Chapter Nine
Soda
Ponyboy is dead.
I can't believe it. I knew that he was depressed, but I thought that he was getting a bit better. He must have just been pretending. I feel so terrible, how did I not see this coming?
Darry is taking this worse than I am. He's completely in shock. He's wandering around the house draped in Pony's baby blanket. He's looking for Pony; he doesn't know that he's gone. Actually, I think Darry knows that Pony is gone, he just can't accept it.
Darry's eyes are glazed; he's walking by me again. He keeps muttering 'Where is he?' He mostly sits in the room that Pony and I shared; waiting for Pony to come back.
But Pony isn't coming back.
I think Darry is sick. He's thrown up several times. I've tried to get him to lie down, but he refuses. He says that he has to look for Pony. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm trying to stay strong for Darry, but I'm starting to come unglued. What'll I do?
Savannah
I read the saddest story in the paper today.
This boy, his name was Ponyboy, killed himself. He's pretty famous; he and his friend Johnny saved some kids from a fire a few months ago. I remember Johnny didn't make it.
Ponyboy's parents are dead; he's been living with his two older brothers. They both dropped out of school to keep the family together. Everyone thought they were doing Ok. Since Johnny died though, they said that Ponyboy was depressed. In fact, that's the whole reason Pony killed himself; he missed Johnny and he felt like he had killed him.
The paper said his brothers weren't handling his death well. It described his oldest brother as 'sick and in shock' and the other as 'trying to stay strong, but falling apart'.
The story makes me worry about Two-Bit. I hope he's Ok.
Two-Bit
I want to lie in bed for the rest of my life.
People can bring me food and stuff to drink. Or they can just leave me alone until I waste away. I don't care; they're both the same thing.
If I stay in bed then I won't be able to kill anyone.
I miss Savannah. I can't believe I'm thinking about her, but I am. I wish I knew her last name. If I did, I would look her number in the phone book and tell her to come get me. I'm sure she would. Maybe I should walk to the pharmacy and see if she's there, but I can't. I might kill someone if I leave my bed. I don't think I could live knowing I'd killed another person.
Maybe I should go to the Curtis' and tell them that I'm sorry, that it's my fault. The way Steve talked though, it sounded like I shouldn't talk to them yet. I buried my face in my pillow. I had wanted so badly to come home, but now I realize that I'm not home at all. Savannah's apartment is where I belong, but I don't know where that is.
I guess I'll just lay hereā¦for the rest of my life.
Soda
Darry has been wandering around for three days. He collapsed from exhaustion a few hours ago. Somehow I managed to drag him to his bed. He's been sleeping for a while, but now I can hear him crying.
I've been crying too. Now is pretty much the only time I can cry, I don't want Darry to see me. The worst part was when I had to talk to the guys at the funeral home. I had been trying to think that Pony was still alive, but talking to them had destroyed those thoughts. The funeral is in two days. I hope that Darry will be kind of sane for it; I'm afraid of what he'll do.
I heard the door to Darry's room open. Darry walked over to the couch and sat down next to me.
"Pony's really gone?" Darry asked. There was so much pain in his eyes. I wanted to say no, that Pony would be coming home soon, but I couldn't lie to him.
"Yeah," I said. "Pony's gone."
"He's not coming back?" Darry asked.
I shook my head, "No," I said weakly.
Darry started crying and so did I. We sat on the couch holding each other and crying for our lost baby brother.
