"And Forget You? You Pulled My Heart, The Hardest Part Is I Can't Blame You"

9 Days Later

"Yeah he got in trouble again - this time it involved a book or something, I don't know." He spoke quietly into the phone, pressing it deeper between his cheek and shoulder

"Well did you talk to someone at the nursery about it?" She asked, her voice getting choppy from moving rooms

He shrugged, massaging the clear liquid into the baby's scalp, "They wanted me to take him out for the day, but Bunny is too swamped right now, and I can't afford to miss anymore work" It got weirdly silent on her end, prompting him to raise a brow, "What else is there?"

"Well... " Margaret started, "We're worried about you...you haven't really seen anyone since... have you?" She heard his deep exhale through the receiver, "I'm just saying - you need to be around people. People other than Bunny, Ethan, Emma, and John. Have you been to classes? Or talked to Nora?"

"Mom!" Ricky snapped a little too roughly, prompting both children to look at him, "I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine" He lied, swallowing roughly, "Amy made her decision and there's nothing I can do about it, so I'm not. I'm fine, alright?"

She sighed, relenting, "Alright... You know Shakur and I have been talking, and we think Ethan should -"

"Oh no. No, you can't be thinking -"

"That a summer job would be good for him? Yes, we do. And I think it would be good for you too"

He cocked a brow, running a cup of the bath water all over Emma's body, eliciting a squeal, "How so? I'd be babysitting him more than I already do. Does he even know anything about anything?"

"I heard that!" A rough shout came from the other room

It was silent for a few seconds between them as the cranky children sharing a bathtub were starting to get restless. Ricky sighed again, "Look, no promises but... I'll talk to Bun - "

"Well I may have already done that..."

"You - huh? Why?"

"I came by earlier to see you - to see how you were since you've been dodging my calls... and well I ran into Bunny in the shop. We got to talking, and she thinks it's a good idea as well."

"Yeah well, Bunny is desperate I guess -"

"No! No Em-ma dat is bad!" John shrieked, grasping onto a small rubber sail boat that his sister had in her hands

"I gotta go" He rushed off, ending the call and attending to the outburst

John splashed Emma, frustrated, pointing a chubby finger, "She - she jus thr-owed my toy at me!" Emma squealed again, flailing her arms roughly into the disappearing bubbles. John's brow furrowed, standing up in a haste, "st-op spw-ash-in me!"

Blowing air from his cheeks, Ricky grabbed the towel hanging above them, and wrapped John up, lifting him out of the tub so he could do the same to the too-tired baby now puckering her lip out at him.

"What are you doing?" Ricky questioned his brother, who was typing on, and moving his laptop around the table

Ethan glanced up quickly before returning his attention to the task, "Fixing your laptop's Webcam, no wonder you can never get a picture."

John joined them a few minutes later, the Ninja Turtle pajamas he was wearing on backwards, "daddy..." he trailed off as he watched Ethan fiddle with the pesky device until their faces stared back at them and he threw his hands up in success.

He glanced up to his father, busy pulling his sisters grabby hands away from his face as he kept his gaze on Ethan. "Daddy... um, um, I jus want to s-ee mommy?" John didn't understand everything, but he could tell by the way his dad's eyes shifted back and forth and he took a deep breath through his nose, that he wasn't happy with his question. He bit his lip, resting his head on his arms atop the table, "pwease daddy..."


"Where mommy!" He tapped the table with his palm impatiently as Ethan started typing before a window came up with their faces filling it. He tapped another button, hoping with a held breath that she would appear.

The screen popped up, but it wasn't her staring back at them. Instead, a girl with fire engine red hair and piercings appeared, her brow furrowed at the sight of them.

"Uh, Ricky..." Ethan swallowed, quickly taking John off his lap to move off the chair.

Which John took for himself, cocking his head to the side quizzically, "you not mommy!"

Ricky's head snapped up quickly, putting Emma in the playpen, expecting the whimpers that followed as he raced over to the laptop, "What's going on?" His brow rose at the stranger talking to his son, "who are you - where is Amy?"

She scoffed, twirling a pen with her fingers, the stud in her lip catching the light, "I'm Emery - Amy's roommate... and you are?"

"None of your business!" He snapped back, shifting the computer to where it was on his face, "why do you have Amy's computer, where is she?"

"I want mommy!" John protested, wiggling back into the camera space, "Where mommy!"

Emery's eyebrows burrowed in slight annoyance but also confusion, "why does this kid keep asking where is mom is?" She got closer to the screen, her lips taking up the majority of the small window, "listen to me little dude, your mom isn't here. I don't know who you're looking for, but I'm not it."

