Disclaimer; Everything but Faye, Bob, and Alyssa belong to Square Enix/Soft. That said everything form here on out is important… sort of.

Excuse; Well this is supposed to take place before the incident '5 years ago' when Sephiroth still worked for ShinRa. The reason why he and Cloud are hostile is because it's a comedy; I'm entitled to some randomness now and then. I'll have you know I've been pretty tame as far as dealing out randomness compared to some other stories/ideas I've had.

ACTUAL FACT THAT IS RELEVANT TO THE STORY; There are more chickens than there are people in the world! (I'm not saying that chickens are the equivalent to chocobos but just so you know, the humans are outnumbered and it makes sense.)


"Sephiroth please understand this isn't a complete extermination of the humans we just want to have enough so that they will accept our ruling." The chocobo leader instructed.

"Yes, um… chocosama." Sephiroth replied in a questioning manner.

"Call me Robert. Oh, and if you want to keep anyone in particular alive make sure you tell us."

Sephiroth thought for a good minute then responded, "Zack should live."

"What about that girl?"

"Faye?"

"Yes, that one."

Sephiroth shrugged, "approximately how many humans do you want to keep alive?"

"Definitely no larger than Midgar's population."

"So we aren't going to attack Midgar?"

"No, Midgar is going to be our first battle point. I think a city's worth of people should be enough to inhabit all of Gaia though."

"I still think that's too much," another chocobo chimed in.

"Michelle I told you to stay home." Robert looked surprised, flustered and a little annoyed.

"Oh, I couldn't stay away, you know that," she said sweetly. As she looked into his eyes he read his next question. "The children are fine. You really don't know how boring it can be when you're a housewife."

"Well I'll make sure to entertain you when I get back." Michelle cooed suggestively and rubbed her head against Robert's neck. Unfortunately for Sephiroth he caught their intent and didn't know whether to laugh or vomit. He decided to snigger seeing as there was nothing in his stomach to throw up.

"As if you humans are any better. You'll never believe what we heard in the next room over last night!" But Sephiroth guessed and was correct. It was obviously Bob and Alyssa. The pair had become rather fond of each other since Alyssa's 'near death experience.' (Come on people chapter 3?). It got to the point where Scarlet was irked. President ShinRa is on the verge of making a rule about business romances and firing the both of them.

"Um… Sephiroth?" it was Zack's voice. The General turned around to see Zack standing in the door way, mildly frightened. The spiky headed SOLIDER watched as the chocobo near Sephiroth warked a bit and his friend approached him. Zack thought, "Wait a second, did Sephiroth just bow to a chocobo! Oh, he really has lost it."

"You look like you are feeling better." Zack said as they entered the hallway and closed the door behind them. He made a mental note to choose his words with caution; Sephiroth was not his normal self. "Faye told me what's been going on and I think it's great that you found a new interest in nature and all-"

"How do you know Faye?"

Even though he was cut off Zack was happy it was an off topic but perfectly normal response. He half expected a blank stare or nonsensical remarks. "Tseng, Reeve, her and I all play poker together, but she doesn't much money so she uses bets and dares instead of gil." He laughed to himself. "Tseng is so good at it, positively unreadable, Oh last week Faye lost so bad to him she had to-"

"Watch Reno and Rude."

"Yeah, hey how'd you know?" Zack finally realized he was off topic and switched back to his intended conversation. "Sephiroth you seem really out of it. Is anything wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." He lied, knowing the truth was difficult for even him to completely grasp and Zack really wasn't the sharpest sword at the weapon shop.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"You know you've got a lot of sick days tallied up by now, maybe it's time to cash some in. Maybe we both could, come on play hooky we'll go to Costa del Sol. You're overdue for a tan anyway." Zack really wanted Sephiroth to feel better; he thought a vacation would help.

"It's a bad idea to say those kinds of things in front of your boss."

"Sephiroth, you're starting to scare everyone."

"Darn and I was going for cute and cuddly." He replied sarcastically.

"You know what I mean."

"Maybe later Zack I've got wark to do."

"Wark?"

"Work I meant work."

Zack was worried he suggested something else, "Do it later, let's go get a bite to eat."

"I've been waiting to hear something like that since I woke up."

"Oh please don't tell me you're starving yourself. Sephiroth don't do it life is never as bad as you think it is. Have the courage to live man. LIVE DARN IT!"

"I told you I was fine, things got crazy this morning and I forgot breakfast, okay?"


Author's note: thank you to all my reviewers who I didn't get to reply to. If you sign in I will reply.

Author's threat; Okay people I know some of you are reading and not reviewing. So here is my ultimatum; Review or I'll have Faye sleep with Sephiroth!

Faye & Sephiroth; WHAT!

GaPA; You heard me

Sephiroth; If you even think about doing anything of the sort I'll-

GaPA; You'll what, momma's boy (blows raspberry) (spit lands on Sephiroth's face sending him to his limit break; SUPERNOVA) Aw Crap. (panics) Okay I've got five minutes to do something Cloud! Hide me!

Cloud; First you kill me off and now you want to be protected, I see how it is.

GaPA; You do? I always thought you were a little slower than that.

Cloud; ………………… I am NOT slow! Die! (chases GaPA, Sephiroth follows, enjoying carnage as much as he does. GaPA trips and scrapes her knee and gets her limit break; RANDOMNESS!)

(Masamune turns into a spatula and gets stuck between Sephiroth's two hands, which are glued together. There is a foreboding black cloud hovering over the man, and it casts bolt 3 on him whenever he moves. The SUPERNOVA attack is reduced to a marshmallow, a giant marshmallow but still a marshmallow. Cloud has his shoes on his hands and he is walking on them, he is ensnared in an eternal hand stand that he desperately tries to escape from as chocobos bite at his uncovered toes.)

Sephiroth; How (zap!) did she (zap!) getalimitbreaksofast! (ZAP!) ow

Cloud; I guess a lack of reviews really gets to an author. (tries kicking the chocobos away)


Another Author's note (yes another one, sorry); A friend of mine timed the SUPERNOVA attack and said it took five minutes. This last scribble that involves GaPA has no bearing on the story, I'll return everything back to normal (well as normal as I can get with this story) for the next chapter. Please Review.