DISCLAMIER: HG CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME
A/N: Warning: sensitive subject matter in this chapter
Chapter 150-Sadness III
August 26
Cassandra walked down the busy street in the Capitol as she headed towards her apartment. She just left an appointment with an independent stylist, for she needed a makeover for an upcoming interview she has in two days. While she had small modeling jobs with a lot of different companies, her main source of income had been her contract with AMB. Now that her contract has been cut, she needed to find a big modeling job soon or else she would not be able to pay her rent along with her other bills. Wanting to make an impression with the company she was going to be interviewing with, she wanted the advice from a professional stylist in order to accomplish what she needed to do in order to be offered a contract.
Feeling better knowing what she needs to do, she walks down the street with confidence, noticing the looks from the men passing her by. Her hair now platinum blonde, it will last one week, plenty of time for her interview. She knows Gale will hate it, but most likely it will wash out before he sees it.
Once she enters her apartment, she sets her things down and goes over to look at her flowers by the window. Still blooming, she bends down and inhales, savoring their beautiful scent. She had gotten the extremely large bouquet from Gale four days ago, apologizing for not spending time with her last weekend when he was in town. He had called, explaining that he was with Avery, and that he needed to be with her. He would not say what had happened, but said he needed to help her this weekend and that he would be staying at her apartment. The flowers arrived shortly after, with a note that said, Sorry a thousand times over-Love Gale.
She tried not to be angry with him. But she could not help but have this feeling that Avery was manipulating him to keep the two of them apart. Yesterday, he had called her again, explaining that he wouldn't be available until next week, for tomorrow he would be busy with all of his children with what he called a "family matter" and the next day he would be going with his Brother to take their sons back to District 3. While he did not give specifics of what they would be doing, he did say Sienna would be flying in from District 10 to join them. She knew it had something to do with Katniss-for today was the anniversary of her death. She had seen hundreds of flowers placed by her memorial site while walking by there today; and had seen flowers placed there since the weekend. She could tell by the tone of his voice he was happy that he would be with all of children, that they would all be together.
Knowing she would always be an outsider; she begins to feel sad. For while she might have a piece of his heart now, she knew the rest of it belonged to his wife. She knew Gale loved her, but she has learned he was correct when he warned her in the beginning that he could not give her the type of relationship she wanted or deserved. Knowing that once her friends and certain family members found out they would not approve; she knows she needs to prepare her answer as to why she will put up with it-because she loves him too much to walk away. But at times it was hard competing with someone who is no longer living, though she knew it was selfish to feel this way.
September 17 (Thursday)
Cassandra happily gets off the phone with the company she interviewed with four weeks ago, they have offered her a three-year contract and want her to come in tomorrow to the office to sign it. Relieved that she has steady income for the foreseeable future, she knows she will feel less stressed now. She hopes she can begin cutting back on her cigarette use, for she knows it is an unhealthy and bad habit, plus it did not help that Gale hated it.
She pulls out her phone to call him, but he does not answer. Disappointed, she decides to order food in to celebrate solo and sits on the couch and watches TV. While lounging on the couch, she hears someone knocking on the door, she looks over and sees the time is 8:45 pm.
Confused as to who would be at her door at this hour, she peeks through the peephole and grins. She quickly opens the door and says, "Gale!" going into his arms.
Once he releases her, he hands her a small bouquet of flowers and says, "for you."
"Thank you" she says appreciatively as she ushers him inside, locking the door behind her. "They are beautiful, I love them."
"Not as beautiful as you" he says as he leans down and gently kisses her.
"Let me get these in a vase, how did you get up here anyway?" she asks as she walks over to the kitchen, turning on the water.
"Charmed the lady at the front desk, said I was here to surprise my girlfriend" he says.
"So, are you going to the President's mansion tomorrow?"
"Nope, took the day off."
"What about Juniper?"
"She's staying over at her friend Yari's house. That is why I missed your call earlier; I was making sure she had everything ready to go before she got home from school. We ordered pizza and brought it over to Yari's house. Once we finished eating, I came back to the house and packed a bag and went to the train station."
"Wow, spending the night at a friend's house on a school night?" Cassandra asked.
