Chapter two! Review, pretty please?
All standard disclaimers apply. The third and final chapter will be following this one shortly.
I can't believe this.
No, actually, I do believe this. I want to.
I want to always believe, and remember, my first kiss. My first real kiss.
He kissed me. He kissed me.
John Bender kissed Claire Standish today.
It's hours later, and when I close my eyes, I can still feel his long dark hair falling over my face. And then his lips...oh God. It was probably nothing especially spectacular to John, but it was my first. And I swear I will never, ever forget it, so help me God. I'll need that help.
Yeah, and now let's all ask, "What the fuck is up with Claire?"
I don't blame anyone for wondering. I wonder myself, and it hasn't even been six hours since the whole thing happened. Less than a day ago, I was the queen bee; like Brian wrote in his essay, a princess. I was uncomfortable to even think about being associated with a harmless brain like Brian, much less a badass criminal like John or a wierdo basketcase like Allison. Hell, I didn't even know Allison existed until she walked into the room, though that wasn't a big surprise. It seemed that John was the only one who really noticed her around school.
But still, compared to even Andy, I was the worst of the lot. At least Andy had some kind of macho thing going on that he could relate to John, in a really screwed up kind of way (bonding over a switchblade...heh...). Meanwhile, I? I was the queen bitch and I treated the others as such. At least John never let that bother him, he just kept hounding me and leading me on all day, probably just because he could and because it irritated me so much.
Except he was so successful in leading me on, I ended up in a closet with him. And, let me tell you, there was a lot less irritation going on in that closet than you'd think. Even after all that weird emotional shit that had happened all that day.
Though, to be honest, that weird shit is what...I don't know how to say it...it's what saved me. Or opened my eyes. Maybe it did both, or maybe it's the same all around.
Take Allison. She's really a beautiful girl, once she cleans up a bit. Got the most gorgeous eyes under that black shit...but then, thinking that way is what makes me so shallow and bitchy in the others' eyes, I guess. Andy saw her beauty, approached her as a person, before anyone had to clean her up. Not that she needed it to teach me what it was like to be lonely and labeled a freak, completely misunderstood. I'm happy for her and Andy, they both deserve it.
And Brian. Brian knows about pressure. He's still the geek, the Neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie as John so succinctly put it (come to think of it, John had all the best lines today...hmm...) but we've all accepted him as the smartest kid in the Club. He really is. He knew how to represent us in Vernon's stupid essay. He put into words what we all felt, but couldn't write.
And then there's Andy. Thinking back to how I thought about him this morning...no, I can't believe it. I saw him as another jock to impress, another one of my circle for whom I had to keep up my popular image, just because I thought he had the most potential to ruin...or enhance...my reputation. Oh god, how can anyone, even me, be so shallow? He poured out his heart today, all his fear and anger and passion, and I think he even convinced John that he, the real Andy, was so much more than just another dumb jock. I hope he finds the strength to stand up to his friends next week.
And John...John Bender. Even just thinking about him brings up this weird swirled up mixture of emotions. I hated him at the beginning of the day, I guess, for being so arrogant and devil-may-care and free to make fun of us Richies – and Vernon – as he pleased. He really wore on my nerves, like he'd set a target on me for the day, which he probably did. But then...then he let out that he'd been abused at home. And he sacrificed himself to get the rest of us back into the library.
And then he was a complete jerk to me afterwards, right up to my pitiful lipstick cleavage trick. But I deserved it, I think, even if it hurt like hell to hear him rage at me after I said something especially shitty to all of them...I was beginning to value his opinion of me even then. And that opinion was none too high.
So why, why did he kiss me? I can't get off that moment. That wonderful moment in the sunset, when I didn't care who was around to watch, hell, I was ready to sacrifice all my former friends on a shrine to John...the whole Breakfast Club...if it came to that. Sure, I'd given him the kiss in the closet, and he'd – sort of – admitted that he liked me. And then he didn't reject my diamond earring when I gave it to him. He even put it on after I left, I saw him slip it in his ear. But still. The weird, emotional swirl dancing around in my stomach makes a few more flips, and I curl up as I wonder, "Why? How could someone like John Bender want to kiss someone like me?"
It's still weird, it's still uncertain. I don't know what to think about him. All I know is, I didn't regret it.
Miracles happen after all, hnh? I was Princess at the beginning of the day, scornful of everyone below my station, and I was kissing John Bender, resident criminal, at the end of it. And loving every moment.
OH GOD, what if I can't resist my friends on Monday? What if I really am the shallow bitch they accused me of being? What if...
Waugh, that was two pages longer than I expected. So I fear that this monologue has been deadly dull and unoriginal. If it is, tell me! I need to know what I'm doing wrong.
An explanation, sort of, for the radical shift in tone between Chapters 1 & 2: Claire has obviously undergone an emotional and intellectual change between her thoughts of the morning and thoughts of the evening; plus, she was angry and frustrated in the morning, which accounts for her spoiled brat attitude. I tried to make up for that in this chapter...I hope it was the right thing to do! Tell me what you think! ;;
