you think about?" retorted Hermione.

"Yes, but he's got a point," Nikki replied dejectedly. "We don't know how to get back and we haven't eaten since breakfast. Anybody got some food with them?" Harry and Hermione both shook their heads, as did Ron after rummaging through his pockets. "Well," she continued, "it's probably near midnight and it's really cold. Hermione, can you conjure blankets for us?" Hermione nodded and waved her wand, producing warm wool sheets out of thin air.

"How are we going to sleep in the middle of nowhere with the thought that Death Eaters are going to come and attack us?" Ron asked incredulously.

"I'll stay awake for awhile and watch," Harry offered.

"When you get tired, just wake me up and I'll watch. We can do it in shifts," suggested Hermione. The others nodded their agreement and attempted to get to sleep, while Harry took over Nicole's stump. Ron was leaning against a tree, with Hermione's head on his shoulder. Harry strained his ears and was able to hear their conversation.

"But you never meant to hurt them," Ron whispered.

"I know, but I did, and now they're dead."

"They'd either be killed in battle or kill someone else. Harry's right, this is war. There is going to be death, it can't be avoided."

"I just never thought I'd be the one killing. I figured I'd be a Healer, or strategist, or something. Not this. That's more your department. And Harry's."

"Yeah," Ron murmured. "Think how he feels."

"Eavesdropping, Harry?" He fell off the stump in shock, only to come face-to-face with Nikki. "You look cold, a blanket might help."

"If I'm cold, I won't fall asleep," was the answer. Nikki laughed quietly and draped her own blanket on his shoulders, moving a little closer to him. He unconsciously put his arm around Nicole's waist and let her lay her head on his chest.

"I'll make sure you won't go to sleep, I promise."

"Sure, you say that now…" Harry teased as she playfully smacked his arm.

"If any Death Eaters come, we'll be ready, honest."

"But really, what chance do four half-asleep teenagers have against an army of Death Eaters?"

"We have pretty darn good chances if you ask me, Mr. Potter. Don't go belittling yourself," she reprimanded.

"I might have luck when battling Dark Lords and such, but how much good can I do when I'm only partially awake and don't even have my wand?"

"Uh…"

"Thought so."

"I'll go back to arguing with you once you tell me what's in your pocket," she stated out of the blue. Harry dug into his robes and found the object she was referring to immediately.

"It's a two-way mirror, Sirius gave it to me about a year ago. I kind of forgot about it since he's been cleared and I can go talk to him whenever I want."

"So Sirius has the other mirror then."

"Yeah, I imagine he's still got it with him…wait a second…Sirius has the other mirror!" He and Nikki bolted up immediately and hugged, jumping somewhat drunkenly and laughing at the top of their lungs. This got Hermione and Ron's attention, who stared at the both of them in a mixture of apprehension and shock.

"They've lost it!" Ron yelled. Hermione seemed to agree, because she instantly had her wand out and doused them in freezing cold water.

"Are you two alright?" she asked suspiciously. Nikki spit out the water like a fountain whereas Harry scowled at Hermione in annoyance.

"We were alright until you dumped water all over us! Do you mind getting it off?"

"You don't have to be so crabby about it," she replied airily, drying them off in seconds. "When one sees one's friends hopping around like mad for no apparent reason, one assumes them to be either mentally ill, sleepwalking, or both."

"But that's just it!" Nikki proclaimed excitedly. "We have an apparent reason! Give me that!" She yanked the mirror out of Harry's hand, stared at it for a few seconds, and then gave it back. "I don't have a clue how to use it."

"Sirius Black." Hermione, Ron, and Nikki crowded around him, only to see what appeared to be the ceiling of the Defense Against the Dark Arts room.

"Snuffles, you idiot!" Ron yelled. "He just left it in there!"

"Shh!" Hermione hushed. The four of them listened for a while, eventually making out Sirius and Heather's frantic voices.

"How can Snivellus not know where they are? He's a spy for a reason!"

"Sirius, I'm sure he's working on it," Heather consoled him. "Be patient!"

"I can tell you right now that Voldemort is not going to 'be patient' when it comes to killing them!" Heather didn't answer, giving the four stranded students time to yell as loudly as possible in an attempt to get the Defense teachers' attention. Sirius started ranting again, but from the slapping sound heard, they assumed Heather had smacked her fiancé to get him to shut up.

"Listen!" she ordered. It appeared as if he did what he was told, because two sets of footsteps were heard coming closer. One suddenly got louder and quicker, and Sirius's face appeared in the mirror.

"Harry! Ron, Hermione, Nikki, you're alive!" he shouted. "Where are you?"

"Riddle Mansion. But if we knew how to get to Hogwarts, wouldn't we be back already?" Ron retorted.

"Right, sorry. Uh…"

"Sirius, you dolt, use the location spell!" Heather's voice exclaimed. "Give me that!" She grabbed the mirror, did the charm, and stared at them in confusion. "According to this, there's a rather large building that existed about two hours ago and isn't there any more. Know anything about that?"

"Yeah, we uh…" Hermione broke off nervously.

"Doesn't matter. We'll be there in about an hour. Look out for Death Eaters," Sirius warned. With that, Heather disappeared and the mirror reverted to Harry's reflection.

"Now what?" Ron asked.

"What do you mean, now what?" countered Hermione.

"I mean, now what, as in, now what do we do?"

"We wait, Ronald that's what!" Nikki and Harry exchanged annoyed glances, then Nikki took out her wand and used a handy sleeping spell she had been taught in Salem, causing Hermione and Ron to fall to the ground.