"Yeah, I told her not to get used to it. Tomorrow they are only in school a half day, so she is spending the night there again on Friday. I'll pick her up on Saturday."
They sit on her couch and spend time catching up. She tells him about her new contract, she sees the look of happiness on his face, telling her he will take her out to dinner tomorrow to celebrate. He tells her about work, and about his upcoming retirement ceremony with the military on Saturday, October 3. He tells her he has asked Sienna to come with him to the ceremony, while she wishes it could be her going, she understands why she cannot go, for she knows how it would look if she did. She is happy that Sienna was invited and not Avery.
He does not bring up Avery at all during their conversation, curiosity getting the best of her, she says to him, "So, did Avery end up finding a new apartment to move into?"
She sees the look of unease on his face, bringing up Avery's name. "Actually, Avery will be staying her apartment. I've agreed to co-sign on the lease again next year."
She is shocked; and hurt. She thought all that time he had spent with her last month was because he was diligently helping her find a new place. To find out he agreed to letting her stay, and that he would continue to pay, while she lost her longtime job at AMB because of her and had to pay for a private stylist in order to get another job enraged her.
"But you said before she shouldn't have been there to begin with!" she says, trying to keep her emotions in check.
"I know-but-I have my reasons."
"What reasons?"
"Something came up and she didn't get an opportunity to look for a new apartment."
"You spoil her Gale" she says in disgust.
"Look, things with Avery have become-complicated."
"What about me? I had to bust my ass to find another job. I don't have my Daddy coming to my rescue."
He wanted to ask her why that was, for District 5 was known before and after the war to be one of the wealthier Districts. Instead he says to her, "I have to take care of my family, it's what I do."
She frowns at him, trying to help ease the situation he says to her, "I've decided to not re-new the lease on my apartment, I have to turn the keys in by October 31."
She is surprised to hear this. "What does this mean?"
He shrugs and says, "No need for the apartment anymore. The whole idea behind it in the first place was to be as far away from this area as possible. No more hiding. I'll just come here-if you'll let me that is."
She rolls her eyes and says, "What do you think?"
He smiles and says, "I've told my Mother about you as well."
The surprises keep coming. "And?"
"She wants you to come to District 2."
"Really?" she says, for she cannot believe what she is hearing.
He nods and says, "She's concerned about the age thing though, so be prepared for that."
She nods and says, "I'm used to that question."
"Juniper still does not know yet, but she will-soon. And I have written Katniss's Mother letting her know about you as well."
She is so happy by what he has told her, she goes into his arms and begins kissing him. They continue kissing for a while before finally breaking away, both needed to catch their breath. He leans his head against hers and whispers, "I've missed you."
"I miss you all the time" she says sadly, then moves her hand down his pants and begins touching him, letting him know what she wants.
He picks her up and carries her into her room, while taking off their clothes, he takes his phone out of his pocket and places it on her nightstand. She pulls off his boxes and takes his member into her mouth. His eyes closed, he savors the moment he is having with her, when suddenly he hears his phone, recognizing Avery's message tone. He looks down and sees her head continue to move up and down, he then looks over at the nightstand sees it light up, knowing Avery has left a message. He sees the time on Cassandra's clock show 10:16 pm.
He is conflicted, he wants to look at the message, but he knows if he does, she will be angry. He decides to ignore the message for now and look at it after they have finished. Once they have, she wipes her mouth with her hand as she comes back up to him, smiling slyly. She bends down and begins kissing him, inserting her tongue into his mouth.
His phone rings again, another message from Avery. Knowing this time, he must look at it he breaks away and says, "I'm sorry but I have to look at this."
Before she can protest, he sits up and turns his back from her as he reads the following messages:
Something is very wrong-need help-can you come over?
Are you on your way?
He types Be there in five and rises off the bed, grabbing his clothes.
"Gale!" Cassandra says in disbelief.
"I'm sorry, that was Avery, something's wrong, I have to grab a taxi over to her place."
Not believing for one second that something was wrong Cassandra asks, "Did you tell her you were coming here tonight?"
