Soft Lighting
Chapter One

*I am a warrior, a leader of armies. The enemy would soon be upon us. We would not withstand it. The army was of Chaos's minions themselves, with Uusoae and her shadow-consort at their head.

I shiver. An army of mortals against demons of skeletons and darkness. We would be butchered. Our weapons of steel could never equal swords made of the same stuff as Slaughter herself.

But what could I do? I *had* to fight Uusoae; it was my destiny. The only way to stop the destruction of the mortal realms was to send the innocent, brave soldiers behind me to certain death.

I bow my head and whisper a prayer for all those to die today. There is nothing I can do for them, except pray.

I can see Chaos-- in all her writhing, shifting horror-- ahead of me. I lift my sword-- blessed by the Goddess and Mithros-- above my head, and--*



I woke up suddenly, sweating despite the chilly air. It was the third time this month I had had the nightmare; always the same, always advancing a little farther into the inevitable battle. The next time I had it, I might actually be forced to kill someone. Killing scared me, even in my dreams.

I looked out the window. The Morning Star, the mark of Shakith, the Seer-Goddess, was shining brightly in the East. Dawn would soon come. There was no point in sleeping again. I wouldn't be able to anyway. Instead I sat at the window, and pondered what message the Dream God was giving me.

~~~~

At dawn I dressed in my normal attire, the green skirt, pale blue shirt, and white overrobe of a Priestess of the Great Mother Goddess. I pinned back my long, thick brown hair and put the silver circlet that symbolized my rank as a newer priestess over my forehead, just above the earthy brown eyes I prided myself on. It was a market day, one of the few that I didn't have guard duty, and my best friend, Olorun, had a free day, a rare treat. We would spend the day wandering and talking, just being happy to be together. I had been looking forward to it for weeks.

I moved out of my small, neat room into the hallway that connected the priestess's rooms with the Great Temple in Jhuniska, the largest and prettiest city of the Reiln. I prided myself on the fact that I was a Jhuniskan and could call this wonderful place my home. Jhuniska was the envy of all the world, even the places my people had left to build a new home.

Walking through the Temple, past the praying women, I marveled at the fact that this temple had been built centuries ago. No one who did not know my people's fear of aging would see it. The Temple looked as though it had been built yesterday.

As I moved out the doorway, blinking in the sudden sunlight, I looked down the long, steep hill to the market. It was so wonderful to be free to leave the temple grounds, after being confined to them during my years as a novice priestess. I had only had two free market days before this, and I was looking forward to my third.

I waved at one of the guards on duty, my friend Uyne. She and I had become novices in the same month, and we were close, as is inevitable for two who went through the same pain together. She and I had made up a secret hand language during our Year of Silence, and we had practiced weaponry together when no one else would help us. She was a pretty girl, with dark hair and shining green eyes, and much braver than I could ever be. She had no qualms with killing. It was amazing how different we were, and yet how alike. She and I both knew that we would never be what we wish to become-- she wished she was a Knyht, and I wished I were a wenmarn, a married woman in charge of a home. But both our parents chose us to be priestesses instead, and we did not contest our parents' wishes.

Not wishing to think about my lost dream that refused to die any longer, I stopped at the begining of the long road that led from the temples on the hill to the main part of the city. The view was spectacular, with the shining river dividing the city in half. The early sun glinted off the white-washed buildings, the green plants native to this land providing a colorful contrast. I could see women and men in bright clothing wandering the market place, and children playing happily under the brilliant blue sky above. I leaned my head back, letting my eyes close as I felt the warm spring sun kiss my face.

"Kaela!" I heard a shout from the bottom of the hill. I snapped my head back down, and grinned as I saw Olorun waiting for me. She waved happily, the sun in her gold curls visible from even here. I waved back, and ran down the hill to begin a day of carefree wandering and spring's promises.

How wonderful it was to be alive!

~~~~~~~~~~

"How goes training?" I asked as I nibbled on the sesame roll I had bought from a street vender. We were looking at the different players's shows first, something we could do with sticky hands. At the moment we were listening to the woes of Akanon, the lover of Guinghaine, the priestess who killed herself rather than obey her parents and become a virgin priestess of Shakith, giving up any hope of seeing her sweetheart again. I had asked the question to drive the thought that our plights were much alike from my head.

