Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King. I own this story though :3.
AN: Chapter 5. Thanks for the reviews xD. I really like this chapter… I like the next one better though –grins-. But you'll read that one later xD.
Chapter 5: Horses Are A Man's Best Friend
"Horo, stop being a baby!"
"But Ren," I whine. "I don't wanna ride a horse." I look at him, trying to pull out my puppy-eyes. He just rolls his and grabs my hand.
"Then we'll ride together." Wait. What? Together? As in, together on one horse? As in, I get to hold onto Ren when I get scared? "You go first. I'll help you get up," he continues. Ok. No big deal. It's just a horse. And Ren is with me! Everything will be alright.
… I hope.
"Ready?" Ren asks me as he places me in front of his horse. The description of said horse, you ask? It is big and white and had no saddle, only reigns. Ren apparently doesn't like riding with a saddle and it's handier for the both of us to ride on the same horse (at least, that's what he said. I have no idea). That's all you need to know. He helps me up onto the horse and soon climbs up himself. He sits behind me and I kind of feel like a damsel in distress, sitting here in front of him… his arms around me so he can take the reigns. Actually, I don't really care if I look like a girl right now- this position is awesome. I love horses. "Hold on," he mumbles and before I know it, we're riding across an open area. Ok, I don't love horses- shit, this is scary. I hold on to Ren's neck tightly and if feels as though I'm choking him, but I don't really care; he took me out for horseback riding, so he's got to take the responsibility. "Relax," he suddenly says, prying my arms off of him with one hand. "I'm not going to let you fall. Just relax and enjoy." Easy for him to say, even though I somehow feel better at his words. And maybe I should enjoy this ride- after all, I'm very close to Ren, Ren's chest, Ren's arms, Ren's face…
I really am hopeless.
After an hour of riding (it seemed like six hours), we stop at the edge of a forest and dismount. Ren ties the horse to a nearby tree and we walk into the forest. I sometimes trip over roots sticking out of the ground and always end up being caught by Ren, who looks at me with a scowl on my face and mumbling something like 'bloody idiot, has to be more careful'. I'm so touched by his concern for me.
Thirty minutes of walking later, we end up at a lake. Cherry blossom trees were surrounding it and swayed merrily along with the soft breeze. I hold my breath as I take in the sight- it was beautiful, peaceful.
"I used to come here a lot," Ren says, standing next to me. He has a gentle smile on his face as he looks at me and suddenly, I don't care at all about the scenery anymore. All I want to see is him standing in front of me with that smile. "Do you like it?" I nod mutely and slap myself mentally- I can't continue to stare at him like that, so I look back at the lake.
"I love it."
"I thought you'd love it," he mutters quietly. Is it me or is he still looking at me? "Come on," he gently grabs my hand and pulls me towards a tree, where he put down the backpack he had brought with him. "I brought some lunch, we can eat it here." God, have I mentioned how I much I love him? The feeling just keeps growing stronger. I sit down underneath the tree next to him; I have lunch, a spectacular view and the guy I love sitting next to me. How could life get any better?
We sat there for hours, talking, laughing, wrestling. When the sun begins to set, Ren stands up and I reluctantly follow him back to the horses. We both seem sad about leaving this place, but it can't be helped.
When we are about to mount, I turn to face him. "Promise me we'll go back there again," I say to him. Ren seems a bit startled, but nods. "Good," I grin at him happily and mount the horse. He follows me, sitting behind me again and suddenly gives me a hug, burying his face in my shoulders as he wraps his arms around my waist. For a moment, I freeze, startled by the sudden display of affection, but immediately throw my arms around his neck and pull him even closer. I might have surprised him as well with this; I don't know, but I do know that we are trying to get as close together as possible. Each of us are clinging to the other.
