Just a pointless little piece, rather schmaltzy (heh, new favorite word, thanks Steve), but something I've been wanting to write for a while. I know the title is similar to "What He Wants," but the two are completely unrelated.
- What We Got -
We were layin' together in the tent, me on my back, Ennis pressed up against my side, his head on my shoulder, one a his arms layin' over my waist; I had my arm around his shoulders to keep him where he was, and had my other hand layin' on his arm. It was a peaceful night, quiet, but I wasn't feelin' too peaceful. "What is this, Ennis?" I asked softly. "Do we…do we got somethin' here? We…we do it often as we can, an…an I can't stop thinkin' 'bout ya… What do we got here?"
He didn't say nothin' for a real long time; then, softly, "I don't know, Jack."
I closed my eyes, ground my teeth together. I'd wanted a real answer. I needed to know what this meant to him…'cause I was afraid it was startin' to mean too much to me. Had to remind myself that this was Ennis I was talkin' to—Ennis, who never let his real feelin's show, and who'd never be able to think of the right words anyway. For all I knew, Ennis was just in this for the fuckin'—I didn't think that was true, but I'd never know for sure, 'cause he'd never tell me nothin'. I started feelin' a little bitter then, wonderin' why I cared so much about him when I'd never know whether he cared about me at all…
The hand he had wrapped around my waist tightened suddenly, the fingers holdin' tightly onto me; he turned his face to press it against my neck, an he said softly, "I need this, Jack. Need this…need you…" I could feel his tears wet on my neck, an I held him real tight, pullin' him against me and turnin' to face him so our chests were pressed together. I held his head down against my shoulder, rockin' him gently while he cried softly.
"I'm here for ya, Ennis," I whispered. "I'll always be here for ya." I kept my lips pressed against the top of his head, murmurin' anythin' comfortin' I could think of, until his shoulders stopped shakin' and my shoulder wasn't getting' any more wet.
He pulled away a little, and I loosened my arms. He wiped his nose on the back a his hand, then rolled away from me and onto his back. I let him go, even though I didn't want to. "I'm gonna sleep now," he said softly, his eyes already closed. After a while, I pulled the blankets over both of us and lay down next to him, not too close, makin' sure we weren't touchin'. But when I woke up in the mornin', I was layin' up on my side and Ennis was pressed up tight behind me, one a his arms bent up under my head like a pillow and his other arm wrapped over my chest to keep me where I was, my back to his chest. I just lay there a while, keepin' my eyes closed, not wantin' him to know I was awake yet—'cause soon as he knew I was awake, he'd pull away, not wantin' to show any sort of carin' towards me. But I knew he was awake: I could feel his hand gently strokin' my chest, his fingers runnin' through the hair I had growin' there.
Then he shook my shoulder gently, said, "Come on, bud, time to get up."
"Mornin' already?" I asked softly. I felt him start to pull away, so I quickly reached up an grabbed onto his hand, keepin' it against my chest an keepin' him where he was.
"Jack…"
"We gotta talk, Ennis," I said firmly, turnin' to face him an still keepin' a tight hold on his hand. I tried to make him see how serious I was, an it musta worked 'cause he stopped tryin' to pull away. "I need to know what this thing we got means to you. What…what d'you want outta this?"
His face creased like he was in pain, an he shook his head. "I don't know…"
"Damnit, Ennis! For once, would ya just give me truth instead a one a your bullshit answers? I need to know what this means, Ennis, an I need a straight answer. Just…pretend like it don't matter what you say…like nothin' bad'll happen, no matter what you say…like everythin'll be alright…"
He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, but didn't turn away from me. I could feel tears in my own eyes, but I didn't try to wipe 'em away. His voice was barely even a whisper when he said, "I don't want this to end, Jack. Don't want it to never end…"
I had to swallow hard, an smiled even though I was cryin'. I leaned down an kissed him, real gentle. "Then it won't," I said softly. "We won't let it end."
:>
