Author's Note: At the request of a couple of people, I am writing some stories set in the Greensleeves universe. If you haven't read Greensleeves, I suggest you do so, or else this won't make much sense.
If anyone knows the names of Jadzia's family members (her mother, father, and sister) please send me a PM and let me know, because I just made them up for my own purposes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine or anything associated with Trek. I am not making any money off of this. Any original characters, settings, or events do belong to me and may not be used without my permission.
And now:
1
"I've decided not to do it."
Julian Bashir swung his legs from the arm of the couch and pushed himself quickly to his feet.
"What?" he asked, putting aside the padd he'd been studying, his physiology reading immediately forgotten.
Jadzia Idaris looked back at him with obvious trepidation on her face. She was anxious about his reaction, but he could see the faint hints of resolve underneath.
"Why?" he asked.
"Jules, if I went through with this, I'd risk losing you. I can't face that. I don't want a life where I'm not interested in you anymore. I don't want to change!"
Bashir took her hands.
"Zia, people change all of the time. We can't avoid that. You and I have both changed since we met. That's no reason to throw away a lifelong dream!"
"I've made up my mind, Jules," she said.
"No, we need to talk about this," he insisted. "Zia, listen to me." He pulled her down onto the couch beside him, noting her disinclination to sit down. She met his eyes squarely, and he saw the reluctance in them. She didn't want to talk about this; she had been hoping to avoid a confrontation. Hoping he wouldn't question her decision not to let herself be considered for joining should a suitable symbiont be found for her. He reached out, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.
"Zia, I don't want to lose you, either. But being joined is something you've wanted to do ever since you were a little girl. I don't want you to throw away something you've worked so hard for because you're feelings for me might change."
"Jules, if I got a symbiont, I would change," she stressed.
"Yes, I understand that," he said, and he meant it. After meeting her two years ago, he had done a lot of research on Trill, particularly joined Trill, and talked to several of them to get an idea of what the joining was like, and what it meant to live with a symbiont. "But there's no guarantee that your feelings for me will change, and there's no guarantee that the person you'd become wouldn't interest me, either."
"I know that," she said. "But I don't want to take that chance."
"But you're taking a chance on this," he replied. "What if being joined worked out really well for our relationship? You've told me yourself that being a host enhances the host's life as well as the symbiont's. What about the people around you?" He paused, pursing his lips. "And how can you benefit from regretting making a decision like this?"
"How do you know I'd regret it?" she asked.
"Because it's something you've wanted to do all of your life," he replied. "I don't want to be the person responsible for denying you something you've always wanted."
"It's my choice," she said.
"But you're making it because of me. Zia, look, I can tell this doesn't make you happy. I know this is something you've always wanted to do. You can't make a decision for me that would make you unhappy, no matter what the consequences are later. This is your life, and your dream."
"And my decision."
Bashir sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He thought for a moment, then looked back up.
"Zia, when I found out about my genetic engineering, I thought I was going to be kicked out of med school. It was the worst week of my life, while my professors fought Starfleet Command to keep me in. I was going to lose the one thing I'd wanted most from my life because of a choice that was made by someone else sixteen years before that. I don't want you to go through that. And I don't want to lose you."
"Jules, that's the point," Idaris said. "You could lose me if I'm joined. That's what I want to avoid."
He put one hand on her cheek, tracing cheekbone with his thumb.
"No, if you decide not to be a candidate, then I am losing you. Part of you. I'm losing the Jadzia who worked so hard to fulfill her dream. I'm losing the Jadzia with a goal. What's worse is that you're losing her, too. If someone asked you to chose between me and your career, what would you pick? If you were given a great assignment before I'm finished med school, would you stay here with me? Or would you follow the dreams you had before you ever met me?"
"Being in a relationship requires compromise, Jules," Idaris pointed out.
"Of course," he agreed. "And if you were joined, we'd have to learn whole new ways to compromise, Zia. We'd have to adjust to a change in our lives. But didn't we do that when we met, and when we first moved in together?"
"Yes," she agreed.
"From what you've told me, I don't think the symbiosis committee would give you a symbiont that's utterly incompatible with you. And, although you wouldn't be Jadzia Idaris anymore, you'd still be Jadzia. You told me that the host has to be strong enough not to let the symbiont overwhelm her. So you'd still have Jadzia's interests and affections. You'd have more, too, of course. Zia, I love you. And I think you're pretty fond of me."
She smiled, dropping her head for a moment, then looking up again.
"You could say that," she replied.