Olorun sighed. "Hard as ever. I'm starting to wish I had joined the Guard instead of becoming a Knyht."

"At least you had the choice," I remarked bitterly, thinking of poor Uyne and the sobs she tried to stifle at night.

"Oh, Kaela," she said, her voice exasperated, "you know I didn't mean it that way."

I tried to smile. "I know you didn't, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Tell me, what's this I've heard about you and that Guard boy?" I pretended to pout. "I shouldn't have to hear details of my best friend's love life from gossiping servants, you know."

I had trouble keeping from laughing at the shade of red Olorun turned. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come now, Olorun. You can tell me. I'm not going to tell Lady Renall about any lovers you might take."

"You would even CONSIDER it?!" she yelled, outraged in her embarrassment.

A boy nearby told us to hush. "Of course I would," I whispered with a wicked grin, basking in her uneasiness. "That's why you shouldn't trust me."

She sighed, completely frustrated (which had been my goal, of course). "Come on. Let's go look at swords. This show is too depressing."

We walked through the streets, stopping now and again to run our hands over the bright cloth merchants sold, or to admire the texture of the pieces of glass in the shops. I tried to look everywhere at once, take in all the colors around me and save them in the back of my mind for the next rainstorm. I even bought a small glass suncatcher with the little money I had brought with me, a beautiful image of a red rose in front of a blue sky. I don't think I ever was happier with Olorun than that day at the market place.

"How's Unye?" She asked suddenly, looking scrutinizingly at a piece of crimson cloth.

"Miserable as ever. But I think she's better since she got permantely appointed to Temple Guard. It's the closest to being a Knyht she'll get."

"Well, it's better than nothing, I guess. And how're you doing?"

I sighed. "I'm not sure. I guess I'm happy at the temple--the Head Priestess thinks I might replace her someday-- but I still wish I were a wenmarn."

"Dreams won't die, eh?"

"No. And neither will that stupid nightmare I keep having."
"The one about the battle?"

I nodded.

"It'll go eventually. I'm su--what's that crowd?"

We walked toward the gathering and elbowed our way to the front. A ragged looking man was standing on an upturned barrel there, shouting, "The Gods have betrayed us! They fear us! We are stronger than they will ever be! We will defeat them and become gods ourselves!"

He looked down and saw me, with my priestess's attire. "Traitor!" he screamed vehemently, glaring at me like I had uttered a disgusting swearword. "Parsite of the Reiln, servent of false gods! Ye shall be punished in the farthest reaches of the world!"

"Eh, shut your trap, you maniac." A protective arm went around my shoulder. "If anyone here's a servant of false gods, it's you, with your heresies. You should be ashamed of calling a priestess of the Goddess a traitor. If I were you, I'd beg her not to tell the Goddess to destroy you. Come on, Kaela, you shouldn't be hanging around this crowd. They're insane, all of them."

My defender led me through the crowd till we were a block or so away, out of sight of the maniac. I kept my eyes down and added to the silence between us, until he said, in a laughing tone, "And why, Kaela, haven't you spoken to me lately? I miss your insight."

I looked and saw green eyes with enough laughter in them to keep me smiling for weeks. "Jerin!" I said happily, hugging my old friend.

"Took you a minute, didn't it?"

"Oh, Jerin! You blockhead! Talk to me before I box your ears!"

"Threats, is it? Temper, temper darling. Come on in here, where we aren't stared at," he said, directing this comment at a little boy who was looking at us with grimace on his face. We went into a nearby tavern, The Wise Fool, and sat down to catch up for a few minutes. Jerin and Olorun were talking about differences between the gods-given duties of Knyhts and Guards, leaving me completely out of the conversation. I looked at my childhood friend half in a dream, and realized that I knew almost nothing about him now. He was an apprentice mage, and had dreams of being a sorcerer-healer, but I had forgotten much else about him. *And to think we used to have no secrets,* I thought unhappily. I half-smiled. *Well, one secret. But I couldn't very well tell him I was in love with him, could I?*

It wasn't a hard thing to do; he and I had been friends since childhood. And though he was a bit book-bound, he was handsome, with dark brown hair and green eyes.

"Tell me, Kaela, what's in that pretty head of yours now? It seems to be a happy thought," Jerin said, his smile lighting up the room like the midday sun.

