"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Kensi asked, fussing around him as she stood next to where he was seated in the passenger seat of her car. "I'm sure Hetty can convince Bates to postpone this a bit longer. You haven't even been out of the hospital a whole week."

"It's probably only thanks to Bates that they've waited this long," Deeks sighed, unbuckling his seatbelt. "And I'm sure it was Hetty who convinced them to take my statement at the boatshed."

"Would you prefer to do this at the station? Or somewhere else?"

"This is fine, really. I'm ready to get this over with," Deeks insisted. "After I make my statement, it'll be over and I won't have to think about it ever again." He knew it wasn't going to be that simple, but Kensi didn't need to hear that. She'd stayed with him all this time and she needed to believe that he was better. And he was, in a lot of ways. His wound was healing nicely and Ruth barely had to come by anymore. Part of the time, he thought she just came around to chat, since they had gotten pretty friendly. She had a dry humor that he could appreciate and she didn't treat him like he was fragile.

In other ways, Deeks was still struggling. He would wake up in the middle of the night with the sensation of hands on him and he could never fall back to sleep after those nightmares. Luckily he'd been sleeping on the couch since he left the hospital, so he had the TV to keep him company those long hours. Kensi had argued that he should sleep in his bed, but he brushed her off with excuses of the couch being closer to everything and easier to get on and off of. He sure wasn't going to tell her the real reason.

And touching in general was still an issue. Deeks tried to keep it to a minimum and luckily Kensi was respecting it. She wasn't really the most touchy-feely person there was, but he didn't know how he'd react if she hit him with one of her friendly punches right now. That was not something he wanted to find out either.

"I'm going to be right outside, in case you need anything. One word and I'm there," Kensi offered.

"You need to get back to work. You are just aching for a fight after all this time," Deeks joked, hoisting himself out of the car. He took a minute to ride out the ache of being upright again, then started the slow journey to the door. Kensi kept to his side, not helping, but there if necessary.

It felt sort of weird being back to work, even though he wasn't on duty and this technically wasn't the office. He didn't really remember being in the mission the morning of his escape, but he knew he had gone there in his desperate attempt to get help. Deeks was ready to put all that behind him as well. Showing weakness in front of his coworkers wasn't his favorite.

"Hey Deeks, good to see you back on your feet." Deeks froze momentarily in the short hallway at the sound of Callen's voice. Kensi gave him a look but he shrugged her off, resuming his journey to the main room. Callen was leaning against the big table, with Sam sitting by his side.

This was the first time Deeks had seen them since they witnessed the beginning of his panic attack in the hospital. It was bad enough that he was going to have to relive what happened with his fellow detectives, but he hadn't had time to prepare for this confrontation yet. They had texted Kensi for updates, but never came to visit, not like he expected them to. He wasn't in danger of dying anymore, so they didn't need to bother.

"What are you two doing here?" Kensi asked, pulling out one of the chairs for him when he stopped at the table. There was no way he was going to lounge around on the couch with them there.

"The detectives had a few questions for me, since I was the one who stayed behind at the scene," Callen explained.

"What?" Deeks sputtered in surprise. That was news to him. "Find anything interesting?"

"Probably best not to talk about the case until after you've given your statement," Callen shrugged, jerking his head toward the interrogation room. "They are back there, getting ready."

"Why do you ask, Deeks? Looking for something in particular?" Sam asked with a grin. Was Sam smiling because he knew something or just because he liked riling him up? Deeks couldn't let anything show.

"My keys would be nice," Deeks scoffed, trying to divert the attention away from anything that could be considered personal.

"Don't worry, your car is safely parked back at the mission," Callen replied.

"A miracle it survived that neighborhood," Deeks chuckled.

"A miracle you survived as well, right?" They all looked up to see a detective in the doorway with a friendly smile on his face. Deeks didn't recognize him, but he had that optimistic look about him, like someone who hadn't been on the job long. "The crime scene was pretty rough. Are you healing up alright?"

"Yeah, Detective…"

"Oh, sorry. I'm Detective Lewis Dixon. It's nice to meet you, Detective Deeks. I've heard a lot about you."

"All good, I assume?" Deeks snorted. He could just imagine all the shit people said about him behind his back. It was probably no better than the stuff they said to his face.

