Song is "Stop and Say You Love Me" by Evans Blue.

- What He Wants: Stop And Say You Love Me-

Hey listen, 'cause I'll only say this once
Do you think that you could lose yourself in me?
I could say I want to die by your side one day
But I could never speak the words
Because they haven't wrote the words that mean enough to me
So together we can burn this way
Burn this way

Stop and say you love me
Always
I'll say the same to you

It was always the same whenever we got together: we'd fuck as many times as we could both stand, and then spent the next day buildin' up energy enough for more fuckin'. It seemed the most natural thing; after bein' away from each other for months, we had a lot to make up for in so short a time. That was different now—I meant to make sure we had the rest of our lives together, to spend it however we wanted. But that didn't matter right now; I was too worried about getting' as much of Ennis Del Mar as I possibly could.

We lay next to each other on his small bed, not quite touchin'. We didn't say nothin' for a long time, but I finally broke the silence and said, "Well, cowboy, we got some things to talk about."

"Like what?" he mumbled suspiciously, tiltin' his head to look over at me.

I found a loophole for us now
It's called redemption of my history
Do you think you could look past my fears
Tell me now my love
Because I will lose it in your eyes

I see firelight in your eyes
I know that things will be better when you are by my side
By my side

I lifted myself up on one elbow, lookin' down at him. "You know I ain't gonna let this go. There's nothin' to keep us from buyin' a place of our own, and Christ knows I got money enough. I been keepin' a little for myself, and Lureen don't know nothin' 'bout it. It'll be enough to get us started…" He wasn't lookin' at me anymore; he'd turned his head away, like he was ashamed or somethin'.

"Jack, I've told you before…I've got a life here…I've got my girls, I've got a job…"

"An' all that means more to you than I do, I guess," I said angrily, swingin' my legs over the side of the bed and leavin' the room. I was fightin' back tears as I picked my clothes up off the floor and started strugglin' into them.

"Where're you goin'?" Ennis demanded, standin' in the doorway of his room.

"Like you fuckin' care." I was tryin' to button my pants with my shakin' hands when he grabbed my arm and turned me around. He looked to be as angry as I was, and so we just stood there awhile, glarin' at each other.

"So just like that, you're gonna leave? You come all this way, an' now you're just gonna leave?"

"I ain't got no reason to stay now, do I?" I pulled my arm away.

He grabbed me again, this time holdin' on to both my arms. "And where do you plan on goin'?"

"Don't much care. I was thinkin' maybe Mexico—"

I realized too late that I probably shouldn't've said that, and by that time, he'd already punched me. He hauled me up and shoved me up against the wall hard enough to rattle my teeth, and his eyes were burnin' with anger, his face not even an inch away from mine. "You fuckin' little shit," he snarled, lookin' as if he wanted to wring my neck. "If I—"

"If you what?" I shoved him away from me, surprised by my own strength. "Don't even pretend like it surprises you, Ennis. If you won't give me what I need, I sure as hell am gonna find someone who will." I was angry as he was now, and I moved forward, hands fisted at my sides. He took a step away, as surprised as I was by my anger. "I gave up fuckin' everythin', Ennis. I ain't got nothin' left but you, and I ain't even hardly got that. What've you ever done for me, huh, Ennis? When have I ever asked you to do anythin' for me? I give up my whole damn life and come here wantin' to make a new life with you, and you won't budge a fuckin' inch! You're fuckin' unbelievable, Ennis! Your life ain't worth a pile of shit, but you won't give it up for me! Give me one fuckin' reason why I shouldn't leave!"

Stop and say you love me
Always
I'll say the same to you
Stop and say you love me
Always
I'll say the same to you

He didn't say anythin' for a real long while, and I turned away before he could see the tears in my eyes. I didn't bother puttin' my shirt on; I just had to get away. He didn't stop me when I left his house, an' he just stood in the doorway as I got into my truck and drove away.


I spent the rest of the day getting' as drunk as I could in the first bar I could find, and then stumbled to the motel near it. I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands, an tried to convince myself that I could handle a life without Ennis Del Mar.

I couldn't return to my old life; even if I'd wanted to, it was too late for that now. Lureen would never take me back, an' I didn't want her to. I couldn't even go live with Momma and Daddy; Daddy would be even angrier at me than Ennis had been. I didn't have nowhere to go. I'd been countin' on a life with Ennis, but there was no chance of that anymore.

"I'll get the fuckin' ranch," I said to myself. "I'll make my own life. I don't need him, I don't need anyone. I'm Jack fuckin' Twist…"

I woke up on the floor with a headache the size of Texas. It was past noon when I left the motel, and even then the sun was far too bright, and my head was still poundin'. I climbed into my truck an' just drove, not knowin' where I was goin' and not really carin'. I just let the truck take me where it wanted to go, and ended up at the place where Ennis and I had always met up for our "fishin' trips." I sat in the truck awhile, my forehead restin' against the steerin' wheel. I got out slowly, and walked down to the river, pullin' off my hat and lookin' down into the water, rushin' away from me just like my life seemed to be doin'. I couldn't've said how long I stood there, and I couldn't've said when the tears started runnin' down my cheeks. I couldn't help but remember the last time we'd been here together…

"Tell you what, we could of had a good life together, a fuckin' real good life, had us a place of our own. You wouldn't do it Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. Everything's built on that. It's all we got, boy, fuckin' all, so I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest. Count the damn few times we been together in nearly twenty years and measure the short fuckin' leash you keep me on, then ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needin' somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets. I'm not you. I can't make it on a couple of high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. You're too much for me, Ennis, you son of a whoreson bitch. I wish I knew how to quit you."

"Then why don't you! Why don't you let me be? It's because of you, Jack, I'm like this. I'm nothin'…I'm nowhere…"

Nothin' had changed since then. If anythin', things had gotten worse. We were no farther along then we'd ever been, and we were never gonna get any farther. He was too damn stubborn. And so now I had nothin'.

I'm guarded
I'm fragile
But if anyone could ever save me now
You can
And you can

Iheard a car rumble down the road behind me, but I didn't turn until I heard it rattle to a halt.

Ennis climbed slowly out of the truck and stood there, hands shoved into his back pockets. "Knew I'd find you here," he said softly. I didn't answer, and turned back around to stare at the water. "Me an' you, we got some talkin' to do, Twist."

"I ain't got nothin' more to say to you."

"I don't want it to end like this, Jack. Christ, I don't want it to end at all!"

"Well maybe I do. Maybe I'm tired of all this. Tired of waitin' for you to decide what we're gonna do, and when we're gonna do it. Maybe I'm tired of wonderin' if you're ever gonna be brave enough to take a chance with me. You ever think about that, Ennis? You ever think I might not wait for you forever? 'Cause I won't. I'm done waitin'. It's now or never, boy. I ain't gonna wait no more."

I still didn't look at him, and he didn't say nothin'. I started wonderin' when he was gonna get back into his truck and just leave me be; then his arms wrapped around me from behind, and he pulled me back against him, pressin' his cheek against mine. I didn't move away, and my eyes drifted shut as I had to fight back more tears. He didn't say nothin'—he didn't have to.

Stop and say you love me
Always
I'll say the same to you
Stop and say you love me
Always
I'll say the same to you

Are you strong enough?
Am I enough?
Are you strong enough
To say you love me?

His voice was rough when he said, "I saw a piece of land, not too far from here…I was thinkin' we might be able to turn it into a nice ranch…"

"Sounds like a pretty good idea, cowboy," I said softly.