I don't know how long we sat there, but it seemed to pass by way too fast. He smells so nice, his soft, purple hair is prickling my neck and he himself stays frozen, as if he's scared that if he moves, the moment will be over- as if he'd wake up from a dream. I feel the same way and don't move. This is way passed a hug; I don't even know what it is. But it feels more than an embrace. It's as if we're both desperate for this, but we don't dare to go any further.
"I think we have to go, it'll be dark soon," Ren murmurs into my shoulder and I nod, letting his neck go reluctantly. He releases his hold on my waist and grabs the reigns.
I don't think I'll ever forget that moment between us.
--
"Had fun boys?" Tao Jun says as we enter their mansion- almost palace-like house. She's grinning at me and gives us a knowing wink. "Well, you're in time for dinner. Grandfather has an announcement to make, he says." Ren nods. We both quickly change clothes and hurry down to the dining room, where his grandfather is sitting, cheerfully. He's sitting on the head of the table, Jun on the left of him. Ren and I sit down on the right and his grandfather slaps Ren on the shoulders again.
"I'm sure you're all wondering why I've called you here," he starts, standing up from his seat. "Well, as you all know, Ren will be the head of our family when he grows up and, to support him as head of the family, he needs a wife to support him." I freeze and I feel Ren tense next to me. Was he- He couldn't! I look at Jun and she looks nervously back at me, her eyes wide and sad and shocked. "Therefore, I'm happy to announce that the Mao family is offering their daughter to marry Ren!"
It feels as though my heart just broke into a million pieces; I turn pale, a feeling of hollowness inside my stomach is spreading through my entire body. Ren is getting married. He's getting married. There's no hope. He's getting married. I stand up and force a smile on my face.
"Excuse me," I say to his grandfather. I try to keep my voice from shaking as good as I can, but it's not working very well. "I don't feel so good. I think I ate something bad." His grandfather nods cheerfully and I walk out the door, not looking at Ren. Once outside, I ran up the stairs, to the left, straight ahead and slam open the door to Ren's room. I don't bother to throw myself on the bed, but head straight for the bathroom, lock it and burst out crying. When did I become such a girl? I'm crying over a guy…
But he's getting married. I can't do anything. The man I love, is getting married.
I don't know how long I sat there, sobbing. Man, I usually am not one to give up that easy, but this is different. For the first time, I realise that I can never be with Ren. After all, he has his family, their traditions are different. Will Ren really give up his family, honour, his life up for me? Usui Horo? A poor guy from Hokkaido? He'd never do that.
For the first time, I realise that I'm way out of his league. Maybe I've always known, maybe that's why I never acted on my feelings and just kissed him or at least told him.
And yet… I don't want to give up on him. I have to call someone. I have to talk to someone, other than Ren. I have to hear someone say that it'll be alright.
I walk into the bedroom and dial Yoh's number. I quickly make sure that no one else is in the neighbourhood and hear Yoh's voice on the other end of the line.
"Hello?"
"Yoh, it's Horo." I'm so relieved to hear his voice.
"Hey, Horo!" he says cheerfully. "How's it going in China?"
"It's… Listen, Yoh, I have something I need to tell you," I say. I don't want to waste any time. Ren could be back any minute, after all.
"What is it?" The concern in his voice is clear and I clear my throat. This is it.
"I… I'm in love with Ren," I burst out. Silence on the other end.
"Yes? And?"
"You're okay with it?"
"Of course, I don't really care. But, is that the only thing you wanted to talk about?" I blink once.
"No, no, it's not," I say and sigh. "I just… he's just so great! And I'm almost sure he feels the same way about me, I mean, damn! But now his grandfather… he- he just announced that he arranged a marriage for Ren. What the hell am I supposed to do Yoh?" Again, silence for a brief moment, before Yoh speaks again.
"You love him, right?"
"Of course! I wouldn't feel so fucking miserable right now, if I didn't," I answer, rubbing my temples. Yoh sighs.
"If you love him, you don't give up on him. You have to fight for the things you want, Horo, and this is no exception. You can either cry and give up, or you can stand and do anything to get him."