I smiled back. "Just thinking about how insane that man was. It's rather amusing."

He shook his head and looked down into his mug. "Insane is the only word to describe people like that. Heretics who think we're getting stronger than the gods themselves.... it's blasphemy, every word of it. But--forgive me for saying so, Kaela-- there is a bit of truth to it. We have the power to stop aging and stave off death himself. And the priests of Mithros and priestesses of Shakith are saying....disturbing things."

"Like what?" I asked, wondering why I hadn't heard of this before.

"The priests seem to think that Chaos has freed herself from the prison the Gods made for her. And the seers of Shakith are seeing images of the Gods raining fire down on the Reiln to destroy them." He shuddered. "I got to see one of the dreams one had through a spell. I've had nightmares about it for weeks."

"But--what evidence do they have?" Olorun asked, frightened. "They can't actually think that---"

"The war in the south, Olorun. What can explain that but Chaos coming back? And what about those new creatures that have been appearing, the ones that feed off of the Reiln? Like the--what are they called?--Stormwings, that desecrate the bodies of the dead, and the groffins, lies can't be told around them. I don't know much about this sort of thing, but if you ask me, those creatures were created to keep us in check."

"But that can't be--"

"They prey on humans, Olorun. There's never been that kind of creature, not in our history in the lands below or above the Inland Sea. And they come about just as there's talk of overthrowing the gods. I don't think that it's coincidence."

"The Three Sorrows are running rampant as never before," I said quietly, thinking about the slaughter in the southern war, the illness in the towns along the Eastern River, the starvation in the north, the result of a poor summer of crops and a long, hard winter. "The older priestesses are worried. I can tell. Uyne's worried, she has family along the Eastern River."

Jerin nodded. "And it's not like we can do anything to stop it." He shook his head. "The power to stop death, and yet we are useless in the face of war." He looked into his mug morosely. I made the sign against evil.

Jerin left a few minutes later, saying he had to get back to his studies. I promised I would go to Sorcerer's Mount to see him in a few days. Olorun and I continued browsing in subdued silence, until she cracked a joke about some woman's hair that had us both bent double with laughter.

An hour or so later, we were looking at jewelry in a corner stall. I noticed a strange looking necklace, a chain with a large circular purple stone at the bottom. For some reason, I couldn't stop looking at it.

A minute or so later I got the vender's attention and pointed at the necklace, asking, "What metal is this?"

"Tis copper, lady. And amethyst." He went back to smoothing a piece of jade.

"And odd combination," I murmered, picking up the necklace and holding it against my neck. My father had been a jeweler, and I knew a little of the craft.

The seller shook his head. "Nay, lady. Copper is the color of earth, good for holding nuture-magic. And amethyst is the stone of mankind."

"Nature and human together, in harmony," Olorun demurred, looking carefully at the necklace.

"My, Kaela Silverstai, how nice it is to see you again," a slimy voice muttered in my ear. I turned quickly to find a tall youth who would be handsome if he weren't smiling a greasy smile that made me want to punch something. "After all the time I haven't seen you, I would almost be ready to say you were trying to avoid me."

"And that would be wrong to say, Nikali Beartamesta, because I was suceeding until today." Quiet and peace-loving I was, but I could bite when I wished to. And right then, I really, really wished to.
Nikali ignored my comment. "I was wondering if the rumors I've heard are true, my dear, and that you really haven't taken a lover." That same greasy smile reappeared. "you know, Kaela, you are not some chaste priestess of Shakith. It wouldn't be frowned upon if you had a sweetheart."

I took a deep breath. "The status of my love life is no concern of yours, Mr. Beartamesta, and it never will be."

"Unless, of course, I were to be your lover."

I smiled serenly. "It will never be any concern of yours."

He growled at me, and raised his hand as if to slap me, but I said, quickly as the words would leave my mouth, "If I were you, I would think before I harmed a priestess. After all, my dear friend Uyne is on guard duty right now."

He glared at me for a moment, then turned and walked away.

I turned back to the stand to find Olorun and the seller staring at me.

"What?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "He's a bastard who deserves what I gave him."

"I didn't know you could talk like that," Olorun said, awe in her low, boyish voice. "You usually talk with a tongue of crystal, and I've never heard a harsh word from your mouth."

