Learning Boundaries
Disclaimer: Refer To Chapter One
As the hours passed, Grissom and Sara had danced around each other while they processed the scene. It was like a Waltz with no music. Beautifully they moved around the scene back and forth, around each other until they were done. They each knew what they needed to do, and did it without interrupting the other.
It had been ever so peaceful in those hours together. The time had passed so quickly that it was a surprise that the sun was peeking up over the horizon. The night had almost resembled nights of long ago when everyone was at ease with each other. Sara and Grissom had laughed a few times, shared stories, and actually enjoyed the company of the other.
Both were feeling almost despondent when, together, they stood at the edge of the scene giving it one last look. All the evidence had been piled into the back of the CSI Tahoe Sara had driven there. Shoulder to shoulder, they stood silently, willing the other to speak.
Grissom finally broke the silence. "You did good."
Sara looked at him out of the corner of her eye, turning her head only a fraction in his direction. "We did good. This is a big scene."
The word 'we' sent Grissom into a tailspin. He had been trying to just forget everything – his heart, his emotions, his life – everything except the evidence. He needed another escape. It was far too quiet. His entire body tensed up waiting on what was next, thinking of something to say to say to get out of there.
Not only was Sara working overtime as a CSI, but her brain had been working overtime all night trying to figure out why Grissom was there. She relished the time they spent together, every single second of it. Tonight was no different. Sara had wanted to give the impression of indifference at his appearance at her scene, but she had equally not wanted him to leave.
Sara had fallen for this man years ago, and the feeling had never left. No matter how hard she tried, it was always there. Everywhere, through everything – sleeping, eating, working, showering, watching TV, reading, running, writing. She did everything in her power to try to forget. Nothing had ever been enough to escape him, and she knew in her heart that nothing ever would.
She had vowed to herself that she would not make a fool of herself for him anymore. She went to work one night in the fall and decided that she was an independent woman and she would act that way. That one thought lasted through a full day, and each day after that it got easier.
Sara knew he had feelings for her and that he would not reveal them. She had hoped for so long that he would just show something. Once in a while he had shown a little piece of himself to her, but soon thereafter, he would take it all back and pretend like there was nothing.
They used to at least laugh or joke or share a few moments of quiet. Recently, he had been able to do nothing more than walk away from her when they were near. Sometimes it seemed as if he was repulsed by being in the same room with her. He did not seem to be able to even look into her eyes.
"Grissom, I–"
"So, what now, boss?" he asked quickly in a tone he hoped conveyed neutrality and lightheartedness, and not the fear he was feeling. He cut her off before she could say anything remotely personal. The silence had warned him that something was going to happen. He knew he was not ready to talk to her, yet.
Sara narrowed her eyes slightly at his interruption. It was so out of place for him to just butt in with something like that – or was it? There was the old Grissom, or the new Grissom, or the new old Grissom. Sara was confused. Then it hit her: It was just typical Grissom. He was here, and then he was gone – push and pull. It was just Grissom. Why she was not accustomed to it at that point in her life was concerning.
A small sigh and a shrug of her shoulders showed her defeat. "I guess we head back to the lab. We're done here. I'll take everything in and get ballistics working on the casings we picked up and the bullets we pried out of the houses. I'll take a look at the skid marks, but they don't look fresh. No one saw what happened – they only heard the shots as a vehicle sped past. So, with no eyewitnesses and an abandoned house that was shot up, I'm not sure we have a lot to go on. ... You can go back to your paperwork or... go home... or out... or... whatever."
Her overtalking was back. Sara wanted to hit herself in the forehead. She wanted to just run and hide. How could one man be so clueless about the effect he had on her? She hung her head and walked quickly back to her Tahoe and sped away without looking in his direction.
Grissom watched her as she flew away from him. He wondered why she had run away so fast. He only wondered long enough to realize it was because of his stupid remark. His fear had crept up inside him and had pushed her away again. Why, Grissom thought, oh, why can't I just act normal around her? He knew, however, that it was because he knew how each of them felt, and he was not willing to admit it to her, but he was afraid she would admit it to him.
Back at the lab, Sara was scarce. She had not been seen walking the halls. Grissom went in search of her. He assumed he had checked everywhere, but there was no luck. He even went so far as the check the parking lot for her car and the Tahoe she had used that night. With both of them there, he knew she had to be around.
He wanted to talk, to apologize. But, what would he say? Admitting defeat, he walked back to his office and sat down at his desk and started on the paperwork. His distress was eating him alive. Feeling a migraine approaching, Grissom removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Finally removing his hand from in front of his face and opening his eyes, Grissom blinked a couple of times to make sure he was not dreaming. The long-legged brunette was standing in his doorway, leaning on the doorjamb, with her arms crossed in front of her chest. She stood there for a few minutes just watching him, eyeing him cautiously.