"But Yoh, it's not so easy, I don't think you understand- Ren's different from us, he has a different family. They wouldn't accept it if he were to be gay!" I say, trying to make it clear to Yoh. He just sighs.
"You said you're almost certain he feels the same way? Ren doesn't strike me as the kind of person who listens to everything his family says. Love is love. His family can't do anything about that- just go for it. You won't know until you try." Somewhere, he has a point.
"Since when are you so good at giving advice?" I ask him, trying to sound jokingly.
"Since you sound as if you need it," he replies. I can hear his smile.
"Thanks, Yoh."
"Anytime, Horo." We both say our goodbyes and hang up. Yoh's right. I need to fight, instead of crying in the bathroom like a girl.
I won't let him go. Ever. Not until he tells me specifically that he does not love me.
Five minutes later, the door to his room opens and Ren steps in, very shy, as if he's scared to face me. And maybe he is. I'm lying on the bed and I turn my head towards him.
"Horo?" he asks. "Are you alright?" he walks towards the bed and reaches out for my arm, to touch me. I let him.
"I'm alright. How did dinner go?" I ask him, forcing a smile on my face. Without thinking about it, I grab Ren's arm and pull him on the bed next to me. His head is lying on my chest and… God, this is comfortable. Ren must feel the same way, since he doesn't move.
"Could've been better. Grandfather kept talking about… about her," Ren answers. A pain shoots through my heart, but I don't say anything and keep listening. "How rich her family is and that she would bring honour to ours." I hold him closer. "I don't want to marry," he finally states, clutching my shirt with his hands.
"Then don't," I say.
"But it's for my family. I must," he retorts. I feel him trembling.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," I say to him. "It's your life too!" I suddenly burst out. "You don't have to be miserable, just for money and honour! There are other things that are important too, you know. I don't want to see you unhappy," I add, pulling the slightly younger boy closer to me. He raises his head and looks at me, calculating, and nods. He lies his head on my chest again and his grip on my shirt tightens.
"Then, what is important?" he asks me softly. I hesitate.
"Love, friendship, trust," I reply. "A relationship is based on that and those are the things that matter more than anything else in this world. At least, that's what I think. Honour and money can't make you happy." He raises his head again and crawls a bit up- he lies down again, this time his head buried in my neck. I hold him close and, without thinking it through, I kiss his forehead.
I actually kiss his forehead!
For a couple of heavenly seconds, I thought he hadn't noticed, but after those, he suddenly raises his head and turns to me, eyes widened.
"I- I- I- I," I stammer. Crap! How the hell do I get myself out of this one? His eyes soften slightly and he kisses my cheek back, making me blush.
"Thanks," he sighs, as he lies back down again. I blink. "I'm not getting married," he then says firmly. "I don't want to." I nod. "Will you be with me when I tell grandfather? I can't do it alone." I pull him completely on top of my body.
"Of course," I reply. He sighs contently and wraps his arms around my neck.
I won't let him go.
--
We wake up like that the day afterwards. Things are a bit awkward and we're both red, but we don't speak about it anymore. When we go down for breakfast, Ren fumbles nervously with his shirt. I grab his hand and give him a reassuring smile.
"If you don't want to-"
"No, I need to tell my grandfather that I don't want to get married to her," Ren states firmly, a serious look crossing his eyes. "Just… stay with me while I do that." I nod and feel touched; I feel needed by him and my heart skips a beat because of it. I know I'd do anything for Ren. I let go of his hand and we both walk in. I can see his grandfather sitting at the head of the table again, smiling at his grandson and me.
"Ah, good morning Ren, Horo," he says friendly. I don't have anything against the old man, but I keep looking serious at him and so does Ren.
"Grandfather, there is something I need to talk to you about," Ren says. His grandfather's friendly face turns into a blank one and he looks intently at us. "I have decided that I don't want to get married." I have the urge to grab his hand, since his voice is shaking heavily, but I fight that urge and just stand still by his side, our arms brushing against each other. His grandfather folded his hands.