Bashir smiled, too, kissing her quickly on the cheek.
"Zia, being a doctor is the most important thing in the galaxy to me. But you are the most important person. I know I can be a doctor and have you in my life. I think you could be joined and have me in your life. You don't need to trade it for me, or me for it."
"What if it doesn't work out?" she asked.
"Why can't we cross that bridge if we come to it? Why deny yourself something like this for something that might not happen?"
Idaris sighed and leaned back against the couch. Bashir watched her look around their apartment. Although they couldn't see the bay from where they were, they had a good view of the San Francisco skyline and they got a lot of sun. Idaris had loved it from the moment she'd seen it; Bashir was content to live pretty much anywhere, as long as there was a roof over his head and he was warm and dry.
"I suppose so," she said at length.
"Please think about it. Some more," he added.
She looked back at him and gave him a gentle smile. She put her fingertips to his cheek and nodded.
"I'll think about it."
"Thank you," Bashir said and gave her a quick kiss. Idaris kissed him back, then sighed and leaned him. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and settled back against the couch cushions, gazing out of the livingroom windows without really seeing the city around them.
The outdoor cafe was busy, but Bashir spotted Ensign Shannon Tanner immediately. She was seated in the far corner, near the patio's wrought iron fence, with a large flower pot on either side of her chair. She was bent over a padd, playing absently with the straw of her milkshake while she studied. There was a small pile of padds beside her left elbow, too. She wasn't dressed in her Starfleet uniform; they had found this cafe the first year they had known each other, and both of them liked it because so few cadets went there. Or officers, for that matter. It was small and out of the way, but always busy.
There was a spare chair opposite her own, and she had one foot hooked around one of the legs, to prevent anyone from snatching it up. Bashir wound his way through the other tables toward her, pulled on the chair and smiled as she tightened her grip on it, looking up quickly. Then she smiled as well, letting it go.
"Hi, Jules," she said, shutting off her padd and putting it aside.
"Hi, Shan, how are you?"
"Busy, as always," she replied with a smile. Although she had graduated the basic program and was now an ensign, Tanner had been assigned to one of academy's astrometric analysis labs, and they had made it a condition of her position that she take a two-year advanced program. She had accepted happily, and would be graduating in four short weeks, after which she was being assigned to the Soto for her first deep space mission. It was something she had been looking forward to for years.
He was slightly envious of her limited time left in school. He himself had one more year of medical school before he graduated. Idaris, who was now a junior lieutenant, had been able to secure an assignment here on Earth, at a Starfleet lab in Vancouver, so that she could stay with him. Once Bashir graduated, however, they would both be putting in for deep space assignments. He hoped that they could get assignments on the same ship or starbase. He had no desire to live a life where he saw her only at rare intervals.
Tanner pushed her milkshake glass in front of her.
"Has she decided yet?" she asked.
Bashir paused as a server came to take his order, then answered:
"No, but it's only been a few days. This isn't something I want her to rush into. Either way."
"Want me to talk to her for you?"
Bashir shook his head.
"No, I don't want her to feel pressured. This really has to be her choice, Shan."
"And what will you do if she choses not to?"
"Live with it, I suppose," he replied with a frown.
Tanner sat back in her chair, shaking her head. She had recently cut her hair and wore it short and messy. Bashir had preferred it long, but he had a preference for women with long hair. It was one of the many things he loved about Idaris.
"You don't sound very happy about that," she said.
"I'm not," he admitted. "But it really isn't my life, nor my choice. I just don't want her to lose her dream because of some insecurity."
Tanner nodded as Bashir's own milkshake arrived. She wrinkled her nose when she saw it was strawberry flavoured, then gave him a look to suggest that, while he was entitled to make his own decisions, she questioned his mental stability.
"I want to give her enough time to think about it, though," Bashir said. "And I need to concentrate on my exams for the next two weeks anyway."
Tanner snorted.
"Yeah, right, Mister Genetically Enhanced. I'm sure you have to study so hard."
"I said concentrate, not study. And it's not like you aren't breezing through, either."
Tanner shook her head. Bashir knew she wasn't vain about her intelligence, and didn't like calling attention to it, but the simple fact was that she was, like him, a genius. She had been born into it, coming by it naturally from her parents, while he had had his given to him. Tanner had never held his genetically enhanced intelligence against him, though. He had been terrified she would. It still amazed him sometimes how normally most people treated him. It amazed him even more to meet people who hadn't heard about the scandal and didn't automatically associate his name with it.