"How about we get started? We don't want to take up any more of your time than necessary," Detective Dixon said, tipping his head toward where he came from. Deeks sighed, pulling himself back up to his feet before Kensi could offer him help. He could do this on his own.

"Remember, I'll be here the whole time," Kensi said, giving him a nod of determination. Deeks acknowledged her words with a short wave, then walked into the interrogation room without looking back.

"Deeks, long time, no see."

"Price," Deeks greeted evenly.

"You two know each other?" Detective Dixon asked in surprise, sitting down next to his partner.

"Just in passing," Detective Price responded. Detective Barry Price had been with LAPD longer than Deeks and it showed. He was hard and wasn't afraid of calling out things he saw as not fitting in with what he thought was right. He kind of had a grudge against the whole undercover division, since they didn't quite fit the mold in his mind of a proper police officer. Deeks hadn't had much interaction with him, besides some disparaging remarks sent his way when he showed up to the station in his more unkempt getups.

"Well, have a seat. Would you like me to grab you some water or something before we get started?" Dixon offered, gesturing to the chair across the table from him.

"Thanks, I'm good," Deeks declined, feeling odd as he sat on the opposite side of the table than he was used to. This was where the perps usually sat and he glanced up into the corner where the surveillance camera was. He was pretty sure the rest of the team was sitting outside and watching the whole thing. Privacy wasn't really respected on this team, unless it was pertaining to their personal lives.

"I thought it would be best for you to tell us what happened in your own words, and then we will ask any questions as they come up. Does that sound alright?" Dixon asked. Deeks found himself kind of liking the young detective so far. He wasn't unnecessarily rough with people, which was nice. Maybe he would have to talk to Bates about getting him put with someone better than Price, so he didn't have that spark snuffed out too soon.

"I was working a case with NCIS that at the time hit sort of a speed bump. I decided to seek out one of my contacts I'd made through LAPD to see if he knew anything about what was going on," Deeks started. Kensi had filled him in about how that case was resolved and he couldn't help feeling bitter about it all. If Petty Officer Combs had stuck around and gotten help for his problem sooner, Deeks never would've ended up where he had.

"And that contact was Russ Pollard?" Dixon questioned.

"It was," Deeks confirmed. "I had been involved in a situation with him the night before, so when he didn't answer my calls, I figured he was dodging me."

"That was a shooting, correct? No injuries and one arrest made?"

"That's right. I checked Russ' house, then went around to all of the spots I'd known he liked to hang out at, but didn't find him," Deeks said, keeping his voice carefully flat. "My last stop was his sister's house."

"That would be Caroline Pollard?" Dixon asked, and Deeks quietly confirmed.

"How did you know where she lived? Been there before?" Price wondered, quirking a challenging eyebrow. Deeks immediately bristled, then forced himself to take a breath. Price was just being an asshole and Deeks wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing him upset.

"Yes, once. There is a report of that interaction as well."

"Opened the door in a bikini, right? Don't see that everyday," Price sneered. "She do the same this time?"

"No, she was fully clothed when she answered the door," Deeks ground out.

"What happened next?" Dixon asked, giving his partner a sharp look.

"I requested that she contact her brother from her phone, hoping he would be more likely to answer. She agreed, but only if I came inside to wait. I thought a petty officer's life was on the line, so I couldn't refuse," Deeks sighed, biting the inside of his cheek. He was getting to the parts that would be the hardest to talk about. He already felt like he was going to break apart, but he couldn't now. That had to wait until he was alone. "She sat me down in her living room while she went to get us glasses of lemonade. When she came back, she wouldn't contact Russ until I tried it. A few minutes after I drank some, I started to feel off."

"Off how?"

"I was sweaty and uncomfortable. When I tried to stand up to go outside, I was dizzy and lightheaded. I barely got to my feet when I fell back onto the couch. I was unconscious soon after," Deeks recounted, running his tongue along the inside of his mouth. Sometimes he was convinced he could still feel the grittiness.

"How long was it before you woke up?" Dixon asked, his voice tinged with sympathy.

"I'm not sure, but Russ was there and he was arguing with Carly. Evidently the pills were his that she'd found and he was upset about the whole situation."

"Carly?" Price smirked.

