Chapter 16
Two-Bit
I'm still sick.
It's been a few days since Savannah got here. My fever went down, and I'm not anywhere near as weak as I was before, but I still don't feel good. Mom and Savannah have been trying to get me out of bed; they don't want me to do much, they just want me to walk around the house or something. I just don't feel like it though.
I guess it's not so much that I'm sick; it's that I'm depressed. Now that I'm not thinking so much about how much my head hurts, or hungry I am, I've started feeling guilty again. I wish that Ponyboy wasn't dead. Now that he's gone, I realized that he's probably the only person on Earth that I could have related to and talked about Johnny's death with. Now he's dead. What am I gonna do?
I've heard about people cutting themselves. They say that it really helps with the pain. Normally I would just drink, but there's no way that I could get a beer now. I've been pretending that I have a really bad headache that won't go away so I can have Aspirin. It doesn't do that much, but it helps me sleep.
My knife is hidden under the mattress. I used to have a really nice switchblade, but I gave it to Dally, and then the cops took it when he died. I stole a new one though.
I flipped the knife open. I'd used it several times. When we won the rumble, the Socs said that they would stay out of our territory, but they didn't. I hate Socs. I hate myself.
I was about to cut my wrist with the knife, just to see what it felt like, but Savannah came in. I quickly hid my knife. I was stupid to even think about cutting. She and mom have been watching me like hawks ever since I tried to smoke in bed and almost set the sheets on fire.
"Hey," Savannah said as she sat down next to me. She always sounds so happy.
"Hey," I replied less happily. I love Savannah, but I'm just so depressed.
"What's wrong?" Savannah asked. "Is your head still hurting?"
I nodded. I hated lying to Savannah, but it was the easiest thing to do. I didn't want to explain everything to her.
Savannah started stroking my hair. I like it when she does that. It almost makes me forget about how depressed I am. After a while she stopped.
"Now does your head feel better?" Savannah asked.
"No," I said. My head felt fine, I just wanted an Aspirin.
"I'm sorry," Savannah said softly. She really was sorry, I could tell.
"Do you want an Aspirin?" Savannah asked.
I nodded.
"Why don't you go get it?" Savannah asked. "You need some exercise."
I don't want to walk all the way to the kitchen. It's not that far, but it seems like it. It would make Savannah happy though. I slowly got out of bed. Savannah let me lean against her. We'd only gone a few steps when I decided that I didn't want to walk all the way to the kitchen. I stopped.
"I'm dizzy," I said softly.
Savannah hugged me for a few minutes, but it didn't change my mind. I just want to lie down; she can bring me the Aspirin.
"'Still dizzy," I said after a few minutes.
Savannah helped me back into bed. Then she kissed my cheek and went to get my Aspirin.
Savannah
I'm worried about Two-Bit.
He's gotten a bit better since I've been here, but only physically. He seems depressed. He says that he has a headache that won't go away, but I don't believe him. I think that he just wants the Aspirin. His mom and I are worried that he might be kind of addicted to it.
I've been trying to get Two-Bit to get up and walk around the house some; I think it would be good for him. Usually he says that he doesn't feel good, but today he actually got out of bed. He only walked a few steps before he started complaining that he was dizzy. The dizziness didn't go away, and he had to lie down again. When I brought him his Aspirin though, he seemed fine.
I just don't know what to think. I've been talking to his mom a lot. She said that Two-Bit is normally really witty and funny, and that moping around isn't like him. The closest he got to seeming better was when he tried to smoke in bed a few days ago. He almost caught the sheets on fire.
I'm checking on Two-Bit again. He's asleep, holding a stuffed animal Mickey Mouse. He tries to make sure that no one sees it. Apparently he's done a good job because when his mom saw it yesterday she said "Oh, I remember this. I had no idea he still had it."
It seems like Two-Bit doesn't care about anything when I'm around him. I'm the only one that he doesn't hide the Mickey Mouse stuffed animal from. He's cried a few times in front of me. His friends came over once while he was crying, he really quickly stopped crying and started making jokes. I could tell that the whole time he was joking that he was hurting, and that the whole time he was laughing he wanted to be crying.
I wish that Two-Bit would tell me what's wrong. I want to help him, but he won't let me.
Why won't he let me help him?