"Oh, *don't* turn poet on me. He just brings out the worst in me." I shuddered. "To think we were betrothed---"

"Oh, I forgot about that," she whispered, wincing. "That was the only reason you agreed to go to the convent, isn't it?"

"Aye. Not for him, I'd still be trying to be a wenmarn." I turned back to the shopkeeper, who immediately busied himself swtting his wares in order. "How much is this?" I asked, holding up the necklace.

He shook his head. "For you, lady, free."

I shook my head. "No, come on, how much is it?"

"That boy had been scaring away my customers all day, staring at the ladies and making them afraid. Just for getting rid of him, you should take it."

I held out my money. "But--"

He closed my hand over my coins. "Lady, I am an old man, and I know a little of magic. A child like you has the Goddess's hand on you. It's as clear as your hatred of him." He nodded at Nikali's retreating back. "Take it, and pray for me in your temple, priestess. Let that be your payment."

Shocked at his remark about the Goddess's hand on me, I nodded and turned away, Olorun behind me.

"Well," she said a few minutes later, as we walked toward the river, "that was an experience."

I nodded dumbly, staring at the necklace in my hand.

"You might want to put that on before you drop it."

"Oh. Right." I put the copper chain around my neck and closed the clasp. The amethyst, large enough that one would expect it to weigh heavy, fell lightly onto my chest, and when it touched my skin, I forgot all about the old man's words, and I didn't think of them again, at least not in this sweet life.

"Olorun!" I turned to see a handsome, dark-haired man in the uniform of the Royal Guard moving towards my friend.

"Rayenth!" Olorun ran forward into his outstretched arms. He picked her up-- not hard, considering her unnatural petite body. Most of the Reiln are tall and graceful, with darker hair and olive skin; my mother had often told me I was a perfect example. Olorun, though, had blonde curls she kept cut short, sky blue eyes, and rosy lips and cheeks. She was short and stout, moving surely, but without any grace. But, I reflected when she smiled at the man I presumed to be her sweetheart, beautiful all the same, and the exotic form of her looks made that beauty stand out even more.

"Why haven't I seen you?" he asked her, a fake pout in his voice.

I looked away from what I assumed was a personal conversation, and looked at the children playing in the river. It wasn't deep, rather shallow, until a person got out to the middle, where it was deep enough to drown, and and the currents weren't bad, even in spring, when the snow melted and joined the river to be carried out to the Green Ocean with the rest of the run off. How amazing, I thought, to think that this river carries all the snow from the middle of the country to here to the Port. Some of this water might even be from the north, carrying the ashes of those dead from starvation, and out to join the water that washed the blood clean from the swords of the south and the infected water of the eastern edge of civilization to create a play place for children who had no idea of what they danced in--

*And I saw myself, in the river's shallows, in armor, holding a dying woman's body so the cold, icy river ran over her metal-clothed skin and washed away the blood that covered her armor.

"No," the dream-me whispered, tears on her face.

"Kaela, I'm not going to last--I'll die slowly, and I'd rather die on your sword than on some Chaos-beings." She turned her head, and I saw with a chill that it was Olorun, her beautiful, living eyes clouding with the Dark God's breath.

"No! I won't kill you!"

"Just end my suffering." The dream-me shook her head, and I saw tears in the dream-Olorun's eyes. "Please, Kaela, I--I don't want Rayenth to see me like this--just do me--one last favor, please."

The dream-me shook her head, and dream-Olorun said, quietly, "Please."

The dream-me sobbed, and picked up a sword on the river bed beside her, gripped it in both hands, lifted it up, and--*

"Kaela!" Olorun yelled, grabbing my shoulder and pulling me back. "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?"

I looked down, to find myself up to my chest in water, Olorun swimming beside me and pulling me back.

I looked at her and back at my now wet clothes. "You--you're alive?"

"Yes! Of course I am, I just stopped to talk to Rayenth--"

I pulled her into my arms, and hugged her so tightly she gasped for breath.

"Let--go!" she gasped, and I reluctantly let her go. "What are you doing out here, get back to the shore before you catch something! Now!"

She pestered me about why I had gone into the river, but I never answered her, because I didn't know.
But that changed at Beltane. Everything did.