"Do you have a minute?" she managed to ask. The sad look in her eyes scared him.
"For you? I have as many as you need." He gestured for a chair. "Come in."
"I'm fine."
"Okay," he replied meekly. He just wanted her close – close enough so she might leave some of her shampoo smell in his office. Grimacing at that selfish thought, he internally told himself he was being foolish.
"Grissom, I want to thank you for coming out to the scene today..." Sara looked nervously at her feet. "I wanted to tell you that earlier, but I... you didn't give me a chance to say it."
Grissom started yelling at himself. He was raving mad at himself for being so insensitive to not have let her say that earlier. His own fear was getting in the way of normal emotions. Grissom felt he was screwing everything up. Vulnerability came flowing out of her eyes when she looked up into his.
Sara continued, "I know you have a lot of paperwork to handle recently. It... I know you came out there to help me, and I hadn't meant to sound ungrateful when you got there. I really appreciated you taking the time out of the paperwork and giving me the hand... So, I was wondering if you needed me to help with anything." Sara paused briefly, getting a little surer of herself as she started stating facts about the case. "Bobby is running the bullets and casings through IBIS. I came up with nothing on the tread marks. Without a gun or something to go on, right now, the case is at a standstill. So, I'm free for a little while."
Peace. A Truce. Grissom knew in that moment everything was, at that point in time, okay between the two of them. A small step towards helping her had went a long way to mending the fences he had broken. And, she had been gracious enough to come back to offer him that second chance. He knew he did not deserve it, yet he took it nonetheless.
Wanting her around more than anything else, he said, "Yeah. Have a seat, and take a file." He gestured towards the stack of files on one side of the desk. "There are a few open cases that could use a little more insight. See if you can find anything that was missed the first time around, evidence out of context, or a link tying anything together."
She smiled at the warmth and trust in his voice. Quickly, Sara sat down and grabbed a file and started thumbing through it. She found a comfortable spot in the chair and settled in. It had been hard for her to walk to him, knowing why she really wanted to be with him, but she wanted her mentor back almost as much as she wanted him personally.
"Thank you, Sara," Grissom replied with the most generous smile he had worn in months. She nodded and continued looking through the file.
They talked and looked over the files for hours. After about an hour Sara had moved her chair around the desk to sit directly beside Grissom. He had welcomed the closeness. At first, he believed it would be hard for him to concentrate, but he had proved himself wrong. They were great together.
Catherine walked by on her way out of the lab. She stopped into Grissom's office. Seeing Grissom and Sara sitting together working almost made her gasp. Never in her wildest dreams had she actually believed that Gil Grissom would listen to her and act on her advice that fast.
Silently, she crept from the door. Grissom caught the movement and looked at her over the top of his glasses. Their eyes met and he gave her a serene nod thanking her for the talk. Her response was an extremely bright smile as she slipped around the corner and out the door of the building.
Soon, it was noon, and they were both hungry and tired. Day shift had come in and filled the halls with irregular noises. Sara checked with Bobby about the case, only to find out that he had nothing. It was a dead end, much like the case was looking, but at least they would have something if the same guns were used again.
Sara came back after talking to Bobby and looked at Grissom still sitting behind his desk. She watched him from the door again for a moment before saying, "Gris, it's late, and we have to be back here in about ten hours. Why don't we..." She fought with herself over asking the question. It hurt so much the last time she had asked it.
Why did she force herself into this position? Why was she still affected by him? She knew in her mind, he did not want her – he had even said so. Yet, Sara continued putting herself in the position where she was bound to him. Just being in his presence made her lose her train of thought.
Sara knew she was a very professional CSI on the job. That was never a question or point of contention. When focused on evidence or a case, she was completely objective, but when she was alone with him, her mind was a clutter of nerves.
Grissom peered over the top of his glasses and the file at her. His mind was thinking more about the case than anything. Why did she look so pensive?
It was the best night in months with Grissom. She wondered if this would ruin it. She could either run now and just ignore it, or she could actually finish her thought and face the aftermath. Her mouth was the one that came to a conclusion before her mind could continue thinking. "Do you want to go get some lunch?"
He just sat and looked at her for a second. Sara sensed the hesitation. She started rambling, "If you have other plans... or just want to go home... um... Never mind. I shouldn't've... I'm sorry." She turned to go.
Grissom watched her go, and his heart broke. "Sara." Against his better judgment, he had to stop her.
She turned briefly a few feet from the door and turned to face him. Looking into his eyes was almost too much. She swallowed hard and waited for the ultimate rejection again.
"I'd love to have lunch," Grissom replied as he shut the file. He watched relief flood her face as he walked from behind the desk and crossed the room. He flipped out the light and locked the door behind him.