"I made plans to take her to lunch tomorrow during her break, so, I'm sure she suspected I'd be here tonight yes."
"She's lying Gale! Nothing is wrong. She's trying to keep us apart can't you see that?"
Wishing he could tell her that Avery was not lying, for her severe morning sickness and nausea continued, he knew he had to go over there to make sure everything was alright with her and the baby. However, he promised his daughter he would not tell anyone she was pregnant until she was ready for it be known. Besides him, the only other person who knew was Sienna.
"I'll be back as soon as I can" he says as he leans down and kisses her, but he realizes she does not kiss him back.
"Don't bother coming back" she says in anger.
He sighs and grabs his bag as he rushes out.
"I hope you have a great time with your family" Avery says to Levi's projection for they were on a virtual call.
"Thanks, I'm nervous to be on a hovercraft, it is my first time flying."
"You'll be fine. You'll love the feeling of taking off, it's neat."
"I'll send you a message when I get there."
"Okay, bye" Avery says as she waves goodbye and ends the call. Still taking things slow and continuing with trying the friend's things first, she was still enjoying Levi's company a great deal. He was going to District 11 this weekend to visit his family and leaving early in the morning on the first commercial flight out of the Capitol.
She knows when he returns, she must finally tell him that she is pregnant. Too afraid of how he will react, it has been easier these last few weeks to pretend she is not pregnant when she is with him. She has become an expert at hiding her discomfort and nausea. Even though she is only 8 weeks along, she does not want to continue keeping this from him.
Thankful she does not have to worry about her living situation, she is happy she will be going to lunch with her Father tomorrow. While she is still not happy with the Cassandra situation, she's decided to finally accept it, given all that her Father has done for her. He has kept his word and has not told her Grandmother's she is pregnant, and he has told her multiple times over the last few weeks that whatever she needs, he will help her with. She knows she cannot interfere in his happiness with Cassandra.
However, she was not ready to extend an olive branch just yet either.
She thinks back to that day she saw the two of them walk down the street and head into the restaurant and her explosive reaction at seeing them together. Reflecting on it, she wonders if her extreme reaction was because was pregnant. For while she was an emotional person, she had never gotten physical with anyone ever.
She looks at the clock and sees the time is 10:10 pm. She decides to get a glass of water before heading into her room to get into her sleep clothes. She places her phone on her small kitchen island as she quickly grabs a glass and fills it with water from her refrigerator. She is thirsty and drinks it quickly, when suddenly she experiences a sharp pain in her abdomen. She drops the glass, and it shatters once it hits the ground. She tries taking a few steps before she stumbles to the floor. She cries out as the pain increases, and she realizes she is cramping.
She begins to panic, knowing that something is terribly wrong, she forces herself to get up and reaches for her phone, typing a message to her Father. While she was not completely sure he was here in the Capitol, she strongly suspected he was at Cassandra's apartment. She holds onto her phone as she sinks back to the ground, the cramping continuing. She starts to feel wetness between her legs and looks down and sees blood begin to soak through her clothes.
She begins crying harder, knowing she is unable to stop what is happening to her. She removes her pants and underwear as the blood continues coming out of her, for she cannot move from her spot on the floor. She sends another message to her Father, desperate for him to respond. She does not want to call a medical evac by herself.
A minute later he responds back, saying he will be there in five minutes. But for her, five minutes is an eternity as she continues sobbing.
Gale takes the electronic key card out of his pocket and opens the door and runs inside, heading for the elevator. After re-signing Avery's lease, she gave him the second key that was originally Sienna's. When Gale opens the door to Avery's apartment, he sets his bag down and quickly walks down the hallway and goes into the living room and yells, "Avery?"
He hears her hoarsely call out, "Dad" from the kitchen area. Going over, he is horrified by the scene in front of him. He sees blood on the floor and on the side of the island he sees her legs sticking out, her clothes off to the side. He walks over to the other side of the island by the refrigerator and sees her back up against the island.
"Avery!" he screams as he kneels beside her.
"Dad-I've lost my baby" she says through her tears, wrapping her arms around him.
"No! You do not know that. Hold on" and he gets up to call a medical evac, she hears him have difficulty remembering her address as he talks to the other person on the line, one of the few times in her life she ever heard him sound scared.