"If she is joined, will she be smarter? Not that Jadzia isn't brilliant as it is, understand."
"No, I know what you mean, and, yes, she will. She'll know more anyway, because she'll have the experiences of all the previous hosts."
Tanner shook her head once.
"That would be so strange," she commented.
"Apparently, it's very hard for humans to understand it," Bashir said.
"Something about our independent streak? I'm just not sure I'd want all those other voices in my head. Experiencing other people's thoughts and memories? No, thanks."
"Lucky for you that you're not a Trill, then," Bashir said.
"The spots are interesting," Tanner commented and Bashir chuckled. "Well, I hope she makes a choice that's really good for her."
"Me, too."
"I should hope so," Tanner teased him. She picked up a PADD and checked the time on it.
"What time do you have to be in London?" Bashir asked.
"The concert is at eight, so Meg said to arrive by seven. Time zones hurt my brain. I have another hour."
"Good," Bashir said, leaning back in his chair and sipping his milkshake. "Tell me, Ensign, how's that research of yours going?"
The next two weeks passed in a flurry of activity for Bashir and his fellow med students, not to mention every cadet at the Academy. He hardly saw Idaris, but she had always been good about his med school responsibilities, especially since he needed to put in far less time studying than his peers. But his friends called upon him to help them study, and, given the gift he had, he couldn't turn them down.
Bashir knew Idaris was still thinking about being joined, about their conversation regarding that same topic. He also knew her well enough to know that she needed the time and space to think about it, without him pressing her for an answer. Idaris was very thorough in her decision making processes, and very possessive about the fact that they were her decisions. The fact that he had convinced her to consider changing her mind spoke volumes to him about how uncertain she had been in choosing not to be joined.
He finished his last exam of the year one sunny Thursday afternoon and left the exam room with his head swimming mildly. The corridors of Starfleet Academy were abuzz with students hurrying to and fro, meeting in groups to study, or rushing off to exams of their own. Bashir sank gratefully onto a bench just outside the classroom and stretched his legs out. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh. He had a whole three months of clinical work ahead of him now, but he was looking forward to it greatly. He enjoyed the time with the patients. The PADDs and lectures just weren't the same; there was no helping anyone, no contact with people. He had been lucky enough to secure two weeks off, however; Idaris wanted to go to Trill to visit her family and he knew he'd never hear the end of it if he stayed behind.
Many of his friends sympathized with him for having parents who were in jail and therefore having no real family. It struck Bashir as odd, because, other than the first month or so after finding out the truth, he had never felt alone in the world. He hadn't known Idaris when the secret had come to light, but he had known Tanner for three years by that time, and her parents had more or less adopted him as a second son. He'd been included in all the holidays and family events, and been scolded if he hadn't gone.
Then he had met Idaris and her family had also taken him into their fold. He had been worried they wouldn't approve of him; after all, he wasn't a Trill and he had no idea what it meant to be a joining candidate. But Idaris' mother had loved him from the start and her father enjoyed having another man around, no matter what race Bashir was. Keila Idaris had three daughters and a wife and, although he was still outnumbered, it was somewhat less so. Idaris' sisters seemed to like him, too, but he saw less of them than her he did her parents. They were always off in school or on some trip somewhere. Like Idaris, they had never been bound for lives just on Trill, and certainly not dull lives.
"Don't tell me that drained your brain," a voice said next to him suddenly and Bashir opened his eyes to see the smiling face of Fahad el Naser, a med student in the same year as him, and one of his friends. Bashir gave el Naser a grin and the other man sat down beside him, shaking his head.
"I'm just glad it's all over for a few months," Bashir replied.
"So you can warp off to Trill and then take that cushy position in New Amsterdam?"
Bashir snorted.
"Cushy? I'll only get to be home four days out of every sixteen. Not like you, beaming back to Mummy and Daddy's."
El Naser punched him lightly on the shoulder. Fairly lightly.
"Mummy and Daddy's my ass, Julian. I'm going to Iran, not to the U.A.E."
"Close enough."
El Naser's grin widened.
"What, you think I'm going to beam home every night? No, thanks. I get enough harassment while I'm here. It's all 'Fahad, why aren't you married yet? I know a nice girl you'd like.'" I don't need to get that in person, too."
Bashir grinned mischievously.
"If it's women you're after, I know a few I could introduce you to."
El Naser raised an expressive eyebrow.
"Cadet Bashir's match making service. I'll take my chances on my own, Julian, if it's all the same to you. Come on, let's go get some lunch."
