Kensi paced around the waiting room, not understanding how she'd gotten back to this point. This felt like an unacceptable step back and she wanted to charge back into the room and demand some answers. There was no reason that she shouldn't have been able to stay in the room with her partner. All the scrambling hospital staff just made things worse.
"He woke up. That's a good thing," Callen said, trying to offer a silver lining. Kensi was about to snap at him, but Sam put his hand on Callen's shoulder and shook his head. At least he understood that she didn't want to hear useless optimism right now. Callen didn't know any more than she did.
She'd been thinking more and more about what could've happened to Deeks while he was gone. Had he been locked up the whole time, or only some of the time? Had he killed both of those people? Deeks wasn't the type to kill someone unless it was justified, so what had they done? Even in extreme cases, which this definitely seemed to be, she knew his first instinct would be to incapacitate. This felt like it came from a desperation that sent a chill up her spine.
Finally, after an undetermined length of time that made Kensi want to tear her hair out, the doctor walked into the waiting room. He had a stern look on his face, but she didn't care. This wasn't his normal type of patient, this was Deeks.
"I should have you removed from this hospital," the doctor said, shaking his head chastisingly.
"Excuse me?" Kensi huffed. They'd boot her out of here over her dead body.
"The aggression you've shown to my staff is unacceptable."
"I didn't do anything. You're being ridiculous," Kensi argued. If Kensi did what she wanted to do, the hospital would have a few more patients at this point.
"I'm not sure who you think you are, but in this hospital, you follow the rules."
"I'm sure you can understand that emotions are running a bit high at the moment," Hetty interjected, stepping forward to separate the two of them. "I appreciate that you have shown us a little grace." Hetty was good at convincing people to do what she wanted and making it seem like it was their idea all along. Kensi preferred using physical force.
"Is he okay?" Callen asked, changing the subject to what really mattered.
"We had to administer a light sedative to Mr. Deeks to calm him down."
"You knocked him out again?" Kensi hissed. "We need to talk to him!"
"And I need my patient to not reinjure himself!" the doctor snapped. "It's not enough to keep him unconscious for hours, but it should help him settle. I understand that you want him awake and talking, but rest is the most important thing for him right now. His fever is climbing and the less agitated he is, the better."
"Can we see him?" Sam asked.
"My first instinct is to say no," the doctor started, holding up his hand when Kensi opened her mouth to argue, "but, I'm giving you one last chance. You all are on thin ice." Kensi was about to tell him where he could shove his ice when a familiar sound caught her ear. It wasn't quite the sound she knew, since she'd never heard it like this, but it was the tone. It was her partner. And he was screaming.
Deeks didn't quite know where he was, but his brain couldn't figure out if he should be bothered by that. On some intrinsic level he knew he should be, but it was like he was incapable of caring. There was this painless aura around him that was soothing and he didn't want to ruin that by doing too much, so he did nothing.
Wherever he was, it had this loudly quiet feel to it, where the ambient noise took center stage in your brain the second you noticed it. There was shuffling and beeping and whooshing, and somehow it was comforting, but also concerning. Was there a sound he was wishing he was hearing instead? Maybe his mom singing along to the radio before things got really bad? Or the sounds of the waves crashing around him while he surfed? When was the last time he heard a sound that brought him joy? That brought him comfort?
Deeks blew a heavy breath from his nose, finally resolved to either get his bearings or drift off, because this limbo wasn't very fun anymore. His brain didn't seem to be working right and the longer he sat, the more uncomfortable he realized he was. He wasn't much of a back sleeper, so that was probably the issue. Once he moved over onto his side, it would be better.
Deeks tried rolling over, but immediately found himself unable to. That didn't seem right. He knew he was tired, but he should still have the energy to do that. Opening his eyes did feel like an impossible task, but if he wanted sleep, he'd have to do it. He wasn't sure if he'd ever regretted anything more.
Deeks tipped his head down his body, sluggishly cracking open one eye. His eye roved down the length of his arm, pausing when it came to a strap secured around just above his wrist. He jerked it, trying to bring his arm closer for inspection, but he couldn't. It was stuck. It wasn't just stuck, he was trapped.
"No," Deeks whispered, feeling the cracks in his mind start to come back together. The memories of his ordeal were flashing through his brain, not stopping long enough for him to recognize the entire chain of events, but enough to bring back the panic. He hadn't gotten away, had he? He was still a prisoner.
A high pitched noise started wailing all around him, but Deeks couldn't do anything about it. All he could see were his shackles and his desperation was fueling him in his struggle for freedom. He pulled as hard as he could, even as the pain he hadn't been feeling before roared back to life. That was all his life boiled down to now: helplessness and pain. The noise around him got louder, only adding to the franticness of his movements. Couldn't anyone else hear this? Wouldn't anyone help him? He never realized the sound was his own screaming.