Ricky pursed his lips, not liking her tone with the small boy, "He's looking for Amy."

"Amy who? Amy Juergens? Why would this kid be calling Amy Juergens looking for his mom -" Her eyes widened suddenly, mouth going agape, as she shuffled around and he heard a drawer close followed by a few loud thuds.

John stared at him, a frown coming to his innocent face, "I want mommy, daddy..." He whispered, on the verge of tears. It broke Ricky's heart as the stranger on the screen appeared again, this time grasping something that looked like photo strip in her hand.

"Is this you, little guy?" Her voice was softer, inching the image of a smaller John sitting on a brown couch with what looked to be a toothbrush in his hands, closer.

John nodded, pointing, "dat is me!" his face started to droop as his small eyes saw her in the corner of the picture; barely visible to everyone who looked at it, "an dat is mommy!"

It was quiet for a few seconds (the baby starting to screech in the background the only sound between them). Ricky sighed after a second, sadness and frustration lacing in as he shook his head slowly, "Wow... so she really didn't tell anyone..."

Shaking his head again, his palm flattened on the table over John's, "Ricky - Amy's... ex." The words tasted bitter on his tongue, having never actually spoken them out loud before, "This is John - our son." Emery's eyes lifted, eager to know more. "And the screamer you hear... that's our daughter, Emma."

Her mouth opened and closed quickly, "I can't believe Amy has kids..."

"Yeah," He cut his eyes away as they started getting glassy, "Guess she left out that small detail."

John tugged on his shirt sleeve, "daddy..."

Ricky sighed again, running a hand through his hair before going to attend to the baby screeching from the edge of the playpen, trying unsuccessfully to push herself up to the bar, his voice escalating slightly to carry over clearly, Where is Amy? Is she even there?"

Emery took the stud between her teeth, "Last I heard she went out to the club again. I don't know exactly when she left though. Want me to take a message?"

"No." Ricky closed the laptop, annoyed and angry

John stepped over, tilting his head down as he started to cry quietly before shoving his fists into his eyes and screeching, "I want mommyyyyy!"

Shifting Emma's weight to his other side, Ricky bent down and engulfed John in a hug, letting his tears and saliva drench his shoulder sleeve as he whispered with a tear in his own eye, "I know, buddy. I know"


"And then this giant ass bra smacked Ax right in the face - bloody nose and everything" Adam chuckled, taking a fry from his plate, "the chick at the ER couldn't stop laughing" pressing his fingers into his eyes, "You think this place looks like a funeral home? I mean I scream into a microphone for a living, but come on - there's a fucking stuffed owl on the wall!"

She took in the sight around her, exhaling loudly, "Well this is... interesting..."

"Interesting?" He piped up, "more like creepy..." his face contorted into an uncomfortable expression seeing a large owl peering at him from the right side of the wall.

She took a sip from the water glass, trying to keep her laughter in check so it wouldn't come out of her nose. The way it did whenever Ricky had her laughing at whatever ridiculous antic he, or one of their children, would do.

"Can you believe we actually did it? We actually got married!" She squeaked, the huge grin on her face as she shook his forearm on the console, making him smile.

"Yeah, and all it took was a wack-job escaping from munchkin land to turn woodland creatures into horror story trophies!"

"That place was awful, wasn't it?" Amy nodded, "It would've scared John-"

"That's not saying much, Ames - that boy is scared of everything -" the gentle playful slap to his arm, making Ricky chuckle at her wide eyes, "What? He is!"

"He is not! He's just..." She paused before pursing her lips, and giggling into her palm, "Yeah I got nothing...It's good he's scared easily though, means he'll grow up to be a sensitive guy... like his father."

Ricky cocked his head, "I'm going to not take that offensively" squinting in amusement as he leaned over, pressing his lips into hers.

She cupped his cheeks in her hands lovingly, admiring the band on her finger as her tongue lapped against his.

Adjusting in his seat, his hands went to her waist, feeling a slight tightening in the southern hemisphere of his body, and pulling away with a gulp, pointing to the large building they were parked in front of, "this is us"

She giggled again, biting the edge of her bottom lip, running her palm across his thigh, "What's a few more minutes?"

"Amy?" Her name was shouted loudly, Adam's eyes scanning over her face that was focused on the napkin holder by the wall.

Having heard a faint sound, her head snapped up, "Huh? Sorry, what did you say?" He opened his mouth to continue, but was cut off as she pushed her chair back to stand, "Actually, I have to use the restroom, will you excuse me?"


