Author's Note: Thanks for all the encouraging reviews! This story is already written, and there's only one chapter remaining. I'll post it tomorrow evening.
Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Cyrano de Bergerac belonged to Edmond Rostand. My apologies to both.
"I hate Romania."
Moody only grunted in reply.
Even more than Romania, James hated early morning watch, in Romania, with Moody. At least if he were paired with Sirius he could've had a decent conversation. Moody would rarely say more than two words all shift, and if James tried to start a bit of chat, more often then not those words were 'constant vigilance'.
But of course, Sirius was off on whatever the mysterious errand was that took him to the nearest village every morning, and James was stuck sitting on a cold rock in the middle of a damp, dangerous forest with Alastor Moody.
Who had the ears of a bloody bat, apparently, because he was suddenly on his feet, wand at the ready. "Didn't you hear that, Potter?"
James quickly stood up and got his wand out as well. "No…" he reluctantly conceded.
Moody gave him a disgusted look. "The fools they let through the training program these days," he muttered. "Twig snapped, somewhere over there."
Just then, there was a rustling of bushes that even James heard from 'over there', and Sirius emerged. "Good morning!" he said cheerfully as they lowered their wands.
"Black," Moody growled, "what do you think you're doing, tramping through the forest alone like that? You could've stumbled right on to the Dark wizards we're supposed to be tracking."
"Small chance of that," Sirius replied. "We've been here a month, I've been sneaking into the village for all of that, and none of us has so much as seen the tips of their wands."
"I don't care what you haven't seen, Black, you should always be on your guard! Constant-"
"Vigilance," James and Sirius chorused.
"Oh, if you two can't be serious about this, off with you." Moody waved them both away. James could tell he wasn't really mad at them; this was his way of telling them to have a break.
They walked back towards the Aurors' camp, leaving Moody alone on his rock. They could send someone else out to join him when they reached camp.
Once they were out of earshot, James asked, "So what are you sneaking into the village for every morning, any way? It didn't seem like much of a draw to me."
Sirius looked shifty. "Promise not to tell?"
"Of course I promise. Now tell."
"I've been going to the post office."
"The post office? Who the hell do you have to write to who's worth risking your life in a Dark magic-infested forest?"
"I kinda promised Remus I'd post his letters to Tonks."
"Oh, so this is all for Remus, is it? I thought you were trying to get over him. 'Just give me time' you said."
"I'm just doing what any good friend would," Sirius said defensively.
"Sure you are. Are you even writing any letters of your own? Why can't Remus send his own ruddy owls?"
"Um. Well. You see, I am writing letters of my own. In a way."
"In what way?" James asked suspiciously.
"You remember all those penmanship charms we learnt when we were putting together the map?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, I've sort of been using them to write Remus letters back from Tonks," Sirius spat out all in a rush. "Because I knew she wouldn't owl him back much; she's never been a big letter-writer. And so I have to pick up the post, too, so he doesn't know."
James just stood there, gobsmacked, for a minute.
"James? Say something, mate."
"Oh, Sirius," James sighed. "You're pretending to be Tonks and writing Remus love letters. What do you expect me to say?"
"At Hogwarts you would've thought it was ruddy clever."
James shook his head. "At Hogwarts it would've been a prank. What good is this doing, Sirius? You're lying to and about people who trust you, and you're only setting yourself up for more pain. Why?"
Sirius wouldn't meet his eyes. "It makes him happy, James. We're all miserable here: the food is lousy, the job is boring, the camp is muddy and it's freezing! But seeing Remus, the way his eyes light up when I hand him the letter- it all fades away, and for a moment, I'm happy, too."
"That look in his eyes- it's not for you, Sirius."
Now his friend looked him in the eye, jutting his chin out defiantly. "Maybe not," he replied, "but I'll take what I can get."
There really wasn't much to be said, after that, so Sirius and James walked the remainder of the way back to the Aurors' camp in silence. James sort of regretted having been so sharp with Sirius, but really, what did he think he was doing? He couldn't quite bring himself to apologize, though, so he mostly kept his eyes on the forest floor ahead of him, trying not to step on any twigs, in case the Dark wizards had ears as sharp as Moody's. Sirius too was absorbed in his own thoughts.
So they were both quite surprised when they stumbled into camp to find Kingsley Shacklebolt holding Severus Snape at wandpoint, while the other Aurors crowded about in confusion.