"That's what she went by," Deeks muttered.

"Then what?" Dixon asked.

"They were trying to decide what to do with me. Russ wanted to get rid of me, but Carly didn't want to."

"Get rid of you?"

"Kill me, although he didn't outright say the words at that point. He told me that he would do whatever it took to protect his family and he couldn't risk me telling people about what happened. Russ had already taken my phone at that point, so there was no way for me to contact anyone about what was happening. So when he was distracted by Carly, I made my move."

"Which was?"

"They hadn't taken my gun, so I pulled it to try to get them to surrender. Russ and I then engaged in a short hand to hand confrontation, which caused the gun to move out of our reach."

"We recovered your weapon at the crime scene."

"I got the upper hand and began to make my way to the front door to seek out backup, but I was hit on the head from behind. That injury, added to the drugs in my system, caused me to lose consciousness again," Deeks explained, pretending he was talking about something he witnessed, instead of something that happened to him. It was over and nothing could change what happened.

"Are you saying Ms. Pollard is the one who knocked you out?" Price snickered.

"I'd incapacitated Russ, so yes," Deeks snapped, sending a sharp look in Price's direction.

"Let's calm down, okay," Dixon said, patting the air in front of him. Deeks wanted to take his frustrations out on Price's face, but he knew that would only hurt him in the long run. If he did decide to leave NCIS, he was going to have to work with these people again and he couldn't start off combative. "Please, continue."

"When I woke up again, I was handcuffed to a bed," Deeks muttered, rubbing at his wrists from where his hands rested in his lap. "Carly had convinced Russ to let me live in exchange for continued access to her house."

"Did they say what he was doing in her house?"

"Not during that conversation, but I assume it had something to do with the drugs Russ had stashed there."

"That lines up with what officers found at the scene."

"I tried talking to Carly after Russ left the room, to convince her to let me go. In our brief earlier interactions, she didn't give off the impression of someone involved in criminal activity." He was so naive and never saw this coming. "It obviously didn't work and this is when she let me know that Russ had texted the NCIS office to let them know I'd be off on an LAPD op until further notice."

"And they didn't find anything suspicious about that?" Dixon questioned.

"I get called away on occasion," Deeks brushed off.

"But they didn't know you well enough to know that something was odd? I see you are still good at making friends at work," Price scoffed. Deeks pointedly kept his eyes away from the camera in the corner. The team didn't need to see how close to home those words hit.

"Barry," Dixon sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Just trying to get all the information that may be useful, rookie."

"What next, Detective Deeks?" Dixon asked, ignoring his partner's snide comments.

"Basically a cycle of me trying to talk reason into Carly whenever she was in the room and trying to get loose when she wasn't. She got a bit angry when she noticed the damage I'd done to my wrist while trying to escape and tightened the cuffs," Deeks said, clenching his jaw. "She also had a habit of feeding me laced food."

"How many times were you drugged over the course of this event?"

"Besides the first time, two more times that I know of. Once when she force fed me dinner the first day, then again some time later after I'd refused her breakfast. She held my nose closed until I was forced to open my mouth to take a breath, then she poured the drugs down my throat. I didn't wake up again until right before I finally escaped." Deeks knew he was glossing over a lot of the details, but there were some things that didn't need to go on the official report. They didn't need to hear about Carly cleaning him after he had an accident while passed out. If Price was heckling him for getting hit by a woman, Deeks could just imagine how knowing that would go down.

"Okay, let's hear the circumstances that led to you being able to get away," Dixon requested, still painfully understanding and friendly.

"Carly was sitting next to the bed the last time I woke up. I don't think I looked very good, because she was more subdued than usual. I think what she was doing was finally sinking in for her," Deeks said, keeping his gaze locked on the wall in between Dixon and Price. What he was saying wasn't a complete lie, just cutting out the unnecessary junk that didn't need to be said. "My arguments finally got through to her and she decided to let me go."

"Just like that?" Price asked in suspicion. "It doesn't really make sense for her to do all this, then decide to let you go."

"Keeping someone hostage isn't particularly normal. I don't think she ever planned for it to go this far. I think she was just looking for an out at this point."

"But she didn't get out, did she?" Price shot back, sliding a picture from a folder across the table. Deeks almost threw up when he saw Carly's dead body where it laid next to the bed.

