Hetty's plan was simple enough, at least with how she presented it. She would hire a nurse to provide Deeks around the clock care at his own apartment, instead of staying at the hospital and getting pretty much the same thing. There wasn't anything life threatening that Deeks needed to stay in a hospital for and it would probably be much better for his mental health to be away from all the strangers and chaos and be back in the comfort of his own home. Kensi figured he would jump at the opportunity to escape, but he still seemed unsure. And the quiet way he asked about who the nurse was broke Kensi's heart a bit.

"You know, the last time I was at my place, there was a bit of a mold issue that I put off dealing with. I'd planned on going to a hotel while it was being taken care of, but if you wouldn't mind doing me a favor, do you think I could stay at your apartment for a few days?" Kensi asked. "You'd really be doing me a favor." It wasn't true, and Kensi knew Deeks knew it wasn't true, but she wasn't going to force him into the position of having to ask for the help he clearly needed.

"Sure," Deeks murmured, sending her a look of appreciation. Hetty went off to coordinate things with Dr. Harrington and Kensi and Deeks got to work on solidifying their characters. It was a bit ridiculous and over the top, but if it distracted Deeks from the real situation until he was prepared to deal with it, that's all that mattered. They couldn't risk deeming Deeks as a risk to himself and fight their decision to take him home. Hetty would probably find a way to win that war, but that would delay things and put Deeks in a worse position. He needed to act his heart out and Kensi was going to run interference as much as she could.

"I think my most ridiculous undercover I had to do was when I had to be one of those princesses at a kids birthday restaurant place. The dress was so poofy and I had to talk in one of those high pitched voices. I was stuck there for two weeks," Kensi laughed, shaking her head at the memory. "The worst part was having Sam and Callen in my ear the whole time, making fun of me."

"Did you get the perp?" Deeks asked, more interested than she'd seen him since his ordeal. If her past humiliation helped even a little, she'd drag out all of her dirty secrets.

"Of course. It was the father of one of the birthday kids, but they kept postponing the party, hence why I was stuck there so long. He finally showed, but of course didn't want to come quietly. I ended up tackling him through the birthday cake," Kensi giggled, biting her lip in embarrassment. "Not my finest moment. Luckily I convinced the kids that everything was a part of the show and we had a new cake brought in."

"I wish I could've seen it," Deeks chuckled, turning somber and looking away as soon as the sound left his mouth.

"I had a meltdown the first time I laughed after my dad died," Kensi said quietly. Deeks looked over at her in confusion, but didn't say anything. "A full-on, falling to the floor and sobbing mess. I think I even broke some things. I thought I wasn't allowed to feel any joy. Like the mere act of smiling was a betrayal."

"Why are you telling me this?" Deeks mumbled.

"It's okay to let yourself have a moment of lightness. Even when everything else feels dark. Staying sad wasn't going to bring my dad back. Just like being happy wasn't going to change the reality of the situation."

"I didn't lose anyone though. It's not the same."

"Maybe not, but maybe you feel like you lost a bit of yourself?" Kensi wondered, aching to reach over and touch him, but knowing she had to wait for him to initiate. "I'd never want to tell you what you can and can't feel, but maybe give yourself a little grace. It's okay to be not okay, but it's also okay to let yourself be okay. It doesn't mean that you're completely fine and that things aren't still hard. But try not to fight against being okay because you feel like you don't deserve it."

"Do you think you can say the word 'okay' again?" Deeks joked lightly, quickly swiping a hand under his eyes.

"So, maybe I'm not the best with words," Kensi shrugged, accepting the teasing. It felt normal.

"No, you are," Deeks whispered, picking at the tape stuck to the back of his hand. "I'm not really sure what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

"But I do," Deeks insisted, glancing over at her with tired eyes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Kensi asked in confusion.

"When I was stuck there, in that house, I-I thought-"

"Knock knock, I hope I'm not interrupting," Dr. Harrington said, poking his head into the room. "Although, I think this will be a welcome one." Kensi had the urge to strangle the doctor for coming in right as Deeks was opening up, but she didn't need to be kicked out of the hospital. She was probably still on thin ice with some of the staff and she didn't need to push her luck.

"What's going on?" Kensi asked, giving Deeks a chance to collect himself again.

"I'm here to get Mr. Deeks ready for discharge, barring any complications. Your boss is a very persuasive woman."

"Trying to get rid of me, Doc?" Deeks asked, flashing a crooked smile. Kensi could tell he'd slipped into his persona, so she would too. She was going to be the woman who wasn't cripplingly worried about her partner.

"I'm always happy to see my patients leave," Dr. Harrington chuckled, shooting Kensi a pleased look. As if convincing a traumatised man to put on an act was a commendable feat. "A few nurses will be joining me for a final exam and if everything goes well, we'll get rid of all these tubes and wires and send you on your way."

"I'm ready when you are," Deeks said with a little nod. The nurses came in a few minutes later and they got started. To Deeks' credit, he didn't complain. Dr. Harrington took the lead on everything, repeating his exam from earlier. When he got back to the abdomen wound, which had caused the last exam to go off the rails, Kensi started telling Deeks a story about how she'd tried to cut her own bangs as a kid and completely butchered her hair. It was a ridiculous story, but it distracted Deeks enough from what was happening that he didn't lose control of his emotions again, which was all that she could ask for.

"I'm not seeing anything too concerning. Nothing that would make me suggest you staying in the hospital when you have suitable care elsewhere," Dr. Harrington determined, making a few notes in Deeks' chart. "I am going to prescribe you some antibiotics, so no infections try to crop back up. And some painkillers, which are basically extra strength tylenol. You don't have to take them, but I would advise you to if the pain gets too bad. When you hurt, you tend to move around and clench your muscles, which isn't going to help your abdomen heal any faster. But that's something to discuss with your new care team."

