DISCLAIMER: HG CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME, BUT OC ONES DO
Chapter 155-Confessions V
Juniper sees her Father begin to walk up the stairs of her Grandmother's house and opens the door. Five days ago, her Father had told her at dinner that on Sunday he would be going to Grandma H's for dinner and that he would be introducing Grandma H to a friend. Her Father had told her this friend was someone important in his life, and that eventually he would like her to meet this person.
Juniper knew who this 'friend' was. Her Father might think she was clueless, but she was fully aware that something was going on with him. She had first known something was wrong when Avery went away to District 12. Her Father had told her it was best for Avery to be in District 12 to help with her depression, but Juniper had known something had happened between her older Sister and her Father, for she saw when one spoke of the other, a look of tension appeared on their face. And when Avery returned in early November, that weekend while staying with them at the house, she had overheard her Sister talking to someone on the phone and telling this person that someone named Cassandra had broken things off with their Father and how she had felt bad about that, and that she felt terrible that she was not able to apologize to this person. Fast forward a month later, Juniper knows the person Avery was talking to on the phone was her boyfriend Levi, and Juniper now suspects their Father might have reunited with this person. For last weekend he abruptly went to the Capitol and left her a note saying he was going to Avery's. Then the next day, as she was getting ready to head to her riding event assuming her Father would arrive to take her there Avery arrived instead and stayed at the house with her, her Father not returning home until after lunch on Sunday. And this past week, after they were finished eating dinner and she began her homework on the kitchen island she saw her Father go into his office and could hear him talking on the phone, but could not make out what he was saying, just heard his muffled voice behind the door.
When her Father originally asked her if she wanted to come to her Grandmother's house today, she had told him she would think about it. But the truth was, there was nothing to think about. She was going to go, for she was curious to meet this woman. She did not want her Father to know that she was nervous, for it bothered her that he left her alone at the house last weekend. If Avery had not come to see her, would she have been left by herself until Sunday? While her classmate's even some of her friends at school would say it would be totally cool to be left alone at one's house all weekend, for her it would have been too lonely. Ever since her Mother died, she has relied on her Father more and more. At first Jack was around, but now that he was away at school along with older Sisters having been gone for years, all she had was her Father. It was such a change from when she was younger, for when she was growing up the house was always loud, busy, and full. Her earliest memories as a child were her older siblings playing with her, the fun she had with them, and how they made her laugh, especially Jack. Between the love she got from her parents and her siblings always looking out for her, she never felt alone. But things have never been the same, even though she was only fifteen, she grew up in a household of six, that became four, then three, and now two. She missed the house being loud and busy, it was one of the reasons she wanted a floppy cat, longing for comfort and companionship. While jealousy was an emotion she did not experience often, she could not help but feel jealous…there was now another woman in her Father's life. What if her Father leaves again for the weekend? What if the relationship becomes serious enough that she moves in? She knows she is overreacting, but she cannot help but worry. Avery had her issues with this woman, and that was enough to concern her. Even if Avery wanted to apologize to her, Cassandra must have done something first. She was not sure how to feel about her Father being with someone other than her Mother.
She decided to tell him that morning that she was coming, and the minute he left to meet Cassandra at the train station her anxiety had increased, and she frequently looked out the front window to see when he would return. When she sees them come down the street and approach the house, she yells out to her Grandmother that they had arrived.
After she opens the door, she sees the look of surprise on Cassandra's face. She eyes her curiously. She was not all what she was expecting. For one, she was way younger, she had assumed this person would be closer in age to her Father, the person before her did not look much older than Sienna. She sees she is extremely pretty, and sees her hair is silver, with highlights that made her hair appear rainbow in color, she notices how it appeared to shimmer.
She knows she has a hardened look on her face, but she cannot help it. Totally shocked at the person presented before her she turns to her Father and sees him looking at her gently. "Hey sweetie" he says.
"Dad" she says in response. She stares at him. He somehow looks younger; she wonders if it is due to the smile he is giving her. For she suddenly realizes, that for the last few years, she has not seen him smile all that much. It disturbs her when she realizes that while he does smile and laugh with her, the only other times she sees him do it is when the two of them are also with Sienna, Avery, and Jack or when he is with other family members. But here he was, smiling brightly with this woman beside him.
She was not sure if she should be happy or not.
He introduces her, she hears her last name is Rawlings, Cassandra holds out her hand for her to shake, she shakes her hand quickly and says, "Grandma is waiting."
