Chapter Eighteen

Author's Note: I'm finally back! I know Two-Bit is really depressed in this chapter, but the story has a happy ending.

Two-Bit

I'm going to tell Savannah about my dream today.

I don't want to, but I think I should. She probably kept me from going to an asylum. Mom asked about my wrist, and instead of telling her that I'd cut myself, Savannah said that Sheba bit me. Mom bought it too.

It's ten now. I've been awake since seven trying to get myself ready to tell Savannah everything. I don't think I'll ever be ready though. I wish she'd come in now so I could get it over with.

Savannah came in then and sat down next to me.

"Good morning," She said softly. I think she could tell that something was up.

"Hey," I said.

"Are you feeling Ok?" She asked. "You seem kind of nervous."

"I have something to tell you," I said quietly. "It's about the dreams I had."

For the next hour I told Savannah everything, starting with that night at the nightly double, and ending yesterday, when I'd cut myself. When I was done talking I was exhausted. I laid back against the pillow and closed my eyes. Savannah didn't say anything. I wished she would, I wanted to know what she thought. I'd been laying there with my eyes closed for several minutes when I felt Savannah move. I thought she was getting up; either to call the police or an asylum, but then I felt Savannah holding me. I opened my eyes and saw that Savannah was laying next to me, holding me. She'd never done that before.

"I'm sorry," Savannah said. There was a long pause before she continued. "You didn't deserve any of that. That must have been so terrible. You said you actually saw one of them…Dally, you actually saw him die?"

I nodded. "The police shot him," I said softly. I closed my eyes to try to keep the tears back. I shouldn't have brought this up. I should have never told Savannah anything. Savannah kept on talking.

"I could never have done that," Savannah said. "What you did. Not talking to anyone about my friends dying. I would have killed myself. I don't know how you lived this long. It's been almost a year since they died, right?"

I nodded. It was quiet for a long time before Savannah started talking again.

"I'm just so sorry," She said. "And you're not responsible for them dying. It's not your fault."

I was quiet for a long time, I was trying so hard not to cry that I was sort of shaking. Why am I trying not to cry? Savannah is the only one here besides mom. Savannah doesn't care, I don't have to act tough around her.

"Two-Bit," Savannah said. "What's wrong? You're shivering."

I opened my eyes and looked at Savannah. I've told her everything, I don't have anything to hide from her. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes like a thousand tiny needles. I screamed and then started sobbing. I buried my face in Savannah's hair and cried.

"Two-Bit," Savannah said softly. She didn't finish whatever she was going to say. She just held me.

I cried and cried. I couldn't stop. Why did I even talk to Savannah? Remembering Johnny and Dally hurt so much. Every few minutes a wave of grief would hit me. I would half scream and half moan whenever that happened. Savannah held me, that was all. She didn't try to comfort me, and I didn't want her to. I didn't want anyone to talk to me, I just wanted to cry.

I completely lost any sense of time. I was just laying in a black void, drowning in memories and grief. I cried for Johnny and Dally and Pony, but mostly I cried for myself; for what I was, and for what I'd become. Sometimes the tears would stop, and I would have a flashback to when everyone in the gang was alive, when I was still the gang joker; before any of this happened. Then the flashback would end and I would cry again. Savannah left the room at some point.

I woke up once and Soda was sitting next to me. I think Steve and Darry were there too, but I don't remember. Seeing them made me remember, and remembering made me hurt. I closed my eyes and rolled over so my back was to them and cried. Soda, good old Soda, tried to calm me down and make me quit crying, but nothing would work. After a while he gave up and left. Steve and Darry left with him, if they were even there at all.

Mom came in and tried to comfort me too. I don't know how long she was there, I don't remember what she said, I don't remember if I said anything back. I just remember crying, the flashbacks, and screaming whenever the pain from the memories was too much to bear.

Savannah came back later. The room was dark and I was cowering under the blankets. Mickey Mouse had been thrown across the room during a fit that I don't remember having. Savannah bent down and picked up my Mickey Mouse and brought him over to me. She put the stuffed animal in my arms.

"Think you've been crying long enough?" She asked. Her voice was soft, soothing, quiet.

And then all the grief and all the pain was gone. It was replaced with fatigue; I'd never been so tired. I was also thirsty. I looked up at Savannah, and I was about to ask her if she would get me some water but I never got the chance. Sleep hit me like a tidal wave, and I was instantly unconscious.