Chapter Three

Mac looked at herself in the mirror. She wanted to look perfect for Harm's funeral. Mac walked out in her dress blues and walked into Mackenzie nursery. Harm's grandmother was in there with the baby holding her close.

"At least we have pieces of Harm walking on this earth." Grams said to Mac.

"Are you up to this?" Mac asked her.

"I should be asking you that dear. Just yesterday you were in the hospital and last night you went to his memorial service."

"I'm fine. My life has to go on for my girls." Mac answered the older woman. "You know what it is like to go on with your life after losing a loved one."

"All to well my dear, all to well. It doesn't feel like your life."

"Your right it doesn't. I still wait for Harm to walk through the door, to walk upstairs and play with Mackenzie."

"I bet that you used to love watching him play with the kids. He was always so good with children."

"Yeah. He was the best father. I don't know how the girls are going to get through it. I feel most sorry though for this baby," She said gesturing to her stomach. "She will never get to know Harm at all. Okay, well I have to change Mackie for the service. I am going to put her in the navy blue dress that Harm bought for her in Italy." She changed the baby quickly and headed downstairs to meet up with Frank and Trish.

Mac looked around. "Where is Mattie?"

"Mathilda Rabb, get your six down here now. We can't be late for this."

"I'm not going." She yelled from her bedroom slamming the door.

"I don't need this right now." Mac muttered as she climbed back up the stairs. She knocked on Mattie's door and found Mattie in uniform. "Mattie, I know you don't want to do this. I think you need to say bye to your dad."

"I know, but . . . Mom this is the second parent I have buried within the past three years. I just don't think I am strong enough to handle it."

"Oh Baby. I was waiting to give this to you but," Mac took Mattie by the hand and led her to Harm and her bedroom. She clicked on the DVD player and reached for the DVD that Harm had labeled for Mattie. "Do you want to watch it alone?"

"No Mom, I need you here."

Harm's face came on the screen. "Wow, Mattie, this is something I never wanted to do, but here it goes. Mattie, if you are viewing this, I can't make it home to my girls. I wanted to come home Baby, but the man upstairs needed me for some reason. This will probably be really hard for you, but honey, you need to realize that you are a strong person. You have endured so much in your young life, but you always managed to survive. Don't tell Mac, but you are like her in that way. I love you Kiddo. You saved me when no one else was able to. You gave me a reason for living and a reason for needing to keep the world safe. I love you, and I will see you again one day, that is a promise I will keep to you." The DVD faded. Mattie had tears streaming down her face and Mac put her arms around her oldest daughter.

"Are you okay Mattie?"

"Yeah Mom, I think I am. I'm sorry for acting up."

"Oh, I was wondering when you were going to. Harm's right, you have had to endure so much in your young life." She pulled her daughter into a hug. "Let's go give your Dad his final send off."

Mattie took her Mom's hand and made she grabbed her IPOD off the table to listen to some music before the funeral. "I love you Mom."

"I love you too Matts."

"I miss him so much."

"I miss him too." Mac said holding their teenage daughter close to her. "I would do anything to bring him back."

Mac stood by Harm's casket inside the church. There was light music playing in the background. She had asked everyone to give her just a few moments to say goodbye to the man who helped bring out everything good in her.

She heard the CD spin and heard the next tract come on.

Kate Bush

This Woman's Work

Pray God you can cope
I stand outside
This woman's work
This woman's world
Oooh, it's hard on the man
Now his part is over
Now starts the craft if the father
(chorus)
I know you have a little life in you yet
I know you have a lot of strength left
(repeat 1X)
(hook)
I should be crying
But I just can't let it show
I should be hoping
But I can't stop thinking
All the things I should've said
That I never said
All the things we should of done
That we never did
All the things I should've given
But I didn't
Oh darling make it go
Make it go away
Give me these moments back
Give them back to me
Give that little kiss
Give me your hand
(chorus)
(hook)

She placed her hand on his picture. It was his service picture. "Harm, you do know that this isn't how I remember you right? I mean, there was so much more that defined you than that damn uniform that ended up taking you away from me." She closed her eyes and saw them flying Sarah high above the Appalachian Mountains. He was laughing. "Oh God Harm, what I would to get those moments back with you."

She closed her eyes again and saw their "wedding ceremony" that they had in Italy. "I love you so much." The tears just started flowing. She heard him in her head.

"Sarah, if there is anything I could do, I would make it go away." He echoed to her. "I will always love you."

She wiped away the tears that fell and opened the chapel doors to let everyone know that she was done with her moment with him. The Naval Academy's chaplain came up to them. "Colonel, I just heard the CD, I am so sorry, my daughter must have mixed up my CDs again."

"No problem. I have never been one really for church hymns. My teenager had been playing that song lately." Mac said trying to ease the moment.

Mac turned to enter the chapel with her daughters and Harm's parents. They had received an outpouring of love and support from everyone. Mac swore to herself she wasn't going to cry during the funeral mss.

The priest said some words of comfort and then offered the podium to anyone who wanted to speak. Mattie was the first one to get up. "Mattie, baby are you sure?"

"Yeah Mom."