They head inside, she watches as her Father takes her coat and hangs it up for her and she follows them as they enter her Grandmother's kitchen.
Cassandra had not seen any pictures of Gale's other children until he relaxed on his 'no kissing on the mouth' rule. Looking back on it, she realizes now it was when that happened that she thinks he was beginning to fall for her, for that was when his behavior changed. He began talking about his friends, his work, and his children. She had seen some pictures of Juniper on his phone, but seeing his youngest Daughter before her now, made her realize, seeing someone on a screen is different from seeing them in person. Different in appearance than Avery, Juniper had the same color hair, but her hair was very curly and while Gale had told her she had deep blue eyes, she sees in person just as blue they are. She notices how the blue color really stands out with her darker hair. She also notices how Juniper is the same height as Avery.
After she hears Gale introduce her, she smiles and holds her hand out, Juniper briefly shakes it and says that his Mother is waiting for them. Already nervous, she suddenly loses her appetite as she heads inside. She knows Gale senses her unease for the minute they get inside he comes up behind her and says, "I'll take your coat" and she feels his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing it.
She follows him into his Mother's kitchen. She sees an older, shorter woman, with gray hair and gray eyes, just like his. She hands her the flowers, she sees his Mother appears to like them, putting them into a vase and filling the vase up with water. They then sit down at the four-chair table in the kitchen.
"Gale tells me you like chicken, I made a vegetable chicken soup with a baked three cheese pasta dish" Hazelle says to her.
"Yes, I do, it smells delicious Mrs. Hawthorne."
"Please, call me Hazelle."
They begin eating, Cassandra soon realizes Hazelle's food tasted even better than it smelled. She eats two bowls of the soup before she begins eating the pasta. While eating her soup, she listens as Gale, Hazelle, and Juniper make small talk regarding his Son Jack and his Daughter Sienna. Hazelle mentioning that the two of them need to visit her more often.
"I'll pass the message along Mom" Gale says as he looks over at Cassandra, giving her a warm smile.
"Avery still comes to see me, she's not too busy for her Grandmother" Hazelle says in a tone letting Gale know he better not brush off what she has said.
"Avery is only 40 minutes away by train. You know it is not that easy for Jack and Sienna to visit. But I will tell them to call you more often okay?" he says.
"I'm extremely fortunate to have seven Grandchildren. All of them raised here in District 2, but now only three are still here, with one in his final year high school. So, I'm happy Avery is nearby" Hazelle says to Cassandra.
Cassandra smiles in response, not showing any emotion at the mention of Avery's name, for she feels Juniper's eyes on her. She wonders if Avery has said anything to Juniper about her, for she figures Avery probably would not have wanted Juniper to meet her.
"So, Cassandra, Gale tells me you are a model and that you live in the Capitol?" Hazelle says changing the subject.
Happy that the conversation has moved away from Avery, but not happy that the conversation has changed to her job, she says, "Yes, I am, do you visit the Capitol often?"
"No! It has always been too crowded and chaotic for me. It was an adjustment for me to get used to this area of District 2. I am used to living a quiet life. I would have moved to Silver Lake and gotten a cottage by Gale if my other son had not moved into this neighborhood after he got married. I prefer spending time with my family and friends at the house, especially now that I am older. You are not from the Capitol correct?"
"Correct, I'm from District 5."
"District 5? Interesting. How long have you lived in the Capitol?"
"Sixteen years, I moved here when I was eighteen."
"Your thirty-four?" Juniper says in a surprised tone.
"Yeah" Cassandra says giving Juniper a questioning look, unsure why she was so surprised at her age.
Juniper shrugs and says, "You don't look much older than Sienna."
"I prefer you were older to be honest, my youngest Daughter is older than you" Hazelle says as she picks up her glass of water and takes a sip.
"Mom" Gale says in a tone letting his Mother know she is to mind her own business.
"It's okay-I understand your concern Mrs. Hawthorne. This might not make a difference but-growing up in District 5, I was….I guess you could say….an outcast with my family. I never related much to kids my own age, including the boys I dated. I just….always clicked more with older people."
"You mean men?" Hazelle asks.
"That's enough Mom!" Gale says his voice raised.
But Cassandra raises a hand and says, "It is a fair question-yes, but not just men. Women too…..my best friend is older than me, much older."
She sees his Mother nod her head, taking in what she has said. "Do you visit District 5 often" she asks.
"No, I haven't gone back to District 5 in many years. I do not have a particularly good relationship with my family."