"Potter! Black!" Snape spat when he saw them. "I would thank Merlin some people with sense have finally arrived, but unfortunately that's still not the case. Where's that paranoid maniac who's meant to be in charge here?"
"We're the ones who have you cornered here, Snape," Shacklebolt growled, "so we'll be asking the questions, I think."
"Where the hell did he come from?" James asked.
"Portkeyed right into the middle of camp, if you please. He claims Albus Dumbledore sent him."
Sirius snorted. "Not likely. Unless by 'Albus Dumbledore' he means 'Lucius Malfoy'. You are still Malfoy's lapdog, aren't you, Snivellus?"
Snape flushed at that but uncharacteristically failed to rise to the bait. "If you don't think Dumbledore sent me, examine the Portkey. You'll see only he could've made it."
"Where's the Portkey?" James asked a nearby Auror. "Could you bring it here?"
"It's just some feather. He dropped it on the ground when he arrived. Here." He handed a bright red feather to James.
"That's not just any feather," Snape sneered. "It's a phoenix feather. Isn't it, Potter?"
"Yes," James conceded.
"Is there any way a feather from Albus Dumbledore's own phoenix could've ended up in the possession of Lucius Malfoy?"
"No," James admitted. "He's telling the truth," he told Kingsley.
"Still doesn't explain why Dumbledore sent him here, or why he's looking for Moody," Sirius grumbled. "I still don't trust him."
"The next time Dumbledore has the foolish notion that he should save you all from certain death in an ambush in which you will be outnumbered ten to one, I'll make sure to tell him not to bother! Clearly you're all much more interested in shooting the messenger," Snape snapped back.
The crowd of Aurors gathered around erupted at that. "You mean there really are Dark wizards in the forest?" someone asked.
Snape rolled his eyes. "Merlin help us if that's the only thing standing between us and Dark wizardry. Of course there are Dark wizards in the forest! Or has the reason why the Ministry sent you here already disappeared in an alcoholic haze?"
"But we haven't seen any of them!" someone else retorted.
"Well they've certainly seen you, and that's enough," Snape replied. "Now am I to be allowed to speak to Moody, or not?"
James snapped in to action. "Remus, take Snape here to Moody. He's on watch in the usual spot. Everyone else, stay here and we'll drill until Moody gets back with a strategy for us. Oh, and Snape?"
"Yes?"
"How long have we got?"
"Two or three hours," he replied before disappearing into the forest with Remus.
"Two hours isn't very long," Sirius said to James in an undertone.
"Why're you worried? Ten to one is pretty easy odds, for you."
Sirius didn't answer right away, and James had just realized he was probably worried about Remus, and was about to tell him Remus could look after himself, when there was a sudden commotion from the other end of the camp.
"Now what?" James muttered.
"It seems we've got another visitor," Sirius replied as the two Aurors who had been on watch over there brought another prisoner towards them at wandpoint, this one an unfamiliar woman. Unlike Snape, though, this woman seemed cheerful and relaxed.
When she saw Sirius and James, she broke into a grin. "Wotcher, cuz!"
Sirius went pale. "Tonks?"
Sirius gaped at the strange woman, who slowly began to look like his cousin again. This was not happening. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"
"Aren't you happy to see me? And where's Remus? From the daily owls I expected him to be sweeping me off my feet the second I arrived."
That was one good thing; with Remus off escorting Snape to Moody, at least he could deal with them one at a time. Hopefully. "Remus is on guard duty," Sirius replied, ignoring the look James gave him. "But I still don't know what you're doing here."
"Well, I could hardly stay in England after that stunt we pulled with Malfoy, could I? He's not exactly inclined to be charitable to me. So I've been traveling abroad for the past month. Seeing the world, just like Mum wanted. Thought I'd pop in and say hello to my favorite cousin and my devoted boyfriend."
While Sirius was busy flinching at the 'devoted boyfriend', James asked, "But how'd you get an international Apparition permit out of the Ministry if Malfoy's got his eye on you?"
"I couldn't. But Peter Pettigrew, respectable small businessman, and his new shop assistant, Jane Harris, could. Supposedly, we're trying to open up the continental market for British wizarding sweets."
"Pete's here? Where?"
"I'm afraid I couldn't pry him out of the beer halls of Bavaria, even for a visit to his old school chums. I think he's enjoying his first holiday since Hogwarts just a little too much."
