Dedicated to my friend who lost her mother on August 27, 2005. May her soul eventually heal and may her mother be welcomed into the arms of angels.
Silkspun Dreams V
mother's day
It was by far the saddest day of the year. The date that occurred shortly after it, a few years later, the second saddest. Ed couldn't help but feel some sort of weakness on that day stemming mostly from the fact that it made him so depressed in the first place. He knew it hurt Al. He would fall silent and rarely spoke that day unless it was positively unavoidable. Ed got use to it after four years and knew to leave him be. He preferred to be alone. The day always seemed to drag and Ed always looked forward to the morning sun because it meant it was finally over. He often stayed up all night that day, merely sitting there staring into the darkness and lost in memories of simple and happier times. Memories of her. Al was usually never present, so he brooded alone. But then when that next day came, everything went back to normal. Al spoke again and Ed shut out the memories and the pain behind a strong steel door. Between them the day had become a day of mourning. Not official by words, but by actions. To Ed it was a day he was allowed to remember and not feel guilty. Only to remember and, though rarely, talk as if she were listening. However over the four years, they had never spent Mother's Day in Resembool.
Somehow both brothers had taken comfort in the fact that they could remember her and yet not be near the places that were littered with her presences. Ed had forgotten all about it until that morning when he awoke late at the Rockbell house to find Al was gone. It was a beautiful day, although a bit on the warm side. However a strong wind blew every so often to counter the relentless heat. When it was almost one and Ed had still not descended the stairs, Winry got worried. She climbed the stairs after finishing lunch and paused by the brothers' door. She hesitated before knocking lightly.
"Ed? Are you awake?" She asked quietly.
There was a pause before a soft reply, "Yes."
Winry frowned. This certainly wasn't like him. She opened the door without warning and paused in the doorway. Ed was dressed and sitting on the edge of his bed, staring absently out the open window. The curtains blew in with every strong wind, ruffling his golden bangs.
"Are you all right?" She asked, stepping into the room a bit. "You never came downstairs..."
"I'm fine, Winry," Ed sighed.
"Did you and Al have a fight or something? He left earlier this morning without a word."
Ed shook his head and stood abruptly. "I'm going."
Winry blinked. "Going? Going where?"
"Out."
Ed discarded his red jacket, having put it on without thought only to realize it was much too warm for it. He strolled past Winry and out the door. Quickly Winry followed after him and paused at the top of the stairs to watch him walk down them slowly.
"Wait, I need to work on your arm!" Winry called. "I need to do it now before my other costumers begin to arrive."
Ed waved a hand at her, but that was his only reply. Winry huffed angrily and hurried down the stairs after him, passing him to block his path.
"Talk to me, you jerk!"
Ed gave her a hard look and there was something about it that made her face lift into an expression of surprise.
"Go away," Was all he said before he walked calmly past her, uncaring as to how his coldly spoken words had frozen her.
She heard the door slam and she felt tears begin to swell in her eyes. However her face looked angry and she clenched her fists at her sides, whirling away to stomp toward her workplace.
Fine! What do I care! I hope he gets lost or something!
"Winry."
Winry stopped halfway to the door and turned. Pinako stood calmly in the doorway of another room, arms bent behind her back and eyes closed thoughtfully.
"Grandma?"
"Do you know what today is?" The elder woman asked.
Winry's puzzled look made her grandmother sigh. "It's Mother's Day."
Any thought that had been stirring in Winry's head died and she looked positively shocked. Unlike the Elric brothers, her thoughts on any days that reminded her of her parents had been to forget them. It hurt less that way for her. Pinako knew it and had been kind in letting her granddaughter forget Mother's Day and Father's Day respectfully. It was no harm to her, really. Pinako opened her eyes to stare at Winry sadly.
"I'm sorry, I know you want to forget. It's easier for you that way. But those boys are different. They don't want to forget."
Winry dropped her eyes to the floor and a sad smile spread on her lips. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"
"Hm?"
"Since I... Since I visited Mom and Dad."
Pinako watched Winry for a moment before she turned her back to her. "Yes. It has been awhile." And then she disappeared back into the room to continue working.
It was late evening when Winry left her workroom. She had gotten little next to nothing done on any projects, including Ed's new leg. She hated when she wasted a day. It made her feel frustrated. More than that, however, she had been in thought. Her mind was on so many things at once that it gave her a headache. She found herself remembering her parents. Her memories of them were a little faint, but she was over all surprised at what she could remember. They made her smile and cry at the same time. She realized it had been a long time since she had actually sat down and thought of her parents... remembered them. Now the last rays of the sun were beginning to fade and a beautiful sunset painted the clear sky. Ed and Al were still gone and Winry took it upon herself to find them. Naturally, the first place she went was the graveyard. She found Ed there, standing in front of her mother's grave. She approached behind him quietly, so not to startle him, and paused.
"I think its hard," Ed said after a long moment of silence. "to be here on this day. Everything here... the smell, the sounds, the sights... It's all what she was. It's all her."
Winry's face softened as she watched the back of Ed's head. She moved to stand beside him and turned her head to try and see his face. However he had skillfully hidden it behind his long bangs and all she could see was his lips drawn into a skillfully unemotional line. She looked away and her sapphire eyes turned downward to the gravestone. She read slowly over the name engraved in the stone as if trying to sound it out.
"It's hard for me, too..." Winry replied softly. "I've tried to forget everything about my parents to make the pain go away. I thought that... if I forgot... it would hurt less."
Ed lifted his head slightly and glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, watching her trying to keep her face steady.
"But then Pinako told me what today was," Winry continued when Ed did not reply. "It made me remember everything about them. It made me happy and sad at the same time."
Winry turned to face Ed, forcing a smile that was lost to tears escaping her eyes.
"I feel like a terrible daughter to them. How could I want to forget them? to be forgotten is worse than death... and to die and be forgotten... You might as well have not lived."
"Winry..."
Quickly she lifted a hand to her face to frantically brush away tears. "I'm sorry... I came here to make you feel better, but I..."
Ed shook his head to silence her before he offered her a small smile. "I'm the one whose sorry."
Winry gave him a inquiry look before Ed turned away. He took a step closer to his mother's grave and crouched down on one knee. Winry noticed for the first time a few flowers resting there and Ed picked them up.
"We're the same," Ed whispered. "We lost them both."
Ed stood and clapped his hands together on the flowers. There was a brilliant flash that made Winry look away. When she looked back up it was raining violet flower petals and the air smelled pleasantly sweet like a flower field. A wind carried the petals, swirling and dancing around Trisha's grave and the two teens standing before it. Then they danced away, carried toward the sinking sun. Winry watched them go, unsure of whether to smile or cry.
"She asked me to make her flowers before she died."
Winry turned at Ed's voice to find him looking up, head tilted back and arms hanging loosely at his sides. Winry smiled sadly and stepped up close beside him, slipping her hand into his flesh one and intertwining her fingers with his. She dropped her head to rest against his shoulder and she felt him turn his head to look at her. She would share this pain with him from now on. And now she understood.
As long as she remembered, her mother was never truly gone.
And you probably don't wanna her 'Tomorrow's another day'
But I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain is the only way to happiness
And I promise you'll see the sun again
Yes, I promise you'll see the sun again