"Go Em-ma go!" John cheered, bouncing on the balls of his feet at his sister rocking back and forth on her hands and knees, apprehensively attempting to start crawling.

"What are you going to do?" Ethan asked, shoving a textbook out of his backpack.

Ricky scratched his brow, "What do you mean?" Pulling out a water bottle from the fridge and taking a swig, "I should have seen this coming; I should have known she would try to hide us." Taking another swig, "The whole reason for her even going out there was to get away from the judgement - what better way out than to create a new life... without us."

His eyes lifted, drawing in a breath, "Do you think she's seeing anyone?"

Putting the snarky comment on the tip of his tongue away, Ethan tapped the textbook with his knuckles, "I don't know - but either way it's time for you to move on. If Amy is going to pretend her life back here doesn't exist, well then... you don't need to be dragged down with her." He paused silently, cutting his attention to the two little humans on the floor, his voice lowly stating, "They deserve better."

Getting down on all fours beside Emma, John flattened his palms on the floor and began moving his knees behind him, "Look, like dis -" Emma whimpered before slowly inching closer, flexing her fingers as she raised her hand ever so delicately and then drug one knee behind her. John beamed with pride, his smile spanning his entire face as he shouted, "Look, daddy!"

Ricky nodded at his brother's statement, taking another sip from the water bottle before pausing it on his lips.

"Emma's crawling!" Ethan smiled, rushing over to the bookshelf, John's head snapping up to him, "she's really crawling!"

The pure joy radiating from Ethan's face made Ricky's smile wider, thankful that he and Amy were able to bring two rays of light into someone else's dark world with their love. At least they did something right.


"Are you going to tell her?" Ethan asked, taking a juice box from the fridge

"No." Ricky deadpanned, not giving him a second glance as he picked Emma up from the floor - her 20 minutes of crawling making her tired and cranky. "You're right, Amy made her decision to pretend we don't exist. She wants a new life. So she doesn't care what happens here - we're just a blip now."

Emma whimpered against his shoulder, grabbing his nose. "If she wanted to be here for these kinds of moments... she wouldn't have left us here like nothing!" He glanced at her sadly, the same pain piercing him whenever he looked at either one of their shared children; wishing he could take their pain and put it on himself. Squeezing his nose, Emma pushed back against him, throwing her head back as she started to cry. Ricky tilted her head back up with his hand, kissing her forehead as he whispered into her tiny ear, "Mama doesn't know what she's missing, huh?"

Ethan watched them, taking slow sips of the apple juice inside the small container, "But Amy's still their mom... don't you think she - "

He was cut off sharply, "No, I don't!" Sighing as it startled Emma, and Ricky hung his head down a fraction, "You and I both know what it's like having our mom walk out on us. The hurt and the anger it brought. I don't want that for them."

Adjusting her against his hip, "I don't want John and Emma to question why mommy only wants to be involved in small pieces of their lives." She continued to cry, causing him to blow air from his cheeks, "But what else can I do? I can't force her care!"


Flicking the last few drops of water off her fingers, she turned to grab one of the paper towels from the wall dispenser, stopping as a chime rung out of her purse.

Retrieving the device, she pursed her lips, and rose a brow at her former foster-brother-in-laws name attached to a video file appearing in her inbox.

Taking a moment to mentally debate with herself, Amy sighed and tapped the file, bringing the screen to life with a shot of the curly headed baby drooling happily, Emma's green eyes squinted the way Ricky's did when he was smiling.

The small glimpse of Ricky in the background sent a flutter through her chest as he was doing exactly what she knew - smiling with his dimples showing, as he encouraged their daughter, opening and closing his palms quickly, cheering her on. "Crawl to Da-da, Emma! C'mon baby, you can do it! Come to daddy!"

Amy heard John's squeaky voice chiming in next, watching as his arms were above his head as he shouted, "Go Emma, go!"

The camera panned back to Emma's face, the wide grin she displayed before she started taking off, stabbing Amy like a knife. The way her little girl took charge, guiding across the blanket fearlessly, brought tears to her eyes.

Ricky's reaction was pure joy; the way he smiled so wide his eyes squinted and both his dimples popped out as he lit up and threw Emma into the air as she cackled back... made Amy cry even harder, clutching the device so tightly, the cracks were starting to dig into the flesh of her palm as she bent over the sink and wept openly in front of the mirror.


Coming back out slowly, he took notice of her puffy and swollen eyes, "What happened?"