"I'd say he's just got good sense," Sirius interjected. "It's bloody dangerous here, Tonks, we're on assignment!"
"Yeah," James added. "I mean, Snape just showed up-"
"Snape's here?" Tonks asked. "Lovely, it'll be just like old times, only I can finally give him the hexing he deserves." She drew her wand.
"But it turns out he's some sort of double agent working for Dumbledore," James finished.
"Snape's good?"
"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," Sirius said. "But if Dumbledore trusts him, we should, too."
"Having to put up with Snape isn't the worst of it, though. Dumbledore sent him because we're expecting an ambush in the next couple of hours. You can't stay, Tonks!" James insisted.
"Nonsense. If there's an ambush, you'll need all the wands you can get, and I may not be an Auror yet, but I've got some training. I'm staying to help."
James glared at her, but she didn't budge. "Bloody stubborn, you Blacks, the lot of you," he finally grumbled. "I'm going to find Moody and Snape. And Remus, too. I'll tell him you're here."
Once James left, there was awkward silence for a few moments, then Sirius moved in to give his cousin a hug. "Aw hell, Tonks, it really is good to see you."
"It's good to see you, too, Sirius."
"I'm not the main attraction, though, I suspect. Been missing Remus?"
"Of course. But actually, I had something I wanted to talk to you about first."
Sirius shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Actually," he said, "there's something I should tell you before you talk to Remus."
"Oh," Tonks replied.
Remus had been surprised when Snape appeared at their camp. He had been even more surprised, after what he had heard from Tonks about the man, that he was working for Albus Dumbledore. He had been shocked, of course, to learn about the planned ambush.
But none of that compared to how stunned he was when James caught up to him, Snape and Moody and told him Tonks had also decided to drop by.
As he followed James back once again to camp, Snape and Moody trailing a little behind, discussing numbers and strategy, he wondered why Potter looked so worried about Tonks's presence. Sure, she wasn't a fully-trained Auror, but she wanted to be one. If they couldn't convince her to Apparate away before the ambush, she could hold her own. She was a brilliant, resourceful, talented witch.
Not that Remus didn't have his own reasons to worry, now that Tonks was here. After what had happened that afternoon, what seemed an age and not just a month ago, when Sirius had demonstrated seduction techniques on him, Remus had been in close quarters with him. He had been forced to admit to himself that he was attracted to this handsome Auror, as dark as his last name suggested, whose eccentric, intense personality mirrored many of the things he had first been drawn to in Tonks.
But attraction wasn't everything; it was superficial, unimportant. The letters he wrote to Tonks, the letters she wrote back: those were about more than soft grey eyes or the impossibly sexy jut of someone's hips as he leaned against a tree. They were about two people, two minds that understood one another, that complemented each other's strengths and weaknesses. But still, Remus couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty about Sirius when he thought of Tonks, now. Though he'd seen little sign that Sirius was attracted to him as well, or indeed attracted to anyone at all. Sirius's persona was about flamboyant excess, but he seemed to be keeping that part of himself under tight control, which under the circumstances was likely for the best. You'd do well to imitate his example, he told himself.
He and James returned to camp just in time to see Sirius and Tonks pulling away from a fierce embrace. Another twinge of guilt surged through Remus. He wasn't just fantasizing about another man when he hadn't even told Tonks he was bisexual; it was her favorite cousin, the one who was almost like a brother to her. He had to tell her. Well, probably not about Sirius, but about his attraction to men, at least. Attraction was transitory, but that was important, and he'd feel better with it off his chest.
Tonks caught sight of him and waved cheerfully. "Remus!" she called, running over to him and enveloping him in a similar hug, which was accompanied by a swift kiss. "I missed you!"
"I missed you, too," Remus replied into her shoulder. He had missed her, really. It was just that all the letters made it seem like she wasn't far away, and his days were so full with scouting and watch and spending time with James and Sirius. He'd just been busy, was all.
"How touching," Snape sneered. "I'd heard you were here, Nymphadora, but I thought for sure you'd run back to that coward Pettigrew when you heard there'd be real fighting. Wouldn't want to chip a nail! Though I suppose you could always grow it right back…."
Tonks had her wand at his throat before he had finished. "Just because I played dumb to fool you and Malfoy, Snape - and it worked, by the way - doesn't mean I'm incompetent to defend myself. Oh, and don't call me Nymphadora. Falsettinus. Now apologize."