When he comes back, he wraps her in a sheet before picking her up off the floor. He carries her over and sits with her on the couch as they wait for the medical evac to come. No longer crying, she is silent as she leans her head into his chest, curled up in his lap under the sheet like a child. Comforting her, he runs his hand through her hair. He has not done this with her since she was a little girl.
"I knew you'd come" she says, breaking their silence.
He wants to apologize to her, for he could have gotten there sooner. Feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt, he feels the tears begin to form in his eyes but before they could fall, they hear the medical evac at the door.
"You experienced what we call a complete miscarriage Miss. Hawthorne. All of the pregnancy tissue was passed out of your body before you got here."
Avery stares straight ahead as the doctor in the hospital speaks to her. It is 2 am, and she just wants to go home and lay down in her bed, but the doctor then begins to tell her that she needs to stay overnight to monitor her bleeding.
Before the doctor leaves, she tells Avery most miscarriages happen this early in pregnancy due to abnormalities with the fetus, but the doctor also tells Avery there was a slim possibly, that the fetus developed abnormally due to the fact the birth control implant was inside her the same time the embryo was dividing and growing.
"It is exceedingly rare to see pregnancies with birth control implantation, even with expired implants, despite the fact that you are young. Some doctors think it is more common than it really is. Your implant was removed when your pregnancy was confirmed by your doctor, but the abnormalities might have already developed by then. I'm sorry for this news but I thought you should know."
With no emotion in her voice, she thanks the doctor.
His heart breaking for his daughter, Gale offers to stay with her in the hospital. She tells him she prefers to be by herself, and he tells her he will be back in the morning. Before he leaves, he asks to speak with the doctor.
"I just need to know, will she-will she be able to have children? In the future?" Gale asks timidly.
The doctor gives Gale a small smile and says, "Yes, your daughter is a strong, healthy, young woman. She can most definitely become pregnant again in the future, should she wish to."
Relieved by this news, he thanks the doctor and heads back to her apartment. It is almost 3 am when he arrives. He turns on the light and with better lighting sees the scene before him, for it was dimly lit when he arrived earlier. He sees broken glass on the floor near the refrigerator, followed by a pool of blood, some of it smeared. He knows that the medical evac group had taken tissue that was found on the ground, the doctor explaining that the analysis of the tissue confirming that it was fetal tissue that had come out.
Even though he was exhausted, he grabs cleaning supplies and begins cleaning up the floor. He begins steam cleaning the couch as well and throws out the sheet she was wrapped in. When he is finished, he sees the time is 4:30 am. He goes into the spare bedroom and changes out of his clothes, not even bothering to put them away and just leaves them on the floor as he climbs into bed.
He awakens at 8:30 am to the sound of Avery's ringtone. She tells him that she will be discharged at 11 am. Telling her he will be over then, he hangs up and calls AMB, letting them know that due to a medical emergency she will not be at work today or next week. Concerned by the lack of emotion her voice, he tries to push the concerns from his mind as he lays back down, wanting to get some more sleep.
He awakens again at 10 am. Feeling more rested, he gets up and takes a shower and leaves, not bothering to eat. While on the train he sends the following message to Cassandra:
Avery is in the hospital, I am taking her back to her apartment today, I'll be with her at her apartment until I go back to Silver Lake tomorrow. I am a phone call away should you need me-I love you.
He does not expect her to answer back, and is surprised when less than five minutes later the following message lights up on his phone:
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope she'll be okay. Love you too.
Relieved that she is at least responding, he puts his phone away as the train pulls into the station. When he arrives at the hospital, he sees Avery in a wheelchair ready to go.
"You've been discharged already?" he asks as he walks up to her.
"Yes, they given me a lot of paperwork to look at" she says in the same monotone voice she had on the phone, immediately passing the paperwork to him.