Dismissing his raised brow, Amy shook her head quickly and adjusted her purse against her shoulder, "Nothing. I um - I got salt in my eye" She knew by the way Adam moved the ring in his lip around that he didn't buy it. "Can we go? I'm getting kind of tired, think I'll just crash early."


"I thought you were going out tonight?" She was startled by her roommate's presence on her bed, the silence between them unusual because Emery always had something to say whenever she got back from hanging out with Adam. She pursed her lips, "Okay... did I do something?"

Emery rolled her eyes and kept flipping through a magazine, finally, after a few more awkward seconds, blowing air from her cheeks, "I don't know - does lying to everyone count?"

Amy's brow furrowed, "Huh?"

"You have kids?" Em blurted out, leaping off the mattress, folding her arms tight against her chest

"How did you -" Amy stared with wide eyes in disbelief, starting to stutter, "W-wait... d-did you - did you use my laptop?" Glancing over at the desk where sure enough it was open. Her fist balled up at her sides, clenching her teeth in anger, "You shouldn't have done that without asking me!"

"You've lived in my dorm for weeks and you didn't think it would be wise to tell me you had children?" Emery was unwavering, throwing her anger right back in Amy's face, her voice intentionally rising to provoke her. "We're roommates! We're supposed to trust each other!" Shaking her head she clicked the metal stud in her tongue against her teeth, raising a brow, "Does he know?" Eyes squinting, "Does Adam know you've been lying for weeks about this?" Arms laxing to her sides, "Wait - have you even told him? Wow you haven't told him have you!"

Amy's temper was rising, her face becoming red as she shoved a hand to her roommates mouth quickly, "No, I haven't - and you can't either! Not yet. Not until I figure out how!"

Fighting the emotions starting to well up, Amy sighed and took her hand off Emery's mouth, sinking back and biting her thumbnail, "I like Adam, and I think he likes me... I don't want to scare him off over something that is really nobody else's business." Her eyes lifted to meet Ems, "Yes, I have children - two small ones, Emma and John - but it's nobody else's concern. They are safe, and being taken care of by their dad back in California." Amy's voice cracked at the last sentence, eyes starting to tear up. She looked away for a second, regaining composure, spinning back around, her eyes stern and her lips in a thin line, "This little secret doesn't go beyond this room - got it? I will find a way to tell Adam, but nobody else needs to know."

Emery rolled her eyes again, but relented, putting up her right hand in surrender, "Well you need to figure it out soon, because Adam deserves to know what he's getting into. If you care for him, you'll understand that."

"I know. I will. I promise. I just need some more time."

She nodded, taking a seat back on her bed, "Cute kids by the way. Oh and that Ricky - wow..."

Amy giggled, "I know..." glancing down on her naked finger sadly, as she sucked a breath in slowly and whispered under it, "But they're in California..."


"What do you mean he started doing that the other day? And you didn't feel the need to tell me? Shoot me a text?" He was frustrated, hands on his hips as he stood by their son's crib, "You know Amy I'm trying - I really am. I'm trying to be level headed about this whole you versus Adrian thing... but you're making it very difficult."

"How did I make this difficult, Ricky?" She pursed her lips, crossing her arms over her chest, "I asked you to not bring John around Adrian. I asked you for that one thing - and you did it anyway! So no, you don't get to be upset with me when you chose to ignore my feelings and my decisions for my son!"

"Our son, Amy! And I didn't ignore your feelings! I had no idea Adrian was coming by. What was I supposed to do, slam the door in her face?"

"Yes! Because you had him with you. He was supposed to be your main priority - not that slut!" John started to cry at their raised voices, making them both sigh. "Look the fact of the matter is that I hate Adrian. And as John's mother I don't want him around her. Ever. So -"

"So what, Amy? Ok, you don't like Adrian. I get it. But just because you and I aren't together, doesn't mean you can just exclude me from our son's life. You can't just decide to not let me see our son, or be apart of his milestones because you're upset with my girlfriend."

Amy spun on her heel, "You didn't seem to care the other night when you didn't come over..."

"I was studying for a test - and maybe if you'd sent me a text instead of being petty, I would have." Ricky shook his head at his own remark, knowing it probably hurt her, "I'm sorry - but Amy..." Sighing with his fingers pinching his nose, "Why do you keep doing this? Cutting me out of things? Have I not been here for him? Have I not tried to be a good father?" Her eyes shifted, the hardness starting to dissipate. "I overlooked you not telling me about his first word... but Amy it feels like you're intentionally doing this... like you're pushing me out more and more."