"That's sad" Juniper says. Cassandra looks over at her and sees a look of sadness in her eyes.
"It is, but it is better for me to be away from them. And I have wonderful friendships I have developed here. They are like family to me now."
Not wanting his Mother to ask any more inappropriate questions or voice her opinion on their age difference, Gale quickly changes the subject and begins telling Cassandra about Juniper's current love of horseback riding. Juniper begins telling Cassandra about her lessons and events once she sees Cassandra has taken a genuine interest in listening to what she has to say.
"I know very little about horses, but-is there a breed you like riding the most?" Cassandra asks.
"Thoroughbred, hands down. Followed by the Quarter Horse" Juniper says without hesitation.
"Are horses your favorite animal?" Cassandra asks.
Gale and Hazelle both being laughing, Cassandra looks at them curiously and Juniper says, "They are laughing because I love all animals. But-cats are my absolute favorite. I have three of them, a black one and two color pointed ones."
Having forgotten that Juniper had three cats not two, Cassandra says, "Definitely sounds like cats are you favorite. You must like living by the lake, a lot of wild animals nearby."
"Yes, it was a lot of fun when I was younger, except my whole family liked to kill and eat the animals they caught. The only thing I will do is fish, but I put them back in the water. Do you have any pets?"
"No, my family never had pets growing up."
"Well, if you ever come to Silver Lake, maybe you can come to the stables sometime, I can show you some of the horses. And my own horse if my Dad ever agrees to get me one" and Juniper gives her a Father a sly look.
"Patience" he says to her, then gives Cassandra an encouraging smile.
Once they are finished eating, they move into the living room, Hazelle making tea as they continue talking. Once she sees the time is 4 pm, she says, "Unfortunately I need to be heading back to the train station, thank you so much for the wonderful lunch, I had a great time."
Hazelle tells Cassandra it was a pleasure meeting her and thanks her again for the flowers, as she heads for the door Cassandra says, "Thank you again Mrs. Hawthorne."
"I told you to call me Hazelle."
"Sorry-Hazelle" Cassandra says and is surprised when Hazelle hugs her goodbye.
Gale hands her coat and says, "Ready?"
She nods as she puts it on and is surprised for a second time when she hears Juniper say, "Can I come too?"
Gale looks at her and before he can respond she says, "Sure."
Juniper runs over to the closet and pulls out her coat. The three of them then head out and begin walking towards the station, seeing the sky begin to turn gray, she hates how in December it is dark by 5 pm. With most of the residents in the Capitol putting lights in their windows for the holidays, she asks Juniper as they walk if they have lights in the windows at their home in Silver Lake.
"Yes-blue and green ones."
"Blue and green? That is not common." For in the Capitol most residents have multicolored lights, and it was the same for Districts 1 and 2 with some homes putting up all white lights.
"My Mom's favorite color was green, so we have always put-up green lights and Dad likes blue, they look really pretty together at night" Juniper says in a matter-of-fact tone.
She tries not to show a look of envy on her face, while she was thrilled to finally meet Gale's Mother and Daughter, she still felt inferior when it came to his deceased wife. Hearing Juniper talk about the house, made her not want to see it even if she were to be invited over, for she would feel as if she were invading Katniss Everdeen's private domain.
But she also knows, that if she is going to be a part of Gale's life, the day may come that she is invited to the house.
She does not have to concentrate on concealing her emotions any further when she hears Juniper say to her, "I meant to tell you earlier, I really like your hair."
Cassandra looks at Juniper and says, "You do?"
"Yes…I like the rainbow highlights, I like how the colors change when your head moves, and how your hair seems to…shine."
Cassandra gives Juniper a warm smile and says, "Thanks" in an appreciative tone, for not many people have complimented her hair. She knows it is because most of the people in her life are older, and that her current hair reminds them of the hairstyles from the not-so-distant past, when the Capitol hosted the annual Hunger Games, and when the residents of the Districts were ruled by the Capitol.
Once they arrive at the train station, she is happy when Juniper hugs her and says that she hopes to see her again soon. Touched by her sweetness, Cassandra tells her she hopes to see her soon too. She then hugs Gale, knowing it would be awkward to kiss him in front of Juniper, she feels his tight squeeze as he whispers into her ear, "My Mom likes you, sorry she said those out of line comments and questions. Looks like things went well with Juniper too."
She pulls back from his embrace and nods in response, then turns and boards her train, turning back one last time to wave goodbye.