He quickly glances at it, he sees handouts in regards to support groups, names and numbers of therapists in the area, and lots of information in regards to her recovery; he quickly reads through the topics and sees that it may take a few weeks to a month or more for her body to recover, that her period should return to normal in 4-6 weeks, that pregnancy hormones may still be in her blood, that she cannot have sex for two weeks, and that she must consult with her doctor when she is ready to try to become pregnant again. He quickly takes the papers and places them inside his suit jacket. While he missed Katniss all the time, it was times like this he needed her most, to help discuss these difficult subjects.
He flags down a taxi and helps her inside, they ride back to her apartment in silence, when they get upstairs to her apartment, she sees that the kitchen has been cleaned up. She looks over at her Father and Gale says, "I cleaned it up last night."
"Thanks" she says softly.
"Are you hungry? I could make you something?" he asks.
"No, I think I'm just going to go lay down in my own bed" she says as she heads to her room.
He follows her, he sees the look of discomfort on her face as she realizes he has followed her inside her room.
"I called your work, I let them know you won't be in until next week possibly."
"Thanks" she says again not looking at him as she goes into her drawer to pull out her sleep clothes.
"I'm going to get you food and I'm going to grab a change of clothes for me, I'll be back later." As he turns to leave, he hears her say, "you don't have to stay with me."
"I can only stay till tomorrow, then I have to go back home, Juniper is at a friend's house." She does not respond, so he turns around and closes the door behind him. He takes the paperwork out of his suit jacket pocket and places it on her kitchen island for her to look over later.
After he leaves, he takes the train to his apartment, he changes and grabs clothes for tomorrow. He then takes the train back to Avery's neighborhood and goes grocery shopping, returning with two large bags. When he gets inside, he sees she is still in her room. Figuring she is sleeping, he decides to begin cooking, making as many meals for her as he can that she can heat up for the rest of the weekend into next week.
When he is finished, he sees the time is 7:20 pm. He realizes he has not eaten, and only slightly concerned that Avery has not come out of her room he softly knocks on her door. She does not answer, he opens the door slightly and sees that she is asleep. He goes out and grabs take out and brings back to the apartment, watching TV for the rest of the night until he begins to doze off.
The next morning, he awakens at 9:30 am. He goes out into the living room and sees no one is there, starting to get concerned that Avery has not come out of her room, he knocks and again he is met with silence. Deciding not to go in, he takes a shower and fixes himself breakfast. Knowing he needs to get back to Silver Lake, he sees the time is 11:07 am. He gets his bag ready and sets it by the front door.
He knocks on Avery's door, when there is no answer, he opens the door, and sees that she is awake, but is still lying in bed. He goes over to the bed and sits down on the edge and says, "I have to go, there's meals ready for you in the refrigerator, if you need my help setting up an appointment with a therapist or anyone you want to talk to, let me know. I'll be home all week, if you want to come back to the house, call me, I'll arrange for a private transport if you don't want to take the train."
Her only response is a slight nod. He reaches out and touches her shoulder, wanting to give her a hug but she does not reciprocate anything back, continuing to lay there unresponsive with that same dead look in her eyes. He bends down and looks at her in the eyes and says, "it breaks my heart to see you like this, why don't you come back home with me?"
She vigorously shakes her head no in response. Feeling defeated, he gets up to leave and says, "I love you."
Knowing he is not going to get an answer back, he shuts the door behind him.
September 22 (Tuesday)
Gale stands up and gets ready to get off the train as it pulls into the station. Once off, he begins walking to Avery's apartment as quickly as he can. He has not heard from her since he saw her on Saturday. She has not responded to his messages or phone calls. She has not responded to Sienna's messages or calls either, for Gale had called and told her what happened when he returned home. He had gotten into an argument with his oldest daughter when she insisted that he call law enforcement for them to force entry into her apartment and admit her to the hospital for depression.
Not wanting to do that given what recently happened to her, he told Sienna he would take off work and go the Capitol first thing in the morning once Juniper was off to school, letting Sienna know he would be forcing Avery to return to Silver Lake with him.
When he enters her apartment, he sees her on the couch, she is dressed in her sleep clothes, her hair unkempt, she is curled up watching TV. It appears she is wearing the same sleep clothes he saw her change into on Saturday, thinking she most likely has not showered since she was in the hospital. She says nothing as he appears in front of her.