Snape opened his mouth and began to say, in a voice a good two octaves above his normal pitch, "I'm afraid I'm not in the habit of apologizing to-" He clapped a hand over his mouth.
Sirius and James dissolved into laughter, and Tonks merrily joined in. "What in Merlin's name did you do to me?" Snape squeaked. "I don't recognize the incantation."
"Oh, just a little something of my own invention," Tonks replied sweetly.
"Impressive," Snape remarked, managing to sound grudgingly impressed despite his unnatural high voice.
"I suppose that's all the apology I'll ever get out of you," Tonks said. "Profundo."
"I may not respect Gryffindor foolhardiness," Snape replied in his usual tones, "but I know a good spellcrafter when I see one."
"Well, that's settled, then," James put in. "Glad we'll have both of you on our side today. Now if I could only have a few good ol' English treacle tarts before the battle, I'd say everything was perfect."
"Funny you should mention those," Tonks said slyly. "Pete thought you might be running low on sweets-"
"Low? We're completely out of anything British and edible!"
"So he gave me the case of samples we brought along as part of our cover. Let's see…." She pulled a small box out of a pocket of her jacket and enlarged it. "Dig in! Now, if you can spare me for just a sec, Remus, Sirius and I have to talk, but we'll be right back."
"All right," Remus replied. Of course Tonks would want to catch up with Sirius, too. He was family; even though Remus felt like he'd known her for forever, from her owls, they'd only been dating two months, one of them spent in separate countries. He could wait.
Once they were a few yards into the woods, safely screened from view of the camp, Sirius and Tonks stopped, and for a few moments just stared awkwardly at one another.
"So…."
"So."
"You can go first," they both said at once.
"Okay," said Sirius.
"Okay," said Tonks.
Then they both spoke at once again:
"Are you in love with Remus?" "I've been writing letters from you to Remus."
"What?" "What?"
"You start," Sirius said.
"Are you in love with Remus?" Tonks asked. When Sirius didn't answer right away, she continued on nervously. "I only ask because, well, I know we ended up with bigger things on our minds that night at the Three Broomsticks, but I would have had to be blind not to notice that you were unhappy, and practically drinking yourself into a stupor to escape it."
"And then after you and Remus left, I started to think if there was anything you had said to me that might hint at why you were so down. And then I remembered: golden eyes."
"Huh?"
"Golden eyes. That very first day at Peter's shop, when I was asking you to introduce me to Remus, only I hadn't even mentioned his name yet, you said something about my knees going weak at the sight of his golden eyes. Not that many people have golden eyes, Sirius. But Remus does."
"You knew it was him. You knew it even before I said his name, because you'd felt the way I had. You'd watched him, even before I'd noticed him across the Quidditch pitch. Isn't that right?"
Sirius nodded guiltily. "Sorry."
"Sorry! Why on earth didn't you say something, Sirius? And here I was asking you to help me, be his friend! I didn't mean to put you through all that."
"You were the one he was going to Quidditch games just to stare at, not me. And how could I say no to my favorite cousin?"
"You can, and you should've. Now you're miserable, and I feel lousy for having caused it."
"No! Tonks, it isn't your fault. I put myself through all of it, wanting to be close to him, even if it wasn't exactly the way I had hoped. And that was wrong of me. Just like the letters."
"Yeah, so explain those."
"Well, you've been getting his owls, right?"
"Of course. An owl a day. Really great letters, too, long and romantic and full of, well, him."
"And you've only written back five times, yes?"
Tonks looked a bit guilty. "Well, you know I'm not a letter writer- wait, how'd you know exactly how many times I've written?"
"Like you just said, I know you're not a letter writer. So I offered to drop off and pick up Remus's letters at the owl post in the village. And I swear, Tonks, I just wanted to help you two out a little, at first. I knew Remus would be disappointed if you didn't write back often, and things are already so lousy here, so I wrote him letters, pretending to be you. Nothing too long or mushy; just so he wouldn't worry about you."
"You said 'at first'?"
"Well, I had to read his letters to you, didn't I, so I could answer them properly as you, right? Well, his letters started getting longer and more serious and, well, mushier, and I just couldn't help myself. I knew just what I wished I could say to him, and we're so much alike and Merlin, the way he would smile every day when I brought him the post- I just couldn't stop."
"How were you going to explain it?"