"There. And she talks about Sirius and Heather being an old married couple. She ought to listen to her own arguments sometimes. Honestly!"

"Ron does have a bit of a point, though. They won't be here for another hour. What are we going to do to keep ourselves awake for that long?"

"Play tic-tac-toe?" she suggested. Harry stared at her, puzzled.

"How would you like us to do that?" In response, she drew in the air with her wand, leaving a perfectly made board in bright blue lights. They spent the next half hour laughing at how horrible Harry was at the game, until Nikki got tired and began writing runes in the squares instead of x's out of exhaustion (and fear of the test she had coming up). Harry forced her to sleep while he waited for Sirius and Heather. He wondered vaguely how they would get two adults and four students back to Hogwarts, but figured they'd already worked that out.

Harry himself was soon starting to drift off, so he borrowed Nikki's wand and began practicing spells. He was just mastering turning twigs into stick insects when he heard a large commotion in the trees. Glancing down at his watch, he noticed it was about the time for Sirius and Heather to be arriving, but there seemed to be too much noise for just the Defense professors.

Harry cautiously gripped Nikki's wand, crept closer to the sounds, and sent a couple of harmless, but effective, spells into the brush. He heard a couple of grunts, and then an ungodly, piercing shriek that he'd only heard one other place-it was Buckbeak.

"Sirius!" Harry yelled sprinting into the woods. He collided into Sirius, who'd been hit by a Disarming Spell, and was immediately engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. "Sirius-can't-breathe…"

"Good!" his godfather answered. "Nice spell work, though. You scared Buckbeak half to death with that Leg-Locker Curse. Oh, and I have your wand. And Ron's. Got them off Malfoy. Of course, he ran away before we could get anything out of him about where you were…"

"Sirius, would you like to give me a hand with your hippogriff?" He grinned at Harry and shook his head.

"No, actually I wouldn't. C'mon, Harry, let's go wake the others up and get you out of here." They strode over to where Nikki, Hermione, and Ron were sleeping, and Sirius proceeded to make his recovered wand emit loud bangs and bright sparks of light. Nikki jumped up and starting babbling about the different runes, while Ron shrieked about dancing trees and Hermione yelled, "WE KILLED SOMEONE!"

"Hermione, we didn't mean to, get over it!" Nikki shouted in return.

"What?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

"They set the house on fire by hitting Ron's Exploding Snap cards with some spell that we don't know anything about," Harry explained.

"I think maybe it's time all of you went back to Hogwarts," Heather suggested, leading Buckbeak while wheeling Sirius's motorcycle over to the clearing. "Alright, I'm taking the hippogriff. He can probably safely hold me and two of you, so who's coming?" Ron got onto the beast almost instantly, and Hermione followed rather reluctantly.

"Okay. Nikki, you're coming with me on the motorcycle," Sirius told her. "And Harry, sorry, but you're flying yourself home."

"What, with my broom?"

"No, your wings," Sirius corrected.

"My wi-oh. Alright."

"But," he lectured, "you're flying a bit ahead and above me so I can catch you if you get tired."

"Sirius, you worry too much," Harry stated as he transformed. The journey back to Hogwarts was pretty smooth, but long as well. By the time they reached the castle, Hermione and Ron were both asleep, Nikki was only partially awake, and Harry was so sore that Sirius had to carry him into the castle, still in phoenix form.

They woke up early the next morning, Harry rather annoyed by being in the hospital wing again, but Bridget soon got them all out of bed and led them down to Sirius and Heather's office.

"What's this about?" Ron asked apprehensively.

"You'll see," Hermione replied with a smirk. They entered the room to find Sirius, Heather, Remus, and, for some odd reason, Ginny and Tonks, waiting for them and were instructed to sit down.

"Uh, is something wrong?" Harry wondered aloud.

"No, nothing's wrong at all," Sirius answered with a broad smile. "Actually, everything is about to be exactly how it should." Harry and Ron exchanged nervous looks, and then returned to the conversation.

"We have called you here today," Heather began, "to-oh, I know you know, Nikki, quit grinning like an idiot. We have called you here today to ask if you would be so kind as to…" she shared a nervous laugh with Sirius, "if you would stand up in our wedding."

"Wedding?" Ron inquired. "What wedding?"

"The wedding we're have in the Great Hall after the term is over," Sirius explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He then elbowed Remus hard in the stomach. Said werewolf sighed, began giggling like a schoolgirl, and turned to Bridget. He got off of his chair and kneeled in front of her, taking a box out of his pocket as he did so. The Healer's eyes lit up and she lunged off her seat and into Remus, knocking him to the floor.

"YES! YES, REMUS JOHN LUPIN, YES!"

"You didn't even let me ask!"

"I DON'T CARE! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THE STUPID LAW SAYS, EITHER! I AM GOING TO MARRY YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

"Let's hope not, or the honeymoon will be one sad affair," Sirius mentioned, earning a smack on the head from Remus. "Anyway, now that we've got that settled, Dumbledore's going to orchestrate everything for our wedding, whenever he gets back from Azkaban, that is…"

"Dumbledore got sent to Azkaban?" Ron yelled madly.

"No," Heather replied darkly. "There was a mass breakout. The whole prison is empty. I'm willing to be this whole thing was set up so Dumbledore would be gone while the Death Eaters were in Hogsmeade."

"Fred and George should be here any minute, too, they're in the wedding as well," Sirius continued. The fire suddenly roared green and Fred (or was it George?) rolled out into the office. "Good, you're here! We can get started."

"No, we can't!"

"Why not?" Heather demanded.

"Because, Diagon Alley's just been attacked!"

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