"Barry, what the hell!" Dixon snapped, snatching the photo back and tucking it under the folder so it was hidden again. Deeks gripped the edge of the table as his vision started to go out of focus a bit. He wasn't prepared to see that and his mind was trying to take him back to those moments in the room. He didn't want to go back.

"You can't be in here!"

"What the hell are you trying to pull?"

"You're here for a statement, not interrogating a perp."

"You better believe my Captain is going to hear about this interruption."

"And our Operations Manager will eat you for lunch."

"Deeks, are you okay?"

"Enough!" Deeks shouted, bringing all the fighting in the room to a halt. He shrugged off Kensi's concerned hovering, glaring up at Price who had been backed into a corner by Callen and Sam. "We're finishing this now. Dixon, I'll answer your questions only."

"You aren't in charge here," Price argued.

"And you don't know who you're dealing with. I was a lawyer before I became a cop and I know my rights. I could tie you up in so much litigation that it would make your head spin, so sit down and shut up while I finish giving my statement to your much more professional partner," Deeks snapped.

"Is that a threat?" Price growled.

"Does it need to be?" Deeks spat. Price was practically snarling at him, but he kept his mouth shut. Callen moved to the side so he could get back to his seat, but the team made no move to leave. Might as well finish with a live audience.

"I'm so sorry about that," Dixon said quietly.

"After Carly decided to let me go, she unlocked my left wrist before Russ came in and saw what she was doing. He stopped her from unlocking me further and attacked," Deeks recounted, keeping his eyes on Dixon. "Russ climbed onto the bed and we fought hand to hand, until he pulled out a knife and stabbed me." He heard Kensi stifle a gasp from where she was standing at his side. She obviously already knew about his injuries, but it was kind of different hearing the story of how it happened.

"What happened next?"

"I was able to knock the knife away, but at that point I was pretty weak. Russ started strangling me and I tried fighting back, but I couldn't get much leverage from my position. I thought I was going to die, but then Carly stepped in," Deeks said, tapping his thumb against the edge of the table. There was no going back now. "Carly stabbed Russ in the neck."

"You're saying that Ms. Pollard killed her brother?" Dixon asked for clarification.

"Yes," Deeks confirmed. He could tell everyone had put together the pieces and now knew for sure that Deeks had been the one to kill Carly. Kensi had already heard his confession in the hospital, but now the official report would say it as well.

"Do you have any idea why she would do that?" Dixon asked. Because Deeks manipulated a mentally ill woman.

"No, I don't."

"Go on."

"After Russ fell to the floor, Carly lost it. I don't think she realized what she was doing until after. She climbed onto the bed with the knife, prepared to kill me," Deeks said, rushing the words out a bit. "I was able to get control of the knife and turned it around, stabbing her in the chest. The handcuff key was in her pocket and I used it to free myself. I ended up in the bathroom on my way out and cleaned up a bit, then I walked to the NCIS office, where my team found me."

"I think that's all you need to know. Anything that happened after that will be in our statements," Kensi said firmly, glaring at Detective Price.

"I think you're right. This seems like a pretty open and shut case of self defense, and I'm sure the higher ups will agree. If anything else comes up, would it be okay for me to contact you?" Dixon asked, straightening up the folders in preparation to leave.

"That's fine," Deeks agreed. He'd say anything to get out of this room as soon as possible. He nodded his goodbye to Dixon, completely ignoring Price's existence. Deeks was almost out the door, following behind Kensi, when Price took the opportunity to get one last jab in.

"Hey Deeks, one more question. Why was Ms. Pollard in her underwear?" Deeks' steps faltered momentarily, before he righted himself through sheer force of will. He forced his face to go blank before he glanced back at Price one last time.

"I didn't think to ask," Deeks replied. And he would never admit the true reason.


Author's Note: Once again, sorry this took so long. I argued with myself for days about whether or not I should do a tiny time jump or detail more of Deeks' return home and recovery from his injuries. I finally realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing and this story is much more about mental health than it ever was about the physical recovery. Deeks' mental state was always going to be worked through, but I need to accept setting aside some of the other stuff that isn't as important. I hope that all makes sense. Thanks to everyone who is still reading this!