"Hadn't really thought about that. I guess I just figured I'd improvise, like with pranks at Hogwarts."
There was a long pause as they processed these revelations.
"Now what?" Sirius finally asked.
"Well, it seems we have some things to say to Remus."
Tonks was all for telling Remus everything, but Sirius vehemently disagreed:
"What! No! You can't tell Remus! He's crazy about you. He's not bent, so there's no point in bothering him about me. Just go along with it, Tonks, pretend you wrote all those letters, and I promise, when we get back from Romania I'll leave you both alone. We can pretend this whole thing never happened. Once you're happily married and all that, I can explain and apologize – I do owe him an apology – and years from now we'll all laugh about it."
They argued back and forth for quite some time, until finally Tonks said:
"All right, fine. I won't tell him you wrote the letters, and I won't tell him about your feelings for him. Those are your secrets. But I am going to talk to him, and at least find out how he feels about the letters, and about you."
"Be my guest," Sirius replied. "After all, he's your boyfriend, and he'll just tell you that I'm a friend, and the letters were very nice and helped brighten up his days."
"We'll see," Tonks replied.
Remus was happily sucking on Ice Mice when Tonks, but not Sirius, emerged from the woods where they had secluded themselves for their chat. She spotted him and headed straight for him.
"Did you have a good time catching up with Sirius?" Remus asked. "Not that he'll have had much news for you; things have been pretty dull here."
"Oh, there's never a dull moment with Sirius," Tonks said. "Shall we take a little walk?"
"Sure." They headed away from camp, but not in the same direction as she had gone earlier with Sirius, who still hadn't returned.
"You just want to get me alone," Remus accused her teasingly as they walked.
"Tonks feigned horror. "Oh no! Mr. Lupin, you have seen through my brilliant plan! Whatever shall I do?"
"In the future, Miss Tonks, if you don't want me to see through your brilliant plans, you such mention them in such detail in your letters to me," Remus replied, flushing slightly at the very positive memory of said letter, which had detailed the many things Tonks intended to do to him when she finally got him alone.
Tonks, too, was blushing. "So you liked the letters?"
"Liked them? I loved them," Remus gushed. "I mean, I knew from spending time with you that I liked, well, so many things about you. But I was so nervous! I was convinced I wasn't 'cool' enough for you. I kept asking poor Sirius for advice on how to impress you."
"But in my letters to you, and in your letters to me, none of those worries mattered. I could just be myself, tell you anything, and you returned the favor. It sounds odd, but I feel like I got to know you better in this past month of letters than I did when we saw each other face-to-face each night."
Remus looked deep into Tonks eyes, and cupped her face tenderly. "Thanks to those letters, I now know that you are the one for me, Nymphadora Tonks. No one else could be as fascinating, no one else could understand me like you do. I love you."
He leaned in for a kiss, and was very surprised when Tonks didn't reciprocate, but instead continued to question him. "So what you're saying is, you fell in love with my letters?"
"I fell in love with you, Tonks. The beautiful, brilliant person who wrote those letters," Remus replied, puzzled.
"What if I wasn't beautiful?" Tonks continued. "What if I was ugly?"
"What are you- oh, is this about your Metamorphmagus abilities? All I can say, and I'll keep saying it, is that I love you. The person you are on the inside, no matter what you look like at that moment."
"What if I were a man?" Tonks asked bluntly.
Remus's jaw dropped. "This is a hell of a time to ask me if I'm bisexual," he finally managed.
"I'm serious," Tonks said intently. "I can look like a man if I want to, Remus. That would freak a lot of blokes out. Does it bother you?"
"Um. As it so happens – and I was going to tell you this, today even – that's … well, that's not a problem for me."
"Oh," Tonks said. She looked a bit stunned.
Remus was just about to reassure her that he was only interested in her, that this was a good thing if, as she had suggested, she was worried about her Metamorphmagus abilities affecting their relationship, when they were rather rudely interrupted.
"There you are!" called out Moody gruffly. "Can't just go blundering about when there's an ambush on, no matter how in love you are. Lupin, you ought to know better. And as for you, young lady, if you want to live to go through Auror training, you'll either Apparate away now or come back to camp with us. A little drill before your first battle with Dark wizards can only help."
As they followed Moody back to the center of camp, Remus tried to catch Tonks's eye, but she seemed anxious and preoccupied. He hoped it was only the coming battle worrying her. What had he done wrong, after all, by being honest and telling her he loved her?