His voice was starting to crack as he lifted his head, glancing at their son, fiddling with the buttons on her shirt, "Did Ben see him crawl?" The way her gaze went down at his question, angered him.

"That doesn't matter." She stated nonchalantly, "I don't know why you're so upset by that, it's not like it wasn't da-da, and it's not like he doesn't say it constantly!"

"You're missing the point!" He shot back, "Regardless of our feelings for each other, I deserve to know about our sons life. He's my son too, and I don't appreciate learning new things he's done from other people, or seeing them a few days later!" Ricky looked at John, puckering his lip as he swiped at his eyes with his small fist. "I know you're doing the best you can, Amy... but can't you just let me in a little more? Haven't I shown you that I deserve that at least?"

A tear rolled down her cheek as she puckered her lips inward, "I'm sorry." She was fighting hard not to cry, "I'm sorry for excluding you. You're right, you are his dad, and you'll always be his dad, I just..." His whine made her sigh against his cheek. "I just feel like I'm losing control of everything except him. He's the one thing I can control. And I feel like I'm justified in my feelings about Adrian, but -"

Without thinking he wrapped his arms around them in a hug, letting her cry against his shoulder with their 8-month-old between them. "It's okay. I'm sorry for coming at you like this. I'll go now" Breaking away, Ricky gave her shoulder a small squeeze, the anger in his eyes softening as they met hers.

Amy's voice was soft, reaching in her back pocket, "Before you do... do you want to see the video?" Nodding, he smiled wide enough to show his dimples and accepted the squirmy baby from her as she held it out to to him and pushed play.

His smile only grew wider when he saw John on a blanket with a grin that mimicked his own, except for he had two teeth and drool all over his face. Ricky chuckled, jostling him, and taking note of the way Amy's face scrunched in cringe at the sound of her own voice as it sang out, "Come on John, crawl to Mama!"

Having heard her voice, John squealed and swiped towards the device, earning a small giggle from them both, "Yeh, that's you!" Ricky cooed, adjusting him in his grasp to lift him above his head, making him cackle happily. "You did so good, little guy!"

A high pitched shrill caused him to jerk awake; the tiny cackles of his son, being replaced by the siren like wails erupting from the baby monitor.

Squinting harshly against the bright kitchen light, Ricky flexed some tension from his fingers, confused as to why they were clutching a baby cloth along with a textbook before just shaking his head, and not even batting an eye, rising off the sofa for the nightly routine.

"Again?" He half teased, tiredly lifting her out of the crib and into his arms, the pacifier dropping from her mouth, as she started to whimper. "Don't you want to go back to sleep?" His whisper was a bit rough, as Emma clutched onto his shirt with all her little grip and started to cry whenever he tried to put her back inside the crib. Five attempts with the same result, as her green eyes shimmered with tears, caused him to release a small exhale and give in: carting her into the livingroom to keep from further disturbing the tired toddler nestled in his own bed.

Seeing the mess all over the floor, he put the whimpering baby in the swing shoved in the corner: not at all expecting the shriek that followed or her almost falling out of it in protest of its too-small confinement.

Taking in a larger exhale, he cupped his hands under her arms and brought her out. Swiping the littered mess of textbooks, note pages, and miscellaneous toys to the other end of the couch with one motion.

"Are you going to help me understand this?" Ricky asked a few seconds later, balancing Emma on his knees in a standing position

Busy chewing on the sleeve of the oversized red onesie splashed with cartoon hearts, Emma squirmed, "Da!"

He smiled tiredly, pecking her forehead, "Why do you have to be so cute, huh?" The compliment made her snort and outstretch her small hand to his face, babbling incoherently. His smile widened, but that same pain pierced him as she snorted again and her eyes squinted: the same way Amy's did. Aside from the green eyes, she was Amy. And as much as he loved that their daughter was the image of her mother, it also made him sad to think about what Amy's doing, and choosing to miss out on.

Emma's grunt pulled him out of his thoughts, shifting her to sit on the cushion next to him, pulling out his phone, and snapping a quick photo.

Admiring it for a second before clicking it back to the home screen, the little girl squealed upon seeing the image of her mother sheltered behind the glass, and lunged for it. Pulling it back, he sighed and clicked it off.

Scooping her back into his arms, and pressing her to his chest, whispering into her small ear, "You miss mommy too, huh?" Emma's response of a fussy whine giving him his answer. Closing his eyes, Ricky stroked the curls on the back of her head lightly, "I know... but mama chose New York..."


I'm not crying...