Mattie walked towards the podium. "You know, as I look out into the crowd I see people who knew Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. Most of you knew the man in the uniform, the man who defended truth and justice. Occasionally, if someone was crazy enough to let him, he would fly." Mattie sniffled. "But most of you never knew the man outside the uniform. He was Mackenzie's healer of bumps and bruises. He was my cheerleader as I struggled with Dragonlady. You didn't know the man who would sing us to sleep, even though I tried to tell him so many times that I was too old for that. I would give anything to have Dad try to sing me to sleep again. Harm Rabb Jr. was the best dad a kid could ever pick out, but I was the lucky one, he picked me, he fought for me. He loved me when no one else in the world did. He took me into his home and made me feel whole again, who is going to do that now? Dad, I love you, I will see you again." There wasn't a dry eye in the place as Mattie took her place next to Mac.

"That was beautiful Mattie." Mac hugged her daughter.

After the services, they made their way to Arlington National Cemetery for the burial. Mac had opted to let everyone come who wanted to see Harm laid to rest. She looked out and saw the people who Harm had touched in someway or another. A Lt. Tyree came up to them.

"Ma'am, I don't know if you know me but," Lt. Tyree started.

"I know who you are, former Seaman Tyree." Mac answered. "I see you finally got your wings."

"Commander Rabb was a fine man, a good man. No one believed in me like he did. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know."

"Actually Lieutenant, I know this is above and beyond but his daughter loves flying, and we have the biplane. If you have anytime, could you take Mattie up every so often?"

"It would be an honor to do so ma'am. I don't know if you know, but Commander Rabb took me up in her."

"I didn't know that."

"He did it both for our benefits, and he helped me see that it was what I wanted to do the rest of my life, and I think he did it to prove to himself that he could." Lt. Tyree took off his wings and put them on the ground next to Harm's casket. He saluted the casket and joined a couple of other guys that knew Harm.

Mac held Mackenzie bracing her and the baby for the 21 gun salute. Mackenzie, as predicted, started crying at the sound of the guns. In the distance Mac could hear the sound of the planes coming in. Mac turned her eyes toward the sky and saw the F-14 squadron approach. She watched the one break away and turn heavenward.

She watched them lower the casket into the ground. She picked up a handful of dirt and threw it on his casket and Mattie did the same. They went back to the house for the reception. When Mac finally got rid of the last guest, she spotted Mattie.

Mac walked over to Mattie who was standing by the Christmas tree loading a DVD into the player. "Mom, do you ever think the holidays will feel the same again?"

"No sweetheart, in fact I think I can guarantee it too you that it will never be the same again. Are you sure that you are okay with going to your Grandmother's for Christmas break?"

"Yeah Mom. I'm sure. I really need to get out of here."

"I'll miss you kiddo. I will see you and Mackenzie again the day before Christmas eve honey."

"I know. Take care of yourself and the new baby."

"What are putting into the DVD player Mattie?"

"I made a DVD about Dad. I put all the video footage that I could find together and burned it onto a DVD disc. I thought that it would be nice to have for the reception." Mattie hit play and Harm came on the screen singing a song to Mackenzie while cooking dinner on one of their ordinary nights at home. Mac smiled when she saw Mattie zoom in with the camera.

The Video:

"Mattie, honey, what are you doing?" Harm asked while tasting the sauce for the spaghetti.

"Capturing you in all your glory. You know, something to take with me when I leave for the academy."

The video feed then spun into a family barbecue that they were having. Harm and Sergei were standing behind the grill making chicken. Harm was holding Sergei in a headlock and Sergei managed to knock them into the pool. Mac and Jen were at the edge of the pool watching Mackenzie sleep in her playpen, and never noticed Harm and Sergei swim up and grab them. Mac was looking furious at them.

"I'm going to get you for that Flyboy!" Mac screeched at him.

"You have to catch me first! I am in the Navy, I was born to be in the water." Harm said swimming away from her.

He caught her and held her close. He whispered something in her ear, and she grabbed his face and kissed him. After the kiss, while she was still wrapped around his waist, he tilted his head back and screamed, "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!"

Mattie came out of the pool house holding clothes for her parents. "You guys need to grow up! I swear sometimes I can't tell who is the adult in this household." Mattie grinned at her parents. Mackenzie started getting fussy from her playpen and Mattie walked over and picked her up. "I'll take care of the baby! Carry on."

The video then showed several other family moments, some footage of the family trip to Belleville. A JAG labor day picnic was thrown into the mix.

The video feed then spun to the footage that Mattie had found from Italy. Harm looked deeply into her eyes. "Sometimes the words I love you seem woefully inadequate when it comes to describing my love for you. You, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, are the only person who can fill my soul. You start my sentences for me, you make me laugh when no one else can.

You are the most amazing thing that has happened in my life. You are a wonderful mother to our children. You are the most incredible woman I have ever known, and since there is no other phrase that can describe what I feel, I guess I will just have to say that I love you more than I ever thought was possible. You have saved my life, and I mean that literally." He pulled out a necklace and put it around her neck. It was just a plain silver chain with a heart pendant. "I know we don't have rings, but this will do for now. You are my heart Sarah."

Mac started crying watching their "wedding ceremony." She looked out into the crowd, "I'm sorry guys, I promised myself I would cry."

"Mom, what is this?"

"Your father and I had decided to get married in our souls, and then later we were going to make it legal. I love your father so much Mattie." She picked up Mackenzie from her playpen when she heard her cry out for her Da. Mackenzie reached around Mac's neck and grabbed Mac's necklace. For the funeral, Mac had combined the heart pendant and the star pendant on one chain.

"Ma!" She said snuggling into Mac's shoulder.

"Mackie, time for me to put you to bed honey. If you all will excuse me for a couple of moments, I have to put Mackenzie to bed." She said addressing the crowd of people that were still in her home.