Kensi didn't hesitate, consequences be damned. She bolted past the doctor and through the doors to the back, leaving the rest of her team in the dust. Her partner needed her right now and there was nothing that would keep her from being by his side.
When she finally got back to his room, Deeks was surrounded by nurses again. Kensi didn't let it stop her though, pushing her way through to get to Deeks' bedside. This chaos was making her on edge, so there was no telling what it was doing to Deeks in his state. If anyone was going to be able to calm him down, it was her. Except, when she finally saw him, all of her calm flew out the window
"What the hell is this?" Kensi demanded, taking in the restraints that were tying Deeks to the bed. After what he'd been through, this was probably the worst thing for him.
"Doctor's orders. Now move out of the way," a nurse stated firmly, trying to body check her away from the bed. A bulldozer wouldn't move Kensi right now.
"Are you insane? Take them off right now!" Kensi yelled, glaring at the petite woman. Kensi was aching for a fight after these past few days and she was getting to the point where it didn't matter who it was with.
Deeks had exhausted himself to the point where his screams were little more than whines coming from deep in his throat, but that didn't provide Kensi any comfort. This still had to be feeling like a nightmare for him and she wouldn't let that stand.
"That's it, you need to go!" the doctor demanded, storming back into the room.
"The hell I do! How dare you strap Deeks down to a bed, knowing what happened to him? You stitched those wounds yourself!" Kensi shot back.
"They are for his protection! He is disoriented and could hurt himself."
"I think it's a little late for that," Callen pointed out, gesturing to the spots of blood that were blooming on a few of his bandages.
"That settles it," Kensi declared, undoing the arm strap closest to her. "I will stay here as long as it takes to make sure he doesn't hurt himself, but these things are gone." As soon as Deeks' arm was free, he started jerking it away. Kensi firmly held it in one of the few places that didn't have an injury or medical equipment attached and kept it steady.
"I'm calling security," the doctor growled.
"Just give her a chance!" Sam snapped, standing up for them. She'd have to thank him later.
"Deeks, can you hear me? It's Kensi," she said, ducking her head closer to Deeks'. He was still thrashing weakly on the bed, but it was no match for her strength and the remaining straps. "We've got you, okay? You're safe." Deeks mumbled something, but she couldn't understand it. His hair was drenched with sweat and flopping over his forehead in a way she knew he hated, so Kensi reached up to push the hair off his face.
"D-don't," Deeks finally choked out, moaning from the effort. "Don't touch me." Kensi pulled her hands back like they'd been burned. Was she doing more harm than good right now? Would someone else be better at getting him to relax? She couldn't give up that easily.
"Deeks, it's Kensi," she tried again.
"Carly, no," Deeks whimpered, and the sound was like a knife to her chest. Was he even hearing her right now? Maybe her name was too close? She decided to try something else.
"It's Fern, remember? Your partner," Kensi said, keeping her voice calm and even. Deeks paused, tipping his head towards her.
"Fern?" Deeks whispered, scrunching his eyebrows together. He still hadn't looked at her since she'd come in.
"Yeah partner, it's me," Kensi confirmed with a smile. "Do you think you can open your eyes for me?" Deeks shifted uncomfortably, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to. But at least he wasn't fighting anymore.
"Are they gone?" Deeks murmured.
"It's just me and you," Kensi replied, waving her arm to get everyone else back. "You're in the hospital and you're safe. I've got you." Deeks let out a shuddering breath, grimacing as his eyes finally opened a crack. Kensi made sure she was in his line of sight, but not too close to overwhelm him.
"Kensi?" Deeks breathed out, slowly focusing on her face.
"Yeah, it's me," Kensi said again, moving a little bit closer. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?" Deeks blinked for a few moments, trying to get his bearings. He tried moving his still secured hand and twitched when he realized he couldn't.
"No," Deeks moaned.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm gonna set you loose, but I'll have to touch you to do it, okay?" Kensi said. "And you have to stay still so you don't hurt yourself."
"Please," Deeks mumbled.
"Okay, I'm moving down to your leg first," Kensi said, talking him through everything she did. She didn't know how well he was tracking at the moment, so she let him know exactly what she was doing, so he wouldn't startle from an unknown touch. When she got to his last wrist she stayed on that side, letting him focus again on her stationary form. "That's better."
"Are they gone?" Deeks asked again. Kensi wasn't sure if he meant the hospital staff or his captors, but she could tell he was fading fast back under the pull of the painkillers, so she was going to give him that last bit of comfort she could before he was lost to her again.
"Yes Deeks, you're safe," she said firmly, watching his eyes flutter closed again. "I'm gonna be right here and nothing is going to happen to you."