"I see you've moved from the bed to the couch" he says angrily.
"Got bored" she says dryly, keeping her eyes on the TV.
"Why are you not responding to my calls? Or your sisters?"
"I just want to be left alone."
"WE ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOU! YOUR SISTER WANTED ME TO HAVE YOU ADMITTED" he screams at her, finally losing all composure.
"That is not necessary, if I need your help, I will contact you. You know that."
He goes into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator and sees only one of the meals he cooked is gone.
"You are not eating" he says to her when he walks back into the living room.
"Not hungry."
Shaking his head, he says, "I've seen enough, get up, you are coming back home with me."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Yes, you are, get up!" he shouts.
"You can't help me, no one can" she shouts back at him.
"I'm your Father! Everything I have done; I've done for you! And your siblings. To get myself in the position our family is in now. Risked my life fighting the Capitol in the war, almost got blown up, worked two jobs, stayed in both jobs until now. Where do you think the money came from to buy the house you grew up in? Where do you think the money comes from to pay for this apartment? Your education? Not to mention I provide for your siblings as well, or have you forgotten about them? I shouldn't even mention the fact, that I have a girlfriend that I have practically abandoned, because of you! How dare you say I cannot help you!" No longer caring about her state of mind, he let his anger finally unleash on her after the past month of building up.
"I can't believe you are that clueless" she says, finally looking at him in the eye.
"What?" he says, his voice still raised.
"The only person who can help me, the only person I want help from, is not here."
His glare turns to a look of sadness, his heart sinking by her admission.
"I want Mom" she says softly, tears forming in her eyes. "I want my Mom so bad."
"I want that too; you don't know how much I want that" he says gently.
"How can you love someone else then? Why her?" she hisses at him.
He really does not want to be talking about his relationship with Cassandra with her, but if this is what it will take to get her to return home with him, so be it.
"You know I was really depressed after Mom died. Remember how I was drinking?"
She shakes her head yes in response.
"I cut the drinking down a lot after Juniper did her impromptu trip to the Hunger Games museum, but for the most part I was, going through the motions of living. Next month will be one year ago when I met Cassandra at your show. She showed an interest in me first."
He sees the smirk form on her face, before a sarcastic remark can be said he says, "but I was the one ultimately that allowed the relationship to begin, I tried to not let it get serious, but, it did."
Realizing what he was telling her, she realizes she wasn't that far off the mark thinking the prostitution service would have been good for him, thinking to herself she should have looked into it earlier, before he got caught up with someone like Cassandra.
"I don't feel like I am going through the motions when I'm with her Avery. Don't get me wrong, you and your siblings are my priority, along with your Grandmother's and Uncles, and everyone else, it is not that you are all not enough, but, Cassandra has made me realize, I can find happiness. I didn't think I could."
Her feelings of hopelessness and sadness return, thinking she will never feel a sense of happiness again. While she was not happy about her pregnancy, she was beginning to come to terms with it, but then she loses the baby. The realization of what could have been but has now been taken away overwhelms her.
Seeing the look of despair on her face Gale says, "What will be then? Will you come home with me? Let me try to help you? Or am I taking you to the hospital for you to get help there?"
Without hesitation she says, "I'll go with you."
He gives her a small smile and leans in to give her a hug, this time she hugs him back. He heats up a small plate of food for her while she showers and gets a bag ready. He gets her to eat about half of her food. Satisfied that she has eaten something, they head for the train station.
She falls asleep quickly after the train departs. Wondering how he is going to even begin helping her get over the trauma of what has happened, he realizes that in a lot of ways, her personality is more like Katniss's than he thought. While he and Katniss always said that Sienna took after her, and that Avery had more of his temper and fiery personality, seeing her sink into this depressive state reminded him very much of how Katniss dealt with trauma and loss in the past. This realization concerned him greatly, and he decides he needs to reach out to the one person left who helped Katniss can maybe Avery, and that maybe this person can help convince another to help as well. He pulls out his phone and calls Haymitch.
A/N: Upcoming chapters will not be as sad and will get better soon I promise. Katniss being the co-main character with Gale, I feel I have to give her character justice in death.