"I can't. I have to go home and meet Zia. Promised."
"Ah, the lovely lady Jadzia. All right, but you'd better come visit me in Iran."
"If you come to New Amsterdam."
"Wouldn't turn down a trip to the moon for all the latinum in the galaxy."
"What would you need latinum for?"
"Sold my soul, now I need to buy it back," El Naser joked. "Have a good time on Trill."
"Always do," Bashir replied. Both men shook hands and Bashir rose to go. "Keep in touch."
"Only if you do," his friend replied. Bashir smirked and nodded; they were usually moderately successful at keeping their word to stay in contact. And Bashir had never actually been to Iran, so the prospect of visiting there was appealing.
"See you," Bashir said and el Naser waved before Bashir turned and head down the corridor. He made his way outside, into the brilliant sunshine and warm early summer air. Pausing, he took a deep breath and appreciated the moment. The air smelled sweet from the blooming trees and flowers in the gardens around him, and the pathways were alive with the buzz of conversation. A pair of full fledged doctors walked past, discussing something, and Bashir anticipated the time when that would be him. He could imagine having his own sickbay, his own nurses, his own patients. Maybe another doctor to work with. He could imagine really contributing, making a difference in the lives of people stationed in deep space, so far from the places where they had been born. He was eager to leave Earth as it was, to leave his parents behind. His past he knew he would always carry with him – it was either a burden or a gift, perhaps both – but he could leave the sour relationship he had with his parents.
He caught a transport back to his apartment, deciding to skip the walk because he knew Idaris would be waiting for him. She had taken today off of work as well, to begin packing and do all the last minute things that always distracted her.
She was in fact waiting for him. It looked as though she'd done all the packing she could do and she was just sitting in a chair, waiting, when he returned home. She rose when she heard him come in the door and Bashir toed off his boots, giving her a puzzled look.
"Zia? Is something wrong?"
"I got a message this morning from Trill. Curzon Dax is dying."
"Curzon Dax? Your field trainer?"
Idaris nodded. He crossed the livingroom quickly to her and gave her a quick hug.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Idaris hugged him back.
"It's all right. I didn't like him much when I was doing my field training. It's not that, Jules. The symbiosis committee suggested I request the symbiont, so I did. I got a reply saying I've been selected just a couple hours ago."
Bashir felt momentarily overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. There was instant anxiety over finally being presented with the fact that Idaris was going to be joined, nervousness about losing her, happiness that something she'd waited for all of her life was finally happening, surprise that it had happened so quickly. She was watching him, twisting her fingers together gently, and Bashir knew she would remember this moment for the rest of her life. So he embraced the positive feelings and pulled her into a tight hug, weaving one hand into her long hair.
"That's great, Zia," he said and meant it. She hugged him back and he could feel her smile. He had wondered, over the past couple of weeks, if push had come to shove, what she would choose. Now he knew. It was gratifying to know his instinct had been right about her answer.
"Do we need to leave earlier?" he asked, pulling away from her gently and taking her upper arms. Idaris was still smiling and Bashir was relieved; when she looked back on this day, she'd remember she had his support, not his questions.
"I told them we were on our way to Trill tomorrow anyway. Since it's only three days away, they said that was fine."
"What if Curzon dies before we get there?"
"They can keep the symbiont stable in the pools," Idaris replied.
"Good," Bashir said.
"We have good transport anyway," Idaris replied. "I doubt we'd get anything better on such short notice."
Bashir nodded at that. They were booked onto a Federation transport shuttle for the next morning, which would take them all the way to Trill. Idaris had managed to get them a good suite on the ship, too, since they had booked so early. On the way back, they were coming home on the Kubai, a small Starfleet ship that was scheduled to pass through the Trill system on its way back to Mars to pick up new crew and some new parts. From Mars, they could easily catch one of the daily shuttles heading to Earth.
The return trip was going to be far different than he'd anticipated.
"Are you nervous?" Idaris asked, searching his face.
"A bit," Bashir admitted, nodding. "But only a bit."
She smiled her brilliant smile and kissed him. Bashir kissed back, wondering how this would be different in a week's time.
"I suppose you packed for me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Idaris blushed mildly.
"Mostly," she admitted. He grinned, shaking his head. She was so organized. He went into the bedroom and she followed. He checked his open suitcase, tossed in a couple more things, then began peeling off his cadet's uniform. Idaris leaned against the dresser, watching him with a small, amused grin.