Sirius watched with his heart in his throat as Tonks and Remus returned to camp with Moody. What had she said to him? She had promised not to tell Remus about the letters or about Sirius's feelings, but that didn't mean Sirius couldn't still be nervous about the conversation.
Moody ordered everyone to pair up for drill, and Tonks made a beeline for Sirius, leaving a confused and rather hurt looking Remus behind her to partner James. Snape didn't pair off with anyone – apparently 'everyone' didn't apply to him – but stayed to talk with Moody.
For a while Tonks and Sirius traded Stunning Spells in silence, dodging or throwing up Shield Charms. Tonks nearly caught him off his guard a few times, and Sirius wondered if he was simply slower because he was preoccupied, or if she was attacking him with unusual (if grim) enthusiasm.
Finally, as they moved on to Incarcerus spells, he spoke. "So?"
"So," Tonks echoed, deftly conjuring ropes to bind him, then moving in close to untie them, rather than simply Vanishing them, "he's in love with you."
"What?" Sirius whispered furiously. "He told you that?"
"No, of course not! But he's in love with the person who wrote the letters, and that's you."
"But he thinks it's you. It doesn't mean anything."
"He said he was always nervous and not himself around me before, that he didn't really fall for me until he got to know me in my letters. It's only the letters he cares about, and you wrote them!"
Moody and Snape, who keeping an eye on the drilling Aurors, had noticed this whispered conversation and were giving them odd looks, so Tonks hastily Vanished the remaining ropes and took her place opposite Sirius again.
"Incarcerus," Sirius said firmly, binding Tonks, then Vanishing the ropes. They traded spells and no words for a few turns thusly, until Snape and James lost interest and again focused intently on hexing each other.
"You may think he's in love with whoever wrote those letters, but he doesn't know it's a bloke, does he?" Sirius continued. "People don't just turn bent because someone wrote them a few letters."
"He says he'd love me even if I was a man," Tonks shot back.
"He- what! You asked him that?"
"I implied it had to do with my Metamorphmagus abilities. He said, and I quote, 'that's not a problem for me.'"
Sirius was so stunned he forgot to dodge the Tarantallegra Tonks followed up this revelation with.
As he danced frantically in place, waiting for her to end the spell, she said "So you see, there's nothing to keep you from him, cousin."
Sirius met her eyes earnestly. "There's you."
"Finite," said Tonks, and Sirius's legs ceased their frenzied motion. "I won't stand in your way," she said stubbornly.
"It's not standing in my way. He's your boyfriend! You don't owe him to me or something."
"He cares more about you now than about me, even if he doesn't know it yet," Tonks replied. "My mind's made up."
"So you're just going to break up with him and then say, 'hey, by the way, my cousin Sirius is available'?"
"No, I'm just going to break up with him. What happens next is up to you. I feel certain the notorious Sirius Black can come up with a smoother opening line than that."
Sirius was just about to continue his protests, sure that Tonks was mistaken, when an unmistakable voice bellowed from behind him, "Black! Tonks! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! If this was the ambush, you'd be dead right now!"
Snape was snickering behind him as well. "Perhaps Black intends to whisper the Dark wizards into submission. I've heard of his unorthodox approach to other things…."
"Shut it, Snivellus," Sirius snapped. "I've beaten your arse in duels before, and I'll do it again in a heartbeat, so don't tempt me."
"Touchy, touchy," Snape replied, though he backed away slightly. "But I'm afraid I didn't stop by for you. Nymph- Tonks, if I could have a word with you?"
Tonks, blushing furiously from the encounter with Moody, nodded. As Snape led her away to her third tête-à-tête of the day, she turned and mouthed to Sirius over her shoulder, "He loves you."
Sirius wished he could be so sure.
Once the drill was over, there was nothing, really, to do except sit and wait for the attack. Well, that and wait for Tonks to emerge from the woods and her talk with Snape. Nothing to do but sit and worry. What if Snape wasn't really on their side? wondered Remus. Why had he wanted to speak with Tonks, anyway?
Sirius, too, looked as if he was worrying, and he kept looking to the forest, and at Remus, but he made no move to come over and share concerns. Remus was feeling distinctly abandoned.
Finally, after what seemed like an age but couldn't've been that long, considering they weren't, oh, under attack by Dark wizards yet, Tonks and Snape returned to the camp. They spoke briefly with Moody, then Snape Disapparated.
