Pong: The Ultimate Adventure

An epic adventure, authored by Santuh Klozzy

I don't own Pong. I do, however, own the characters Pong Ball and Bad Ball.

Chapter 2: A Midsummer Night's Massacre

The Pong war left Earth in a state of carnage and destruction. Entire cities and countries were now radioactive wastelands where only the strongest and the smartest survive. One of these locations was New Pong City, which had been called New York City for a while. What was once a bustling city was now a flattened, ruinous wasteland full of burned, bombed out buildings and lawless heathens.

Below New Pong City, however, was one of the world's largest laboratories. It was known as the BFRS, or Big F'ing Research Station. The BFRS was one of the last bastions of government control in the dark, war-ravaged country. However, deep within the mirrored walls and buzzing computer terminals of the station, dark secrets lurked. On Basement Thirteen there was a research laboratory.

In this laboratory Pong Ball and Bad Pong Ball, who had been strapped down to an examining table, were being held and examined. However, every attempt to dissect the strange orbs failed, as their exterior armor could not be penetrated.

So, for many days and nights, the scientists tried to find out as much as they could about the white ball and the red ball.

But something went terribly wrong.

Late one night, a scientist and his assistant were trying to cut through the balls' exteriors with a specialized surgical laser when the red Pong ball began to glow. Curious, the scientist directed his laser at the Bad Pong Ball, which would prove to be a fatal mistake. Bad Pong Ball's exterior was extremely durable and could reflect just about any type of object thrown, shot or aimed at it. The laser was no exception, and it bounced off of Bad Pong Ball and shot into the room where the scientist and his assistant were. The laser shot into the scientist and his head exploded in a bloody orgy of gray matter. Bad Pong Ball escaped its confinements and flew out of the room, leaving the assistant and the white Pong Ball as the only two witnesses.

The next day reports flooded in from all over New Pong City. There had been a sudden, unexplainable rash of attacks throughout the streets and slums. People had been found with their heads and other limbs blown up. Sometimes all that was left of the body was a dark red blotch upon the Earth, blotching things up.

"From what we've gathered, the white Pong ball is passive while the red counterpart is very aggressive. I wouldn't be surprised if the 'bad' Pong ball is to blame for the recent homicides." Technician Harold Asandradaisiackal said to Head Scientist Gregory Mullenhorsenakoffev over lunch.

"This is bad. What are we going to tell the public? That a killer Pong ball is on the loose? I want it found and destroyed!" Mullenhorsenakoffev yelled, slamming down his coffee mug. "Dispatch the police, the firemen, the army, the whole f'ing show if you have to! Just find it and kill it!"

So the police, the firefighters, the army and the whole f'ing show were dispatched and for many days they searched through the streets, looking for the Bad Pong Ball. And on one midsummer night they found it, atop the roof of the Apollo Reach Hotel-Resort, a twenty-four-floor hotel on the side of the Hudson River. It boasted three indoor pools, a waterslide, live entertainment every night and a mini-bar in every room. The police, the firefighters, the army and the whole f'ing show received an anonymous tip saying that the red Pong ball was hiding out on top of the hotel, so they went there.

On top of the roof, fourteen policemen, five firefighters, twenty soldiers and a whole bunch of people from the whole f'ing show came across the Bad Pong Ball. The results weren't pretty.

The ball began to zoom about. Every time it collided with somebody, said person's head exploded. The police officers' batons and pepper spray couldn't take it down. The firefighters' axes and hoses couldn't take it down. The army's carbines and grenades couldn't take it down. The whole f'ing show's stuff couldn't take it down. Soon, only four policemen, one firefighter, no soldiers and only a handful of people from the whole f'ing show remained. A couple minutes later and nobody remained at all. Exploded heads, dead bodies, empty guns and pepper spray cans littered the rooftop. Then the Bad Pong Ball flew away over the Hudson River and disappeared into the slums.

The next morning, in the BFRS, Mullenhorsenakoffev got the news that the entire force had been wiped out. "Damn it! This is worse than I thought." Then an idea struck Mullenhorsenakoffev and he thought to himself. "Perhaps we can send the white ball after the red one. Maybe it can destroy the red ball!" Then the head scientist gave the go-ahead and they set the white Pong ball free in the streets.

Once it was floating around in the desolate streets of New Pong City, the white ball felt an evil presence nearby and it knew that the Bad Pong Ball was close. It flew away, intent on destroying its evil counterpart.

And over all of this chaos and confusion and death, the Creator of the Universe sat watching an episode of Universal Idol, untroubled by what was happening on Earth.