"I hope you'll be graduating head of your class again this year," she said.
"Of course," he replied, his voice slightly muffled as he pulled of his shirt. He snagged a black, short sleeved shirt from the closet and pulled it over his head, then changed his pants, throwing his uniform in the laundry pile, and sat down on the bed.
"I feel sorry for the other students in your year," she said, sinking down beside him, running a hand through his hair.
"There's always second place to strive for," he replied, giving her a quick kiss.
"Mmm. I hope your friend Fahad gets it."
Bashir grinned.
"Me too, but some woman named Elizabeth is giving everyone a run for their latinum. I wouldn't be surprised if it was her next year."
"As long as she doesn't supplant you."
"She's not genetically enhanced."
"As far as you know," Idaris pointed out.
"Maybe it's a huge conspiracy," Bashir agreed. "To populate Starfleet with genetically enhanced doctors. First the medical community, then the whole galaxy."
"And I suppose you're spearheading the entire operation?"
"Of course, my dear. Who else?"
Idaris chuckled, shaking her head. Bashir took her hand and tugged her to her feet.
"Come on, we're going out for lunch. We have to celebrate."
That evening and the following morning passed in a flurry of activity. There was last minute packing, calling Idaris' family to let them know about the joining, calling Tanner to let her know the same and to finalize arrangements to be at her graduation, and getting to the transporter pad on time the next morning. They arrived with a few minutes to spare and a short line of passengers in front of them. They were the last two on the pad to be transported to the ship, and they had no sooner arrived and had been shown to their suite when the captain announced over the com that they were leaving for Trill. Bashir felt the ship go into impulse, a capability granted by his enhancements, as they put their luggage on the generously sized bed. The cabin was almost as large as their apartment, with thin, elongated windows stretching from the floor to the ceiling in the bedroom. Currently, they were shuttered. Bashir opened them and Earth's moon as they sailed past it. He caught a glimpse of New Amsterdam on the edge of a new lunar dawn, then it was past and they were headed toward the Jovian asteroid belt.
The three-day trip to Trill flew by much faster than Bashir had anticipated or liked. He spent many of his hours poring over the information available in the Federation database on the past Dax hosts. Curzon Dax was the most well known now, of course, as the foremost Federation diplomat who negotiated the merger between the Federation and the Bajoran-Cardassian Alliance. But Bashir had also heard what Idaris had to say about Curzon and was uneasy about accepting the popular image of the Trill diplomat. He knew that Curzon was a hard, demanding man. He wondered what that would give to Idaris.
He wondered what all of them will give to Idaris. The first host, Lela, had been a politician. Another, Tobin, had been an engineer, which complemented Idaris' scientific interests well. Audrid had been head of the symbiosis commission. Emony Dax had been a gymnast, and Bashir was surprised to learn she had traveled to Earth to compete in the Olympics, back in a time when it was believed if a host died so far from Trill it would automatically result in the death of the symbiont. The host prior to Curzon had been a pilot named Torias who had died in a shuttle accident. Bashir hoped that the symbiont had suffered no permanent trauma that could be passed onto Idaris.
When they arrived on Trill three days after departing from Earth, Bashir's head was swimming with names, dates, personalities, life stories and random facts. They beamed down directly to the symbiosis center, not even allowed time to beam to Idaris' parents' house and deposit their bags. Idaris' family met them there, along with several purple clad symbiosis doctors.
They were at least allowed a few minutes to greet Idaris' family. Her sisters congratulated her enthusiastically, and her mother, Zarin, pulled Idaris into a tight hug. Her father, Keila, took Bashir aside.
"Julian, are you ready for this?" he asked.
"Are you?" he replied.
Keila gave him a small, wry smile.
"I'm a Trill, Julian. I'm used to this."
"I'll just have to get used to it," Bashir replied.
Keila clapped him lightly on the shoulder and nodded toward the group of women. They were being approached by the doctors.
"I think you two are on," he said. Bashir nodded and rejoined Idaris, her mother and her sisters. Her father pulled Idaris into a tight hug, holding her tightly for a full minute before releasing her. He gave the doctors a nod and stepped back. The head surgeon gestured toward the door to the prep room. Idaris took Bashir's hand and followed the surgeons. They had arranged for Bashir to be there in the operating room. He was a med student, so this was of professional interest to him, and Idaris would be conscious during the procedure and did not want to be without him.
They stepped into the small prep room and Bashir glanced back to get a final glimpse of the Idaris family before the door hissed shut behind them.