"That's great!" Kensi exclaimed, resisting the urge to jump up and hug Deeks. This part of the saga was almost over and she knew Deeks had to be even more relieved than she was.

"It is," Dr. Harrington agreed, giving them both a warm smile. "I'm going to go pull up all the paperwork we need to get you out of here while the nurses detach you from all this equipment." He nodded his goodbyes and left the room, leaving the nurses to finish up. Deeks let out an embarrassed chuckle as the nurses flitted around the bed, turning off machines and unhooking wires. He was fine through all of it, not even flinching when the IV needle was pulled from his skin. It was when they went to go under the covers and gown that they ran into trouble.

Deeks sucked in a sharp breath and Kensi could see he was trying so hard not to lash out and fight off the nurses. They must've noticed too, since they backed off and glanced at each other worriedly. Kensi couldn't let this be the thing that ruined Deeks' chances of being discharged. She took a chance, cupping his cheeks in her hands and pulling his face toward hers.

"Did I tell you what happened on America's Next Top Model last week? The contestants had to do a photoshoot with spiders. And not just any spiders, live tarantulas," Kensi babbled, signalling for the nurses to just get it over with. They got to work and Deeks shut his eyes, tears that he couldn't hold back any longer rolling down and sliding against her fingers. "They were all freaking out, but a lot of the pictures turned out really well. Do you think we could convince Hetty to get a spider to keep around the office? A team pet would be a good idea, don't you think? I bet Eric would faint as soon as he saw it."

"All done," one of the nurses mumbled, backing away with the newly removed catheter. Kensi was thankful that they didn't suggest any type of sponge bath before letting Deeks out.

"We'll leave you to finish up," the other nurse said, picking up the rest of the equipment and walking toward the door. "Call button is there if you need anything."

"You hear that, Deeks? What do you say we get dressed and blow this popsicle stand?" Kensi asked, wiping away the last of his tears. Deeks nodded his consent and she reluctantly moved away to retrieve her bag from the corner of the room. Callen and Sam had put a change of clothes in there for Deeks as well, just in case he needed it. Her own clothes had remained untouched and Kensi could tell she wasn't at her freshest, but she could deal with that later.

"I've got some sweatpants, slip-on shoes, and one of your cherished flannel shirts," Kensi grinned, holding up the items for Deeks to see. "The colors don't really match, but you can't really expect much from Callen and Sam. They basically wear the same thing everyday."

"Stick with what works, I guess," Deeks murmured, clearing his throat and staring at the boxers she was also holding with trepidation.

"I hope you don't think I'm going to dress you," Kensi chuckled, tossing the shirt on his lap. "I'll get you started, but you're on your own after that."

"Okay," Deeks huffed, eyeing Kensi warily as she moved down to the foot of the bed. She pulled back the blankets just until she uncovered his feet, finding them covered with the standard hospital provided slipper socks.

"Very fashionable, but I think you'd prefer your own," Kensi said, sliding the socks off without fanfare. "My God, you are in desperate need of a pedicure. I'll have to bring my kit over and see what I can do."

"Those are surfer's feet. There is nothing wrong with them," Deeks protested, wiggling his toes a little as she pulled on his socks. Maybe they'd be able to keep the banter up for this next part.

"Plain black boxers, Deeks? I expected more from you," Kensi sighed, sliding them, along with his sweatpants, over his ankles and stopping once she got to his knees. She folded the blanket back over his feet and walked up to stand by his side, grabbing the bed's controls. Kensi lifted the back of the bed to as vertical as it would go, so Deeks wouldn't have to bend as far. "What wattage do you think these hospital lights are? They are so bright, they should be illegal. I mean, I get needing the visibility in the operating room and even the emergency room, but in here it's ridiculous." She pointedly kept her eyes on the ceiling, but listened for any signs that Deeks was struggling too much and needed her help. She'd dress him in a second if he asked her to, but she knew he needed this for himself.

"Only you would complain about that," Deeks scoffed, and Kensi used that as her cue that he was finished. He looked a bit more tired than he had before, but she could see the top of his pants sitting snug on his hips from where the blanket had pooled on his lap. Now he was carefully threading his arms into his shirt's sleeves.

"The harshness is very unflattering. How would I do my makeup here?" Kensi laughed.

"Good thing we won't have to find out, since we're leaving," Deeks said in relief, buttoning up his last few buttons with shaky fingers.

"You are right about that," Kensi agreed, trotting over to the corner where a wheelchair sat. "No arguments."

"I'm too exhausted to care at this point. I'd even agree to your laundry cart idea if it got me out of here," Deeks snorted, slowly shifting his legs so they hung over the side of the bed. He winced as the movement pulled on his stomach and Kensi rushed over to help him transition into the chair.

"I got you," Kensi said, helping him stand and turn. But instead of sitting down, Deeks grabbed her around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. She was startled for a moment before she returned it, pretty much holding Deeks up at this point. But she didn't care.

"Thank you," Deeks whispered, giving her an extra little squeeze. "I wouldn't have been able to get through this without you." Kensi felt the urge to burst into tears, but she held it together. Her time to cry was later, while she was alone in the shower. Right now it was about getting out of here before another crisis popped up.

"Anytime Deeks, anytime," Kensi replied, finally helping Deeks into the chair when he let her go. She waited until he got his body situated, then unlocked the brakes, patting his shoulder in support. "Let's go home."


Author's Note: I feel like I always need to start these notes with an apology. I'm sorry this update took so long. I have two stories with heavy themes going right now, including this one, and they have gotten so hard to write. But I promise I will not abandon this story. We will make it to the end. On a brighter note, Deeks is finally leaving the hospital. Thanks to everyone who has stuck around with this one. I appreciate all of you.