A/N: Hey everyone! This is our first fanfiction so please be nice! We've written three chapters after this and we're proud to say that we think it's funny! Of course, we wrote it. Well please be nice. In this fanfiction...no one is in character. I'm telling you this before hand so I don't get flames about that. It's just meant to be funny. There is some kind of a plot, but it's just us making fun of Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. We make fun of things we love. Below, I've written the characters disticnt OOC personalities. These are just characters that will appear in this chapter. Other characters will come up later. Remember we have nothing against these characters or J.K. Rowling! Enjoy!! - the lovable, Gred
Characters...
Harry- Tries to be angsty, does not succeed
Hermione- Bossy know-it-all who mothers Harry and always tells him to shut up.
Ron- Tries to be a mime with facial expressions, does not succeed. Figures out plot but nobody can understand him.
Malfoy (Draco)- Also figures out plot, but no body believes him. Becomes paranoid with a twitching left eye.
Oliver- Suddenly disappears at bad times, kind of paranoid, has a big secret.
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter, Warner Bro's, Etc. or getting any profit from writing this. We do however, wish we owned Harry Potter, Warner Bro's, Etc.
And on with the fanfic!!
Welcoming feast in the Great Hall...
McGonnagal: Welcome all students to another year at Hogwarts. Before we start our feasts I have a few announcements-
Harry: (yelling out) hey! What happened to Dumbledorf...I mean Dumbledore? (tries to be angsty) He hasn't told me anything about the order! He's just trying to box me in like Sirius and look what happened to him!! (does not succeed) but it has given me time to catch up on my soaps!
Hermione: Harry! Shut up!
Harry: (looks down) Yes Hermione.
McGonnagal: (annoyed) I was just getting to that. As I was saying I have a few announcements to make. Professor Dumbledore is away on business. For reasons to the plot he wont be returning all year until the climax of this fanfic, which as always will be as always at the end of this year.
Harry: trying yet again to be angsty He always doesn't show up until the climax and I'm almost dead! Everyone is trying to kill me!! Ahhh!!
Malfoy: hey Pot Head! You're stealing my part in this fanfic shut up!
Hermione: I agree with the ferret. Shut up Harry!
Harry: (looks down) Yes Hermione.
Malfoy: (brethily) Did you see that? Hermione agreed with me! I think she likes me! I LOVE YOU HERMIONE!
Hermione: Shut up you dolt! I don't love you! I'm with no one in this fanfic! (throws a goblet at him)
Malfoy: OW! (again brethily) I will let that bruise be on my unblemished face as a symbol of our love!
Crabbe: (in a sophisticated British accent) ugh! This is sickening (stands up and pulls out wand) STUPEFY! Malfoy falls to the ground
Goyle: (also with a sophisticated accent) I agree (also pulls out wand) locomortor mortis (pushes Malfoy's body under the Ravenclaw table)
(everyone stares at Crabbe and Goyle because they aren't that dumb after all)
Crabbe: Sorry Professor McGonnagal. Do go on.
Professor McGonnagal: (shocked) Yes, well. As I was saying, professor Dumbledore won't be here all year. I will be acting headmistress while he's away. And on a happy note, we have a new defense against the dark arts teacher. May I introduce Professor Amor Dilt Delomore. (starts clapping)
(all the girls automatically fall in love with this dark and handsome new teacher and start clapping enthusiastically with the boys)
Professor Delomore: (standing up) Thank you. I would just like to say that I am looking forward to teaching each and every one of you how to defend yourself in light of the rise of the great and powerful lord voldemort mwa ha ha ha!! (thunder and lightning in the background) (everyone is too busy entranced with Professor Delomore's eyes to notice he said Voldemort , everyone...except one) (Delomore sits down and all begin eating)
Ron: (cant talk because he is a mime in this fanfiction so he gestures wildly to Harry and Hermionie trying to say that Professor Delomore said you-know-who's real name does not succeed)
Hermione: Ron? What are you doing?!
Harry: yeah. You look like a mime. They scare me. (tries to be angsty and can't think of anything angsty to say about mimes)
Ron: (gestures wildly again) Oh what the heck. I have to be a mime in this fanfic and use only body language because the authors thought I had great facial expressions in the second movie. And so after this I can't say a single word.
Hermione: (plainly not listening) Doesn't Professor Delomore have just the dreamiest eyes?
Harry: (also not listening and trying to be angsty) It's always about him isn't it?! How do you think it makes me feel? (pouts and begins eating)
Ron: (repeatedly bangs his head on the table getting mashed potatoes in his hair)
Hermione: (sighs)
Oliver suddenly walks in
Harry: hey Oliver! Where've you been?
Oliver: (apprehensive in a high-pitched voice) where have I been? Oh I've been nowhere...definitely not by the brooms...what are you talking about Harry? Ha ha.
Professor McGonnagal: (standing up again) I am also pleased to announce our new flying instructor Professor Oliver Wood. (everyone applauses enthusiastically) I'm sorry to say that Madam Hooch has mysteriously disappeared because again of plot reasons so that Oliver could come. Thank you and good night. (all the food vanishes)
Harry: (trying to be angsty) Hey! We didn't even get to eat! No one lets me eat anything! I'm a nothing eater to them.
Hermione: Harry! Shut up!
Harry: (looks down) Yes Hermione.
(everyone goes up to their dormitories and sleeps for the night)
A/N: So? How was our first chapter? If I get reviews I might post the second chapter tomorrow! I promise its funnier! Please review! We really want your feedback! Please no flames!! Thanks!! - Gred
