((nfa: hello hello, i haven't updated this in sum time. zelos is, how shall i put it, really fruity in sum parts, ur warned. oh and thanks for reviewing, and everything, yxk is next chap, or the one after it. i do not own tales of symphonia, but i have a really nice pen!))


Hunnies and his Speedo

I was trying to get some sleep.

I mean we books do need sleep, we can't stay awake 24/7.

I can't stay awake 24/7…

So it was night and dark and all the other things that night brings. And I had just said my little book prayers and tucked myself in for some sweet dreams of bookie dreamland.

But of course nothing ever goes good for me.

I heard the door to the main room of the inn open and shut. A lamp was lit and my little book senses saw a certain redheaded chosen approach.

/Oh joy, I've been woken by a gay moron…/

On the plus side it wasn't Colette…

He didn't really notice me for a bit, and I was hoping he wouldn't. But of course he was soon drawn to the idea of dolls. I'm not sure what it is but I seem to draw idiots. Maybe it's something to do with pheromones. Or that selling drugs to children thing I'd most probably done in my past life.

"Hee hee," He quickly grabbed his figure (the one with the Speedo, twitch), "Handsome devil now aren't ya?"

Next he gathered up every single women figure I had. A good 50 or so, I mean, there are a lot of women figures. Too many, I sometimes think. See, books do have genders believe it or not. I'm male.

Anyways, Zelos had gathered all the women figures around his, making them say cheesy things like "Oh Zelos, how would I ever live without you?" and "Just look at how manly you are" oh and my personal unfavorite "Just take me now, you hunk!"

Ok now this may be a little bold, but I liked Colette better, at least she didn't flirt with them…

I personally think Zelos tries to hard. I mean it's obvious he's gay. Pink clothes, purple Speedo, the constant flirting with girls. Not to mention the girly hair and the obsession with his looks. Is anyone seeing the connection here? For Martel's sake, I'm a book and I can tell.

So I zoned out, not really wanting to hear the psychobabble of this Chosen, (hell, I don't really want to hear the psychobabble of either Chosen) and started to think of possible ways to serve pineapple pudding. I'd thought of forty six (in a bowl, in a martini glass, with curry, in a cup, in a plastic pudding dish, in a tray, with rice, by licking it off a hot women's/man's chest, with a spoon, with a knife, with a fork, with a spork, with your fingers, as a dipping sauce, as an appetizer, as a desert, as the main course, on top of actual pineapple pieces, with vanilla ice cream and a cherry on top, in the morning, in the afternoon, at midnight, on the ocean, near a tree, with a sock, on a Rheiard, as brunch, in a psychiatric ward, while giving birth, as a centerpiece, with chips, with birthday cake, cold, hot, warm, frozen, in a milkshake, on safari, with a spray bottle, with a needle, as icing, with candy, in a potion, in a measuring cup, by a stable and with beer) before Zelos said something that threw me off completely.

"Oh Dirk, how can I hold in these feelings I have for you?" the Chosen said, starting at Dirk's figure longingly.

/WHAT? HUH/

I knew he was that way but DIRK? Zelos, the "Almighty Chosen" had a crush on his friend's adoptive father?

I fainted, and when I came to, Zelos was back in his room, leaving me to be emotionally scarred for the rest of my life.