"And what is the reason for this?" he asks him.
"I want to be with the one I love, not the one you picked out for me. I won't marry someone I don't love, nor someone whom I've never even met," Ren answers and I blink at his answer; the one he loves? Does that mean he already loves someone? I seem to be the only one who heard that, because no one paid attention to that or it is just being ignored. That might be a possibility too.
"So you don't care about your families' honour? Is that what you're saying?" I feel my blood boil, but I try to remain calm.
"No, it's not. I care about my families' honour, but I also care about myself. I don't think I can live," he pauses briefly and he looks at me from the corner of his eyes. I swallow. "I can't live with someone I don't love," he finally states. Damn. For a moment, I thought he was going to say something entirely different.
"I will discuss this matter with your father. Understand, however, that he might throw you out, because of this," his grandfather replied, thoughtfully. "Personally, I think that this decision is entirely up to you, but your father is a traditional man. I don't think he will stand for this. Just, keep that in mind." Ren nods solemnly.
"I will. Thank you, grandfather," he answers. Immediately, his grandfather looks more cheerful.
"Well then, let's eat! I'm starving," he says and Ren and I both sweatdrop. To think that this man was actually Tao En's father… it was odd. Very odd. Breakfast wasn't so bad after that; Jun and her grandfather were discussing things I don't really care about and Ren and I were occasionally talking to each other. Ren brushed hand sometimes against mine or my leg and every time he did so, I couldn't help but shiver.
After breakfast, we go upstairs again. Ren and I decide that we want to watch movies today. Well, I decide that, to help him keep his mind off of his decision and his father. I feel scared for him.
For the time being, all I can do is to be there for Ren. Give him my support; he knows I'll stay with him until this is all over and, even if he does get kicked out of his house, he can come live with me. I won't hesitate one second about that.
Upstairs, Ren fumbles with his shirt again. He's nervous- why? There is nothing he can do right now, so why be nervous?
"Horo," he starts. He turns away from me and looks out the window. "What if, what if I lose my family?" he continues. My heart immediately starts pounding in my throat and I place a hand on his shoulder. "I mean, they're all I have. What if they kick me out? What do I do then?"
"They won't kick you out," I say, reassuringly. Even though I'm not so sure about it myself. "And, even if they do, you'll still have me," I add. He turns around to face me, his golden eyes fixed on my blue ones. "You'll always have me," I continue- is this like a declaration of my love? I have no idea, the words just slip out of my mouth as I see that face. I can't keep it in any longer. Ren looks at me, his eyes widened slightly. I bring my hand to his face and cup his chin- he closes his eyes at the touch and I get closer to him, our faces only inches apart.
His breath is shallow and slow, calm. Calmer as he was before; I'm surprised that I have such an effect on him, that I make him feel safe. But I'm also glad about that. He keeps his eyes clothes and his lips are parted slightly- is it an invitation to kiss him or is he just enjoying the touch? I don't want to rush things; I mean, what if he doesn't like me… like that?
You won't know unless you try.
Yoh's voice says in my head. He's right. I cross the last inches and my lips met his and stay there. I move my mouth against his- I've never actually kissed anyone before, so I have no idea what I'm doing. I guess this is just one of those things you need to figure out yourself. Slowly, his lips start to move against mine and he parts them slightly; I don't hesitate and enter his mouth with my tongue and massage his. Is it possible that my heart is beating this fast?
I wrap my arms around his face without breaking the kiss and pull him closer. In return, he wraps his around my neck and clings, almost desperately, to me. We slowly reluctantly part from each other, as we still are humans and need to breathe. I still hold him in my arms though and he lies his head on my shoulder.
"Hey Ren?" I finally say.
"Yes?" I pause.
"You're shorter than me." It earns me a flick on the head.