"What did you think of Cassandra?" Gale asks Juniper as they sit across from each other on the speeding train back to Silver Lake.
"I like her, she's really nice, and you can tell Grandma H likes her" she says then turns her head and continues looking out at the darkness as the train speeds along the track.
Knowing that there was more she wanted to say Gale looks intently at his Daughter and says, "But?"
"Nothing" Juniper says dismissively.
"It's not nothing, I know something is on your mind."
Never wanting to hurt her Father's feelings, she decides this might be her one and only chance to tell him how she feels, and what she is afraid of. She looks away from the window and turns to him and says, "Look Dad, I like Cassandra, I really do, but…."
"But what?"
"I don't want you to leave me alone by myself or ship me off to Grandma H's for you to be with her."
He curses under his breath, he has not spoken with her about what happened last weekend, assuming that she was happy that Avery had come to visit her. When he had come home on Sunday, Avery had not mentioned Cassandra at all in front in Juniper. He knows that when he told Juniper about Cassandra a couple days later, he should have explained why he had stayed with her in the Capitol for as long as he did, and that he would never have left her alone if Avery had not come to the house.
"What happened last weekend was an unusual circumstance, Cassandra had gotten hurt, and Avery found her and called me. That is why I had to leave without saying goodbye. As for Grandma H, you are going to have to visit her longer than one day sometimes you know, you heard what she said about Sienna and Jack" Gale adds teasingly to cheer her up.
But he sees the tactic does not work for she says, "I do not want to feel as if you are trying to get rid of me to be with your new girlfriend. That you'd rather be with her than with me."
He sees the look of sadness in her eyes, mixed with fear. He gets up from his seat and kneels in front of her and says, "I will never feel that way about you, about any of you."
She knows 'any of you' means her siblings. Even though she was not an adult, she was not a child either, she knows what adults do in private. And while no teenager wanted to think about their parents having sex, it was even stranger to think about their parent having sex with someone else, and someone younger at that.
"Look Dad, I know you and Cassandra need some….alone time" she sees him open his mouth to say something then close it, letting her continue. "The truth is, sometimes I feel like our household is a single-parent, only child home. I know that sounds silly."
"It doesn't sound silly, I feel that way a lot" he says, his gray eyes not leaving her blue ones.
"But if you move on with Cassandra, where does that leave me? I'll be the annoying stepchild to her. I'm sure when she met you, she didn't think she'd have to deal with me. And what if she wants the two of you to have a baby? Grandma H would be over the moon with another Grandchild, but what about Grandma E? How would she feel? And I just…can't see anyone else in our house but Mom….I'm sorry Dad" and before she knows it, tears begin to fall, no longer able to keep her emotions and fears under control.
"Whoa Juniper, slow down. I want Cassandra to be a part of my life, but I am not thinking marriage and I am way too old to be having anymore children. You do not have to worry about her becoming your stepmother or becoming a big sister."
"You love her though" Juniper says between her sobs. She says it as a statement, not a question.
She sees his face become uncomfortable as he says, "Why are you so sure of that?"
"Because of the way you smiled today, you only smile like that around the people you love."
"What are you saying?
"That over time, you will give her what she wants, like you do for me-for all of us."
He shakes his head in disagreement and says, "This is different, we are talking about major life decisions. I must think what is best in the long term, and if I have a child, I want to be there for them, I saw how hard it was for you and your siblings to lose your Mom."
"You would have helped raise Avery's baby" she says interrupting him.
"Yes, but Avery's pregnancy was not planned, and a lot of that was going to be financial help. It is different to raise a baby as a grandparent than as a parent. But you are right, I do love Cassandra. I want to know how you feel about that."
"A little scared, like I said, I don't want to be sent away, even if it is to one of my Grandmother's houses. It reminds me too much of when you sent Jack and I away every weekend after Mom died. I may be a teenager Dad, but…..I actually like spending time with you. I loved it when we were all together, and I loved it when it was just you, me, and Mom. I miss those days….so much. But I like meeting new people, and I am…okay with making new memories."
He reaches up and wipes away the tears that now stained her face. "I only want what's best for you."
She leans down and hugs him; he hears her cry softly into his ear. While he was glad that she confided in him what was really bothering her, he was surprised to hear that she did not want to be left alone, not even for a night. His plan was to try to spend one weekend a month with Cassandra in the Capitol, for he too did not want Cassandra staying at the house in Silver Lake. Now he will need to come up with a new plan, and what plan he does come up with, he only hopes Cassandra will understand and agree to it.