"Some help he turned out to be," Sirius accused.
"He has his own job to do, Sirius," Tonks chided him. "Just because he's not staying here to fight with the rest of us doesn't mean he won't be trying to stop them."
"Sneaking and spying, you mean," Sirius grumbled. "Give me a simple fight any day of the week."
For some reason, this statement of Sirius's seemed to affect Tonks a great deal. "Oh Sirius. Never, ever change," she said, and hugged him.
"I wasn't planning on it," Sirius replied. "But what's all this about?"
Tonks whispered something in her cousin's ear that seemed to surprise him, but before he could react, the ever-tactful Moody interrupted. "You'll want to tell Lupin, I suppose. Best be quick about it. Those Dark wizards won't wait!"
"Tell me what?" Remus asked.
"Let's take another walk," Tonks suggested.
This didn't sound very promising; their first walk hadn't exactly gone as he had hoped. "After all these walks," he joked, "I'll be too tired out to battle any Dark wizards."
"We don't have to go far," Tonks replied seriously. "I just don't want anyone else to hear."
"So this is big news, then? What Snape wanted to talk to you about?"
"Er. Well, yeah. You see, Dumbledore needs another spy, and Snape thinks that I'd be perfect, what with the Metamorphmagus thing and all."
"Wow. You're going to be a spy? That is big news."
"That's not all. What Dumbledore needs me for- I have to leave soon. Now. Before the ambush. And I'll be gone for months."
"Oh. Well, I guess Sirius would say you're missing out on all the good stuff, then." Months without Tonks? Remus didn't quite know what to say. Of course, they had both assumed they wouldn't see each other for months when he'd left for Romania, and the letters had been enough then. "You'll write, of course."
Tonks looked unhappy. "I'm afraid I can't. Undercover, and all that. In fact…."
Oh no. This didn't sound good.
"I think it might be best if we called it quits, Remus. I can't make you wait for me like that."
"But- but- your letters- what I told you earlier-" Remus didn't know what to say.
"Trust me, Remus. I know, in my heart, that I'm not the right person for you. You'll find that person, though. Maybe sooner than you think." Tonks was trying to sound reassuring, he could tell, but her voice was shaking.
"Tonks, I love you. Don't do this," Remus pleaded.
"Remus, I- I'm sorry." Tonks blinked back tears. "Listen, I'll come see you as soon as I get back. I have to go, Remus."
Remus felt hollow, drained. "Fine," he said dully. "Go."
Tonks gave him one last quick hug, and Remus nearly broke down. Then, with an awkward wave goodbye, she disappeared.
When Remus did not return on his own, Sirius was forced to follow him. He found him standing alone where Tonks must have left him, looking devastated.
"Remus?" he asked tentatively. 'C'mon, we have to go get into position."
"Wha'?" Remus sounded like he was in a daze.
"Get in position? Y'know, for that ambush we're expecting, mate?" Sirius tried to sound cheerful.
"She broke it off, Sirius. Tonks left me." Remus turned to look at him, and Sirius had never before seen his eyes so empty of warmth. Not cold, though, just … empty.
"I'm sorry, Remus," Sirius said sincerely. He meant it. He never wanted Remus to feel as horrible as he was evidently feeling now. Even if it meant never telling him how he, Sirius, felt, which was very clearly not on the agenda for today, no matter how optimistic Tonks had been.
"What am I supposed to do, Sirius?"
"For now? Fight off a pack of Dark wizards. After that? Hopefully we'll get the bastards, and they'll let us go home."
"She said I'd find someone for me. 'Sooner than I thought,' she said. But I don't want someone else, Sirius. I love her."
"I know, Remus. I know." Sirius thought about patting him comfortingly on the back, but at this moment he didn't think he could touch Remus. Damn Tonks. Everything had been fine before! Sure, maybe he was miserable, but the people he loved were happy, and that was more important. Now everyone was wretched.
"Black! Lupin! Are you coming back to camp, or what?"
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Moody!" Sirius bellowed back. "We're on our way!" Dammit. Of all the shite times for this to be happening….
"C'mon, Remus, we've got to go."
"Yeah." Remus didn't lose his empty expression, but he drew his wand and started towards camp.
"All right?' Sirius asked, even though he knew the answer.
"No," Remus answered simply. "But I'll fight all the same."
